Final Round of Full-Time: Summer 2017 Quotes From The Goobers At World Revival School of Ministry

My three years as a full-time student are over. One of these days, I might get around to writing the post that's been stewing for more than a month now... but that day is not today.

Instead, I give you the quotes of Summer 2017.


Kingdom Economics with Luke Ingala (LI)

LI: "Force yourself to sow."

LI: "Money is just a vehicle. You don't worship your car."

LI: "The stuff... I could look it up, but we'll just call it stuff for now."

LI: "Any old dead fish can go floating down the stream. It doesn't take a rocket scientist."

LI: "If I gave you a Ferrari..."
Hunter F.: "Oh, thank you Jesus!"
LI: "If you don't use it..."
Hunter F.: "What am I doing with my life?!"

LI: "We're either part of the world's economy or we're part of God's economy."

LI: "I didn't know how many clean people are in here. I like it."

LI: "People who have a lot, they're either going to be selfless or miserable."

LI: "You can't drive on three tires."
Erica: "Unless you have a tricycle."
LI: "Okay, you CAN drive on three tires."

LI: "The only reason things aren't happening is because you aren't doing them."

LI: "'The silver is mine and the gold is mine declares the Lord Almighty' so what does that mean?"
Caila: "It's ours too."
LI: "Booyaaaaaaaa!"

LI: "What's a cultural statement... Gucci!"
Caila: "That's a Sam statement."

Darren Thompson (DT): "I'm kinda an old fossil in that regard."

DT: "You were like a gold zillionaire."

DT: "In James, it says to be slow to......"
(pause) Class: "Speeeeeak?"
DT: "Good job. You even gave me a visual!"

DT: "Some people. they're like a little hobbit running out of the door to go an adventure."

DT: "I ain't gotta be slow about going to Taco Bell cuz I'm hungry and wanted a taco."

DT: "Does anyone think around here?"

DT: "If I have to explain jokes, they're not funny, so work with me here!"

DT: "Sam, do you know what a consumer loan is?
Sam: "Yeah"
DT: "What is it?"
Sam: "A loan to buy things."
DT: "What kind of things?"
Sam: "Material things."
DT: "What kind of material things?"
Sam: "I don't know."
DT: "Well, Sam, you just lied."

DT: "Guess what happened? I don't know cuz I forgot where I'm going!"

DT: "Imma start giving answers cuz y'all ain't guessin' right."

DT: "Lord, thank you for wisdom and scaring these kids."

LI: "It's going to always be harder to start, but if you don't start, you're never going to finish."

LI: "If it's something you want to do and you never do anything about it, it's called a wish."

LI: "Give me some of you all's dreams."
Sam: "I had a weird one last night."

LI: "P-h-i-l-a-m-p..." (trying to write philanthropist on the board)
Ryan: "This is tearing you up back there, isn't it."
Stephanie: "I'm dying."

Hunter F.: "Except squirrels. They don't listen very well."


How to Preach with J.D. King (JDK)

JDK: "...understanding of preaching through intense studying... well, maybe moderate studying. I know you guys too well."

JDK: "So, JD, you're saying you're a teacher who is antagonistic towards teaching? Yeah, pretty much."

JDK: "Emojis are like the return of stained glass windows."

JDK: "You can't fall in love with forms that aren't biblical and ones that aren't working."

JDK: "Nobody has any thoughts? That's cool."

JDK: "Your ministry is not your relationship with God."

JDK: "People say 'I wanna become a great preacher.' Well, become a great person."

JDK: "You're called to be a human being before a human doing."

JDK: "Am I making sense?
Class: (laughter)

JDK: "If you're a person of love and life and integrity, you're going to rise to the top."

JDK: "To move forward, you have to work on filling the holes."

Sam: "That ringtone!"
JDK: "You like my Indiana Jones ringtone? I'm on an adventure! I may be old, but I'm ready to change the world!"

JDK: "Starbucks' got this nice little thing called a front door."

JDK: "If you live like a rat, you shut off the favor."

JDK: "We're not actually striving for love; we're contending from love."

Sam: "We should put pants ON people. That would be impressive bullying."

Sam: "Every time I hear 'logos', I think of Doritos logos tacos from Taco Bell."
Erica: "It's locos!"

JDK on Doritos as a fire starter: "If it burns that good, you probably shouldn't eat it."

Sam: "Homily. Oh, not home-ly. I was trying to figure that out."
JDK: "Have you read your book at all, Sam?"

JDK: "True."
Sam: "Solid guess!"
JDK: "I've got to get you reading the book."
Sam: "I read through chapter two."
Erica: "It was in chapter one."
Sam: "I didn't say I retained it!"

JDK: "You will reproduce what's in front of your eyes."

(fire alarm goes off)
Sam: "I'd rather burn than get wet. Where's Steph? Come on, that was funny!"
Stephanie: "I'm going...."

JDK: "If you don't get inspired, you probably weren't called to preach."

Sam: "Can you clearly define topical? I don't want to accidentally break the law. You'll put me in spiritual jail."

JDK: "If it's a mist at the pulpit, it's a fog in the crowd."

JDK: "If the preacher needs a list, the congregation won't remember. Don't preach grocery lists."

JDK: "Prophets don't shape what they say. Preachers do."

JDK: "Which one is more pleasing to the eye? The one with straight lines."
(class gives several reasons for liking the funky shaped building better."
JDK: "I'm talking to millennials. That's the problem."

JDK: "I'd rather there be a lot less ideas in church and more encounter."

Caila: "Me, we, they, we, you."
PAL: "Say that faster."
Caila: "Mewetheyweyou! Mewetheymeyou!"

Hunter F. on room being hot: "I'm going to have to strip buck naked now."
Erica: "We're not that kind of church!"

(Sam makes weird noise while class thinks)
Hunter F.: "Hey, Elmo! Why don't you shut up?"

Sam: "I'm going to go out on a limb."
JDK: "That means it's either great or awful. Go ahead."

Sam: "How about we do three each day and one on the last day, then have a party."
JDK: "We have to have a final, Sam."
Sam: "I know. I'm just always looking for the party."

JDK: "Sam is more wired as a teacher."
Sam: "Whaaaaaaat?!"

Dylan: "30 thousand questions!"
JDK: "30 thousand questions? It's a final. Did you even go to real college?"

JDK: "I want people to like my sermon, Jesus!"

Esther: "They're very holy dogs now."


Warfare and Deliverance with Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL)

PAL: "This isn't BYOB.... Bring your own bucket... because there's gonna be some slime."

PAL: "This is a tough assignment."
Erica: "Mmmhmmm."
PAL: "Took the words right out of my mouth."

PAL: "This is a life requirement. Where I go, I drive out darkness. Where I go, demons aren't safe."

PAL: "My jokes are now getting rated on the same system as demonic activity."

Hunter F. on alternatives to wedding rings: "Give 'em a thimble!"
PAL: "That would be considered sexist. 'You're my woman, now get to sewing!' That's on tape forever now..."

PAL: "It's part of your inheritance to drive out demons."

PAL: "You should be able to stand strong on a Tuesday with no prayer warrior in sight for a couple days."

PAL: "Worst case scenario: Jesus is a giant sugar pill and we've all swallowed it."

PAL: "Being with God doesn't necessarily mean you're doing anything."

PAL: "Actually, I wouldn't mind being compared to Pastor Kathy, even if it's just for the temperature."

PAL: "Just for that lip, we're going down to 62 degrees!"

PAL on baseball fan excitement: "When people are excited about something, they let their feelings show... albeit, a few beers help."

PAL: "It's not arrogant to walk in your destiny. It's expected."

PAL: "Why don't you step out on a limb and get criticized for doing the right thing."

PAL about mic: "Are you picking me up?"
Dylan: "I'm picking up what you're laying down."
PAL: "On a cosmic level?"

PAL: "Cosmic evil is atmospheric evil, but it doesn't have to be your atmosphere."

PAL: "Speaker speak-es."

PAL: "I'm gonna go three more minutes because I haven't talked about your personal evil yet. *whispers and points around room* You're all evil."

Hunter F.: "It's like with vampires; you have to let them in."
PAL: "What's that have to do with anything?"
Esther: "Like vampires, you have to invite the darkness in."

Dylan: "I miss Rose. She's supposed to regulate this."

PAL: "You guys are quiet this morning. I wanted some discussion."
Esther: "Pick a different day."

Lee: "I have possession of this book but I'm not on the inside of it."

PAL while drawing on the board: "God delegated authority to... stick people!"

(PAL explains theory of bless you/ demons leaving during sneeze)
Esther: "So I held the demon in?"
PAL: "You're not blessed."

PAL: "Satan pays for worship. God doesn't pay."

PAL: "It's easy to think you're running fast when you're in the stampede, but you could just be carried along."
Hunter F: "He just called us cows."
Esther: "Or buffalo."
PAL: "I prefer wildebeests."

PAL: "You don't get to take a vacation from the Kingdom of God or you're going to end up taken over."

PAL: "...access to food and wifi, because that's the basic human needs."

PAL: "Guys, you're going to be driving and there will be a billboard with some chick that you're going to take in full on."
*Hunter F. covers eyes*
PAL: "You're driving, so please don't close your eyes."
Hunter F.: "Jesus, take the wheel!"

PAL: "It's time to not be eloquent."

PAL: "Can you turn [the air conditioner] down just one."
Hunter F.: "Before we all burn in hell!"

