So... Life update for those who don't already know: I'm moving. To Nashville. Tomorrow.
For some, this seemed like a sudden move, but it wasn't really, if I'm honest.
I've been thinking about my next move for a while. In my 'day' job, it's normal to do your two years and move on to a bigger city, so staying in the same place on the same crappy shift, it's a bit unusual. I stayed for Bible college, and then I stayed to keep my spot in the German fellowship. This time, my contract and lease ended on the same day shortly after my car registration expired, and I didn't have an anchor holding me here. I had been in the early phases of seeing someone, but prayed that if God did want me to move, then the distracting boy needed to go. Three days later, he had a girlfriend and it wasn't me. (One day, I'll learn to stop using that prayer! Lol.)
The focus in on Nashville started back at BookCon in early June. I was in line for a signing and ended up chatting with a publicist who had a shared background. I mentioned my recent-ish graduation from Bible school and her jaw dropped. "Have you thought about moving to Nashville?"
Click.
It's hard to put into words, but it felt right in the deepest parts of me. People have mentioned a variety of cities they thought I should check out, but nothing ever resonated like that mention. When I got home, I got distracted with other offers and the aforementioned boy popping up out of nowhere again. When one of the pastors mentioned thinking I was distracted (however, it was in reference to thoughts of leaving), that's when I had the realization that staying was the distraction because it came with the easiest bait there is. However, this was all right before San Diego Comic Con, so I was buried in research and couldn't think about my future at the moment.
A couple weeks after returning to KC, the pull to Nashville hadn't burned off like I honestly thought it would. Over ice cream, a close friend encouraged me to at least try and know instead of sit in the what ifs, so I did.
Of course, I soon had another offer to stay put, but I couldn't do it. I prayed for the right path to be a quick and easy one. Well, it was about three weeks from application to offer with my soon-to-be supervisor out of town for a week, and news director out the next, so yeah, quick and painless.
Even after all that, I've still been dragging my feet. I know in the deepest part of my spirit that this is the right move, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Kansas City has been a part of my life since I was 8 years old. I haven't lived very far from it since. My friends are here, and some of those friends are more like family (some are closer to me than my blood family.
Even though I knew all along that KC wasn't a forever stop, it doesn't mean I ever dared to picture my life in another city. Even now that I'm forced to face this reality, it still doesn't feel real, not even while loading my car.
During one trip lugging a box to my trunk, I stopped and looked at my door. I have a pink chalkboard there, which has had the same verse written on it since I was going through a tough time back in February. Jeremiah 29:11. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
I don't know the plan right now. This is a blind move. I don't really know anyone in Nashville. I've never really been there aside from a pit stop for food on a rowing trip. I haven't been to my workplace. I picked an apartment blindly. This is all so incredibly unknown and it is terrifying.
But, when God tells you to go, you pack up your car and you go, and trust that He will keep His promise of plans for good and not harm. I really wish I knew what I was heading into, but I have a feeling, if I could see what was ahead, I'd still be trying to run the other way. I'm just that stubborn sometimes.
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
The Road To Nashville Is So Easy It's Scary
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Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Fearless in New York City
What a difference a few years can make, right?
Eight-ish years ago, I visited New York City for the first time. I worked for my university's paper as the multimedia editor at the time, and was part of the crew sent to cover the first-ever Pinstripe Bowl.
While it was exciting to go on a free trip, it was also pretty intimidating to face the so-called concrete jungle just days after a blizzard. Yes, I had people with me, but they were just as unsure of everything as I was.
It was a memorable trip, but not really in the greatest of ways. We were out trying to find our hotel until two in the morning when we had to be at the stadium at nine. We only saw Times Square and the stadium. One member of my team had become my ex in the two weeks leading up to flying to NYC. I was assigned the most annoying intern of all time, who did exactly nothing I needed him to. On top of it, we lost the game.
It was a pretty miserable trip.
I remember standing on the subway platform, so freaked out, and not just because of the giant rats. We were all so lost and scared of all these imagined threats that you hear about in big cities. It was emotionally draining and exhausting.
Flash forward to this past week.
I was pretty nervous about heading to NYC alone and worried the past would repeat itself with another miserable trip.
But this time was so different.
