Everyone Hates 2016 Except For Me

I've been dragging my feet about writing my annual year in review post because I'm one of approximately 14 people in the world who don't absolutely abhor this year.  I mean, some people created a horror movie trailer with things that really did happen over the past 12 months. While some bizarre things happened around the world, 2016 was actually pretty great for me.

There. I said it.

I remember sitting in church last November when my friend Bridgett passed me a note with a heart on it that said. "Let His hope be your new beginning." About a week later, Pastor Steve said 2016 was the year of new beginnings. For Christmas, Jill gave me a bracelet with the word "hope" on it. Little did I know how accurate all of that was.

2016 had a pretty rocky start, but hitting that low forced me to dig in and decide that I was going to move forward, no matter how much it hurt. Believe me, it did quite a bit. There were some major hurdles, like losing Jill and so many others in the spring, and my cousin just passed away this week, on top of the every day struggles of life. While those lives are very dearly missed, I've seen time and time again over the past 12 months where God twists a scenario and makes it good. It's pushed me out of my comfort zone, and that is where the growth happens. There was so much good, I could yap about it all day, so this will just stick to the broad generalities.

This year put some of my life-long goals in the 'done' category. As long as I can remember, I've wanted to do certain things, but never really thought of them as possible. It was more of a "wouldn't that be nice" type of thing. Some might be deemed silly, but that's your choice to soak the joy out of a situation.

In 2016, I finally read through the entire Bible (after many attempts that didn't make it past Exodus), I read more than 50 books, I got my passport and left the country, I traveled alone, I visited Pearl Harbor and marked D-Day at the National World War II Museum. I sang karaoke (horrendously), jumped off a cliff into a river, kayaked, swam out to a waterfall used in a movie, stood on an extinct volcano (although, I question if this counts since I didn't see lava). My team earned an Emmy nomination, and I'm now back on track to graduate earlier than I should have, but it's on time with the rest of the class.

I'm getting my vision back, but this time, it's coming with follow through.

Then, there were the bonuses. I lost track of how many ballets, musicals, plays, operas and concerts I went to, but bucket-listers like Underoath, Switchfoot and Panic at the Disco are on he list. Chance the Rapper, Winter Jam, and TobyMac's tour were entertaining. I got to meet amazing people, like Marvel's Stan Lee, Gary Sinise from Forrest Gump, Nicholas Sparks, Rainbow Rowell, Barry Williams from 'The Brady Bunch', the guys from Underoath, and Pearl Harbor survivors including Donald Stratton. I got the opportunity to coach young girls in volleyball and be a part of a kids show that's going to reach people around the globe. I was blessed with the ability to get a new car and laptop this year. Heck, I even sprang for a gopro camera, finally. I caught up with old buddies, made new friends and learned who never really fit that title in the first place, and became a better friend to others. There were so many adventures and shenanigans throughout the year, it's crazy to think about how blessed I was.

All of that is fun, but it's the inner changes that are more important. I became stronger and more stable in who I am, while also developing a softness and vulnerability at the same time. It's the weirdest thing, but God is complex like that. I feel like I grew so much, yet have so much more work ahead. Pastor Eric always says, "with God, the journey is everything," and I am thoroughly loving the adventure He's writing for me in this time. It's creating the me I was supposed to be all along, but lost in the flesh's struggle to fit in. Let's face it: I was never meant to be classified as normal.

Despite all of these amazing moments, I know it's just the beginning. It's a thought which is both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. 2016 saw the first few pages of a book come to life and the shiftings to set up some big things in 2017. I keep thinking of the line from Switchfoot's song "If the House Burns Down" which says, "I may not know what I want from this life but I know I want more than the starting line." The next couple months are going to be filled with some deep thought and visioneering as some interesting possibilities are floating around. That's just what I see, so who knows what God still has in His pocket for me. Pastor Steve said 2017 is the year of opportunity and I cannot wait to see how everything will play out.

I hope you grab ahold of the hope for a better life that is found only in Jesus. If He can turn my life around so drastically in just one year, just think where you could be 12 months from now.  Think about what JD King preached last night: "Jesus wants to meet you where you are so He can take you to where He is." He makes all things new and will give you more than what your heart desires when you trust Him.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Birthdays, Camping Trips, and Celebrations: Living the Good Life Without Fear

What should I be doing right now? Writing my final paper for Pastor Aaron’s class.

