Everyone Hates 2016 Except For Me

I've been dragging my feet about writing my annual year in review post because I'm one of approximately 14 people in the world who don't absolutely abhor this year.  I mean, some people created a horror movie trailer with things that really did happen over the past 12 months. While some bizarre things happened around the world, 2016 was actually pretty great for me.

There. I said it.

I remember sitting in church last November when my friend Bridgett passed me a note with a heart on it that said. "Let His hope be your new beginning." About a week later, Pastor Steve said 2016 was the year of new beginnings. For Christmas, Jill gave me a bracelet with the word "hope" on it. Little did I know how accurate all of that was.

2016 had a pretty rocky start, but hitting that low forced me to dig in and decide that I was going to move forward, no matter how much it hurt. Believe me, it did quite a bit. There were some major hurdles, like losing Jill and so many others in the spring, and my cousin just passed away this week, on top of the every day struggles of life. While those lives are very dearly missed, I've seen time and time again over the past 12 months where God twists a scenario and makes it good. It's pushed me out of my comfort zone, and that is where the growth happens. There was so much good, I could yap about it all day, so this will just stick to the broad generalities.

This year put some of my life-long goals in the 'done' category. As long as I can remember, I've wanted to do certain things, but never really thought of them as possible. It was more of a "wouldn't that be nice" type of thing. Some might be deemed silly, but that's your choice to soak the joy out of a situation.

In 2016, I finally read through the entire Bible (after many attempts that didn't make it past Exodus), I read more than 50 books, I got my passport and left the country, I traveled alone, I visited Pearl Harbor and marked D-Day at the National World War II Museum. I sang karaoke (horrendously), jumped off a cliff into a river, kayaked, swam out to a waterfall used in a movie, stood on an extinct volcano (although, I question if this counts since I didn't see lava). My team earned an Emmy nomination, and I'm now back on track to graduate earlier than I should have, but it's on time with the rest of the class.

I'm getting my vision back, but this time, it's coming with follow through.

Then, there were the bonuses. I lost track of how many ballets, musicals, plays, operas and concerts I went to, but bucket-listers like Underoath, Switchfoot and Panic at the Disco are on he list. Chance the Rapper, Winter Jam, and TobyMac's tour were entertaining. I got to meet amazing people, like Marvel's Stan Lee, Gary Sinise from Forrest Gump, Nicholas Sparks, Rainbow Rowell, Barry Williams from 'The Brady Bunch', the guys from Underoath, and Pearl Harbor survivors including Donald Stratton. I got the opportunity to coach young girls in volleyball and be a part of a kids show that's going to reach people around the globe. I was blessed with the ability to get a new car and laptop this year. Heck, I even sprang for a gopro camera, finally. I caught up with old buddies, made new friends and learned who never really fit that title in the first place, and became a better friend to others. There were so many adventures and shenanigans throughout the year, it's crazy to think about how blessed I was.

All of that is fun, but it's the inner changes that are more important. I became stronger and more stable in who I am, while also developing a softness and vulnerability at the same time. It's the weirdest thing, but God is complex like that. I feel like I grew so much, yet have so much more work ahead. Pastor Eric always says, "with God, the journey is everything," and I am thoroughly loving the adventure He's writing for me in this time. It's creating the me I was supposed to be all along, but lost in the flesh's struggle to fit in. Let's face it: I was never meant to be classified as normal.

Despite all of these amazing moments, I know it's just the beginning. It's a thought which is both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. 2016 saw the first few pages of a book come to life and the shiftings to set up some big things in 2017. I keep thinking of the line from Switchfoot's song "If the House Burns Down" which says, "I may not know what I want from this life but I know I want more than the starting line." The next couple months are going to be filled with some deep thought and visioneering as some interesting possibilities are floating around. That's just what I see, so who knows what God still has in His pocket for me. Pastor Steve said 2017 is the year of opportunity and I cannot wait to see how everything will play out.

I hope you grab ahold of the hope for a better life that is found only in Jesus. If He can turn my life around so drastically in just one year, just think where you could be 12 months from now.  Think about what JD King preached last night: "Jesus wants to meet you where you are so He can take you to where He is." He makes all things new and will give you more than what your heart desires when you trust Him.

Happy New Year, everyone!

A Message To The Ladies: It's Time To Arise

A couple people asked me to write down what Pastor Kathy had me share with the women last night for those who missed it. Considering how much my computer is acting up as I try to write this, someone else definitely needs it.

