Final Round of Full-Time: Summer 2017 Quotes From The Goobers At World Revival School of Ministry

My three years as a full-time student are over. One of these days, I might get around to writing the post that's been stewing for more than a month now... but that day is not today.

Instead, I give you the quotes of Summer 2017.


Kingdom Economics with Luke Ingala (LI)

LI: "Force yourself to sow."

LI: "Money is just a vehicle. You don't worship your car."

LI: "The stuff... I could look it up, but we'll just call it stuff for now."

LI: "Any old dead fish can go floating down the stream. It doesn't take a rocket scientist."

LI: "If I gave you a Ferrari..."
Hunter F.: "Oh, thank you Jesus!"
LI: "If you don't use it..."
Hunter F.: "What am I doing with my life?!"

LI: "We're either part of the world's economy or we're part of God's economy."

LI: "I didn't know how many clean people are in here. I like it."

LI: "People who have a lot, they're either going to be selfless or miserable."

LI: "You can't drive on three tires."
Erica: "Unless you have a tricycle."
LI: "Okay, you CAN drive on three tires."

LI: "The only reason things aren't happening is because you aren't doing them."

LI: "'The silver is mine and the gold is mine declares the Lord Almighty' so what does that mean?"
Caila: "It's ours too."
LI: "Booyaaaaaaaa!"

LI: "What's a cultural statement... Gucci!"
Caila: "That's a Sam statement."

Darren Thompson (DT): "I'm kinda an old fossil in that regard."

DT: "You were like a gold zillionaire."

DT: "In James, it says to be slow to......"
(pause) Class: "Speeeeeak?"
DT: "Good job. You even gave me a visual!"

DT: "Some people. they're like a little hobbit running out of the door to go an adventure."

DT: "I ain't gotta be slow about going to Taco Bell cuz I'm hungry and wanted a taco."

DT: "Does anyone think around here?"

DT: "If I have to explain jokes, they're not funny, so work with me here!"

DT: "Sam, do you know what a consumer loan is?
Sam: "Yeah"
DT: "What is it?"
Sam: "A loan to buy things."
DT: "What kind of things?"
Sam: "Material things."
DT: "What kind of material things?"
Sam: "I don't know."
DT: "Well, Sam, you just lied."

DT: "Guess what happened? I don't know cuz I forgot where I'm going!"

DT: "Imma start giving answers cuz y'all ain't guessin' right."

DT: "Lord, thank you for wisdom and scaring these kids."

LI: "It's going to always be harder to start, but if you don't start, you're never going to finish."

LI: "If it's something you want to do and you never do anything about it, it's called a wish."

LI: "Give me some of you all's dreams."
Sam: "I had a weird one last night."

LI: "P-h-i-l-a-m-p..." (trying to write philanthropist on the board)
Ryan: "This is tearing you up back there, isn't it."
Stephanie: "I'm dying."

Hunter F.: "Except squirrels. They don't listen very well."


How to Preach with J.D. King (JDK)

JDK: "...understanding of preaching through intense studying... well, maybe moderate studying. I know you guys too well."

JDK: "So, JD, you're saying you're a teacher who is antagonistic towards teaching? Yeah, pretty much."

JDK: "Emojis are like the return of stained glass windows."

JDK: "You can't fall in love with forms that aren't biblical and ones that aren't working."

JDK: "Nobody has any thoughts? That's cool."

JDK: "Your ministry is not your relationship with God."

JDK: "People say 'I wanna become a great preacher.' Well, become a great person."

JDK: "You're called to be a human being before a human doing."

JDK: "Am I making sense?
Class: (laughter)

JDK: "If you're a person of love and life and integrity, you're going to rise to the top."

JDK: "To move forward, you have to work on filling the holes."

Sam: "That ringtone!"
JDK: "You like my Indiana Jones ringtone? I'm on an adventure! I may be old, but I'm ready to change the world!"

JDK: "Starbucks' got this nice little thing called a front door."

JDK: "If you live like a rat, you shut off the favor."