But that’s not what I’m doing, is it?

Nope.

I can’t focus.

Why?

Because I’m about to explode with happiness.

I haven’t been writing lately, one, because I’m crazy busy with school/work/Kids Ablaze, and two, because life is so freaking good. I don’t want people taking it the wrong way or trying to drag me down off my cloud.

But, today, I just don’t care anymore. Life is so sweet.

Maybe it’s the nostalgia because of my birthday kicking in and making me think about where I was a year ago. I mean, even the difference from six months ago is still pretty stark. On top of those thoughts, this week-ish just had to go and kick all kinds of tail.

I got to see a couple of my favorite musicians from high school with my high school best friend, who is also celebrating her birthday this week. Panic! At the Disco and Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness did not disappoint, plus there was Weezer.

A bookstore co-worker took me paintballing, to an arcade, and to dinner (where she got them to sing to me while playing a tambourine. Girl’s got skills.) We wrapped the night up with Cards Against Humanity and Bo Burnham at another co-worker’s house. Twas a thoroughly splendid evening filled with laughter.

There were a couple days filled with treats. And by treats, I mean: cupcakes, Oreos, a frappucino, chocolate torte from a complete stranger, cheesecake, several donuts, cookies, more cheesecake, wings, and some fun gifts. (Thank you to everyone who spoiled me!)

I managed to get off work to enjoy a night out with my bestie, Aubree, to celebrate her upcoming wedding and birthdays. I got to be surrounded by friends in line to do a gravity ropes course as midnight struck on my birthday. We played laser tag, and somehow got guns that named me Batman and her Joker. It was a blast! Even sitting in a McDonald’s parking lot at 2 a.m. was fun!

After church, the #oddsquad loaded up with the WRC Young Adults clan to camp and float. I seriously love how my girls were so well prepared. Several guys asked us for supplies, which was hilarious. We also upped the cooking game by making macaroni and cheese and raspberry cherry cobbler on the campfire. We ended the night with about 40 people worshipping around the fire and under the stars. It was amazing. Although it stormed overnight and we woke up soaking wet, it was still an awesome time, even before we hit the river. I got to make the 8 mile water adventure in a kayak with Esther, which was a pretty great combination. There were so many shenanigans as we made our way down the river.

This is the part that stands out to me: overcoming fear and uncomfortable situations.

Something most people don’t realize is that I’m not a great swimmer. (It’s especially funny considering I was a Division I Varsity rower in college who may or may not have failed the swim test. Oopsies.) That little fact made me a bit nervous about the kayak trip. I decided I wasn’t going to let that fear stop me, so of course, it was put to the test.

During our lunch stop on the river, somehow, everyone ended up climbing a muddy cliff and sliding down into the river. I started to head over, but felt the current and that it was deeper than I could reach, and quit. After watching for a while, I decided I was going to do it, so I grabbed Esther and we swam into the strong current. Sammy grabbed us so we didn’t drift too far downstream. Our crew had a good system going to get people up to the top, despite the slippery mud. Sliding down was a mucky blast! Somehow, it turned into a mud fight and mud wrestling.

Then came the next mental challenge: jumping off the cliff into the river. It took a while to work up the courage for that one. Break time was up, so I leapt off that ledge and made it back across the river. There are several old friends of mine who would be completely shocked and probably won’t believe that it happened since I refused to do anything of the sort for years.

Heck, I chickened out of kayaking in beautiful blue waters in Canada, but was able to drum up the courage to do it in a mucky Missouri river instead. I know, I make sense.

The point is, I did it. I let go of the fear and had a blast making wonderful memories. Even doing the gravity ropes at the bachelorette party was out of my comfort zone, but I told that little doubting voice in my head to shut up and leave. I took control.

I think that’s why I’m finding life to be so sweet lately. I overcame my past and let go of caring about how people see me. I know I’m not the only one who has struggled with this or will in the future, but God can flip it all around. Now, I’m learning to let go of fear and doubt to overcome limits I placed on myself and enjoy the moment. Kelsey gave me a necklace more than a year ago that said "fearless," so it's about time I actually live that word.

