A Change of Perspective with the End of 2018

I wasn't going to write anything about 2018 because it felt like an eternally long garbage fire. I mean, how many of you honestly remember we had an Olympic games less than 12 months ago? Don't lie. You forgot too.

Initially when I thought about 2018, the negative things came to mind first. I mean, if you've been on this journey with me, you know I lost two grandparents, a rower and a legend. (Make fun of me all you want for being so upset about Stan Lee. I don't care. He was a great dude.) I suffered through a job I despised. I struggled with some people's place in my life and tried to hang on to what was long after they showed their true colors. Then, I moved 500 miles away from everyone I know and that daily loneliness it freaking tough. Garbage fire.

But then, in the midst of everyone's top nine's I saw this on social media and it got me thinking:

 Ok, Marcandangel, you might have a point there. I started digging through pictures to make a top 9 grid of good things and had an interesting thought, which became a top 9 picture of rough moments with silver linings.

In losing two grandparents in two months, I spent a decent amount of time going through their old pictures and papers. It was bittersweet to find pieces of their pasts and get to know them a little better outside of their role as my family.  I also got to spend some time with all of my cousins on one side for the first time in ages, and even meet one's son for the first time.

With the rough patch of someone walking out of my life, I ended up getting to share San Diego Comic-Con with two fantastic people, my little sister and my friend Rhonda. Rhonda and I got a picture with Henry Ian Cusick, and totally missed the part where we just talked to the guy who played Zack Morris on "Saved By the Bell." Oy. But we laughed so dang hard while hauling all the gear around and tried some pretty crazy things.
Hannah and I had a couple fail moments that haunt me. We went to the tide pools, which resulted in the absolute worst sunburn of my life, (someone compared my arms to ground raw chicken... it was THAT bad), but I got to teach the journalism student some things in the field and spend a day exploring. That center picture is hard to see, but in it, Hannah and I, in Supernatural cosplay, are completely oblivious to the fact that Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are RIGHT BEHIND US. Missed opportunity.
Comic-Con struggles continued with double punching on the Kristen Bell interview, but at least I snapped a picture so I have proof that I did, indeed talk to such a delightful human.
I didn't win the Emmy this year, but for the first time, I was nominated for a craft category. My individual skills were honored, even with a typo, so that's kind of a big deal. Plus, I got to hang out with some great people from 41.
While 41 was not a happy place for me, I did get to learn a new skill this year. Steadicam was so much fun to do, albeit stressful with the paranoia of falling on live tv or jacking up a shot.
Some might say getting a black eye is a bad thing, but I couldn't stop laughing. Emily and I got a little roughed up in Krav Maga class, but hey, if you can get some of the sweetest people to get feisty enough to draw blood, that's an entertaining time.

However, the more I looked, the more I realized nine pictures was nowhere near enough to paint the picture of my year. Because of all the tragedy, I spent more time with my family in 2018 than I have in a single year since I got my first job. It's hard when we are so far apart, but this year drew us together. There were some happy moments too, like my baby brother getting nominated for Winter Court and graduating high school, Bekah graduated from college, and my daddy turned 50. Also, all the girls wore dresses at the same time. We know, highly shocking moments.

If you've ever watched "Supernatural", you know the phrase, "Family don't end with blood" and it's the truest thing there is. I am blessed with some killer friends in KC (still pending in Nashville). 2018 brought the biggest Galentine's blind date with a book party so far. Rachelle and I didn't meet our goals with HerBookNook, but it's still rolling into its THIRD year, which is crazy, and she's one of my favorite people on earth. I reconnected with my rowing family after the tough loss of Sam. Ally introduced me to the world of BookCon. There were nights of ax throwing and writing sessions and late night meals. There were hugs and tough goodbyes, but they are some of the best people around. This picture is by absolutely no means representative of all of the people who mean so much to me.

One thing I hear the most is how lucky I am to have met so-and-so, and it's a perception I tend to forget. Yeah, it's freaking cool, but it's also a lot of work (that I'm not getting paid for, mind you) to make many of those meetings happen. I didn't get a picture with Mark Sheppard, but that was one of the most awkward interviews of all time. It's not always pretty in those situations, guys!

