Spring Quarter 2016 at World Revival School of Ministry

Remember the days where I used to write out some wise and wild quotes at the end of a quarter of classes? The answer is probably barely, since it has been, what, a year or so since I did it. Alas, the wait is over! Summer quarter just started this week (I'm watching online since I'm in Canada at the moment!), so it seemed like as good of a time as any to bring back the Quarter Quotes. I mean, it's a lot less bloody than a Quarter Quell, right? Heehee!

I'm not separating the deep from the doozies or the silly from the spiritual, so enjoy the wild mix, completely out of context.

Covenant:

Pastor Aaron (PAL): "The thing we use our phone for the least is calling people. That's pretty funny itself."

Esther: "Yet we still call it a phone."

PAL: "It's a modern communication device."

Erica: "Woooaahhhh!"

PAL: "That's the thing in this class I'd least expect a woah from."

PAL: "Kingdom and covenant are the DNA of the Bible."

PAL: "You swore to God! Smite them!"

PAL (on Gen. 15:9-13 and heifers): "He cut them in half, but how do I know which half?! Like front and back half or inside outside half? How do I know how old it is? Are there rings in the hoof or something?"

PAL: "The vultures are the distractions."

PAL: "Is it fair to pit Moses versus Jesus? Moses, you can part the Red Sea, but Jesus is going to walk all over it."

PAL: "You don't do good works to be saved. You do good works because you are saved. That's what saved people do."

PAL: "In American culture, you fall in love then make a covenant. In Jewish culture, you make a covenant, then fall in love."

PAL: "If you feel a nudge from the Holy Spirit to do something, don't you think God will back up your faith? We disqualify ourselves, and God is just wanting us to walk in faith."

PAL: "If we didn't have the Old Covenant, how would we know how to trust Him or even who 'Him' is?"

PAL: "God always works around exclusivity."

PAL: "You don't have to throw mud on the Old covenant to make the new one look better. It's shiny enough on its own."

PAL: "You're not sitting there waiting for a Jesus 2.0 or 4s."

PAL: "Signs and wonders aren't always an affirmation of what's being taught. It's an affirmation of the person's faith."

PAL: "I think about that with Enoch sometimes. If I had 300 years on earth, maybe I'd be holy enough to walk off earth too!"

PAL: "Most of the time, we think of sin as this nebulous boogie monster, like 'ohh it's going to get me!'"

PAL: "There was no suffering... unless Adam stubbed his toe. I bet Adam stubbed his toes."

PAL: "I think it'd be fun to sit in on some dispensationalism classes."
Erica: "I'd laugh the whole time."

PAL: "You laugh through my classes all the time."

PAL: "College is the biggest ponzi scheme, but it's only for this dispensation!"

PAL: "It's an oxymoron! Kinda like country music. I just offended someone."

PAL: "Did you ever read Amelia Bedelia books?"

Class: "Yes!"

Zeke: "I only read Jane Austen books."

PAL: "Why is everyone so laid back today?"

Zeke: "We need better questions."

PAL: "The only remaining covenant we have is marriage, and that's broken. The point of covenant is to make you family."

PAL: "There is no wall on on the U.S./ Guatemala border."
Caila: "Is that where we get the word guacamole?"

Zeke: "I'll look it up!"

Janet: "You wanted class discussion..."

Isaac: "So, the point is, to make guacamole, you have to covenant the avocados."

PAL: "If love is boundary-less, it's not love."

PAL: " So we would say, if you really love the girl, you'd save the money..."

Lydia: "And buy her a ring!"

PAL: "Without the ring, is it still love?"

(Lydia shakes head no.)

Caila: "Well, how many people could've killed [Abel] anyway?"

Esther: "The suspect pool was small."

PAL: "There is power in the blood, whether you want to sing about it or not."

PAL: "Well, I guess I've seen a squirrel die because I ran over it."

PAL: "We celebrate it now and call it Good Friday, but it wasn't so good for Jesus."

Caila: "There's way too many human hands touching this word of God."

PAL: "Maybe [Lactanius] was the first one to reject dairy. He rejected the old covenant and now goat's milk isn't good enough."

PAL on the promise to Noah: "Can you imagine how many rainbows there are around the world every day?"

Caila: "Going back to that whole flood situation..."

PAL: "That's exactly how God said it to Noah! 'Noah, we've got a flood situation. Imma need you to build an ark.'"

PAL: "God has always predestined for there to be a people. The question is: are you going to choose to be a part of that group?"

Caila: "I wonder how they got the lions in the den."

PAL: "Tranquilizers." 

(Class laughs)

Isaac: "Really, you only had to get two in there."

(Caila looks confused.)

PAL: "The married person should get that."

PAL: "There is no verse in the New Testament about tithing because no one thought they were getting rid of the Old Covenant!"

PAL unmutes mic: "The demon of muteness is gone!"

PAL: "Anything that creates disunity is not of the Spirit of God."

PAL: "Whatever theological ninja skills you want to use on this to hack it up."

PAL: "These walls I could probably walk through on its own."

Janet: "Let's see it."

PAL: "If you're willing to pay for it, I'll try it. Well, maybe let's wait until after conference."