JDK: "We're not actually striving for love; we're contending from love."

Sam: "We should put pants ON people. That would be impressive bullying."

Sam: "Every time I hear 'logos', I think of Doritos logos tacos from Taco Bell."
Erica: "It's locos!"

JDK on Doritos as a fire starter: "If it burns that good, you probably shouldn't eat it."

Sam: "Homily. Oh, not home-ly. I was trying to figure that out."
JDK: "Have you read your book at all, Sam?"

JDK: "True."
Sam: "Solid guess!"
JDK: "I've got to get you reading the book."
Sam: "I read through chapter two."
Erica: "It was in chapter one."
Sam: "I didn't say I retained it!"

JDK: "You will reproduce what's in front of your eyes."

(fire alarm goes off)
Sam: "I'd rather burn than get wet. Where's Steph? Come on, that was funny!"
Stephanie: "I'm going...."

JDK: "If you don't get inspired, you probably weren't called to preach."

Sam: "Can you clearly define topical? I don't want to accidentally break the law. You'll put me in spiritual jail."

JDK: "If it's a mist at the pulpit, it's a fog in the crowd."

JDK: "If the preacher needs a list, the congregation won't remember. Don't preach grocery lists."

JDK: "Prophets don't shape what they say. Preachers do."

JDK: "Which one is more pleasing to the eye? The one with straight lines."
(class gives several reasons for liking the funky shaped building better."
JDK: "I'm talking to millennials. That's the problem."

JDK: "I'd rather there be a lot less ideas in church and more encounter."

Caila: "Me, we, they, we, you."
PAL: "Say that faster."
Caila: "Mewetheyweyou! Mewetheymeyou!"

Hunter F. on room being hot: "I'm going to have to strip buck naked now."
Erica: "We're not that kind of church!"

(Sam makes weird noise while class thinks)
Hunter F.: "Hey, Elmo! Why don't you shut up?"

Sam: "I'm going to go out on a limb."
JDK: "That means it's either great or awful. Go ahead."

Sam: "How about we do three each day and one on the last day, then have a party."
JDK: "We have to have a final, Sam."
Sam: "I know. I'm just always looking for the party."

JDK: "Sam is more wired as a teacher."
Sam: "Whaaaaaaat?!"

Dylan: "30 thousand questions!"
JDK: "30 thousand questions? It's a final. Did you even go to real college?"

JDK: "I want people to like my sermon, Jesus!"

Esther: "They're very holy dogs now."


Warfare and Deliverance with Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL)

PAL: "This isn't BYOB.... Bring your own bucket... because there's gonna be some slime."

PAL: "This is a tough assignment."
Erica: "Mmmhmmm."
PAL: "Took the words right out of my mouth."

PAL: "This is a life requirement. Where I go, I drive out darkness. Where I go, demons aren't safe."

PAL: "My jokes are now getting rated on the same system as demonic activity."

Hunter F. on alternatives to wedding rings: "Give 'em a thimble!"
PAL: "That would be considered sexist. 'You're my woman, now get to sewing!' That's on tape forever now..."

PAL: "It's part of your inheritance to drive out demons."

PAL: "You should be able to stand strong on a Tuesday with no prayer warrior in sight for a couple days."

PAL: "Worst case scenario: Jesus is a giant sugar pill and we've all swallowed it."

PAL: "Being with God doesn't necessarily mean you're doing anything."

PAL: "Actually, I wouldn't mind being compared to Pastor Kathy, even if it's just for the temperature."

PAL: "Just for that lip, we're going down to 62 degrees!"

PAL on baseball fan excitement: "When people are excited about something, they let their feelings show... albeit, a few beers help."

PAL: "It's not arrogant to walk in your destiny. It's expected."

PAL: "Why don't you step out on a limb and get criticized for doing the right thing."

PAL about mic: "Are you picking me up?"
Dylan: "I'm picking up what you're laying down."
PAL: "On a cosmic level?"