PAL: "If a lion comes into the room, feel free to run. Or, at least one of you throw yourself as bait so the rest of us can get free."

PAL: "As a Christian, you have boundaries set up that the enemy cannot cross."

PAL: "My marker's drying up. See, the boundary is faded and we have to protect it. (Grabs bright red marker to fix line) The blood of Jesus sets the boundary!"

PAL: "You have a boundary that extends pretty far, but you're convinced you only have to defend one square foot."

PAL: "Stop feeling like an entry level Christian with an entry level job. You're management. Better yet, you're ownership."

PAL: "Just because it's out of your control doesn't mean you are powerless."

Lee: "I'm wearing shorts in my heart."

Lee: "She's the only one who knows cursive."
Esther, Erica and Stephanie: "That's not true!"
Caila: "Wow. Defensive."
PAL: "You forget there are homeschoolers in here."

PAL: "When tall guys fall, our head goes a long way."

Esther on first impressions: "Everyone thought I was mean."
Caila: "You are a little assertive..."

PAL: "It's like a sandwich vitamin."

Lee: "He goes barefoot?"
Esther: "He doesn't wear his boots to bed!"


Kingdom of God with Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL)

Josiah: "Chewbacca is going to be in my video!"

PAL: "Lift your hands... pace if you want to. Just don't bring Chewbacca."

Josiah: "How can people think that? I mean, it's still clearly bread."

PAL: "The kingdom has to grow and advance to be the kingdom."

PAL: "We seem perfectly happy keeping Him as the door and standing in the doorway."

PAL: "The kingdom of God is within you."

PAL: "If the kingdom is here, you have a lot of experiences to have."

Josiah; "I have two revelations."
PAL: "There's only one book of Revelation."

PAL: "What does apocalyptic mean?
Emily: "I'm guessing it doesn't have to do with zombies."

PAL: "Why do you think separation of church came about?"
Emily: "Because we're idiots, first off..."

PAL: "Kingdom authority happens through speech."

PAL: "If you're online, when I was muted, I was not drawing a pair of sunglasses.  I want to re-frame your thinking."
(class giggles)
Emily: "You said re-frame!"
PAL: "I'm really punny. I don't know what you want me to do about it."

PAL: "We give too much credit to the devil. The devil doesn't care. He just wants to keep the rebellion going."

PAL: "The devil is always and only going to be defeated through us."

PAL: "If you have no pride, you have no problem walking up and praying for people."

PAL: "God made himself vulnerable to you. You have the ability to hurt God."

Rachel: "It's so sad, it's funny again."

PAL: "You almost said when you grew up."
Emily: "I did."
PAL: "Two years ago..."

PAL: "God's doing things in your life but you don't see it because your focus is off."

PAL: "Being authentic is being who God says you are."

PAL: "If I die, don't pray to resurrect me. I'm happy I'm there."

PAL: "It reiterates what happened in generous..."

PAL: "You think of... I lost my train of thought. You think of... just think."

Emily on laws in Leviticus: "...not supposed to use electricity..."
PAL: "That last one isn't in there."

PAL: "The blueprint of the cosmos is love."

PAL: "Kingdom culture supersedes man's culture every time."

Josiah: "I have a question. If this is way off topic, you can skip it."

Class: "False."
PAL: "But what is it?"
Emily: "That's not on the quiz. Move on, Pastor Aaron!"

PAL: "You don't deserve it. You're all rotten! I just really wanted to say that!"

PAL: "God is not in love with the future version of you."

PAL: "False why?"
Rachel: "Do you even poetry, y'all?"

PAL: "It's nice to know the voices in your head when they come out."

PAL: "If you're a ruler, what does that mean? 12 inches long?"

PAL: "I don't know how we would draw God, so I'm just going to make it a circle."

(Emily asks about life on other planets)
PAL: "All that's fun to think about, but for now, let's get back to earth."

PAL: "Did God really say, 'don't eat the Snickers, Lage'?"
Rachel: "Does God talk to you using your last name?"
PAL: "You know how coaches usually use last names? Sometimes I feel like God is my inner coach."

Emily: "This feels like a breakup song."

PAL: "In a pool, I will displace more water than you [Emily]. We are not equal!"

PAL: "Faith is exerted through love."

Emily: "Or [Abigail] could just miss it and end up 5'1" or 5'2" like me."
PAL: "She's already almost that tall."

PAL: "You do not yet know what you are capable of doing."

PAL: "What if the first thing we went to was faith."

Josiah: "Assume your religious positions."

PAL: "Don't use your prayer language to curse people out."

Emily: "...through maybe sacrifices..."
PAL: "Through BABY sacrifices?!"
Emily: "No! Maybe sacrifices! You should know me better than that, Pastor Aaron!"

PAL: "Women don't have a lesser role of authority."

PAL: "The two become one. You guys know how that works... the whole stork thing... and you multiply!"

JDK: "It's a very important doctrinal idea I's like to think I rooted in you a year ago, but apparently...."

JDK: "JUDAH WAS  SCOUNDREL! AND TAMAR IS A BIBLICAL FEMINIST HERO!"

Johnny: "Scandalous."
JDK: "Did you know that stuff was in here [the Bible]?"
Emily: "Whenever I was reading, I would always skip over it because I didn't want to think about it."
JDK: "You homeschooler!"

JDK: "All of you need to break out of your literal homeschool mindset."
Sarah: "I wasn't homeschooled."
JDK: "Good. You were pagan like me!"

JDK: "Boaz is the man!"

JDK at the beginning of class: "You guys are behind on the material."
(Later in class, Emily asks a question.)
JDK: "No wonder you guys are so behind!"

JDK: "You know Song of Solomon is a sex poem, right?"
Johnny: "We can't talk about that."
JDK: *Looks at camera* "You are right."

JDK: "That's a hunk right there. Not a hunk as in an attractive person. A hunk as in a chunk of text."
JoAnn: "Thank you for clarifying."
JDK: "I know you guys struggled with that one."

PAL: "We basically still worship baby Jesus in a manger. You can kiss on Him. He's cute. But don't get in our face with what? With kingdom authority."

PAL: "You don't know unless you do."

Jeffrey: "JD was talking about the pyramid thing."
PAL: "JD taught you a pyramid scheme?"

Emily: "Don't erase my writing!"
(JoAnn draws triangle)
Jeffrey: "Beautiful."
Emily: "Thank you!"
Jeffrey: "I wasn't talking about your writing."

PAL: "Jesus said to be child LIKE not childISH."

PAL: "He rescued you. He knows there's going to be darkness residue on you."

PAL: "This was a human role He came to fulfill. Why? To show us what it looks like to not be drowning."

PAL: "You need to become a sign and wonder."

PAL: "You had your hand raised a while back. Is it still relevant?"

PAL: "If it's not being demonstrated, it's not the gospel."

Emily: "I just really love this class. Also, I had coffee. That might be it."

PAL: "I wonder what I'd be like if I taught on coffee since I never drink it."
Josiah: "Oooh. I thought you meant teach ABOUT coffee."

Josiah: "Forget the final. Let's just talk about coffee."
PAL: "On what grounds?"
Class: "Ooooohhh...."
PAL: "I'm sorry."
JoAnn: "You don't have a filter."

PAL: "I'm pretty sure once I see one person raised from the dead, I'm going to be addicted."

PAL: "I don't know if angels are allowed to be on facebook."

PAL: "He's using the very people who were destroyed to destroy the destroyer. It's the ultimate defeat."

PAL: "Let him have ears to hear, and here's a hint, He's not talking about corn."
JoAnn: "Corn! Hahaha!"
Emily: "You would, JoAnn."
Johnny: "Wait, can you explain the joke?"
Emily: "And I thought I was the only blonde in the room."

PAL: "When you grow up in the light, you have to learn how to not take it for granted."

PAL: "The kingdom is costly, but the cost is worth it."

PAL: "Everyone is like this. Millennials might be more obvious about it... or post about it more."

PAL: "If you haven't given up anything for God, are you even His?"

PAL: "We're preaching get to heaven for free, but Jesus is saying lay down your life."

PAL mentions Facebook marketplace in story:
Emily: "I have one question. Sorry, I'm going to sidetrack you."
PAL: "On Facebook marketplace?!"

Emily: "It's so cold in here! What did you do when we left?"
PAL: "All the hot air left."
Emily: "That would be me..."

Caila: "JC in KC? What does that mean?"
Emily: "Jesus Christ! Do you not know the initials of your Messiah?!"

Emily: "Do you even kingdom?"

PAL: "What happens if your stranger asks questions?"
Johnny: "Throw a Bible at 'em!"

PAL: "Why is it when you started talking to that person, their eyes rolled backwards in their heads like a rolodex?"
Rachel: "How old are you?!"

-- I took the other two classes completely online. With my hectic schedule, I ended up listening to classes while doing other things and didn't take notes. Sorry. If any classmates wrote some down, send them to me and I'll add them in.--

Pastor Eric Thomason (PET): "We will cover 12 turning points. Well, you will. I won't."

(PET): "If you're in a Bible class, you should know what theology means!"

(PET): "Jesus didn't condemn, but He convicted the crud out of them."

Johnny: "What's your gifting?"
Pastor Jack Walter: "My gifting is pastor-teacher."
Johnny: "That makes sense now."


