A Change of Perspective with the End of 2018

I wasn't going to write anything about 2018 because it felt like an eternally long garbage fire. I mean, how many of you honestly remember we had an Olympic games less than 12 months ago? Don't lie. You forgot too.

Initially when I thought about 2018, the negative things came to mind first. I mean, if you've been on this journey with me, you know I lost two grandparents, a rower and a legend. (Make fun of me all you want for being so upset about Stan Lee. I don't care. He was a great dude.) I suffered through a job I despised. I struggled with some people's place in my life and tried to hang on to what was long after they showed their true colors. Then, I moved 500 miles away from everyone I know and that daily loneliness it freaking tough. Garbage fire.

But then, in the midst of everyone's top nine's I saw this on social media and it got me thinking:

 Ok, Marcandangel, you might have a point there. I started digging through pictures to make a top 9 grid of good things and had an interesting thought, which became a top 9 picture of rough moments with silver linings.

In losing two grandparents in two months, I spent a decent amount of time going through their old pictures and papers. It was bittersweet to find pieces of their pasts and get to know them a little better outside of their role as my family.  I also got to spend some time with all of my cousins on one side for the first time in ages, and even meet one's son for the first time.

With the rough patch of someone walking out of my life, I ended up getting to share San Diego Comic-Con with two fantastic people, my little sister and my friend Rhonda. Rhonda and I got a picture with Henry Ian Cusick, and totally missed the part where we just talked to the guy who played Zack Morris on "Saved By the Bell." Oy. But we laughed so dang hard while hauling all the gear around and tried some pretty crazy things.
Hannah and I had a couple fail moments that haunt me. We went to the tide pools, which resulted in the absolute worst sunburn of my life, (someone compared my arms to ground raw chicken... it was THAT bad), but I got to teach the journalism student some things in the field and spend a day exploring. That center picture is hard to see, but in it, Hannah and I, in Supernatural cosplay, are completely oblivious to the fact that Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are RIGHT BEHIND US. Missed opportunity.
Comic-Con struggles continued with double punching on the Kristen Bell interview, but at least I snapped a picture so I have proof that I did, indeed talk to such a delightful human.
I didn't win the Emmy this year, but for the first time, I was nominated for a craft category. My individual skills were honored, even with a typo, so that's kind of a big deal. Plus, I got to hang out with some great people from 41.
While 41 was not a happy place for me, I did get to learn a new skill this year. Steadicam was so much fun to do, albeit stressful with the paranoia of falling on live tv or jacking up a shot.
Some might say getting a black eye is a bad thing, but I couldn't stop laughing. Emily and I got a little roughed up in Krav Maga class, but hey, if you can get some of the sweetest people to get feisty enough to draw blood, that's an entertaining time.

However, the more I looked, the more I realized nine pictures was nowhere near enough to paint the picture of my year. Because of all the tragedy, I spent more time with my family in 2018 than I have in a single year since I got my first job. It's hard when we are so far apart, but this year drew us together. There were some happy moments too, like my baby brother getting nominated for Winter Court and graduating high school, Bekah graduated from college, and my daddy turned 50. Also, all the girls wore dresses at the same time. We know, highly shocking moments.

If you've ever watched "Supernatural", you know the phrase, "Family don't end with blood" and it's the truest thing there is. I am blessed with some killer friends in KC (still pending in Nashville). 2018 brought the biggest Galentine's blind date with a book party so far. Rachelle and I didn't meet our goals with HerBookNook, but it's still rolling into its THIRD year, which is crazy, and she's one of my favorite people on earth. I reconnected with my rowing family after the tough loss of Sam. Ally introduced me to the world of BookCon. There were nights of ax throwing and writing sessions and late night meals. There were hugs and tough goodbyes, but they are some of the best people around. This picture is by absolutely no means representative of all of the people who mean so much to me.

One thing I hear the most is how lucky I am to have met so-and-so, and it's a perception I tend to forget. Yeah, it's freaking cool, but it's also a lot of work (that I'm not getting paid for, mind you) to make many of those meetings happen. I didn't get a picture with Mark Sheppard, but that was one of the most awkward interviews of all time. It's not always pretty in those situations, guys!