PAL: "Cosmic evil is atmospheric evil, but it doesn't have to be your atmosphere."

PAL: "Speaker speak-es."

PAL: "I'm gonna go three more minutes because I haven't talked about your personal evil yet. *whispers and points around room* You're all evil."

Hunter F.: "It's like with vampires; you have to let them in."
PAL: "What's that have to do with anything?"
Esther: "Like vampires, you have to invite the darkness in."

Dylan: "I miss Rose. She's supposed to regulate this."

PAL: "You guys are quiet this morning. I wanted some discussion."
Esther: "Pick a different day."

Lee: "I have possession of this book but I'm not on the inside of it."

PAL while drawing on the board: "God delegated authority to... stick people!"

(PAL explains theory of bless you/ demons leaving during sneeze)
Esther: "So I held the demon in?"
PAL: "You're not blessed."

PAL: "Satan pays for worship. God doesn't pay."

PAL: "It's easy to think you're running fast when you're in the stampede, but you could just be carried along."
Hunter F: "He just called us cows."
Esther: "Or buffalo."
PAL: "I prefer wildebeests."

PAL: "You don't get to take a vacation from the Kingdom of God or you're going to end up taken over."

PAL: "...access to food and wifi, because that's the basic human needs."

PAL: "Guys, you're going to be driving and there will be a billboard with some chick that you're going to take in full on."
*Hunter F. covers eyes*
PAL: "You're driving, so please don't close your eyes."
Hunter F.: "Jesus, take the wheel!"

PAL: "It's time to not be eloquent."

PAL: "Can you turn [the air conditioner] down just one."
Hunter F.: "Before we all burn in hell!"

PAL: "If a lion comes into the room, feel free to run. Or, at least one of you throw yourself as bait so the rest of us can get free."

PAL: "As a Christian, you have boundaries set up that the enemy cannot cross."

PAL: "My marker's drying up. See, the boundary is faded and we have to protect it. (Grabs bright red marker to fix line) The blood of Jesus sets the boundary!"

PAL: "You have a boundary that extends pretty far, but you're convinced you only have to defend one square foot."

PAL: "Stop feeling like an entry level Christian with an entry level job. You're management. Better yet, you're ownership."

PAL: "Just because it's out of your control doesn't mean you are powerless."

Lee: "I'm wearing shorts in my heart."

Lee: "She's the only one who knows cursive."
Esther, Erica and Stephanie: "That's not true!"
Caila: "Wow. Defensive."
PAL: "You forget there are homeschoolers in here."

PAL: "When tall guys fall, our head goes a long way."

Esther on first impressions: "Everyone thought I was mean."
Caila: "You are a little assertive..."

PAL: "It's like a sandwich vitamin."

Lee: "He goes barefoot?"
Esther: "He doesn't wear his boots to bed!"


Kingdom of God with Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL)

Josiah: "Chewbacca is going to be in my video!"

PAL: "Lift your hands... pace if you want to. Just don't bring Chewbacca."

Josiah: "How can people think that? I mean, it's still clearly bread."

PAL: "The kingdom has to grow and advance to be the kingdom."

PAL: "We seem perfectly happy keeping Him as the door and standing in the doorway."

PAL: "The kingdom of God is within you."

PAL: "If the kingdom is here, you have a lot of experiences to have."

Josiah; "I have two revelations."
PAL: "There's only one book of Revelation."

PAL: "What does apocalyptic mean?
Emily: "I'm guessing it doesn't have to do with zombies."

PAL: "Why do you think separation of church came about?"
Emily: "Because we're idiots, first off..."

PAL: "Kingdom authority happens through speech."

PAL: "If you're online, when I was muted, I was not drawing a pair of sunglasses.  I want to re-frame your thinking."
(class giggles)
Emily: "You said re-frame!"
PAL: "I'm really punny. I don't know what you want me to do about it."

PAL: "We give too much credit to the devil. The devil doesn't care. He just wants to keep the rebellion going."

PAL: "The devil is always and only going to be defeated through us."