It’s a new level of freedom and I’m loving it.

I feel like this is a lesson that will be coming in handy in the near future, and it’s exciting. I can’t wait to see what’s ahead in this next year of life.

Oh, Canada! Adventures in Exploring Independence

Home again, home again.... I'm back in the U.S. of A. with a smile plastered of my face. 

The whole point of leaving on this solo adventure was to lock myself up and write a book. I was cool with that, but others couldn't handle the thought of not wandering and doing things, especially the customs agent in Vancouver, who couldn't wipe the baffled look off his face no matter how I explained. But then I got to my destination, Needless to say, with a view like I had in Canada, I didn't get nearly as much done on that front as I planned, but many more great things happened during that time.

The first leg of my journey went the opposite direction. New Orleans. I'm a nerd and decided to start things off with a visit to the National World War II Museum on the 72nd Anniversary of D-Day. The lady sitting next to me on the plane asked what I was doing in New Orleans, and got very excited about it. She recently heard about the museum on the radio and wanted to check it out. She was joining her husband on a business trip and didn't want to go to something of that weight alone, so I suddenly had a buddy.

Keeping things short, the museum is incredible. Some of the rooms are just overwhelming when you walk in. The first day, I also got to see this adorable little boy, maybe 7 years old, dressed as a U.S. WWII soldier, telling adults what things were and why they were important. I've never wanted to kidnap a child so much in my life. I seriously pray my future kids are that cool! I wandered the museum for two days, and probably could've spent more time there, honestly. I did get to help them with a little grammar error in closed captioning of one of the films, which was pretty cool. Yes, I'm a nerd.

After the museum closed the first night, I went for a walk through the French Quarter, because why not. I enjoyed the side streets, but Bourbon was a whole different animal. It wasn't even dark yet, but there were quite a few intoxicated tourists roaming. I ended up grabbing some jambalaya, watching hockey, and reading a bit. The guy working there informed me that a couple stars of "The Walking Dead" were at that table two weeks ago, which is cool, I guess. While trying to find, Cafe Du Monde, it started pouring, so I hustled the mile or so back to the hotel instead of getting a beignet. I wouldn't have cared if it weren't for the book in my hand! I did get a beignet in the morning, after a mile plus walk each direction. Worth it. I just didn't realize it was going to be the theme of the trip.

I got to Vancouver after midnight, so no adventuring to speak of right away. The first day brought a whole different story.

Since the studio I wanted to check out wouldn't let me in without a film backed by a studio ready to discuss, I started out by trying to get to the Vancouver Aquarium, which meant taking public transportation that was not a shuttle for the first time in my life. And I was doing it alone, with all of my luggage. I shuttled (and got a "go Cats" from another rider!) to the Skytrain and then eventually figured out the right bus line, and walked to the aquarium. Minor problem: they don't have any place for bags if you aren't part of a school group. I was dragging my rollerbag around when one worker felt bad for me and got special permission to let me leave my luggage in a school bin. Yay favor! They had a ton of jellyfish, which have always been one of my favorite sea creatures. However, I grew very tired of hearing "Nemo!" everywhere I went. I was pretty confused by the parrots and marmosets at an aquarium, but whatever. Also, the Kansas City Zoo's penguin exhibit is much, much cooler.

The adventure from Vancouver to Victoria was when things got interesting in an "I'm so screwed but haven't figured it out yet" kind of way. Turns out, there are two stops on the Skytrain line that sound very similar. I missed the one I needed, but didn't realize it until I got to the one I thought was correct. I rode back and got off at the right spot, only to find the bus I needed was gone. While there was a bus waiting there heading to the ferry dock, the driver was not on board, so I got to wait for about 20 minutes. Whatever. I had a book. 

When I got to the ferries, the one I wanted had already left. Since there was no 6:00 that day, so I waited for the 7:00. No big. I sat on the deck, reading, watching crews work, soaking up the sun and the amazing view, and listened to the waves and seagulls. It was so relaxing and wonderful, I couldn't help but smile! The great views continued once I got on my first ferry ride and we sailed between the small islands to Swartz Bay on Vancouver Island.