Over the last couple years, I've latched onto the words "fearless" and "fierce" and wore a necklace with one of them when I traveled. I mean, when you arrive at midnight, you need whatever reminder you can get.
Not gonna lie, smartphones were a major help keeping me sane, but it didn't stop me from getting pretty anxious on the subway. The first couple days, I constantly checked my phone to make sure I hadn't missed my stop. It didn't take me long to get comfortable enough to read on the ride. However, the first time I tried, I got on the train going the wrong direction. I didn't notice until I had gone all seven stops. Oops. But, instead of fully freaking out when my GPS didn't work underground I figured out a couple alternate routes and made it work. I guess all that getting lost in Germany paid off.
It struck me around the third day that I wasn't walking around in fear. I wandered without plans or any real clue of where I was heading. I walked to where I was staying alone in the dark, and it didn't freak me out like it used to. It was pretty nice.
Isaiah 43:1-2 says, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
Eight-ish years ago, I visited New York City for the first time. I worked for my university's paper as the multimedia editor at the time, and was part of the crew sent to cover the first-ever Pinstripe Bowl.
While it was exciting to go on a free trip, it was also pretty intimidating to face the so-called concrete jungle just days after a blizzard. Yes, I had people with me, but they were just as unsure of everything as I was.
It was a memorable trip, but not really in the greatest of ways. We were out trying to find our hotel until two in the morning when we had to be at the stadium at nine. We only saw Times Square and the stadium. One member of my team had become my ex in the two weeks leading up to flying to NYC. I was assigned the most annoying intern of all time, who did exactly nothing I needed him to. On top of it, we lost the game.
It was a pretty miserable trip.
I remember standing on the subway platform, so freaked out, and not just because of the giant rats. We were all so lost and scared of all these imagined threats that you hear about in big cities. It was emotionally draining and exhausting.
Flash forward to this past week.
I was pretty nervous about heading to NYC alone and worried the past would repeat itself with another miserable trip.
But this time was so different.
Over the last couple years, I've latched onto the words "fearless" and "fierce" and wore a necklace with one of them when I traveled. I mean, when you arrive at midnight, you need whatever reminder you can get.
Not gonna lie, smartphones were a major help keeping me sane, but it didn't stop me from getting pretty anxious on the subway. The first couple days, I constantly checked my phone to make sure I hadn't missed my stop. It didn't take me long to get comfortable enough to read on the ride. However, the first time I tried, I got on the train going the wrong direction. I didn't notice until I had gone all seven stops. Oops. But, instead of fully freaking out when my GPS didn't work underground I figured out a couple alternate routes and made it work. I guess all that getting lost in Germany paid off.
It struck me around the third day that I wasn't walking around in fear. I wandered without plans or any real clue of where I was heading. I walked to where I was staying alone in the dark, and it didn't freak me out like it used to. It was pretty nice.Isaiah 43:1-2 says, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
The only time I was remotely nervous was when I was walking to catch a train and saw two guys getting into a fight ahead of me. We're talking ripped-each-other's-shirts-off-body-slam-on-concrete kind of tussle. It wasn't the fight itself that put me on alert. It was after their friend got them up and moving but they were still yelling at each other. Police pulled up and the boys refused to stop. I work in news, so I've covered too many instances of problems with police and unarmed black men to not be a bit skittish with that kind of situation. However, once I got closer, the friend was able to pull the two boys aside and talk to police, while I walked by. I hope that situation turned out okay.
Were there other reasons to be afraid? Probably. But instead, I got to experience an amazing week and see some incredible sights I would have missed had I stuck with the safe plans.
Were there other reasons to be afraid? Probably. But instead, I got to experience an amazing week and see some incredible sights I would have missed had I stuck with the safe plans.
Bonus: so many people I met thought I was "impressive" "brave" and "badass" for doing something like that on my own, so thanks for the confidence boost, NYC!
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Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Birthdays, Camping Trips, and Celebrations: Living the Good Life Without Fear
What should I be doing right now? Writing my final paper
for Pastor Aaron’s class.
But that’s not what I’m doing, is it?
Nope.
I can’t focus.
Why?
Because I’m about to explode with happiness.
I haven’t been writing lately, one, because I’m crazy
busy with school/work/Kids Ablaze, and two, because life is so freaking good. I
don’t want people taking it the wrong way or trying to drag me down off my
cloud.