PAL: "If you have no pride, you have no problem walking up and praying for people."

PAL: "God made himself vulnerable to you. You have the ability to hurt God."

Rachel: "It's so sad, it's funny again."

PAL: "You almost said when you grew up."
Emily: "I did."
PAL: "Two years ago..."

PAL: "God's doing things in your life but you don't see it because your focus is off."

PAL: "Being authentic is being who God says you are."

PAL: "If I die, don't pray to resurrect me. I'm happy I'm there."

PAL: "It reiterates what happened in generous..."

PAL: "You think of... I lost my train of thought. You think of... just think."

Emily on laws in Leviticus: "...not supposed to use electricity..."
PAL: "That last one isn't in there."

PAL: "The blueprint of the cosmos is love."

PAL: "Kingdom culture supersedes man's culture every time."

Josiah: "I have a question. If this is way off topic, you can skip it."

Class: "False."
PAL: "But what is it?"
Emily: "That's not on the quiz. Move on, Pastor Aaron!"

PAL: "You don't deserve it. You're all rotten! I just really wanted to say that!"

PAL: "God is not in love with the future version of you."

PAL: "False why?"
Rachel: "Do you even poetry, y'all?"

PAL: "It's nice to know the voices in your head when they come out."

PAL: "If you're a ruler, what does that mean? 12 inches long?"

PAL: "I don't know how we would draw God, so I'm just going to make it a circle."

(Emily asks about life on other planets)
PAL: "All that's fun to think about, but for now, let's get back to earth."

PAL: "Did God really say, 'don't eat the Snickers, Lage'?"
Rachel: "Does God talk to you using your last name?"
PAL: "You know how coaches usually use last names? Sometimes I feel like God is my inner coach."

Emily: "This feels like a breakup song."

PAL: "In a pool, I will displace more water than you [Emily]. We are not equal!"

PAL: "Faith is exerted through love."

Emily: "Or [Abigail] could just miss it and end up 5'1" or 5'2" like me."
PAL: "She's already almost that tall."

PAL: "You do not yet know what you are capable of doing."

PAL: "What if the first thing we went to was faith."

Josiah: "Assume your religious positions."

PAL: "Don't use your prayer language to curse people out."

Emily: "...through maybe sacrifices..."
PAL: "Through BABY sacrifices?!"
Emily: "No! Maybe sacrifices! You should know me better than that, Pastor Aaron!"

PAL: "Women don't have a lesser role of authority."

PAL: "The two become one. You guys know how that works... the whole stork thing... and you multiply!"

JDK: "It's a very important doctrinal idea I's like to think I rooted in you a year ago, but apparently...."

JDK: "JUDAH WAS  SCOUNDREL! AND TAMAR IS A BIBLICAL FEMINIST HERO!"

Johnny: "Scandalous."
JDK: "Did you know that stuff was in here [the Bible]?"
Emily: "Whenever I was reading, I would always skip over it because I didn't want to think about it."
JDK: "You homeschooler!"

JDK: "All of you need to break out of your literal homeschool mindset."
Sarah: "I wasn't homeschooled."
JDK: "Good. You were pagan like me!"

JDK: "Boaz is the man!"

JDK at the beginning of class: "You guys are behind on the material."
(Later in class, Emily asks a question.)
JDK: "No wonder you guys are so behind!"

JDK: "You know Song of Solomon is a sex poem, right?"
Johnny: "We can't talk about that."
JDK: *Looks at camera* "You are right."

JDK: "That's a hunk right there. Not a hunk as in an attractive person. A hunk as in a chunk of text."
JoAnn: "Thank you for clarifying."
JDK: "I know you guys struggled with that one."

PAL: "We basically still worship baby Jesus in a manger. You can kiss on Him. He's cute. But don't get in our face with what? With kingdom authority."

PAL: "You don't know unless you do."

Jeffrey: "JD was talking about the pyramid thing."
PAL: "JD taught you a pyramid scheme?"