I'd apologize to those who are offended/ think I'm rubbing it in when I mention something someone famous said to me, but I'm not actually sorry.

While 2018 has been one heck of a bumpy ride, true hindsight shows an incredible journey. I'm still here, despite all the grief and pain of the year.
I left a job I hated and now have one I love with happy people who value each other.
I had the opportunity to go coast-to-coast a few times, and put nearly 20k miles on my car in the last couple months to see friends, family, and bands. Not everyone gets that.
I did crazy, wild things, like play a human claw machine, get my nose pierced, go Harley Quinn with a bat, climb (and jump off) a variety of things, start a novel, return from NYC with 84 books... and so much more. It was a year of truly grand adventures, and I'm so thankful for each God-given opportunity and person who joined in at various points along the way.

2018 truly was an adventure and a time to settle into my new home. While this last couple months has been hard with being alone, it's also been a time of healing and getting back to myself. I've never questioned if I really am where I am supposed to be right now. I know God has something waiting in the wings here in Nashville, so 2019 will be the year of growing where I'm planted and preparing for the dreams to catch me.

Seeing The Vision Become Reality In 2017

Remember a year ago when everyone was all, 'I hate 2016' and I was like the one person on earth who had a decent year? Here we go with round two. Hot take: 2017 wasn't that bad.

At least for me. 

Pastor Steve said it would be the year of opportunity. Time and time again, I saw opportunities to make dreams come true, and not just the little ones.

About two years ago, I set up a vision board in my room. I drew five things in the short term goals row. They represented getting back into WRSM, graduate, read 50 books in a year, travel to Europe, and write a book. The first four are now complete, and the fifth is in progress. That alone is wild enough to think about, but the way everything went down was more than I could ever imagine with other small goals getting check marks too.

I started a book club with my dear friend Rachelle, and it has grown from six women to about 50 members in our Facebook group. There's also a writing group now that I started with my nerdy friend, Rachel.

I got to work on two shows with WRC that broadcast internationally.

I met Felicia Day and Jim Beaver at Planet Comic Con, resulting in major geek outs.

I got baptized again.

I got to go San Diego Comic Con to interview several celebrities and sit second row for the Outlander panel.

I sat on the Iron Throne and Dragonstone.

I graduated with my second year certificate and Bachelor's degree.

I won my second Emmy.

I was selected for an international fellowship in Germany, where I met so many cool people.

I spent 35 days traveling Europe, knocking a big chunk off my bucket list (i.e. see the beaches of Normandy, filming locations for Game of Thrones, the Berlin Wall, eating donuts under Brandenburg Gate, the Olympic Stadiums in Berlin and London, the Tower of London, Churchill's War Rooms, Auschwitz, Bergen-Belsen, Castle Church, Trinity Library, the Mona Lisa, the Eiffel Tower, NATO, the EU.. the list goes on and on.)

I went to German Comic Con Berlin and was in a selfie taken by Finn Jones from Iron Fist and Game of Thrones. (Yes, I'm a huge nerd. Sue me.)

I saw bands including 30 Seconds to Mars, Skillet, Sick Puppies, Muse, PVRIS, X Ambassadors, Borns, Parachute, Switchfoot and probably others I forgot at this point.... plus ballets, plays, and sporting events.

I met amazing new friends and caused many a shenanigan with those already in my life.

I walked through fields of sunflowers, danced in the rain and played in the hail, both literally and figuratively.

It wasn't all easy. 

School was an absolute grind to finish, especially in the summer when two of my six classes alone packed in 32 papers. Not fun.

Also not fun, getting stranded in Hanover, Germany because the weather shut down trains. Really, trains and I had a rough relationship in Europe. Transportation in generally, really... especially when some dude tried to get me to go down a dark street in Paris with him at 3 a.m... Hard pass, bro.

2017 was nothing short of an adventure, and God stretched me quite a bit as the days went by. So many moments were tests in trust, from patience to protection to the big picture. I latched on to Jeremiah 29:11 in Europe, and I've been trying to hold onto that still. Just letting God do His thing is hard, especially when you feel like something is about to change in your life, but you don't know what. Trust isn't easy, but allegedly it will be worth it. I guess we will find out. 