But, today, I just don’t care anymore. Life is so sweet.
Maybe it’s the nostalgia because of my birthday kicking
in and making me think about where I was a year ago. I mean, even the
difference from six months ago is still pretty stark. On top of those thoughts,
this week-ish just had to go and kick all kinds of tail.
I got to see a couple of my favorite musicians from high
school with my high school best friend, who is also celebrating her birthday
this week. Panic! At the Disco and Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness did not
disappoint, plus there was Weezer.
A bookstore co-worker took me paintballing, to an arcade,
and to dinner (where she got them to sing to me while playing a tambourine.
Girl’s got skills.) We wrapped the night up with Cards Against Humanity and Bo
Burnham at another co-worker’s house. Twas a thoroughly splendid evening filled
with laughter.
There were a couple days filled with treats. And by
treats, I mean: cupcakes, Oreos, a frappucino, chocolate torte from a complete
stranger, cheesecake, several donuts, cookies, more cheesecake, wings, and some
fun gifts. (Thank you to everyone who spoiled me!)
I managed to get off work to enjoy a night out with my
bestie, Aubree, to celebrate her upcoming wedding and birthdays. I got to be
surrounded by friends in line to do a gravity ropes course as midnight struck
on my birthday. We played laser tag, and somehow got guns that named me Batman
and her Joker. It was a blast! Even sitting in a McDonald’s parking lot at 2
a.m. was fun!
After church, the #oddsquad loaded up with the WRC Young
Adults clan to camp and float. I seriously love how my girls were so well
prepared. Several guys asked us for supplies, which was hilarious. We also
upped the cooking game by making macaroni and cheese and raspberry cherry
cobbler on the campfire. We ended the night with about 40 people worshipping
around the fire and under the stars. It was amazing. Although it stormed
overnight and we woke up soaking wet, it was still an awesome time, even before
we hit the river. I got to make the 8 mile water adventure in a kayak with
Esther, which was a pretty great combination. There were so many shenanigans as
we made our way down the river.
This is the part that stands out to me: overcoming fear
and uncomfortable situations.
Something most people don’t realize is that I’m not a
great swimmer. (It’s especially funny considering I was a Division I Varsity
rower in college who may or may not have failed the swim test. Oopsies.) That
little fact made me a bit nervous about the kayak trip. I decided I wasn’t
going to let that fear stop me, so of course, it was put to the test.
During our lunch stop on the river, somehow, everyone
ended up climbing a muddy cliff and sliding down into the river. I started to
head over, but felt the current and that it was deeper than I could reach, and
quit. After watching for a while, I decided I was going to do it, so I grabbed
Esther and we swam into the strong current. Sammy grabbed us so we didn’t drift
too far downstream. Our crew had a good system going to get people up to the
top, despite the slippery mud. Sliding down was a mucky blast! Somehow, it
turned into a mud fight and mud wrestling.
Then came the next mental challenge: jumping off the
cliff into the river. It took a while to work up the courage for that one.
Break time was up, so I leapt off that ledge and made it back across the river.
There are several old friends of mine who would be completely shocked and
probably won’t believe that it happened since I refused to do anything of the
sort for years.
Heck, I chickened out of kayaking in beautiful blue
waters in Canada, but was able to drum up the courage to do it in a mucky
Missouri river instead. I know, I make sense.
The point is, I did it. I let go of the fear and had a
blast making wonderful memories. Even doing the gravity ropes at the
bachelorette party was out of my comfort zone, but I told that little doubting
voice in my head to shut up and leave. I took control.
I think that’s why I’m finding life to be so sweet
lately. I overcame my past and let go of caring about how people see me. I know
I’m not the only one who has struggled with this or will in the future, but God
can flip it all around. Now, I’m learning to let go of fear and doubt to
overcome limits I placed on myself and enjoy the moment. Kelsey gave me a necklace more than a year ago that said "fearless," so it's about time I actually live that word.
It’s a new level of freedom and I’m loving it.
I feel like this is a lesson that will be coming in handy
in the near future, and it’s exciting. I can’t wait to see what’s ahead in this
next year of life.
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Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Oh, Canada! Adventures in Exploring Independence
Home again, home again.... I'm back in the U.S. of A. with a smile plastered of my face.