Emily: "Don't erase my writing!"
(JoAnn draws triangle)
Jeffrey: "Beautiful."
Emily: "Thank you!"
Jeffrey: "I wasn't talking about your writing."

PAL: "Jesus said to be child LIKE not childISH."

PAL: "He rescued you. He knows there's going to be darkness residue on you."

PAL: "This was a human role He came to fulfill. Why? To show us what it looks like to not be drowning."

PAL: "You need to become a sign and wonder."

PAL: "You had your hand raised a while back. Is it still relevant?"

PAL: "If it's not being demonstrated, it's not the gospel."

Emily: "I just really love this class. Also, I had coffee. That might be it."

PAL: "I wonder what I'd be like if I taught on coffee since I never drink it."
Josiah: "Oooh. I thought you meant teach ABOUT coffee."

Josiah: "Forget the final. Let's just talk about coffee."
PAL: "On what grounds?"
Class: "Ooooohhh...."
PAL: "I'm sorry."
JoAnn: "You don't have a filter."

PAL: "I'm pretty sure once I see one person raised from the dead, I'm going to be addicted."

PAL: "I don't know if angels are allowed to be on facebook."

PAL: "He's using the very people who were destroyed to destroy the destroyer. It's the ultimate defeat."

PAL: "Let him have ears to hear, and here's a hint, He's not talking about corn."
JoAnn: "Corn! Hahaha!"
Emily: "You would, JoAnn."
Johnny: "Wait, can you explain the joke?"
Emily: "And I thought I was the only blonde in the room."

PAL: "When you grow up in the light, you have to learn how to not take it for granted."

PAL: "The kingdom is costly, but the cost is worth it."

PAL: "Everyone is like this. Millennials might be more obvious about it... or post about it more."

PAL: "If you haven't given up anything for God, are you even His?"

PAL: "We're preaching get to heaven for free, but Jesus is saying lay down your life."

PAL mentions Facebook marketplace in story:
Emily: "I have one question. Sorry, I'm going to sidetrack you."
PAL: "On Facebook marketplace?!"

Emily: "It's so cold in here! What did you do when we left?"
PAL: "All the hot air left."
Emily: "That would be me..."

Caila: "JC in KC? What does that mean?"
Emily: "Jesus Christ! Do you not know the initials of your Messiah?!"

Emily: "Do you even kingdom?"

PAL: "What happens if your stranger asks questions?"
Johnny: "Throw a Bible at 'em!"

PAL: "Why is it when you started talking to that person, their eyes rolled backwards in their heads like a rolodex?"
Rachel: "How old are you?!"

-- I took the other two classes completely online. With my hectic schedule, I ended up listening to classes while doing other things and didn't take notes. Sorry. If any classmates wrote some down, send them to me and I'll add them in.--

Pastor Eric Thomason (PET): "We will cover 12 turning points. Well, you will. I won't."

(PET): "If you're in a Bible class, you should know what theology means!"

(PET): "Jesus didn't condemn, but He convicted the crud out of them."

Johnny: "What's your gifting?"
Pastor Jack Walter: "My gifting is pastor-teacher."
Johnny: "That makes sense now."


And on behalf of the 2017 World Revival School of Ministry graduates, I give you the class quote which was spoken AT LEAST once a day by someone...

"Oh man!"

A Mixed Bag Of Quotes: World Revival School Of Ministry's Summer 2016 Quarter

We are now one week away from a new school year at WRSM. It feels like we were just in class two weeks ago. Oh, right. We were, but I'm totally fine with that! It was a dang good quarter; challenging, but full of growth and so much joy, as you are about to read. 

Honestly, I'm glad life worked out the way it did so I could be in classes with both groups. The different levels and personalities made those ten weeks all the more enjoyable. I got to know people I had only seen in passing, and the first year group really became a family to me. I can't wait to see how things unfold when we get mixed up together in the upcoming classes. 

So, without further ado, a selection of quotes from the summer of 2016. (seriously.... there are so many  more! It was a good quarter.)