And on behalf of the 2017 World Revival School of Ministry graduates, I give you the class quote which was spoken AT LEAST once a day by someone...

"Oh man!"

WRSM Spring Quarter Quotes: Wednesday/Friday Edition

Biblical Prophesy with Pastor JD King (JDK)

JDK: "You like the pictures? I'm trying to work with millennials. I'm trying to get used to it."

JDK: "Somebody might have a prophetic pastoral leaning. I should probably get that."

JDK: "The School of Ministry is getting almost old enough to vote!"

JDK: "You guys are like Superboy and you're just finding out you have super powers."

JDK: "[Class ends at] 9:50, technically. I'm going to try to be more honorable about that. Wait, who's up after me?"
Class: "Pastor Aaron."
JDK: "Ohhh... yeahhh..."

JDK: "How can you judge something if you don't process it."

JDK: "What do you do if you get smut on your hands?"
Erica: "Wash it off. Why am I the only one answering this question?!"

JDK: "Not everything you know is for everyone else to know."

JDK: "God doesn't respond well to inaction."

JDK: "Sometimes, what you say can transform the whole world."

JDK: "Put on your tights! Put on your cape! It's a sign for me to go into battle and be a superhero! Put on your spidey suit, man!"

JDK: "The prophetic isn't the miracle of speaking; it's the miracle of hearing."

Samuel on anointing oil: "It smells like Jesus!"

Dylan: "I keep thinking of BBQ. God likes the smell of a burnt offering."

JDK: "Our job isn't to run from the dangerous. It's to tame the dangerous for God."

JDK: "Faith is a willingness to ask and respond."

JDK: "Christians should make the best art, not this crap we normally see. Oh, Lord, I'm getting quoted. I stand by the quote, but still."

JDK: "Your gifts can take you far beyond what your character can hold."

JDK: "You could probably get any spiritual gift you wanted if you contended for it."

JDK: "If what you're saying doesn't edify the church, you better shut your mouth."

JDK: "In our society, it's actually worse to be socially awkward than a thief. There's something really twisted about that."

JDK: "Mates, dates and babies are good topics to prophesy about."
Class (jokingly): "True!"
JDK: "The answer is obviously false."
Esther: "Unless you want to get punched."
Dylan: "Fruit punch."
Esther: "I'm not a violent person, but there is a line."

JDK: "All things should be tested, including you and I'm doing it now. I should put that at the top of every [quiz]: 'Test all things.'"
Samuel: "Oooh! I get it now."

JDK: "If you've got a problem with this, get saved!"

JDK: "I want you to pick your favorite Bible character."
Samuel: "Jesus, duh."
JDK: "Besides the Son of God..."
Rose: "Holy Spirit!"
Erica: "God!"
JDK: "Besides a deity..."
Dylan: "Balaam!"


Honor and Authority with Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL)

PAL: "Anyone want to volunteer to take attendance."
Erica: "I knew you were going to say that."
Hunter F.: "Prophetic."
Erica: "I'm going to put that in my prophetic journal."

PAL: "Honor is easy when you feel it, but honor is not a feeling."

PAL: "Honor is more about the person doing the honor than the person receiving the honor."

PAL: "You are worthy of honor because of who you are in Christ."

PAL: "To honor people, you have to see people for who they're becoming."

PAL: "A culture of honor isn't built on what you need; it's build on what you give."

PAL: "He was telling [girls walking by] that they were going to hell for wearing pants. Not shorts! Pants!"
Samuel: "I'd just take my pants off right then and there!"
(not sure): "Cash me ousside."
PAL: "Did you just say cash me outside? I don't think I can recover from this... So, honor..."
Caila: "Because that's NOT honorable."

PAL: "It's like you're arguing with a gorilla. GRRRRRRRRRRR! (while fake pounding on his chest.)"

PAL: "What did you think of the chapter?"
Samuel: "It was cool to hear their story."
PAL: "I can always count on you for a deep answer."

PAL: "Danny Silk is a stud."

PAL: "Honor is not a formula."

PAL: "You don't hear people say, 'I'm a manipulative, controlling person.'"
Esther: "Well, some people do and they are proud of it, but they generally aren't Christians."
PAL: "Or they're in politics."

PAL: "You have to make sure love rises higher than the tension."

PAL: "Praying for the right thing is always the right thing."

PAL: "Do we know that Gabriel has wings? We know cherubim and seraphim had certain kinds of wings."
Esther: "So, he flew like Superman."
PAL: "We're creating our own modern Greek mythology."

PAL: "God is not subject to your Nintendo!"

Caila: "I got grounded one day, just one."
PAL: "She's crying just thinking about it!"

Samuel: "I fell asleep a couple times in church and I didn't care. Like, I got spanked a couple times in service."
Ryan: "In service?"
Samuel: "Yeah, they'd take me out and spank me."
Ryan: "Holy Spirit and fire!"

PAL: "We've got God up in heaven like, 'hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.' It's the trinity!"

PAL: "Evil is you being less than the son or daughter you are called to be."

PAL: "You are not empowered to follow Christ through guilt. You are empowered to follow Christ through love."

PAL: "A culture of honor deems everybody worthy."

PAL: "You're going to receive mos of your blessings from other people."

PAL on food: "Technically, anything that fills me up, I'm going to think it's beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

PAL: "Humor, for me, is a tool. Sometimes to annoy people."

PAL: "Anything that causes you to act out of fear is a poverty mindset."

PAL: "You becoming powerful brings heaven to earth. You realizing you are powerful brings heaven to earth."

PAL: "If you can't accept a gift or be a receiver, you probably haven't switched over to a kingdom mentality."

PAL: "It's that 'living for a weekend' mentality, but not a World Revival Church weekend, because those are powerful."

PAL: "You, many times, are the answer to your own prayer."

PAL: "As we're going to go on to... (looks at clock and hisses) I HATE TIME!"

PAL: "You make fun of flannel-graph Jesus but there are people saved today because of it."
Samuel: "What's a flannel-graph?"
PAL: "You should know what a flannel-graph is."
Caila: "I don't know what it is either but I kept my mouth shut."

PAL: "Apparently [making a whip] was a skill Jesus had already acquired."
Esther: "He couldn't just Google it."

PAL: "One of the best ways to honor someone is to allow them to be free."

PAL: "A lot of the time, you don't know the difference between getting pruned and cut off, so you respond like you're cut off."

PAL: "God's given you authority and you're still running back and forth along a one foot tall fence."

PAL: "Loving yourself is loving Christ in you."

PAL: "Your identity is in the body, the group, and that prevents isolation."

PAL: "You can't simultaneously walk in unforgiveness and walk in the royalty God has given you."

PAL: "Don't let dead religion suffocate your desire for greatness."

PAL: "If you can go through the gauntlet with God, what can't you do in real life?"

PAL: "If an angel shows up, I wanna tackle it! Preset! Like Pastor Steve teaches! Preset! If an angels shows up, tackle it."

Dylan: "Greatness does not involve algebra."
PAL: "Solve for x. X always equals greatness."

Hunter F.: "Deep fried in pride."
PAL: "Somebody's from the south. We can deep fry everything."

PAL: "We don't honor people because they are honorable. We honor people because we are honorable."

PAL: "I'm part of a secret society called the truth tellers."
Esther: "If you're part of a secret society, why are you telling us?"
PAL: "Because I'm a truth teller."

PAL: "He's the King of Kings, not the King of paupers."

PAL: "That was the second greatest sneeze I've ever heard!"

PAL: "Maybe [Moses] did some Judo moves... or Egyptian moves... or maybe he did hieroglyphics in the air."

PAL: "Your sense of injustice has to reach a higher level than your concern with what other people think of you."

PAL: "You can still fulfill your calling in camel hair with locust breath."

Erica: "[David] is the millennial version of a king."

Samuel: "Jesus roadies."

PAL: "Stop waiting for permission. Or if anything, I've given you permission, so now you have it."

Samuel: "Did we just trade Lee for doughnuts?"

Ryan: "I'm French."
Dylan: "That explains why you're such a coward."
Class: "Oooh!"
Ryan: "I'll take it."
PAL: "He's got a white flag of surrender in his pocket."
Ryan: "Always prepared."


Arts Through Church History II with Pastor Eric Thomason (PET)

Josiah: "We are calling it ATCH now."
Stephanie: "ATCH-TWOOO."
Josiah: "That's perfect."

PET: "What does monophonic mean?"
JoAnn: "One... phonic."

Sarah: "How do you spell that?
PET: "Francis?
Sarah: "No, Assisi. Nevermind." (writes 'A.C.C.' on board.)

Josiah: "As bad as these guys were, we have to remember there was good, too. Otherwise we'd still be Catholic."

PET: "If you didn't conform to the Church of England, where did you go?"
Sarah: "To JAIL!"

PET: "Maybe she's in the bathroom. I shouldn't have said that."
Hunter F.: "I can edit that out."
PET: "You can? Well, let's talk all about it!"

PET: "Just because they are shallow doesn't mean I have to give them a shallow song."

PET: "Where did Martin Luther get is church background?"
Emily: "Lutherans."

PET: "All of you in this room should be able to say 'prophetically speaks' before your name. Everyone in here can hear the heart of God and speak it."

PET: "That's how you really minister to people is when you've had pain of your own."

Josiah: "Everybody needs to buy a yo-yo."
PET: "I don't need to. They're already sitting in front of me."