Turns out, the bed and breakfast I booked was more than 90 minutes away from the ferry dock. I pulled out my transportation card to get on the double decker bus, and the driver just grumbled to sit down. I thought I was getting a free ride. Still didn't know about trouble ahead. I was too busy practically drooling while looking at the sun setting behind the mountains. 

Then, around 9:30 p.m., I got a text from the b&b owner saying they were expecting me that day and wondered if there was a problem. I said I was on the bus getting close to downtown and would be there in a little while. He said that they didn't realize I was bussing in, but would stay up. Ok, now I'm starting to sense problems. The first part of that was when the bus driver didn't leave enough time for people to get from the upper deck through the doorway. I missed my stop. With the help of Google Maps, I adjusted. That's when the bus driver told me that my transportation card doesn't work on the island. I had loaded the dumb thing up on the word of someone in Vancouver, so there's money I won't get back. Relying on coins, it is.

I got to the next stop, and somehow ended up on the wrong bus. Once I realized it, Google told me to walk 1.8 kilometers back to the stop... on a dark street... carrying all my luggage. Wonderful. Then, my phone died. Not gonna lie, I panicked a little bit. I hoofed it to the bus stop, whipped out my laptop and plugged in my phone. It was the only option at 11 p.m.! The b&b owner asked for an update, and when the bus I was waiting on was late, then passed by without stopping, he said he'd come get me in his bright orange sports car. He's an interesting Buddhist fellow.

I developed a pattern while at the b&b: breakfast, watch WRSM classes, walk an hour for food, write, adventure and take pictures, walk back and either chat with people or write some more.

The b&b owner told me that the castle a few doors down was where they filmed scenes for "X-men" and "Deadpool," so it became my first major stop. I also came to learn that Hatley Castle was used in "Arrow" "Smallville," and several other movies/tv shows, plus was where King George VI and his family planned to hide out during WWII, so I was pretty pumped. Since it's now used for Royal Roads University, and school was in session, I couldn't get in.

No matter! It is a beautiful building, surrounded by three delightful gardens. I took pictures as I wandered through the Italian and Japanese, before settling into a little hut to write for a while. Other people walking through kept telling me how brilliant of a study nook it was. 

Eventually, I got up and wandered through the rose garden as well. When you walk through the gate, the floral smell is insanely overwhelming! Many of the blooms were starting to wilt and shed petals, but I still found plenty which had enough life for pictures. I forgot how much I enjoy close up floral photography until I uploaded a zillion pictures that night. 

There was a funny moment in the gardens. For years, my sisters and I have used peacock calls to find each other in stores or crowded places if we get separated. While walking around, I heard the scream and my first thought was, "Where's Bekah?" Then I remembered I was in Canada without them, and we couldn't possibly be that original. It must be someone else trying to find their group, right? When I walked out of the gardens, I heard it again. Just a few feet away was a real semi-wild peacock. I tried to take pictures, but the dang thing was pretty quick and I didn't trust it not to attack, so I settled for a distant selfie.

After my first taste of poutine that evening, which was wonderful, I ended up with a little bonus. I only had enough change for the bus back, so I sat at the stop and waited. An older man approached me and asked if I had a ticket. I said no, and he handed me his day pass for the bus. He told me he gives it away everyday when he's done so someone else can ride free all night. Blessing! That opened up the opportunity to checck out Parliament, downtown Victoria, and the harbor. I had heard that they light up Parliament at night, but, while watching the sunset over the harbor, realized two things. 1. It was cold. 2. I was going to have to walk through the woods in the dark if I didn't head back immediately. I was wrong, and had to hoof it in the pitch black. I may have wielded a liter pop bottle by the neck and repeated "Jesus" over and over again, praying I wouldn't meet an animal other than the two on the edge of the path and that I wouldn't miss the path. I had missed it in the daylight, but somehow found it in the dark!. Yay!

Another one of my favorite adventures involved a terrible idea: biking. Google Maps said it would cut my journey for food in half. It did not mention that the terrain was practically straight up. Yes, I walked the bike most of the way. 

That route ended up passing a historical site with a lighthouse. I thought, why not? When I got down the mountain, I found there was a cover charge. I considered not doing it because I was too lazy to dig money out of my bag. However, I was not excited about getting back up to the road so quickly and approached the gate. The cashier smiled and said he wasn't going to charge me. Yay favor!