The whole point of leaving on this solo adventure was to lock myself up and write a book. I was cool with that, but others couldn't handle the thought of not wandering and doing things, especially the customs agent in Vancouver, who couldn't wipe the baffled look off his face no matter how I explained. But then I got to my destination, Needless to say, with a view like I had in Canada, I didn't get nearly as much done on that front as I planned, but many more great things happened during that time.
The first leg of my journey went the opposite direction. New Orleans. I'm a nerd and decided to start things off with a visit to the National World War II Museum on the 72nd Anniversary of D-Day. The lady sitting next to me on the plane asked what I was doing in New Orleans, and got very excited about it. She recently heard about the museum on the radio and wanted to check it out. She was joining her husband on a business trip and didn't want to go to something of that weight alone, so I suddenly had a buddy.
Keeping things short, the museum is incredible. Some of the rooms are just overwhelming when you walk in. The first day, I also got to see this adorable little boy, maybe 7 years old, dressed as a U.S. WWII soldier, telling adults what things were and why they were important. I've never wanted to kidnap a child so much in my life. I seriously pray my future kids are that cool! I wandered the museum for two days, and probably could've spent more time there, honestly. I did get to help them with a little grammar error in closed captioning of one of the films, which was pretty cool. Yes, I'm a nerd.
After the museum closed the first night, I went for a walk through the French Quarter, because why not. I enjoyed the side streets, but Bourbon was a whole different animal. It wasn't even dark yet, but there were quite a few intoxicated tourists roaming. I ended up grabbing some jambalaya, watching hockey, and reading a bit. The guy working there informed me that a couple stars of "The Walking Dead" were at that table two weeks ago, which is cool, I guess. While trying to find, Cafe Du Monde, it started pouring, so I hustled the mile or so back to the hotel instead of getting a beignet. I wouldn't have cared if it weren't for the book in my hand! I did get a beignet in the morning, after a mile plus walk each direction. Worth it. I just didn't realize it was going to be the theme of the trip.
I got to Vancouver after midnight, so no adventuring to speak of right away. The first day brought a whole different story.
Since the studio I wanted to check out wouldn't let me in without a film backed by a studio ready to discuss, I started out by trying to get to the Vancouver Aquarium, which meant taking public transportation that was not a shuttle for the first time in my life. And I was doing it alone, with all of my luggage. I shuttled (and got a "go Cats" from another rider!) to the Skytrain and then eventually figured out the right bus line, and walked to the aquarium. Minor problem: they don't have any place for bags if you aren't part of a school group. I was dragging my rollerbag around when one worker felt bad for me and got special permission to let me leave my luggage in a school bin. Yay favor! They had a ton of jellyfish, which have always been one of my favorite sea creatures. However, I grew very tired of hearing "Nemo!" everywhere I went. I was pretty confused by the parrots and marmosets at an aquarium, but whatever. Also, the Kansas City Zoo's penguin exhibit is much, much cooler.
The adventure from Vancouver to Victoria was when things got interesting in an "I'm so screwed but haven't figured it out yet" kind of way. Turns out, there are two stops on the Skytrain line that sound very similar. I missed the one I needed, but didn't realize it until I got to the one I thought was correct. I rode back and got off at the right spot, only to find the bus I needed was gone. While there was a bus waiting there heading to the ferry dock, the driver was not on board, so I got to wait for about 20 minutes. Whatever. I had a book.
When I got to the ferries, the one I wanted had already left. Since there was no 6:00 that day, so I waited for the 7:00. No big. I sat on the deck, reading, watching crews work, soaking up the sun and the amazing view, and listened to the waves and seagulls. It was so relaxing and wonderful, I couldn't help but smile! The great views continued once I got on my first ferry ride and we sailed between the small islands to Swartz Bay on Vancouver Island.
Turns out, the bed and breakfast I booked was more than 90 minutes away from the ferry dock. I pulled out my transportation card to get on the double decker bus, and the driver just grumbled to sit down. I thought I was getting a free ride. Still didn't know about trouble ahead. I was too busy practically drooling while looking at the sun setting behind the mountains.