Everyone Hates 2016 Except For Me

I've been dragging my feet about writing my annual year in review post because I'm one of approximately 14 people in the world who don't absolutely abhor this year.  I mean, some people created a horror movie trailer with things that really did happen over the past 12 months. While some bizarre things happened around the world, 2016 was actually pretty great for me.

There. I said it.

I remember sitting in church last November when my friend Bridgett passed me a note with a heart on it that said. "Let His hope be your new beginning." About a week later, Pastor Steve said 2016 was the year of new beginnings. For Christmas, Jill gave me a bracelet with the word "hope" on it. Little did I know how accurate all of that was.

2016 had a pretty rocky start, but hitting that low forced me to dig in and decide that I was going to move forward, no matter how much it hurt. Believe me, it did quite a bit. There were some major hurdles, like losing Jill and so many others in the spring, and my cousin just passed away this week, on top of the every day struggles of life. While those lives are very dearly missed, I've seen time and time again over the past 12 months where God twists a scenario and makes it good. It's pushed me out of my comfort zone, and that is where the growth happens. There was so much good, I could yap about it all day, so this will just stick to the broad generalities.

This year put some of my life-long goals in the 'done' category. As long as I can remember, I've wanted to do certain things, but never really thought of them as possible. It was more of a "wouldn't that be nice" type of thing. Some might be deemed silly, but that's your choice to soak the joy out of a situation.

In 2016, I finally read through the entire Bible (after many attempts that didn't make it past Exodus), I read more than 50 books, I got my passport and left the country, I traveled alone, I visited Pearl Harbor and marked D-Day at the National World War II Museum. I sang karaoke (horrendously), jumped off a cliff into a river, kayaked, swam out to a waterfall used in a movie, stood on an extinct volcano (although, I question if this counts since I didn't see lava). My team earned an Emmy nomination, and I'm now back on track to graduate earlier than I should have, but it's on time with the rest of the class.

I'm getting my vision back, but this time, it's coming with follow through.

Then, there were the bonuses. I lost track of how many ballets, musicals, plays, operas and concerts I went to, but bucket-listers like Underoath, Switchfoot and Panic at the Disco are on he list. Chance the Rapper, Winter Jam, and TobyMac's tour were entertaining. I got to meet amazing people, like Marvel's Stan Lee, Gary Sinise from Forrest Gump, Nicholas Sparks, Rainbow Rowell, Barry Williams from 'The Brady Bunch', the guys from Underoath, and Pearl Harbor survivors including Donald Stratton. I got the opportunity to coach young girls in volleyball and be a part of a kids show that's going to reach people around the globe. I was blessed with the ability to get a new car and laptop this year. Heck, I even sprang for a gopro camera, finally. I caught up with old buddies, made new friends and learned who never really fit that title in the first place, and became a better friend to others. There were so many adventures and shenanigans throughout the year, it's crazy to think about how blessed I was.

All of that is fun, but it's the inner changes that are more important. I became stronger and more stable in who I am, while also developing a softness and vulnerability at the same time. It's the weirdest thing, but God is complex like that. I feel like I grew so much, yet have so much more work ahead. Pastor Eric always says, "with God, the journey is everything," and I am thoroughly loving the adventure He's writing for me in this time. It's creating the me I was supposed to be all along, but lost in the flesh's struggle to fit in. Let's face it: I was never meant to be classified as normal.

Despite all of these amazing moments, I know it's just the beginning. It's a thought which is both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. 2016 saw the first few pages of a book come to life and the shiftings to set up some big things in 2017. I keep thinking of the line from Switchfoot's song "If the House Burns Down" which says, "I may not know what I want from this life but I know I want more than the starting line." The next couple months are going to be filled with some deep thought and visioneering as some interesting possibilities are floating around. That's just what I see, so who knows what God still has in His pocket for me. Pastor Steve said 2017 is the year of opportunity and I cannot wait to see how everything will play out.

I hope you grab ahold of the hope for a better life that is found only in Jesus. If He can turn my life around so drastically in just one year, just think where you could be 12 months from now.  Think about what JD King preached last night: "Jesus wants to meet you where you are so He can take you to where He is." He makes all things new and will give you more than what your heart desires when you trust Him.

Happy New Year, everyone!