Breaking Perfectionism

School is back in session and it is packing a punch. From day one, God made it obvious that He is getting ready to do something with this group of young adults and we need to make some changes in order for it to happen. A lot of the messages in the past two weeks have centered around perfectionism and distinguishing yourself. There is a lot to say on both, so I'm splitting it up.

This all started at a Friday night service when I was running my normal camera. Heather said something about it being my home. I said I was working on it, but my perfectionism makes it frustrating since I'm not at the level I want to be right now. Heather told me to break it off immediately, but service started, so it didn't go any further that day. A few days later, she brought perfectionism up in class. Heather said, "Don't lock yourself into something God can't change." She claimed she wasn't looking at anyone, but she definitely made eye contact with me.

During Heather's class this past Wednesday, perfectionism came up again. This time, it wasn't just a couple minutes. I filled a whole dang page with notes and Heather's quotes on how dangerous it can be to yourself and those around you. "Perfectionism kills the anointing. Analyzation kills the anointing. Analyzation kills the blessing." Heather told us, "You need to recognize it in yourself as a flaw." That is a completely different idea of perfectionism than what we are used to. We regard it as a positive adjective most of the time to describe how hard we work and how detail oriented we are. If we are perfect, people can't judge us or be better than us.

In our quest to be the best, perfectionism turns our attention to ourselves. Our generation is already self-obsessed as it is, thanks to social media. Heather said, "Looking inward causes people to die around you. Introspection causes harm." I had never really thought about it in this way before, but when we judge ourselves harshly, it rubs off on how we treat other people. We expect more and hold them to our "higher" standard. It reminded me of one day when I was complaining about answering dumb bookstore customer questions. Another lady in the church said it was kind of arrogant for me to get aggravated because they aren't on my level or doing things how I would do them.

Perfectionism makes it really hard to be happy. It distorts how you see yourself and what you do. Mistakes become larger than life, while the good things fade to the background. A news general manager once told me the best producers are type A people wrapped in a type B, so I thought the perfectionist part of me was a good thing. But Heather called that one out in the best way possible. After noting that both types of people have their positive qualities, she said, "You shouldn't be type A or type B. You should be type Jesus!" We all laughed, but it's really true. Our focus should be accomplishing the will of the Lord, not on getting every detail absolutely right all the time.

The body of Christ is supposed to serve others. Heather explained our perfectionism is like spinning plates for each area of our life. Instead of using those plates to serve others like we are supposed to, we are using them to perform and try to feel better about ourselves. In reading Luke for Pastor Steve's class, there are multiple mentions of flip-flopping positions in the Kingdom of God. Luke 13:30 says, "And note this: Some who seem least important now will be the greatest then, and some who are the greatest now will be the least important then." So why are we stressing and pushing ourselves so hard to be the most perfect and top of the list, when we should be lifting others up first.

This isn't to say that doing the best work you can is wrong. The Bible tells us to do everything for the glory of God, so we should be trying our best. The problem is when we let the mistakes haunt and destroy us and our perception. I'm seriously guilty of it all the time at work or serving on camera crew. I remember the little mistakes instead of looking at the whole picture. There aren't many people watching who will remember the little ways I screwed up other than me and actually care about it. Like Heather said in class, "The mistakes will never stop! They should spread out, but the mistakes will never stop until you are in Heaven. Perfectionism takes you back to the start."

I know this is something God is really working on me about, especially since a prayer warrior spoke against the spirit of perfectionism on the prayer floor last night without me saying anything, and man, she went after it hard. It really is a struggle for many of us in the class, but we are working on fighting the spirit off together. If it's something you are battling, just know you aren't alone and we can do this. Perfectionism won't keep me from accomplishing God's purpose for me. It may be sloppy, but I refuse to let fear of screwing up stop me from trying any more.