PAL on the death of Jill: "It's a loss and we're at a loss for words, so He gave us His." (holds up Bible)

PAL: "Is the stoplight meant to be binding or is it meant to be saving?"

PAL: "Enoch walked that close to God and he didn't have [the Word]. We have a cheat sheet and still can't do it!"

PAL: "Cain just killed his brother and right away, God is there talking to him."

PAL: "I hope to God I never resort to using emojis."

Kaitlynn: "What's wrong with emojis?!"

PAL: "I'm not very emotional."

PAL: "There are stories in the Bible and you're like, how did this make the cut? It's disturbing."

PAL: "Happiness is fleeting. What you should pursue is joy."

PAL: "Faith is a gift from God, but you have to open it."

PAL: "Never apologize for laughing. I should probably figure out my true laugh. Forget finding your true path, find your true laugh!"

Caila: "Baloney times 100!"

PAL: "That's a big sandwich."

PAL: "Who decided how to spell bologna. Like, I know it's supposed to be French..."

Esther: "Then why doesn't it taste better?"

PAL: "That's a good joke! I've never heard a mind-blowing fact about bologna."

PAL: "Anyone in this room who is struggling with value and self worth needs to look at [the Bible] a little more. He created you very good."

PAL: "You know how when you tell someone 'you did a good job in chapel today' and they're like, 'all glory to God!' You know, that religious answer, but it's like, 'it wasn't that good!'"

PAL: "If you understand who you are inn Him, you understand your value in Him."

PAL: "You have authority in heaven RIGHT NOW."

PAL talks about how we tend to talk to God: "How many of you would last more than a week as a friend of someone like that?"

Lydia: "Only if they're rich."

PAL: "God has a sense of humor. I mean, look at yourself!"

PAL: "The goal is not the system. The goal is who the system points to."

PAL: "God's probably like, 'Can we laugh about that now and move past it? Yeah, you were an idiot.'"

PAL: "God made us in His image to make Him proud."

PAL: "That would be a really cool resurrection if you were a Christian. Can you imagine bursting out of a tree?!"

PAL: "I used to have a talking parrot but it never said 'I'm hungry' so it died."

PAL: "God knows that some of you are going to have kids and really screw them up."

Kaitlynn: "Oh, I hope that's not me!"

PAL: "There will be seasons in your life where God will not do something for you. He'll give you the authority to do it yourself."

PAL: "One of the moments God wants to come close to you is right after you screw up."

PAL: "Today's been a good day. I haven't had a single sinful thought."

Lydia: "There's pride!"

PAL: "The enemy is the one trying to get you to look at your sin."

PAL: "When you can't say no to something, it has control over you but you tell yourself you're choosing it."

Lydia: "I wouldn't be a very good Muslim."

Esther: "You'd be a pretty good dead Muslim."

Esther: "If we are such worms, then gender shouldn't be an issue because worms are both genders."

PAL: "He made you to enter into these seasons and make the most of them... to be productive."

PAL: "Don't let the devil steal your words. There is power in your words."

Janet on puzzles: "That's self imposed torture."

PAL: "I wouldn't imagine pranking God because He probably already knows what's under the wrapping paper. But at the same time, God has a sense of humor."

Isaac: "I don't know why people are laughing at me."

PAL: "That's what your name means, bro."

(Rose laughs)

Isaac: "Did you just acknowledge a joke?"

Rose: "I acknowledge good jokes, they just don't happen very often."

PAL: "Wilderness experiences, desert experiences, battle experiences... those things you go through should deepen your faith."

PAL: "If I said my wife is hot, hopefully you all know I don't mean I'm burning her at the stake right now."

PAL: "We make the ways of God a law, but God doesn't want to do the same thing every time because then we don't have to trust Him."

PAL: "Paul's up in heaven like, 'What are you doing?! Can't you see I wrote that in sarcasm font?!'"

PAL: "Can you imagine how much the environmentalists hated Noah?"

Lydia: "It's ok. They died anyway."

Caila: "When he first started, was he fluffy?"

PAL: "Was he fluffy?! Like Winnie-the-Pooh?"

PAL: "When you look both ways before going into the street, it is literally life to you! Or at least kneecaps."

Church Marketing:

Jacob: "If you like handbags, a Coach handbag is different from a Michael Kors handbag... That's all I got."

Jacob: "Is legion involved in campus security? All 'waaahhh' at the front gate?"

Jacob: "I think perishing is something you kinda want to avoid. It kinda feels like dying. I feel like I'm perishing every four hours when I'm hungry."

Lydia: "Five years in the future? Kids are not in the picture."

Jacob: "They are for us."

Erica: "I'd hope so!"

Lydia: "It's not like they're going to go anywhere."

Jacob: "Ohh they can go somewhere..."

Jacob on bats: "It was like a mammal missile straight from hell!"

Jacob: "You're not so much afraid of God. You're afraid of what happens if God leaves."

Jacob: "We're kinda like the Red Bull of church."

Jacob: "This is between this class... and everyone streaming."

Jacob: "Who is your perfect student?"

(Isaac raises hand.)

I hope you enjoyed the randomness that comes out in class. 

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