PET: "Class is leaning to the right today."
Sarah: "Don't call us heavy!"

JoAnn: "Praise is like 'hallelujah!" and worships is like 'ahhh.'"

PET: "We don't want to scare people. That's God's job."

PET: "Some of it's pretty groovy. That's a 70's word."

PET: "Don't lose the rawness of worship."

Emily: "Can I agree but kinda disagree with you?"
PET: "There is no disagree."

PET: "God is not after pretty. He already knows what pretty sounds like. He's perfect. He's looking for rawness of spirit."

Josiah: "There was one service, we didn't sound so good for the first couple songs."
PET: "I know. I was there."

(JoAnn's hand keeps going higher.)
Emily: "Are you stretching?"
JoAnn: "Some of us don't like to project our opinions everywhere!"

PET: "I love that line that says, 'no one dared ask Him anymore questions' and I'm like, you are an awesome Savior."

PET: "You guys don't know how easy you have it." (about 100 times.)
Emily: "Lemme guess, we don't know how easy we have it."
PET: "Didn't I just say that? You should write that down."

PET: "Don't ever ever ever let a religious person talk you out of what you feel you're supposed to do for God."

PET: "Finding God in worship has zero to do with music."

PET: "There's probably one you want to do, but someone else is going to pick it."
Josiah: "So, you want us to be disappointed?"
PET: "Yeah!"

PET: "The weightiness of God is what changes your life."

PET: "Many times, the maintainers of the move of God are more important than the starters."

PET: "Pentecostals are all in and wacky as heck."

PET: "He woulda hater all of you. He hated Brownsville. He hated Toronto."
Emily: "Well, that's unfortunate because I'm pretty nice."

Hunter F.: "That's gonna be my fruity hand."

JoAnn: "Every time we say that, I picture a little lamb sitting on a biiiig chair."

PET: "John Wilkes Booth wrote that. Wait! No! William Booth. Wrong Booth."

PET: "If I took the little guitar off little tight pants, he wouldn't know what to do."

Sarah: "No one wants to touch your sweaty elbows!"

PET: "When you know it's God, you can't listen to the critics."

PET: "Josiah, can you pray for us since you just put a Pop Tart in your mouth?"
Josiah: "Yep. First of all, thank you Jesus for Pop Tarts. I love 'em."

A Weird Winter at World Revival School of Ministry: Part Two

As promised, here is part two of the Winter '16-'17 quote chronicle. This includes the Wednesday/Friday classes and both worship classes for the quarter. Some interesting stuff awaits.


Five-fold Ministry - Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL)

Pastor JD King (JDK): "In heaven, there will be no florescent lights. I know."

JDK: "You need to be ok with what God made you to be like with your giftings."

JDK: "When you know there's going to be a war or a battle, it's better to do it sooner on your terms rather than later."

JDK: "I'm doing my rabbit trail, but just a little longer and then we'll shoot it."

JDK: "It's very hard to apostle from the pulpit."

PAL: "The way that you keep unity is by constantly trying to glorify Jesus."

PAL: "How do you convince someone about apostles."
Caila: "Heal their body."
PAL: "Well, they really need their mind healed."

PAL: "If that's the only qualifier, I'm going to write homework to you guys like, 'I, Aaron, called to be an apostle of Jesus Christ.'"

Esther: "I know my horse facts!"
PAL: "But apparently, you don't know your Bible facts."

PAL: (on getting knocked off a donkey) "Can you imagine how that would be written in King James?"
class: "Knocked off his... ahhhhh...."
Dylan: "Still accurate."
Stephanie: "Knocked off one and onto the other."
PAL to Caila: "I'm still waiting for you to get it."
Caila (deadpan): "I think I already have."

PAL: "When it comes to apostleship, the future of the church is at stake."

PAL: "We say the prophetic is a gift, but whose is it? Is it God's or yours?"

PAL: "When you use the prophetic gift, other's should want it."

PAL: "Does anybody know who Isachar is?"
Erica: "I did last night but now I don't."
Dorice: "I'm glad you said that because I thought I was just being old."

PAL: "Maybe instead of worrying about the dangerous, we need more of it."

PAL: "Christians are like, 'life, liberty and the pursuit of JOY!'"

PAL: "We spent a whole hour talking about the prophetic, so you darn well better be open to the prophetic."

Caila: "Where's Mr. Hunter?"
Samuel: "He's your hubby. Shouldn't we ask you?"

PAL: "How do you sort that out?"
Esther shrugs
PAL: "That's your level of discernment? *Shrugs*"

PAL: "Openness without naivety. Discernment without judgement."

PAL: "If you frame every prophesy through your current situation, you're probably going to miss God."

Caila: "I feel like people are like, 'What's your gift? What's your gift? What's your gift?' but really, it's what are you hungry for?"

PAL: "That's absurd. When was the last time you were around a donkey anyways?"
Erica: "Mexico."
PAL: "That's a burro."

PAL: "You're open to a donkey saying it, but if a valley girl starts talking, good luck."

PAL: "Father, I have sinned. I only prophesy in Elizabethan."

PAL: "Don't hesitate. You may never know the reason why the Holy Spirit will bring things to your remembrance."

PAL: "Don't worry about a catcher. The ground's not that hard."

Caila: "Stephanie! You need to open your mouth more often! Golly gee!"

PAL: "A plus B equals C. C stands for Christian."

PAL: "I'm not sure I'd describe anyone in America as mature right now."

PAL: "We end up downplaying our gift so much, we're ineffective."

PAL: "You cannot life for Jesus as a cynic."

PAL: "I could take your phone and open your Bible app and see the last time you opened it and how long you spent in it. I can also look at the last time you opened Facebook and how long you spent on that. That's convicting!"

PAL: "You are prepared and ready. Make up your mind that you're prepared."

PAL: "Compassion has more than one face."

Caila: "I need to leave the United States. (pause) I need to be more cultured."
PAL: "The way you said that was not how you meant it. I was like, 'is she volunteering to be deported?'"

PAL: "That was such a weird analogy."
Caila: "But I got it! I really got it!"


How To Minister In Healing with JD King (JDK)

Hunter F.: "I thought it was donuts."
Rose: "Aside from where it says 'Office Depot' on the box."

Hunter F.: "I feel smarter already."
JDK: "The goal of a praxis class isn't necessary to be smarter."

JDK: "If you're taking notes only because I'm going to look at them, then really, I've failed."

JDK: "A client is seldom the reason a healing doesn't happen."

JDK: "Just so you guys know, even though we're supposed to be off the subject."

JDK: "Healing tends to flow out of your connection with God."

JDK: "Don't get me wrong. People need to stop being rats."

JDK: "You need to start being yourself. It's better than you think."

JDK: "Sometimes the hard work isn't for the outcome; it's for your character."

Samuel: "The glory!"
JDK: "I know you're mocking me, but I'll take it."
Samuel: "No! It's my favorite!"

JDK: "You should try to get seven hours of sleep at night."
(half of class looks at Stephanie)
Erica: "Nice try, Steph."

Erica: "I don't like Star Wars."
JDK: "You don't like Star Wars? Stop cussing!"
Erica: "I'm a Trekkie."
JDK: "Maybe that's the fifth symptom: emotional, biological, and being a Trekkie."

JDK on quizzes: "Are you going to lay in bed all Christmas break wondering how you did? You might not be Lydia Campbell  but there are people like that."

JDK: "I thought that was Aaron standing up there."
Samuel: "Aww! That's a compliment! That guy's a hunk!"

Samuel: "I've never prayed for the color of poop before."

Samuel: "A lot of people like their problems because it allows them to self-indulge."

JDK: "God uses the people who make you uncomfortable to bring you what you need."

JDK: "Healing is the gospel."

JDK: "Prayer directed toward the problem is more successful prayer."

Dylan: "You put 'anointing with oil' twice."
JDK: "Wow. You've got the gift in correction, grammar or otherwise, is not a way healing flows."

JDK: "Actions are more important when there is less overriding anointing."

JDK: "He's making fun of Bono from U2, who is one of my personal heroes."
Samuel: "I'm sorry."
JDK: "Why would you say that?
Samuel: "Out of all the people in the world?"
(JDK lists facts about Bono)
Samuel: "I guess I don't really know him that well."
JDK: "There we go!"

JDK: "Dylan, if you're going to laugh, I get to laugh with you. That's the rule."
Dylan: "He said 'not like this' and I said 'definitely not like this.'"
(JD's face goes blank, returns to teaching, and ignores the class' laughter.)

JDK: "I don't know much Spanish. Taco... Burrito... Those words I know."
Caila: "Are taco and burrito Spanish?"

JDK: "Pour yourself into something, someone, every once in a while."

JDK: "If God gets all the glory, you get none of the blame."

JDK: "Somebody pray for Hunter. Let's go."
Hunter F.: "What's wrong with me?!"


Arts Through Church History I withe Pastor Eric Thomason (PET)
Note: This was a history class, so there weren't many spiritual quotes. However, there are plenty of dumb ones, so enjoy.

PET: "We need to get [Emily] in here. She's going to come in here all bubbly and want to say something and I'll be in the middle of a message."

PET: "If someone sang like this, I would say, 'Jesus, forgive me. I'm about to sin.'"

Emily: "I feel like I'm going to suck now that you've explained it."
PET: "You will but it's ok. (class laughs) Let's just call it like it is, guys."