New Testament Survey

Pastor Jack Walter (PJW): “Don’t drink whiskey in class! At least pass it around!” (on a 5 hour energy shot)

PJW: “That’s how I think people’s minds work sometimes… like jello running all over the place.”

PJW: “What was his first name? Graham? That was here last week?”

Steph: “Cliff.”

PJW: “Thank you. That name doesn’t stick. Graham does. I like graham crackers.”

Jacque: “There’s a Polycarp too?”

Samuel: “Is that like a bunch of fish?”

PJW: “How’d we get off on that tangent? Oh! Listening!”

Inspired speech

Heather Eschenbaum (HE): “God created you with a mouth, but not to complain.”

HE: “If I don’t look like an influence, why would I be given the chance to influence.”

HE: “As your spirit goes down, so does your voice.”

HE: “Whatever you want in life, you have to pursue it strong.”

HE: “Your internal is eternal.”

HE: “Intellect doesn’t give you compassion.”

HE: “Don’t run from the hardship. Pray through the hardship.”

HE: “We shouldn’t have to be pulled along by our apathy.”

HE: “To have compassion, go to war.”

HE: “I didn’t want to write it. I should’ve called Stephanie!”

HE: “Here’s this spiritual giant and I’m a pipsqueak in Jesus.”

HE: “Don’t ever call it a car. It’s a Jeep. If you call it a car, a kitten dies.”

HE: “Create something that will last.”

HE: “Guess what! Everyone mentors you, even your enemies.”

HE: “If you’re going to have a testimony, let it be wild.”

HE: “If you want people to be changed by your talk, you have to relive it and feel it.”

Samuel: “He goes and builds the wall. Wow. That’s summarizing the heck out of it.”

HE: “Extra credit to whoever makes Darren cry!”

HE: “And then you start to sound like a turkey.”

Christian (guest): “Give me something good.”

HE: “Well, it’s the word of God, so…..”

Ryan: “I pray that you let your A-ness shine through.”

Santesa: “That’s not gonna work.”

HE: “I’ve never heard anyone ruin a prayer before.”

HE: “If Florence gets them all, you are not a royal priesthood!”

HE: “You don’t have to spell it right to be it.”

HE: “Trash talk IS Ryan’s love language.”                               

Samuel: “I write humble the best.”
HE: “You might have to fight Ryan for that.”

Samuel: “Planet shakers!”

HE: “Surely that’s in the Bible somewhere.”

HE: “You know who was the first farmer?”

Ryan: “Adam!”

HE: “THE LORD!”

HE: “But I have the amplified, so it amplifies.”

HE: “If you are going to judge others, you are taking away your opportunity to help them.”

HE: “Transition brings out the best and worst in you.”

HE: “The spiritual realm is stolen so much more because the enemy comes to steal it.”

HE: “If you’re on a slippery slope, you’re going to slip.”

HE: “Every day you have a conversation with the enemy, you are eating of the fruit.”

HE: “I don’t sound like Hunter, but I pray I sound like Whitney Houston. When Whitney Houston passed, I prayed for her anointing.”

Samuel: “Then we walk in, this rowdy bunch, being all,  you know, normal.”

HE: “They have the spirit of God, but they don’t trust it.” MOST CONVICTING THING EVER!

Samuel: “He’s replacing your fear with fierce love.”

Steph: “Your sweetness is a strength.”

HE: “Why am I eating barn in a blanket?!”

Samuel: “I’m lost. Is there a type L for lost?”

Samuel: (Chews gum into microphone) “How awesome does that sound?”

Steph: “Sounds like you’re going to get punched.”

Samuel: “Punched?! What type is that?”

HE: (laughing) “She’s so much smaller than you and she’s going to punch you!”

Prayer: Adoration and proclamation

Ben Woodward (BW): “War doesn’t wait for you to be ready.”

BW: “We are sons and daughters of the living God and the only time the enemy has authority over us is when we give it to him.”

BW: “If I said, ‘Can God provide finances in a time of need?”

Class: “Yes.”

