Birthdays, Camping Trips, and Celebrations: Living the Good Life Without Fear

What should I be doing right now? Writing my final paper for Pastor Aaron’s class.

But that’s not what I’m doing, is it?

Nope.

I can’t focus.

Why?

Because I’m about to explode with happiness.

I haven’t been writing lately, one, because I’m crazy busy with school/work/Kids Ablaze, and two, because life is so freaking good. I don’t want people taking it the wrong way or trying to drag me down off my cloud.

But, today, I just don’t care anymore. Life is so sweet.

Maybe it’s the nostalgia because of my birthday kicking in and making me think about where I was a year ago. I mean, even the difference from six months ago is still pretty stark. On top of those thoughts, this week-ish just had to go and kick all kinds of tail.

I got to see a couple of my favorite musicians from high school with my high school best friend, who is also celebrating her birthday this week. Panic! At the Disco and Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness did not disappoint, plus there was Weezer.

A bookstore co-worker took me paintballing, to an arcade, and to dinner (where she got them to sing to me while playing a tambourine. Girl’s got skills.) We wrapped the night up with Cards Against Humanity and Bo Burnham at another co-worker’s house. Twas a thoroughly splendid evening filled with laughter.

There were a couple days filled with treats. And by treats, I mean: cupcakes, Oreos, a frappucino, chocolate torte from a complete stranger, cheesecake, several donuts, cookies, more cheesecake, wings, and some fun gifts. (Thank you to everyone who spoiled me!)

I managed to get off work to enjoy a night out with my bestie, Aubree, to celebrate her upcoming wedding and birthdays. I got to be surrounded by friends in line to do a gravity ropes course as midnight struck on my birthday. We played laser tag, and somehow got guns that named me Batman and her Joker. It was a blast! Even sitting in a McDonald’s parking lot at 2 a.m. was fun!

After church, the #oddsquad loaded up with the WRC Young Adults clan to camp and float. I seriously love how my girls were so well prepared. Several guys asked us for supplies, which was hilarious. We also upped the cooking game by making macaroni and cheese and raspberry cherry cobbler on the campfire. We ended the night with about 40 people worshipping around the fire and under the stars. It was amazing. Although it stormed overnight and we woke up soaking wet, it was still an awesome time, even before we hit the river. I got to make the 8 mile water adventure in a kayak with Esther, which was a pretty great combination. There were so many shenanigans as we made our way down the river.

This is the part that stands out to me: overcoming fear and uncomfortable situations.

Something most people don’t realize is that I’m not a great swimmer. (It’s especially funny considering I was a Division I Varsity rower in college who may or may not have failed the swim test. Oopsies.) That little fact made me a bit nervous about the kayak trip. I decided I wasn’t going to let that fear stop me, so of course, it was put to the test.

During our lunch stop on the river, somehow, everyone ended up climbing a muddy cliff and sliding down into the river. I started to head over, but felt the current and that it was deeper than I could reach, and quit. After watching for a while, I decided I was going to do it, so I grabbed Esther and we swam into the strong current. Sammy grabbed us so we didn’t drift too far downstream. Our crew had a good system going to get people up to the top, despite the slippery mud. Sliding down was a mucky blast! Somehow, it turned into a mud fight and mud wrestling.

Then came the next mental challenge: jumping off the cliff into the river. It took a while to work up the courage for that one. Break time was up, so I leapt off that ledge and made it back across the river. There are several old friends of mine who would be completely shocked and probably won’t believe that it happened since I refused to do anything of the sort for years.

Heck, I chickened out of kayaking in beautiful blue waters in Canada, but was able to drum up the courage to do it in a mucky Missouri river instead. I know, I make sense.

The point is, I did it. I let go of the fear and had a blast making wonderful memories. Even doing the gravity ropes at the bachelorette party was out of my comfort zone, but I told that little doubting voice in my head to shut up and leave. I took control.

I think that’s why I’m finding life to be so sweet lately. I overcame my past and let go of caring about how people see me. I know I’m not the only one who has struggled with this or will in the future, but God can flip it all around. Now, I’m learning to let go of fear and doubt to overcome limits I placed on myself and enjoy the moment. Kelsey gave me a necklace more than a year ago that said "fearless," so it's about time I actually live that word.

It’s a new level of freedom and I’m loving it.

I feel like this is a lesson that will be coming in handy in the near future, and it’s exciting. I can’t wait to see what’s ahead in this next year of life.

You Never Know What Will Change Your Life: Marking Two Years

The little things are often details we disregard as unimportant, but they really do have the power to completely change your life's direction. A feeling turns into a driver for an action, and next thing you know, your world is completely changed.

A feeling of loneliness sent me to download that dumb app, Tinder, a little over two years ago. Generally, it's a pretty terrible idea, but that's not how my story ended. That app led me to meeting a guy, which led to me going to a cd recording, which opened the door (literally) to returning to God. I was making baby steps back to where I belonged, but didn't have the slightest clue.

I glossed over it in my first "Redhead in Revival" post, but two years ago today, Dustin Smith was recording his "Coming Alive" album. It was on my calendar as three different events, one of them being as a concert involving the guy from Tinder (even though we had stopped pursuing anything more than friendship by then). [side note for clarity's sake: Dustin is not Tinder guy!]. I was meant to walk through the doors of World Revival Church that day and I am so glad I did. It's truly hard to put into words how much my life has changed since then. I'm not the same person I was six months ago, much less 24! 

God has been overwhelmingly good to me, especially lately. I can honestly say I've never been so happy in my life. There is more joy, strength, hope, freedom and stability around me than I know what to do with. He has provided for me at every turn, and I know He isn't going to change. Pastor James was preaching about winning Sunday, and that's exactly how I feel. I mean, I've moved, been blessed with vehicles, seen increase and opportunity at work, met new people, reconnected with old friends, learned new skills to serve at church, I'm sitting here typing this on a new laptop that doesn't have to be plugged in at all times and preparing for a brand new journey. What part of that doesn't scream winning and the faithfulness of God?

I'm not going to lie and say it's been the easiest thing I've ever done. If you've ever read any of my previous posts, you know that's not even remotely true. There has been heartbreak, loss, and struggle after struggle. While hugging Lydia Friday night after service, she said, "I'm really glad you stuck around. You've had every reason to give up and walk away, but you didn't quit." She is 100% correct. I could've walked away a dozen times over by now, but something in me couldn't let go. God isn't done with me yet. Despite everything, I can still look you in the eye and say that God is nothing but good and wants nothing but victory for His children. But think on this: can you really have victory without fighting through a battle? 

I could sit here and ask things like, what if I hadn't swiped right for that one guy, or what if I didn't go to that concert or question some other small step that led me to here, but that's not what I'm going to do. I'm thankful that it all happened, even the rough patches. I know God brought me here with a purpose, and if I skipped those opportunities, He would've opened another door to lead me into His plan. I can't wait to see what little decisions now will have an impact on where I am two years from now. All I know is, it's going to be even better then!

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the LORD. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" - Jeremiah 29:11