I'd apologize to those who are offended/ think I'm rubbing it in when I mention something someone famous said to me, but I'm not actually sorry.

While 2018 has been one heck of a bumpy ride, true hindsight shows an incredible journey. I'm still here, despite all the grief and pain of the year.
I left a job I hated and now have one I love with happy people who value each other.
I had the opportunity to go coast-to-coast a few times, and put nearly 20k miles on my car in the last couple months to see friends, family, and bands. Not everyone gets that.
I did crazy, wild things, like play a human claw machine, get my nose pierced, go Harley Quinn with a bat, climb (and jump off) a variety of things, start a novel, return from NYC with 84 books... and so much more. It was a year of truly grand adventures, and I'm so thankful for each God-given opportunity and person who joined in at various points along the way.

2018 truly was an adventure and a time to settle into my new home. While this last couple months has been hard with being alone, it's also been a time of healing and getting back to myself. I've never questioned if I really am where I am supposed to be right now. I know God has something waiting in the wings here in Nashville, so 2019 will be the year of growing where I'm planted and preparing for the dreams to catch me.

The Road To Nashville Is So Easy It's Scary

So... Life update for those who don't already know: I'm moving. To Nashville. Tomorrow.
For some, this seemed like a sudden move, but it wasn't really, if I'm honest.

I've been thinking about my next move for a while. In my 'day' job, it's normal to do your two years and move on to a bigger city, so staying in the same place on the same crappy shift, it's a bit unusual. I stayed for Bible college, and then I stayed to keep my spot in the German fellowship. This time, my contract and lease ended on the same day shortly after my car registration expired, and I didn't have an anchor holding me here. I had been in the early phases of seeing someone, but prayed that if God did want me to move, then the distracting boy needed to go. Three days later, he had a girlfriend and it wasn't me. (One day, I'll learn to stop using that prayer! Lol.)

The focus in on Nashville started back at BookCon in early June. I was in line for a signing and ended up chatting with a publicist who had a shared background. I mentioned my recent-ish graduation from Bible school and her jaw dropped. "Have you thought about moving to Nashville?"

Click.

It's hard to put into words, but it felt right in the deepest parts of me. People have mentioned a variety of cities they thought I should check out, but nothing ever resonated like that mention. When I got home, I got distracted with other offers and the aforementioned boy popping up out of nowhere again. When one of the pastors mentioned thinking I was distracted (however, it was in reference to thoughts of leaving), that's when I had the realization that staying was the distraction because it came with the easiest bait there is. However, this was all right before San Diego Comic Con, so I was buried in research and couldn't think about my future at the moment.

A couple weeks after returning to KC, the pull to Nashville hadn't burned off like I honestly thought it would. Over ice cream, a close friend encouraged me to at least try and know instead of sit in the what ifs, so I did.

Of course, I soon had another offer to stay put, but I couldn't do it. I prayed for the right path to be a quick and easy one. Well, it was about three weeks from application to offer with my soon-to-be supervisor out of town for a week, and news director out the next, so yeah, quick and painless.

Even after all that, I've still been dragging my feet. I know in the deepest part of my spirit that this is the right move, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Kansas City has been a part of  my life since I was 8 years old. I haven't lived very far from it since. My friends are here, and some of those friends are more like family (some are closer to me than my blood family.

Even though I knew all along that KC wasn't a forever stop, it doesn't mean I ever dared to picture my life in another city. Even now that I'm forced to face this reality, it still doesn't feel real, not even while loading my car.

During one trip lugging a box to my trunk, I stopped and looked at my door. I have a pink chalkboard there, which has had the same verse written on it since I was going through a tough time back in February. Jeremiah 29:11. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

I don't know the plan right now. This is a blind move. I don't really know anyone in Nashville. I've never really been there aside from a pit stop for food on a rowing trip. I haven't been to my workplace. I picked an apartment blindly. This is all so incredibly unknown and it is terrifying.

But, when God tells you to go, you pack up your car and you go, and trust that He will keep His promise of plans for good and not harm. I really wish I knew what I was heading into, but I have a feeling, if I could see what was ahead, I'd still be trying to run the other way. I'm just that stubborn sometimes.