Emily: "You make it sound pretty. When I did it, I sounded like a dying cow."
PET: "What's funny is, you kept saying 'dum dum dum' and it's like, yeahhhh..."

Sarah: "Darn those Greeks!"

PET: "Do I need to spell Renaissance for you?"
Emily: "No. I know how to spell that."
PET: "I'm just saying, sometimes I have to spell six-letter words for you."

PET: "You don't have to be a purist like me."
Sarah: "I'm not!"

PET: "The people you're going to have to fight are the believers."

PET: "Praise and worship is not a prequel to the word."

PET: "If I draw it, it will look like a deformed elephant."

Sarah: "Do Presbyterians believe that?"
PET: "mmmhmmm."
Sarah: "Do they know they believe that?"

Emily: "I need to have a talk with this guy [John Calvin]"
PET: "Well, good luck because he's pretty well dust by now."

Sarah: 'It's people like that who say you can't swing on the swing set anymore."
PET: "And for the random thought, you can just keep drinking your coffee."
Sarah: "I'm just having fun here."
Emily: "I like this Sarah!"

Emily on Martin Luther: "He thought he was the stuff."
PET: "You would too if you got to wear a cool hat like that!"

Sarah (out of the blue): "Can a nun be a surrogate mother?"

PET: "You can prophesy on the drums. You can speak the heart of God by beating something."

PET: "God responds to a true heart of worship."

Hunter F.: "I thought it said making of bacon but it says making of deacons."
Josiah: "I wanna go to that church!"

PET: "Every revival has its own soundtrack."

PET during songwriting: "How about blow instead of fall because winds don't fall."
Emily: "Rains do."
PET: "And people."

PET: "Who wants to come up with a melody."
Emily: "Oh! Oh! Me! Oh!"
PET: "Is that your melody? 'Oh oh me oh?'"

Emily: "Ohhh! So it's obo, not hobo!"

PET: "You get a great cello player in worship, God will come and sit on the front row."

PET on sneezing: "Just do it, man. Blow your glasses off."

PET: "We can't let other people who are stick in the muds dictate who we are in Christ."

JoAnn: "I just have instrumental turrets."


David's Tabernacle with Pastor Kathy Gray (PKG) and Heather Eschenbaum (HE)

HE: "[Pinterest] is the most covetous website I've ever seen! I want that and I want that, but I'm not going to do anything about it."

PKG: "There can be spiritual death and you might not even know it."

PKG: "Don't ever name your kid Annanis! Or Sapphira! Go with something simple, like Kathy or Steve."

PKG: "Guard the ark. Guard His presence by guarding your heart."

Emily: "I didn't want to scream at you. I was like, she might smite me."
HE: "So, you threw your friend under the bus."

HE: "Prophesy means nothing because most people forfeit their anointing. Prophesy is just there to torment you later on what you didn't do."

PKG: "If you don't read the word, you can't be prophetic."

PKG: "You've gotta have the anointing of God to rule yourself."

HE: "You search for the caramel. Search, search, search. [A box of chocolates] is like dating! Search, search, search for the caramel. Get a coconut. Search, search, search."

HE: "I'll tell you about my experience of singing in church. Other stuff will probably come out. You know how I am."

PKG: "You lead by your life. You don't lead by holding a microphone."

PKG: "There's plenty of consequences to being an idiot in God."

PKG: "The way to win is to give thanks unto the Lord."

HE: "If you want your songs to be better, work on your relationship."

HE: "If you believe in the Kingdom and aren't singing, you're being stolen from."

HE: "You need to think of singing as a gun."

HE: "When you have to push for the things of God, you change."

HE: "Why don't we [sing] now or else you wont hear anything else I teach."

HE: "A spirit-filled person is a singing person. Musical ability has little to do with it."

HE: "Take every weapon that's given to you and do something with it."

PKG: "Mercy is God's love in action."

PKG: "When you're appointed, you're anointed."

PKG: "Fasten your spiritual seat belts!"

PKG: "I could never be an Uber driver. I couldn't handle the app. Why does it need an app?!"

PKG: "If you want words to say to God, you have to have His word in you."

HE: "Don't expect to reap things you won't participate in."

HE: "You need to faceplant yourself into the Word of God."

HE: "We think we are Mr. T in the Spirit, but no! We are Fat Albert!"

HE: "No, you worship with your hands and I'd like to take them away. You're waving them around like you're landing planes!"

PKG: "When you're in the presence of the Lord, that's when you're most creative."

Hunter F.: "It smells like chili in here."
Caila: "Ugh. Bodies. (sprays Febreeze)."

Hunter F.: "Sarah! Don't eat the Febreeze!"

PKG: "Rejoicing has nothing to do with what's going on around us."

PKG: "Frisking and frolicking in the Lord! Isn't that good!"

PKG: "It'dd be cool to show 'em what it's all about. We don't need hot dogs and beer to shout!"

JoAnn: "I'm not using real gold though. I'm using cardboard."

PKG: "We can only implement what we understand."

PKG: "We have the right to the light of life. We have the right to joy."

HE: "You need to live Biblical proportions."

HE: "Push yourself! Stop being pansies! I say that with love."

HE on 'shiggaion': "It sound like 'shenanigans' but it's not."

HE: "When the masses come, you will not have time to be ministered to. You'll be the Levites."

Final Fall Quarter Quotes from World Revival

On this eve of Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for all of the gems dolled out at World Revival School of Ministry, in spite of being so wrapped up in school that I've had no time to write here. I'm also thankful for the goofy people in those classes who make them more entertaining and provide me with an endless supply of crazy quotes.

Ministry to Children

Pastor Mark Pederson (PMP): "A child left to himself will have to fight for himself in the spiritual realm."

PMP: "If Owen goes nuts, there'll be some carving. Don't know on what..."

PMP (on spanking): "Oh no! Christians with crowbars!"

PMP: "Don't let the challenges of revival living blow you out of it."

Esther: "My mom would be like, 'your brother has a bad attitude and it's all your fault' so she'd spank me instead of him."
Lee: "Well, that's what God did with Jesus."

PMP: "You can't serve and minister with a slave mentality."

Hunter D (on speeding): "In my defense, my wife got me into a conversation which got me driving a little aggressively. I didn't let off on the downhill."
Caila: "'That woman you gave me...'"
PMP: "You need a code of conduct!"
Hunter D: "I need cruise control!"

PMP: "You ever feel like 10 pounds of sin on a popsicle stick? I have too!"

PMP: "Mowing the lawn is rest for me. In my mind, I'm mowing over demons and chopping their heads off when they pop up."

PMP: "If Bob has a problem with Bill and Bob has a problem with Betty, Bob has the problem... and it might be the devil."



Israel: Tabernacle and Feasts (streaming from Canada, so instructor couldn't hear our comments)

Dylan: "I like feasts. I was a Baptist."

Lee: "I don't speak Canadian."

Pastor Brent Rudowski (PBR): "God was the first barbecue guy."

PBR: "You can't follow God any way you like. The hard way is the best way because you grow from it."

PBR: "The lesson there, God will give you what you want, but there is a price for it."

PBR: "The joy of life is in the pursuit."

PBR: "God is a very slow mover. I think He's getting old."

PBR: "Have you finished what you're doing right now? No? We'll then you don't need to know anything else right now."

PBR: "That was another rambling rabbit trail! *points finger gun at floor* Pshooo!"

PBR: "What's your value? 30 pieces of silver? Are you worth more than Jesus?"

PBR on Jesus: "He's not a nice looking white guy,"

PBR: "Not everyone wants to go through the Jesus gate."

PBR: "Every sparrow that falls to the ground, God knows. Every spider you step on, God knows!"

PBR: "So, the audio's good?"
Erica: "Don't know. You haven't been talking."

PBR: "Can you remember that for the test? No? We'll I don't want you to."

PBR: "God smelled the offering and said, 'I like that.'"
Hunter F: "Mmmm barbecue."

PBR: "We understand set apart. We just pick and choose what we set apart."

PBR: "Was it Joplin... Joplin, Missouri? [class: yes!] Yeah, Missouri. Or was it Kansas? Joplin, Kansas. [class: noooo!] You people in Kansas City are laughing at me."

PBR: "Sin, to the believer, in God's eyes, is only supposed to be accidental."

PBR: "I've found that some people don't know.... things."

Esther: "I cant lip read Canadian. I'm not sure where all the 'ehs' go."

Rev, Aaron Biro (RAB): "We're all coming in a bit turkey-comaed."

RAB: "A good way to start the new year is to get Satan messed up and confused."

RAB: "It looks like I counted to eight, but I guess I just forgot to count my thumb."

(Canadian speaker passes around picture of her son's Bar Mitzvah)
Jacque: "Here's a picture of my dad's Bar Mitzvah so we don't feel left out."

RAB: "When was the last time you got up and had a little happy dance with your Bible?"

Caila: "You were saying other mean things, but I deleted them from my mind to keep my innocence!"


Life of David

Ben Woodward: "Just because we've come a long way doesn't qualify us to say we've arrived."

BW: "Stop looking for a singular anointed man of God to come fix your problems for you."

BW: "David's life of devotion was the key to his success."

BW: "Why is God empowering creatives? Because they are the ones with vision."

BW: "We are the crowning glory of His creation, not His clowning gory."

BW: "Greatness does not mean a life of ease."

BW: "Hiddenness is a painful reality for a creative."