Then, around 9:30 p.m., I got a text from the b&b owner saying they were expecting me that day and wondered if there was a problem. I said I was on the bus getting close to downtown and would be there in a little while. He said that they didn't realize I was bussing in, but would stay up. Ok, now I'm starting to sense problems. The first part of that was when the bus driver didn't leave enough time for people to get from the upper deck through the doorway. I missed my stop. With the help of Google Maps, I adjusted. That's when the bus driver told me that my transportation card doesn't work on the island. I had loaded the dumb thing up on the word of someone in Vancouver, so there's money I won't get back. Relying on coins, it is.
I got to the next stop, and somehow ended up on the wrong bus. Once I realized it, Google told me to walk 1.8 kilometers back to the stop... on a dark street... carrying all my luggage. Wonderful. Then, my phone died. Not gonna lie, I panicked a little bit. I hoofed it to the bus stop, whipped out my laptop and plugged in my phone. It was the only option at 11 p.m.! The b&b owner asked for an update, and when the bus I was waiting on was late, then passed by without stopping, he said he'd come get me in his bright orange sports car. He's an interesting Buddhist fellow.
I developed a pattern while at the b&b: breakfast, watch WRSM classes, walk an hour for food, write, adventure and take pictures, walk back and either chat with people or write some more.
The b&b owner told me that the castle a few doors down was where they filmed scenes for "X-men" and "Deadpool," so it became my first major stop. I also came to learn that Hatley Castle was used in "Arrow" "Smallville," and several other movies/tv shows, plus was where King George VI and his family planned to hide out during WWII, so I was pretty pumped. Since it's now used for Royal Roads University, and school was in session, I couldn't get in.
No matter! It is a beautiful building, surrounded by three delightful gardens. I took pictures as I wandered through the Italian and Japanese, before settling into a little hut to write for a while. Other people walking through kept telling me how brilliant of a study nook it was.
Eventually, I got up and wandered through the rose garden as well. When you walk through the gate, the floral smell is insanely overwhelming! Many of the blooms were starting to wilt and shed petals, but I still found plenty which had enough life for pictures. I forgot how much I enjoy close up floral photography until I uploaded a zillion pictures that night.
There was a funny moment in the gardens. For years, my sisters and I have used peacock calls to find each other in stores or crowded places if we get separated. While walking around, I heard the scream and my first thought was, "Where's Bekah?" Then I remembered I was in Canada without them, and we couldn't possibly be that original. It must be someone else trying to find their group, right? When I walked out of the gardens, I heard it again. Just a few feet away was a real semi-wild peacock. I tried to take pictures, but the dang thing was pretty quick and I didn't trust it not to attack, so I settled for a distant selfie.
After my first taste of poutine that evening, which was wonderful, I ended up with a little bonus. I only had enough change for the bus back, so I sat at the stop and waited. An older man approached me and asked if I had a ticket. I said no, and he handed me his day pass for the bus. He told me he gives it away everyday when he's done so someone else can ride free all night. Blessing! That opened up the opportunity to checck out Parliament, downtown Victoria, and the harbor. I had heard that they light up Parliament at night, but, while watching the sunset over the harbor, realized two things. 1. It was cold. 2. I was going to have to walk through the woods in the dark if I didn't head back immediately. I was wrong, and had to hoof it in the pitch black. I may have wielded a liter pop bottle by the neck and repeated "Jesus" over and over again, praying I wouldn't meet an animal other than the two on the edge of the path and that I wouldn't miss the path. I had missed it in the daylight, but somehow found it in the dark!. Yay!
Another one of my favorite adventures involved a terrible idea: biking. Google Maps said it would cut my journey for food in half. It did not mention that the terrain was practically straight up. Yes, I walked the bike most of the way.
That route ended up passing a historical site with a lighthouse. I thought, why not? When I got down the mountain, I found there was a cover charge. I considered not doing it because I was too lazy to dig money out of my bag. However, I was not excited about getting back up to the road so quickly and approached the gate. The cashier smiled and said he wasn't going to charge me. Yay favor!
Turns out, it was more than a lighthouse. It was Fort Rodd Hill. I got to check out battery and bunkers built during WWII! The way everything connected on this trip was amazing! They let you go into special gas-proof rooms where military teams used to plan and prepare. You can climb up on top of the sea wall and see the artillery that once defended the harbor. It was incredible and I may have freaked out a time or two because of how cool this trip was.
Sidenote: the bike ride down the mountain and across the lagoon wall was much more fun than the trip out.