BW: “But if I said, ‘Can God do it for you in your circumstance right now?”

Class: “Yes.”

BW: “Right. We’ll you’re all a bunch of charismatics.”

BW: “Unbelief is not a petty issue. It is a rampant disease. It’s out of control in the body of Christ and that has to change.”

BW: “The ability to work with God comes from us.”

BW: “The enemy knows if you believe the lie, you’ll perpetuate the sin on your own.”

Jill Koppang: “I’m going to write on the board because I’m a teacher and I know how to do that.”

Jill Koppang: “We should be praying things that are the passion of our heart.”

BW: “Adoration prayer allows us to see with different perspective.”

BW: “God is not after half-hearted lovers.”

BW: “Every slight misstep is an opportunity to discover God.”

BW: “God’s not going to rescue you out of the situation. He’ll empower you to endure it.”

BW: “I think, sometimes, we as a human race, that’s kinda how we operate with the Lord, is where we’re jamming our head into the armhole of our shirt.”

BW: “We strive to show our self-worth through our independence.”

BW: “Let’s be real. I’m a glorified karaoke singer.”

BW: “When you sow, you don’t reap one to one. You reap 100 to one. That’s the point.”

BW: “What you stare into is what you become like.”

BW: “A bi-product is, when we understand Him, we understand ourselves.”

BW: “God doesn’t answer prayer. He answers people.”

Who We Are In Christ

Pastor Eric Thomason (PET): “What God does in the spiritual realm dictates what happens in the natural realm.”

PET: “If you’re an over thinker, you’ll over shoot the simplicity of God.”

PET: “With God, the journey is everything.”

PET: “No matter how much you know about God, it’s not the same as knowing God.”

PET: “When you make God more comfortable, you automatically get more comfortable.”

PET: “You wanna know what true arrogance is? It’s you giving yourself the right to say who you are against what God has said.”

Santesa: “Standing behind [your weakness], you become weakened behind it.”

PET: “Whatever dominates our minds will eventually come out.”

PET: “It’s the church’s authority to say what will happen on this earth.”

BW: “The most painful lesson we can learn is God is not in a hurry.”

End Times Perspectives

Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL): “He’s the guy who talked about escalators and they always say, ‘sorry, temporarily out of order’ when they  should say, ‘sorry, temporarily stairs’ like they’re never really our of order.”

Esther: “Oh, I was thinking elevator not escalator.”

(PAL almost spews water.)

Caila: “Can you say that again then?”

(Pastor Aaron doubles over trying not to choke on water.)

PAL: “I really almost choked on my water.”

PAL: “The sad thing is, Steph’s going to watch this later. She’ll be able to rewind and really quote it.”

Esther: “You’ll just have to cut it and she won’t be able to.”

PAL: “This video gets found on whatever is left of the internet a millennium from now. They’ve got to figure out what a butt dial is. Is it a button you push with your butt? And why is it so funny for people?”

Erica: “If you’re not careful, someone will actually make a button you dial with your butt.”

Caila: “I ate ALL the animals!”

PAL: “Why is that funny?”

Dylan: “I pictured him riding a hippo.”

PAL: “I thought you were going to say something about hungry hungry hippos.”

PAL: “You should’ve heard of Packer.”

Erica: “Not unless it was the Green Bay Packers.”

PAL: “Christianity without churchianity decapitates Jesus from His body.”

PAL: “If you’re not letting the Bible shape your view, the world is shaping it.”

PAL: “Guess what. I’m not watching my horoscope for when Jesus will return!”

PAL: “I’m playing dev… not devil’s advocate. I’m playing angel’s advocate.”

PAL: “God works through process.”

PAL: “To a certain degree, God wants it to affect your faith. That’s why it’s a trial of your faith.”

PAL: “My goal in here isn’t to answer every question; it’s to create more.”

PAL: “Humor is so much fun.”
Isaac: “By definition.”

PAL: “Sometimes it doesn’t translate between cultures.”
Luke: “Or IQs.”