BW: "What if your creative gift was given to you to set the captives free."

BW: "Who were they believing? [long silence] Jeeeeeeeesuuuuuusssssss."

BW: "That will give you courage: when you're standing in front of a giant and your destiny is not yet fulfilled."

BW: "Do everything you can do until God opens the door."

BW: "Transition always begins with something ending and we have to be ok with that."

BW: " They might not be demonized but they can still be a thorn in your flesh because you know what you're called to do."

Pastor Kathy Gray (PKG): "The best way to shut the mouth of the enemy is to have a revival. Get something good going in your life."

PKG: "Sometimes, the biggest battle is to just keep standing."

PKG: "You can become an apostle for $500 a year."
Kevin: "That's it?!"

Heather Eschenbaum (HE): "What brought David's success? Obedience and his great Facebook page. Or posting on his snapchat. Every day. I don't know what that is but it sounds dangerous."

HE: "It's time to have some positive soul ties."

HE: "Real love will give you armor to fight with."

HE: "Treat offense like a spider on the leg. Spiders on the leg are bad, but jealousy is much, much worse."

PKG: "Please learn this before I start throwing water at you. I was tempted for a second but I don't want to ruin your Bibles."

HE: "Marriage amplifies your problems. If you are a rat..."
Kevin: "You are a big, fat rat!"
HE: "You are the fattest rat that ever was!"

HE: "Do not stalk in a creepy way. Stalk in a godly way, like Elisha."

HE: "Maybe, if you're a jealous person, you don't need to have a spear with you."

HE: "You just kick yourself in the butt, and hear my voice if need be."

HE: "I'm hip! I know what people are about these days! YouTube!"

HE: "You may hav a prophesy over you, but your life could get harder because of it."

HE: "The cave could be protection for you. Don't hate the cave. Possibly decorate it. You might be there a while."

HE: "I can't have dairy. I can't have gluten. I can't have sugar. I can't have fun."

HE: "Are we waiting on someone? Oh, that's the donut chair."

HE: "The Bible is not in everyone who reads it."


Genesis: A Study of Beginnings

Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL): "Anyone know what cosmology is?"
Esther: "I know what cosmetology is."
PAL: "This is not about painting your nails."

PAL: "Has anyone heard of gap theory? [class raises hands] What's gap theory?"
Erica: "I don't know. You asked if we'd heard of it."

PAL: "The Bible assumes God; it does not try to prove God."

PAL: "There are biological viruses that could wipe out humanity, why not a digital virus that could wipe out humanity?
Samuel: "I think there's a verse about that."

PAL: "The point of science is to change. The point of God's word is to not change."

PAL: "He's like, 'look in the sky. It marks a new season of my goodness' and we're like 'oooh! Bloodmoons!'"

Hunter F (while flapping arms): "You know, Imma need some pretty big wings to fly away."
Dylan: "I just have to jump."

PAL: "Hey, little spider. I would flick it, but I think some of you would run."

PAL: "In our attempt to be like God, we undermined how we are already created to be His image bearers."

PAL: "You need to be you, because when you do so and walk in the authority you've been given, you are the image of God on the earth."

PAL: "We were given authority over the birds of the sea."

PAL: "That's one of the benefits of the curse then: I get to eat steak!"

PAL: "When we talk about containers and filling, we're not talking about a really good pie."

PAL: "You and I don't even come along until day 6. We're the pie filling! I'm the cherry on top."

PAL: "Religion always kills when it's not getting what it wants."

PAL: "When you give in faith because you listened to God, you don't know the dividends it's going to pay."

PAL: " Good to know we're flying through Genesis. My goal is to get through chapter 11 because then I'll beat Pastor Tom."

Esther: "What if [Enoch] didn't disappear? What if he just exploded because he saw too much glory."

PAL: "I'm not going to say sarcasm is sinful or anything."

PAL: "No wonder [Pharisees] wanted to kill Him. Jesus was talking in sarcasm font. The words in red are sarcasm."

Caila: "Who names their kid Ham? I mean... It's cool. It's fine. Every time I read over it, like, 'you're such a ham.'"
PAL: "You know he preceded pork, right?"

PAL: "What if you stood before God completely silent and whatever He said, you did it?"

PAL: "It's kind of amazing what you can get ou of the Bible, even in the most awkward story."

PAL: "You ever chase down a vulture? They are big birds... and not the fluffy yellow one from Sesame Street."
(10 seconds later)
Hunter F: "Big Bird."
PAL: "Yeah, it was a joke."
Hunter F: "Ohhh."

PAL: "The enemy doesn't push his word; he comes in and twists God's."

PAL: "It's like when you hit your funny bone. It hurts but you laugh because it's your funny bone."
Hunter F: "I don't. I cry."
PAL: "So, for you, it's your not-so-funny bone."

PAL: "What if the only reason you get blessings are because you had the audacity to ask God for it?"

PAL: "What if the things God wants to say to you are so outlandish, you wouldn't believe it?"

PAL: "You know how when Heather's talking and she's making you laugh and then, it's like, ah! *stab motion* the sword of the Lord!"

PAL: "How many chances has God given you but you aren't willing to give others those same chances."

PAL: "God is not a journalist. *laughter* And everyone looks at Steph."

PAL: "Laughing at yourself undermines pride. If you can't laugh at yourself, you need to check your pride."

PAL: "And Ishmael is apparently a dramatic 17-year-old boy because he is going to die."

PAL: "I'm almost 30. Imagine a 130-year-old man trying to tie me up against my will and sacrifice me to the Lord."
Hunter F: "Ain't happenin'."
Dylan: "I like your posture."
Hunter F: "You're more Viking descent. You'd have to shrink yourself down a little."
PAL: "Ok. Maybe Isaac wasn't as tall as me."

PAL: "Isaac has to be a willing participant."
Hunter D: "Or he'd fall off the altar."
PAL: "Fire safety! Stop, drop and roll!"

PAL on covering a mic to cough: "Are you coughing from your heart."

PAL: "This is supposed to be a really dramatic part of the story and we're all laughing."

PAL: "So, I'm at the gym and this black guy walks up to me..."
Dylan: "Why's he gotta be black?"
PAL: "Because of what I'm about to tell you. He was like, 'are you Irish or just really white?'"

PAL: "We started this class talking about laughter and it really set the tone."

PAL: "Lot's wife doesn't get named, but Abraham's brother's concubine gets named. How terrible of a person are you?"

Erica on Wednesday after presidential election: "Hump day."
PAL: "Trump day."

PAL: "Hearing God's voice should make you hungry to hear more from Him and call on His name."

PAL: "That thing you're battling, what if you overcome it so your child won't have to face it."


Healing: Doctrine and History

Pastor JD King (PJK): History invite us to be both excited and offended."

PJK: "You can hate if you want, but I hope you don't."

PJK: "I'll give you the Macy's word and then I'll give you the Dollar Store word for it."

PJK: "I'm going to give myself 2-3 classes for this."
Erica (whispers): "More like 4-5..."
PJK: "Erica, I say that because I'm prophesying to myself."

Kris: "Are the quizzes pop quizzes?"
JDK: "No pop quizzes. I'm not a fan of pop. Blues, maybe."

JDK: "It's hard to heal a body when you say bodies don't matter."

JDK: "Humanity is made of and for the earth."

JDK: "When we defy God, we are inviting and allowing Satan to come in and do what he wants."

JDK: "It's not my burden to carry the weight of the world. Jesus already did that."

JDK: "A lot of healing prayer doesn't work because it's aimed the wrong direction."

JDK: "Healing is not a miracle. Miracles are extraordinary. Healing is not."

JDK: "You got something to say, Sam?"
Samuel: "It's good. I mean, I agree fully."
JDK: "I'm glad you agree with the Bible."

JDK: "We never build our theology on our experiences. We build our theology on what God said."

JDK: "If you don't cheat on your wife... she won't beat you up."

JDK: "The anointing is to do something."

JDK: "Did you guys read the handout."
Steph: "No."
JDK: "Well, I appreciate Steph's honesty. Most people just stare at you when the didn't."

JDK: "Obedience enables healing to transpire."

JDK: "Ok, let's get back on Jesus here, if we can."

JDK: "I'm expecting you guys to be super honest. You know back in the Bible, if they lied, they got struck dead."

JDK: "You've gotta decide if you're going to be powerful or not."

JDK [teaching about story in Acts 20:7-12 where man falls from roof and Paul raises him from the dead.]: "It's awesome on so many levels."
Steph: "Literally."

JDK: "Do a drive-by and shoot tracts out the window."
Dylan: "Have you ever done that?"
JDK: "No, Dylan, I have not done a drive-by."

JDK passing out quiz: "I know you;re auditing but have fun and do it anyways."

JDK: "If you're going to operate in [healing], you have to be ready to go to war."


Elements of Leading Worship

Sarah: "What's the name of this class?
Pastor Eric Thomason (PET): "You better know how to lead worship or you're dead."

PET: "True worship comes from a place in your heart that you can't explain to anyone else."

PET: "I can't follow a guy or girl who has their eyes closed all the time. Sooner or later, they are going to run into a wall."

PET: "Worship is a weapon."

PET: "You need to watch 'Braveheart.' It will make you a real mean girl. FREEEEDOOOOOM!"

PET: "If you want to be involved in worship in any way, you do not have the luxury of saying whatever you want."