Turns out, it was more than a lighthouse. It was Fort Rodd Hill. I got to check out battery and bunkers built during WWII! The way everything connected on this trip was amazing! They let you go into special gas-proof rooms where military teams used to plan and prepare. You can climb up on top of the sea wall and see the artillery that once defended the harbor. It was incredible and I may have freaked out a time or two because of how cool this trip was.

Sidenote: the bike ride down the mountain and across the lagoon wall was much more fun than the trip out.

This trip was so much more than I thought it would be. I got to eat breakfast with the former head of Disney Animation Canada and his wife, who ran Chromacoulor (which supplied companies that made classic Saturday morning cartoons, including Buggs Bunny!) Not having data to be on Facebook while I walked or a battery that would last if I listened to music forced me to do a lot of thinking. I got to thoroughly enjoy the scenery, which was spectacular. I couldn't help but grin like an idiot every time I walked through the woods, just soaking in the beauty around me and thanking the One who created it and gave me the opportunity to enjoy it. 

I learned a lot about myself on this trip, some silly, some serious. I learned I am terrible at public transportation and have never been more thankful for cars. As much as I want to think I'm a city girl, I still have quite the country root. There is just something about the middle of nowhere that I find comfortable. I also didn't realize the literal lengths I would go to for a doughnut. I could've ordered pizza and stayed in the hammock or hot tub all day, but I got out there. I also learned I'm the one setting limits for myself, and I'm much more capable that I realize sometimes.

Honestly, I didn't think I could do this. I was freaking out before the trip. Worries of getting lost or running out of money or doing something stupid constantly tried to take over my mind. I mean, there were so many firsts involved for me, it was ridiculous and a bit frightening. When my car died right before vacation started, I actually considered calling the whole thing off. I had to keep reminding myself that God put all the pieces together for this trip to happen in the first place, I was doing it to work on a project I felt He wanted me to do, and He is a good Father who will provide. That's exactly what He did through all the little, unexpected blessings and unplanned adventures.

On the last night, I was walking home from another hour plus long hike for dinner and Tim Horton's. I had just turned into the subdivision where the b&b was located, when I glanced out over the lagoon. For the first time in the whole week I was there, the clouds had finally cleared on the mainland, making it possible to see the mountains. It was stunningly beautiful (and my cell phone pictures don't do it the slightest bit of justice.) In that moment, that still, small voice said, "Good job. You did it." I about broke down in tears. This wasn't just a vacation. It was a test in relying on God. I let Him guide my steps and ended up with more than I dreamed. It's what He likes to do.

7 Things I Learned From My Season of Solitude

I thought I posted this last week. Apparently not. I guess I'll leave this for now and come back to my new thoughts later...

Since my last post, several people have asked me if any good came out of my few months "in hiding," so to speak. The answer is a resounding, "yes!" Here are the seven keys that stand out the most.

1. Rest is actually an important thing. 

Those of you who know me personally probably just fell out of your chair or did a spit take. I've always been the girl constantly on the go, fully believing in sayings like, "sleep is for the weak" and "I'll sleep when I'm dead." Shortly before all the drama happened, several people expressed concern about my daily schedule. One of my friends went so far to say, "you aren't burning the candle at both ends. You threw the whole thing into the fire." Apparently working a full-time job, a part-time job, being a full-time college student and trying have a social life sounds like it's too much.  Meh. I survived, didn't I? Did I survive without being a moron? Not so much. One person told me that I tend to make dumb decisions when I'm sleepy, and she had a point. So, I used the time I'd normally be in class to get almost a normal amount of sleep, most of the time.

2. A different kind of independence.

As an oldest child, I'm pretty independent from the get-go, but I'm also pretty social. I never really thought of it as a crutch, but it is in a way. I hid behind my jam-packed calendar and used it as an excuse to get out of things. Making the decision to cut everyone off gave me more freedom. I didn't say no to things because I only had a couple hours to sleep and do things. I said no because I didn't want to. I stopped needing to see and talk to people all day and focused on what I wanted. Yes, that's a little selfish and yes, it was lonely, but there was a freedom in it. Not only was I sleeping almost normally for the first time in years, but I was reading for fun again. I started going back to the gym a little bit. The few people who were a part of my life during those months were there because I wanted them there. I had to learn to stand on my own and not live for what other people thought I should do.