This trip was so much more than I thought it would be. I got to eat breakfast with the former head of Disney Animation Canada and his wife, who ran Chromacoulor (which supplied companies that made classic Saturday morning cartoons, including Buggs Bunny!) Not having data to be on Facebook while I walked or a battery that would last if I listened to music forced me to do a lot of thinking. I got to thoroughly enjoy the scenery, which was spectacular. I couldn't help but grin like an idiot every time I walked through the woods, just soaking in the beauty around me and thanking the One who created it and gave me the opportunity to enjoy it.
I learned a lot about myself on this trip, some silly, some serious. I learned I am terrible at public transportation and have never been more thankful for cars. As much as I want to think I'm a city girl, I still have quite the country root. There is just something about the middle of nowhere that I find comfortable. I also didn't realize the literal lengths I would go to for a doughnut. I could've ordered pizza and stayed in the hammock or hot tub all day, but I got out there. I also learned I'm the one setting limits for myself, and I'm much more capable that I realize sometimes.
Honestly, I didn't think I could do this. I was freaking out before the trip. Worries of getting lost or running out of money or doing something stupid constantly tried to take over my mind. I mean, there were so many firsts involved for me, it was ridiculous and a bit frightening. When my car died right before vacation started, I actually considered calling the whole thing off. I had to keep reminding myself that God put all the pieces together for this trip to happen in the first place, I was doing it to work on a project I felt He wanted me to do, and He is a good Father who will provide. That's exactly what He did through all the little, unexpected blessings and unplanned adventures.
On the last night, I was walking home from another hour plus long hike for dinner and Tim Horton's. I had just turned into the subdivision where the b&b was located, when I glanced out over the lagoon. For the first time in the whole week I was there, the clouds had finally cleared on the mainland, making it possible to see the mountains. It was stunningly beautiful (and my cell phone pictures don't do it the slightest bit of justice.) In that moment, that still, small voice said, "Good job. You did it." I about broke down in tears. This wasn't just a vacation. It was a test in relying on God. I let Him guide my steps and ended up with more than I dreamed. It's what He likes to do.
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Thursday, June 2, 2016
Climbing Out Of The Comfort Zone: Is Fear Keeping You Stagnant Or Helping You Grow?
Picture a waking up on a cold winter morning. You are all cozy and warm under the covers; snuggled up between soft pillows. It's still pretty dark in the room, but there is a little sunlight filtering in. Maybe it's just me, but getting up and out of bed on cold mornings takes every bit of energy and strength I can muster. Why would I want to leave my bed to venture out into the dark, cold world?
Because you can't live in your comfort zone. Nothing happens there.
That's what I keep reminding myself right now.
I'm just a couple days away from my big writing retreat adventure, and honestly, I'm freaking out a little bit. Ok, by little bit, I mean I'm considering cutting my own hair to have bangs again. Obviously, I'm not in the greatest frame of mind.
I don't really understand why I'm freaking out and worrying. I know I'm supposed to go on this trip. I know I'm supposed to write this book, whether it gets published or not. God worked way too much out for me for this to be something outside of His will.
When God wants you to do something, He makes a way, and that is exactly what's been going on with this trip. For example, my car broke down last week and mixed in with that first batch of thoughts was, "I should cancel the trip." I immediately shut that down and stood on Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Sure enough, my car ended up running again and I didn't pay a dime for it. Granted, the mechanic told me to get a new car as soon as I return, but that's a whole different adventure I don't have to face today.
So, why am I stressing about something God has His hand on?
Because it's out of my comfort zone.
I can't rely on my own experience because I've never left the country. I can't rely on anyone else because I'm going alone and don't know anyone where I'm heading. All I can do it trust that God is positioning and protecting me.
I won't say everyone, but just like no sane human being wants to get out of a warm bed on a cold, dark morning, no sane human really wants to jump out into something unknown. All you can do in the dark, cozy comfort zone is sleep and rest. You are useless. You have to get out of bed to get anything done and be useful. Accomplishing His will requires a little work on your part. There is a quote from Lisa Bevere in "Girls With Swords" that says, "If you are not praying the type of prayers that scare you, your prayers are certainly not frightening our enemy.” There is also a similar quote of "if your dreams don't scare you, dream bigger." So maybe, it's not a terrible thing to be a little scared.