PET: "If God places you somewhere, do it with all your heart because you never know what it will lead to."

PET: "Have you heard of the Jesus Movement."
Emily: "Is that like What Would Jesus Do?"

PET: "Is there any church like what you just described?"
Emily: "Yesssss...."
PET: "Where everyone is likeminded?"
Emily: "I retract my answer."
PET: "I know I said there are no wrong answers, but that was a wrong answer."

PET: "People's lives are not changed by listening to someone sing a pretty song."

Emily: "Just to clarify, you want this to be about Jesus?"
PET: "Yes, I want it to be about Jesus. In case you haven't heard, He's our Lord and Savior."
Emily: "Just covering my bases."

PET: "Do you know what a synonym is?"
Julianna: "Yes."
Josiah: "She just showed you up."
Sarah: "I know what a (mispronounced synonym) is."
PET: "I'm glad you know what cinnamon is."

Emily: "Can you roll back like five steps?"

PET: "You don't know what tap is inside you that is words that the church needs."

PET: "Pastor Mark is standing out there holding a giant inflatable football. I did not expect to see that coming out the door."

PET: "They had better be on it or they're gonna get a look from me."

PET: "God does not give His heart away for free."

PET: "You can never have too much coffee, for the record."
Josiah: "Until you're sitting on the toilet."

PET: "I had more to say."
Emily: "I have that problem all the time."

Josiah: "Like, when you're playing hide and seek and you can feel their warm breath."
Emily: "What kind of hide and seek were you playing as a child?"
Josiah: "Like in a closet!"
PET: "Maybe we don't want to know."

Emily: "Oooh! Oooh! You could put 'go to war.'"
PET points at 'kill' on the board: "Thanks, Braveheart."

Emily: "I'm going to sound stupid, but whatever."
PET: "You aren't going to sound stupid... unless it's stupid."

PET: "Well, what do you think it means."
Emily: "That's great. I love it when you do that."

PET: "For those o you on camera, I'm talking to Steph, who is staring at me from behind the camera. She is doing it sweetly, though."

PET: "....twirling, although men should never twirl."

PET: "Worship clears the clouded mind."

PET: "There is nothing worse than worship that sounds like a bad country song."

PET: "It is impossible to take people to a place of conflict if all you sing about is yourself."

PET: "Sermons alone cannot change the face of a church."

PET: "Are you giving her a hard time? Good. She needs it because she is Steph."

PET: "Why did I pick C?"
Emily: "Because it's easy."
PET: "Why is it easy?"
Emily: "Because it's all white keys."
PET: "Jesus, help me."

PAL: "I think you should write it like an acrostic."
Emily: "This is why you aren't teaching the class."

Sarah: "I'm not saying anything about who wrote the song or the content of the song or even if it's a good song. I'm just saying you can put words in songs."

PAL: "The girls didn't think that was funny."
Emily: "I wasn't paying attention. I was writing."
PAL: "Don't listen to the teacher. The notes are more important."

PAL: "Go be a whiner somewhere else."

Emily: "I'm not criticizing. It's just the highlight of my day."

Emily to PAL: "Ohhh, you're THAT old?"

Emily: "I'd cry."
PET: "Why would you?"
Emily: "Because I need help."

PET: "You will know what to do or I will pull your fingernails out."

PET: "You learned something! You're not stupid! That didn't sound very nice."
Emily: "Thaaaanks."

PET: "Without the presence of God, it's just singing songs."

PET on calling God 'daddy': "I don't climb in God's lap and cuddle! Heck no!"

PET: "Everything flows out of relationship."

PET: "If you are expecting everyone to bend over backwards to adapt to you, you are not a good leader."

A Mixed Bag Of Quotes: World Revival School Of Ministry's Summer 2016 Quarter

We are now one week away from a new school year at WRSM. It feels like we were just in class two weeks ago. Oh, right. We were, but I'm totally fine with that! It was a dang good quarter; challenging, but full of growth and so much joy, as you are about to read. 

Honestly, I'm glad life worked out the way it did so I could be in classes with both groups. The different levels and personalities made those ten weeks all the more enjoyable. I got to know people I had only seen in passing, and the first year group really became a family to me. I can't wait to see how things unfold when we get mixed up together in the upcoming classes. 

So, without further ado, a selection of quotes from the summer of 2016. (seriously.... there are so many  more! It was a good quarter.)

New Testament Survey

Pastor Jack Walter (PJW): “Don’t drink whiskey in class! At least pass it around!” (on a 5 hour energy shot)

PJW: “That’s how I think people’s minds work sometimes… like jello running all over the place.”

PJW: “What was his first name? Graham? That was here last week?”

Steph: “Cliff.”

PJW: “Thank you. That name doesn’t stick. Graham does. I like graham crackers.”

Jacque: “There’s a Polycarp too?”

Samuel: “Is that like a bunch of fish?”

PJW: “How’d we get off on that tangent? Oh! Listening!”

Inspired speech

Heather Eschenbaum (HE): “God created you with a mouth, but not to complain.”

HE: “If I don’t look like an influence, why would I be given the chance to influence.”

HE: “As your spirit goes down, so does your voice.”

HE: “Whatever you want in life, you have to pursue it strong.”

HE: “Your internal is eternal.”

HE: “Intellect doesn’t give you compassion.”

HE: “Don’t run from the hardship. Pray through the hardship.”

HE: “We shouldn’t have to be pulled along by our apathy.”

HE: “To have compassion, go to war.”

HE: “I didn’t want to write it. I should’ve called Stephanie!”

HE: “Here’s this spiritual giant and I’m a pipsqueak in Jesus.”

HE: “Don’t ever call it a car. It’s a Jeep. If you call it a car, a kitten dies.”

HE: “Create something that will last.”

HE: “Guess what! Everyone mentors you, even your enemies.”

HE: “If you’re going to have a testimony, let it be wild.”

HE: “If you want people to be changed by your talk, you have to relive it and feel it.”

Samuel: “He goes and builds the wall. Wow. That’s summarizing the heck out of it.”

HE: “Extra credit to whoever makes Darren cry!”

HE: “And then you start to sound like a turkey.”

Christian (guest): “Give me something good.”

HE: “Well, it’s the word of God, so…..”

Ryan: “I pray that you let your A-ness shine through.”

Santesa: “That’s not gonna work.”

HE: “I’ve never heard anyone ruin a prayer before.”

HE: “If Florence gets them all, you are not a royal priesthood!”

HE: “You don’t have to spell it right to be it.”

HE: “Trash talk IS Ryan’s love language.”                               

Samuel: “I write humble the best.”
HE: “You might have to fight Ryan for that.”

Samuel: “Planet shakers!”

HE: “Surely that’s in the Bible somewhere.”

HE: “You know who was the first farmer?”

Ryan: “Adam!”

HE: “THE LORD!”

HE: “But I have the amplified, so it amplifies.”

HE: “If you are going to judge others, you are taking away your opportunity to help them.”

HE: “Transition brings out the best and worst in you.”

HE: “The spiritual realm is stolen so much more because the enemy comes to steal it.”

HE: “If you’re on a slippery slope, you’re going to slip.”

HE: “Every day you have a conversation with the enemy, you are eating of the fruit.”

HE: “I don’t sound like Hunter, but I pray I sound like Whitney Houston. When Whitney Houston passed, I prayed for her anointing.”

Samuel: “Then we walk in, this rowdy bunch, being all,  you know, normal.”

HE: “They have the spirit of God, but they don’t trust it.” MOST CONVICTING THING EVER!

Samuel: “He’s replacing your fear with fierce love.”

Steph: “Your sweetness is a strength.”

HE: “Why am I eating barn in a blanket?!”

Samuel: “I’m lost. Is there a type L for lost?”

Samuel: (Chews gum into microphone) “How awesome does that sound?”

Steph: “Sounds like you’re going to get punched.”

Samuel: “Punched?! What type is that?”

HE: (laughing) “She’s so much smaller than you and she’s going to punch you!”

Prayer: Adoration and proclamation

Ben Woodward (BW): “War doesn’t wait for you to be ready.”

BW: “We are sons and daughters of the living God and the only time the enemy has authority over us is when we give it to him.”

BW: “If I said, ‘Can God provide finances in a time of need?”

Class: “Yes.”

BW: “But if I said, ‘Can God do it for you in your circumstance right now?”

Class: “Yes.”

BW: “Right. We’ll you’re all a bunch of charismatics.”

BW: “Unbelief is not a petty issue. It is a rampant disease. It’s out of control in the body of Christ and that has to change.”

BW: “The ability to work with God comes from us.”

BW: “The enemy knows if you believe the lie, you’ll perpetuate the sin on your own.”

Jill Koppang: “I’m going to write on the board because I’m a teacher and I know how to do that.”

Jill Koppang: “We should be praying things that are the passion of our heart.”

BW: “Adoration prayer allows us to see with different perspective.”

BW: “God is not after half-hearted lovers.”

BW: “Every slight misstep is an opportunity to discover God.”

BW: “God’s not going to rescue you out of the situation. He’ll empower you to endure it.”

BW: “I think, sometimes, we as a human race, that’s kinda how we operate with the Lord, is where we’re jamming our head into the armhole of our shirt.”

BW: “We strive to show our self-worth through our independence.”

BW: “Let’s be real. I’m a glorified karaoke singer.”

BW: “When you sow, you don’t reap one to one. You reap 100 to one. That’s the point.”