Caila: “Huh?”

PAL: “You may be completely right, but you need to value relationship over your right-ness.”

PAL: “Rapture jokes are fun. Sometimes I get caught up in them.”
Isaac: “Sometimes they go over my head.”

Kaitlynn: “Was that a joke?”

(talking about 1 Corinthians 13:8)

PAL: “But go down a little and knowledge wouldn’t be for today, which is why it’s so hard to argue with them! It’s the same sentence! Mic drop!”

PAL: “He’s not saying God owns the cattle on a literal thousand hills. The rest are the devil’s.”

PAL: “A stay-at-home mom has a greater ability to raise disciples than a man in the workplace, and guess what, she’s given all authority.”

PAL: “What if out first response is to walk in ALL AUTHORITY?”

PAL: “There are more churches in America than McDonald’s”

Kaitlynn: “Woah!”
PAL: “America might have more denominations than McDonald’s. There are technically more Subways than McDonald’s, but that’s a whole different story.”

Luke: “We could turn all the Walmart’s into churches. Intercom.”

PAL: “Because that’s great sound quality.”

PAL: “The only time the enemy has power is when we believe the lie.”

PAL: “You view is an interpretive process. My view is an interpretive process. The Mormons are just on crack.”

Esther: “So, you’re walking with a friend and all of the sudden, you walk through a wall and they don’t?”

Thora: “I wasn’t a Southern Baptist. I was a first, regular Baptist.”

PAL: “Welcome to the 90’s, which is just the leftovers of the 80’s.”

PAL: “Sin is not God’s kryptonite.”

Erica: “It’s a prepositional phrase. It starts with ‘to.’ Homeschooled.”

Caila: “Hashtag.”

PAL: “You have a defeated foe and everything he is whispering, he is whispering through a jail cell.”

Luke (praying over the test the whole class forgot about): “Let us reap what we did not sow.”

PAL: “What happens if there is a third world war?”
Luke: Well, back to the rapture idea.”

PAL: “Bert and Ernie don’t count.”
Luke: “But the Count counts.”

PAL: *laughs like the Count*

Caila: “Is Gentry the good guy or bad guy in the book?”

PAL: “The point of being rescued is to rescue someone else.”

PAL: “Did anyone name any more post millennialists?”

Luke: “Jesus, Paul and John.”

Esther: “What about Winston Churchill and General George Patton? They were literally the only two people I could think of.”

PAL: “Why do you think the term ‘millennium’ is confusing to people?”

Esther: “It sounds like a spaceship.”

PAL: “With running jokes, you need a ‘too far’ police.”

Hunter: “Rose will volunteer.”

Rose: “I volunteer! Just always stop.”

Isaac: “I don’t feel like he made any concrete arguments.”

PAL: “So, you prefer cement arguments?”

Erica: “That’s why they don’t fit as pre mil is because they don’t fit.”

PAL: “I’m going to go ahead and accuse you of circular reasoning.”

Kaitlynn: “The taste [of prunes] isn’t bad, they just make me think of old people.”

PAL: “This is the problem with calling another view dumb; someone was smart enough to write something about it that is above you.”

PAL: “Most people live in an addition/subtraction model, but God wants us to live in a multiplication model and that’s where it becomes exponential.”

PAL: “Do you always have to have a carrot dangled in front of you to do the right thing?”
Kaitlynn (quietly): “But I don’t like carrots.”

PAL: “Is that why you don’t like me?”

Kaitlynn: “That’s not true!”

PAL: “Ignorant people cannot accuse a joke of being bad.”

Caila: “Ironsides… That’s the transformer, right?”

PAL: “What’s the most significant difference between post mil and pre mil views?”

Dylan: “Common sense.”
Erica: “He really wrote that down!” [on the test

PAL: “When you don’t have a value for something, you don’t see it.”

PAL: “Scripture drop.”

PAL: “Lord, thank you for the joy in this class. Thank you that we can laugh and joke at other people’s expense, including my own sometimes.”