But it's a good kind of scared. It's the "this is going to change my life" kind of scared. If I was 100% comfortable with this, it wouldn't change me nearly as much. Heather Eschenbaum teaches that ALL THE TIME. I have to be uncomfortable and vulnerable so God can show His strength in every part of this process.
During my meltdown before the car was fixed, I was sharing my concerns with a co-worker who encouraged this trip. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "It's not in your comfort zone now, but when you come back, it will be." Boom. This is positioning. I thought of Mary Seidler in that moment. She didn't just travel by herself to another country. She up and moved to across the world and is now making an impact in Poland. If she would have stayed in her comfort zone in Kansas City, people in Poland would be missing out. She had to take the first step to see those dreams realized. Bevere wrote, "It is impossible to win the race unless you venture to run. Impossible to win the victory unless you dare to battle."
Of course, I went to a pre-screening of a movie last night with a tagline of "Live Boldly." Ok, ok, ok. I get it.
It is time to rip off the comfortable covers and jump into the cold, dark unknown. That is where something big can happen. Fear can either force you to stay stagnant or grow. The choice is up to you.
Sidenote: In case you haven't seen it, Redhead in Revival is now on Facebook and Twitter. Give the pages a follow and stay up to date.
Because you can't live in your comfort zone. Nothing happens there.
That's what I keep reminding myself right now.
I'm just a couple days away from my big writing retreat adventure, and honestly, I'm freaking out a little bit. Ok, by little bit, I mean I'm considering cutting my own hair to have bangs again. Obviously, I'm not in the greatest frame of mind.
I don't really understand why I'm freaking out and worrying. I know I'm supposed to go on this trip. I know I'm supposed to write this book, whether it gets published or not. God worked way too much out for me for this to be something outside of His will.
When God wants you to do something, He makes a way, and that is exactly what's been going on with this trip. For example, my car broke down last week and mixed in with that first batch of thoughts was, "I should cancel the trip." I immediately shut that down and stood on Philippians 4:19, "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Sure enough, my car ended up running again and I didn't pay a dime for it. Granted, the mechanic told me to get a new car as soon as I return, but that's a whole different adventure I don't have to face today.
So, why am I stressing about something God has His hand on?
Because it's out of my comfort zone.
I can't rely on my own experience because I've never left the country. I can't rely on anyone else because I'm going alone and don't know anyone where I'm heading. All I can do it trust that God is positioning and protecting me.
I won't say everyone, but just like no sane human being wants to get out of a warm bed on a cold, dark morning, no sane human really wants to jump out into something unknown. All you can do in the dark, cozy comfort zone is sleep and rest. You are useless. You have to get out of bed to get anything done and be useful. Accomplishing His will requires a little work on your part. There is a quote from Lisa Bevere in "Girls With Swords" that says, "If you are not praying the type of prayers that scare you, your prayers are certainly not frightening our enemy.” There is also a similar quote of "if your dreams don't scare you, dream bigger." So maybe, it's not a terrible thing to be a little scared.
But it's a good kind of scared. It's the "this is going to change my life" kind of scared. If I was 100% comfortable with this, it wouldn't change me nearly as much. Heather Eschenbaum teaches that ALL THE TIME. I have to be uncomfortable and vulnerable so God can show His strength in every part of this process.
During my meltdown before the car was fixed, I was sharing my concerns with a co-worker who encouraged this trip. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "It's not in your comfort zone now, but when you come back, it will be." Boom. This is positioning. I thought of Mary Seidler in that moment. She didn't just travel by herself to another country. She up and moved to across the world and is now making an impact in Poland. If she would have stayed in her comfort zone in Kansas City, people in Poland would be missing out. She had to take the first step to see those dreams realized. Bevere wrote, "It is impossible to win the race unless you venture to run. Impossible to win the victory unless you dare to battle."
Of course, I went to a pre-screening of a movie last night with a tagline of "Live Boldly." Ok, ok, ok. I get it.
It is time to rip off the comfortable covers and jump into the cold, dark unknown. That is where something big can happen. Fear can either force you to stay stagnant or grow. The choice is up to you.
Sidenote: In case you haven't seen it, Redhead in Revival is now on Facebook and Twitter. Give the pages a follow and stay up to date.
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