BW: “What you stare into is what you become like.”

BW: “A bi-product is, when we understand Him, we understand ourselves.”

BW: “God doesn’t answer prayer. He answers people.”

Who We Are In Christ

Pastor Eric Thomason (PET): “What God does in the spiritual realm dictates what happens in the natural realm.”

PET: “If you’re an over thinker, you’ll over shoot the simplicity of God.”

PET: “With God, the journey is everything.”

PET: “No matter how much you know about God, it’s not the same as knowing God.”

PET: “When you make God more comfortable, you automatically get more comfortable.”

PET: “You wanna know what true arrogance is? It’s you giving yourself the right to say who you are against what God has said.”

Santesa: “Standing behind [your weakness], you become weakened behind it.”

PET: “Whatever dominates our minds will eventually come out.”

PET: “It’s the church’s authority to say what will happen on this earth.”

BW: “The most painful lesson we can learn is God is not in a hurry.”

End Times Perspectives

Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL): “He’s the guy who talked about escalators and they always say, ‘sorry, temporarily out of order’ when they  should say, ‘sorry, temporarily stairs’ like they’re never really our of order.”

Esther: “Oh, I was thinking elevator not escalator.”

(PAL almost spews water.)

Caila: “Can you say that again then?”

(Pastor Aaron doubles over trying not to choke on water.)

PAL: “I really almost choked on my water.”

PAL: “The sad thing is, Steph’s going to watch this later. She’ll be able to rewind and really quote it.”

Esther: “You’ll just have to cut it and she won’t be able to.”

PAL: “This video gets found on whatever is left of the internet a millennium from now. They’ve got to figure out what a butt dial is. Is it a button you push with your butt? And why is it so funny for people?”

Erica: “If you’re not careful, someone will actually make a button you dial with your butt.”

Caila: “I ate ALL the animals!”

PAL: “Why is that funny?”

Dylan: “I pictured him riding a hippo.”

PAL: “I thought you were going to say something about hungry hungry hippos.”

PAL: “You should’ve heard of Packer.”

Erica: “Not unless it was the Green Bay Packers.”

PAL: “Christianity without churchianity decapitates Jesus from His body.”

PAL: “If you’re not letting the Bible shape your view, the world is shaping it.”

PAL: “Guess what. I’m not watching my horoscope for when Jesus will return!”

PAL: “I’m playing dev… not devil’s advocate. I’m playing angel’s advocate.”

PAL: “God works through process.”

PAL: “To a certain degree, God wants it to affect your faith. That’s why it’s a trial of your faith.”

PAL: “My goal in here isn’t to answer every question; it’s to create more.”

PAL: “Humor is so much fun.”
Isaac: “By definition.”

PAL: “Sometimes it doesn’t translate between cultures.”
Luke: “Or IQs.”

Caila: “Huh?”

PAL: “You may be completely right, but you need to value relationship over your right-ness.”

PAL: “Rapture jokes are fun. Sometimes I get caught up in them.”
Isaac: “Sometimes they go over my head.”

Kaitlynn: “Was that a joke?”

(talking about 1 Corinthians 13:8)

PAL: “But go down a little and knowledge wouldn’t be for today, which is why it’s so hard to argue with them! It’s the same sentence! Mic drop!”

PAL: “He’s not saying God owns the cattle on a literal thousand hills. The rest are the devil’s.”

PAL: “A stay-at-home mom has a greater ability to raise disciples than a man in the workplace, and guess what, she’s given all authority.”

PAL: “What if out first response is to walk in ALL AUTHORITY?”

PAL: “There are more churches in America than McDonald’s”

Kaitlynn: “Woah!”
PAL: “America might have more denominations than McDonald’s. There are technically more Subways than McDonald’s, but that’s a whole different story.”

Luke: “We could turn all the Walmart’s into churches. Intercom.”

PAL: “Because that’s great sound quality.”

PAL: “The only time the enemy has power is when we believe the lie.”

PAL: “You view is an interpretive process. My view is an interpretive process. The Mormons are just on crack.”

Esther: “So, you’re walking with a friend and all of the sudden, you walk through a wall and they don’t?”

Thora: “I wasn’t a Southern Baptist. I was a first, regular Baptist.”

PAL: “Welcome to the 90’s, which is just the leftovers of the 80’s.”

PAL: “Sin is not God’s kryptonite.”

Erica: “It’s a prepositional phrase. It starts with ‘to.’ Homeschooled.”

Caila: “Hashtag.”

PAL: “You have a defeated foe and everything he is whispering, he is whispering through a jail cell.”

Luke (praying over the test the whole class forgot about): “Let us reap what we did not sow.”

PAL: “What happens if there is a third world war?”
Luke: Well, back to the rapture idea.”

PAL: “Bert and Ernie don’t count.”
Luke: “But the Count counts.”

PAL: *laughs like the Count*

Caila: “Is Gentry the good guy or bad guy in the book?”

PAL: “The point of being rescued is to rescue someone else.”

PAL: “Did anyone name any more post millennialists?”

Luke: “Jesus, Paul and John.”

Esther: “What about Winston Churchill and General George Patton? They were literally the only two people I could think of.”

PAL: “Why do you think the term ‘millennium’ is confusing to people?”

Esther: “It sounds like a spaceship.”

PAL: “With running jokes, you need a ‘too far’ police.”

Hunter: “Rose will volunteer.”

Rose: “I volunteer! Just always stop.”

Isaac: “I don’t feel like he made any concrete arguments.”

PAL: “So, you prefer cement arguments?”

Erica: “That’s why they don’t fit as pre mil is because they don’t fit.”

PAL: “I’m going to go ahead and accuse you of circular reasoning.”

Kaitlynn: “The taste [of prunes] isn’t bad, they just make me think of old people.”

PAL: “This is the problem with calling another view dumb; someone was smart enough to write something about it that is above you.”

PAL: “Most people live in an addition/subtraction model, but God wants us to live in a multiplication model and that’s where it becomes exponential.”

PAL: “Do you always have to have a carrot dangled in front of you to do the right thing?”
Kaitlynn (quietly): “But I don’t like carrots.”

PAL: “Is that why you don’t like me?”

Kaitlynn: “That’s not true!”

PAL: “Ignorant people cannot accuse a joke of being bad.”

Caila: “Ironsides… That’s the transformer, right?”

PAL: “What’s the most significant difference between post mil and pre mil views?”

Dylan: “Common sense.”
Erica: “He really wrote that down!” [on the test

PAL: “When you don’t have a value for something, you don’t see it.”

PAL: “Scripture drop.”

PAL: “Lord, thank you for the joy in this class. Thank you that we can laugh and joke at other people’s expense, including my own sometimes.”

Legalism Or Life: Questions After Two Years Without Alcohol

Yesterday marked two years since my last drink. Woo! I was pretty entertained to hear that Isaiah Saldivar will be in town on almost the same day I heard him speak two years ago and made the decision that changed my life. I have a feeling it means there is another big step around the corner, but we shall see.

Recently, people have been asking me when I'm going to drink again and haven't been so ok that it's not in my plans. One of my coworkers went so far as to say he was going to slip me some hard orange soda sometime because I said I didn't want to try it. (Yes, I lectured him on how absolutely wrong that idea is.)

This guy also said I was being legalistic by saying no, but I disagree.

During the drinking days.

It's a concept we talked about in Covenant class last quarter: is the rule designed to be oppressive or is it there to bring life? In my case, it's the latter.

The example Pastor Aaron brought up in class is telling little kids that they can't play in the street. The action itself isn't evil. As adults, we know that's meant to keep the child alive and without injury. It's designed to be life, not legalistic.

In starting to write the book, I had to spend some time dredging through my past, and not all of it is pretty. The majority of the ugly, painful stories involved alcohol on some level. If I hadn't been drinking, I probably could've avoided some situations that I now regret. While drinking might not be the worst thing in the world, creating this boundary for myself is meant to keep me from getting hit by a car [insert: distraction] when I'm playing with something unsafe.

My coworker said I'm missing out and limiting my life by this rule. Again, I disagree.

Now.

Have I skipped things because of I don't drink, sure. (But, honestly, what part of being the only sober person at a bachelorette party on a fake holiday where "puke and rally" is the mantra sounds like fun. I love my friends, but I do not handle vomit well. Sorry. Plus, I was cleaning up after a destructive relationship and pictures in a bar would not have looked like I was back on the right path.) That situation isn't every time. I went out to the bars after my friend's wedding just to be with her. I didn't drink, but I still went and the groom spent a solid 30 minutes thanking me for the gesture.



To steal Pastor James' line, I'm "squeezing the day" and living life to the fullness, but I don't need booze to do it now. Honestly, I'm enjoying life more now than I was then, by a long shot. Plus, there is the bonus of being able to be used for God in new ways. Heather said in class this week that you can't have a deep level of compassion for a situation until you've lived it. Conquering a situation opens doors to reach into people's lives. Your victory gives you credibility with those who are still in the battle.

God gives us guidelines so we can interact with Him and others without doing damage, not to limit our fun. Like Pastor Aaron said, "If love is boundary-less, it's not love." I choose to love my relationship with God more than a liquid. I choose to love myself enough to submit to a rule, not out of legalistic desires to be a "good girl." but to protect my future. I've lost friends and missed parties. So what? I'd rather lose those things than be disqualified for my mission.