3. ... but submitting to leadership is not as painful as it sounds.

When Heather first suggested one on one meetings, let's just say I was less than excited about the whole deal. In her words, I had a "junky attitude." She basically had to challenge me into it, knowing I do love disproving expectations. Even though I agreed to do it, doesn't mean I was all in for the process. I actually avoided it for a while. The holidays gave me a great opportunity to put this whole concept of letting someone all up in my business on the back burner. While I was ducking the process, I met someone who actually made me want to be better so I could be something good in their life. It opened my eyes to what I was hiding from.... the people who actually saw something good buried in me and wanted to bring it to the surface. I had to heal for the sake of everyone else my story could positively impact, and that meant listening to people who have experience getting past hurdles. As much as I fought it in the beginning, I can already see how much that guidance helped in just a couple months time. It's crazy to think how much change is possible in the months to come.

4. Consistency brings stability.

Roller coasters are fun because of the ups and downs. Despite Pastor Diana talking about stability I don't know how many times, I still felt like the ups and downs are what make life the adventure that it is. But that was an opinion formed from a life that had never really known stability. In setting goals and taking small steps to make them happen, things leveled out in a good way. Life still has its ups and downs, but life is better now. Taking care of myself and being consistent in doing so has leveled out the day to day life in a positive way. The journey doesn't end with leveling out myself. Now, I'm becoming someone other people can lean on instead of being the one leaning on others.

5. Perseverance.

This journey has not been easy to say the least, and it still isn't easy now. There are so many times I wanted to give up and vanish. I thought about moving. I thought about quitting media team or the church. One person argued with me about how they'd do anything to still be here, but then they walked in my shoes. Being in a place where people know your mistakes and hold it against you, whether they realize the judgement in their glares or not, sucks. As much as I wanted to leave, I knew I wasn't done here. I couldn't walk away knowing something big is around the corner. Mary's "kitty cat claws" had to come out and dig in, no matter how painful it was. I became as invisible as possible just to get through it all, knowing at some point, it would be worth it.

6. Hope.

For some odd reason, I really latched on to the word "hope" at the beginning of the year. Hebrews 6:19 says, "Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast." This has really come alive in my life. The more I fought to hang on, the more I had to question why I was doing it. My boss asked me one day, "What is the point? It doesn't seem like it's working for you." At the time, I didn't have an answer other than, "because it's what I know I need to do." Later in the day, I remembered a line out of Lisa Bevere's book "Girl's With Swords" that basically says the enemy isn't attacking who you are now, but who you could be in the future. That made me look ahead. I had to have a hope that there is something better ahead. The church's theme for the year is "begin again" and I latched on to the hope in those two simple words. The radio even cemented that stirring of hope in me with songs like: "Grace Wins," "It's Not Over Yet,"and "Trust in You." I had to think differently. I had to hope that the good was coming, and when it showed up, it nearly knocked me over. Without faith that God is good and He will back up His people, I wouldn't have made it through this season.

7. It's only a season, and seasons come to an end.

It's so easy to get sucked into the pity party of "why me" and "things aren't going to change" but seasons always come to and end, allowing a new one to begin. Because of all the things I had been learning, I was ready for the clouds to break. I was broken and surrendered, which is the perfect place for God to start moving in and through you. I could've turned to any number of things to get over the hurt and sadness, but I turned to where my strength actually comes from. Now, I'm back in the School of Ministry and doors are opening that I didn't think would ever so much as crack. I was telling my dad about everything and described this new season as terrifyingly peaceful. Life is truly good now, but I can feel that something v even better is on the way.

Looking back, my friend Jacque was right. She told me it's easier to work on your character workout the crowd. It took a problem in public to get me to that point on both levels, but I'm walking it out. This journey isn't over. Yeah, people still keep their distance and blame me for the problems others are dealing with, but oh well. I know I'm trying. God knows I'm trying. Those whose opinions matter know I'm trying. That's what matters. I'm not doing this for the crowd. I'm doing it because it's right and phrases God. Everything and everyone else will fall into place on its own.