This all started with my inability to sleep, which is all too common anymore. I decided I'd read for a bit and just skip women's group to rest. I reached out and grabbed "Lioness Arising" by Lisa Bevere, but didn't make it very far. On the first page of the second chapter, there is a quote:

"If ever there would come a time when the women of the world come together purely and simply for the benefit of mankind, it will be a force such as the world has never known." - Matthew Arnold, 19th century British poet & philosopher

I read that and immediately thought of how things are changing at WRC. After reading the chapter, I took a picture, sent it to Pastor Kathy, and thought I was going to sleep. Wrong. PK asked me to read it to the ladies and suddenly I was wide awake feeling just how important this is right now.

We are coming out of the Arise Women's Conference, which was pretty incredible and I wasn't even around for all of it! I remember sitting in the control room hearing our media master, David Belich, say, "There is something different about this conference. I'm not even involved in it. I'm just around and it feels different." I shared that comment with Heather Eschenbaum and she hit the nail on the head: the unity made it more powerful.

But this isn't just the women of World Revival Church getting on the same page. There were more than 500 women at this conference. Ladies came from around the country and around the world and joined together with the same goal of chasing after God together. That unity isn't staying in Kansas City. The women who came took it home with them, along with a fresh fire. Becky Tuttle mentioned something later in the meeting that had passed through my mind during the day. There is strength in numbers. There is protection in linking shields with others. (If you've ever seen the show "Vikings" on the History channel, you know what I'm talking about there.) Our shields are wrapping around the world.

While I was speaking to the group, I shared a bit of what's been going on with me lately. I really had no intention of it and I didn't explain the bunny trail that led me to it. While I was standing beside PK and in front of the women, another line from the chapter came to mind. Bevere writes,

"Here is some of what I know about Heaven's daughter. She is lovely, intelligent, and capable. Her life is connected rather than isolated. She is loved by God and hated by Satan. She is oppressed worldwide by both subtle and obvious means."

As I looked out at the faces in front of me, "Her life is connected rather than isolated" jumped into my mind.

That is exactly where I've been living for the past 4-5 months.

I made a mistake and people close to me weren't shy about expressing their unhappiness with me. The invitations to hang out dropped off. I felt unloved and unwanted, so I protected myself by building an island. I stopped trying to be around people. I even told a couple people, yeah, it can be lonely, but there is no drama and I can do whatever I want, so I like it. My isolation kept getting more pronounced. If I wasn't on camera, chances are I wasn't in service either. I fell right into where the enemy wanted.

The breaking point came the Tuesday before the Arise Conference. My best friend, (yes, that one that I wrote about cutting off not long ago.... I'm a sucker for those I care about) called me and said they didn't want me to contact them for the foreseeable future. I was crushed. After crying it out for a couple hours, I grabbed my Bible and read for a while. A peace washed over me that this would be a good thing for us both. No matter how much you love someone, there is a point where you can't help them anymore and you're only hurting yourself by trying. Taking some time apart would give us both time to grow and step into who God is calling us to be. I laid there in bed that Tuesday and said, "Ok, God.... That was my last connection. I'm completely on my own now, but I just read about being together with the body. If it's time for me to come out of this isolation period, make it obvious."

Ask and you shall receive.

The next day, I felt like I should stay for the women's group, which I hadn't done before. I ended up in a group with two women I kinda knew, but never really talked to as the whole group became "salt sisters," I really connected with Leilani and immediately after we were dismissed, she asked me to lunch in a few days. I didn't tell her (until now) that she was the first answer to my prayer. One by one, all these girl dates started popping into my schedule.

I know I'm not the only one who is struggling and finding it's easier to live in isolation. If you are reading this and it's you, the time of being alone is over. It's time to step back into the body and get ready for what is about to happen. Be intentional. Let go of the resentment, bitterness, anger and hurt and jump back into the joy. Yes, it is hard, but I'm working on it right there with you. I went to hug Jacque during the conference and she immediately told me, "There is no waiting period between messing up and coming back. You pick right back up where you left off." It hit me so hard that I wrote it in my journal the second I got back to my seat. That word isn't just for me. Someone else out there needs to jump back in the race and start running again. We can feel the revival bubble is about to burst over us in a whole new way. You have to be there to be a part of it. Women are going to play a big role in this next wave and we need strength in numbers. Lionesses live and hunt in packs, so it is time for us to start doing the same.

If you aren't isolating yourself, look around. Notice who is missing and encourage them to come and be a part of what's coming. Notice who is fading away and reach out to them. Simply asking someone how they are doing or inviting them to do something will help. This doesn't need to be within our own friend groups. Unity isn't a bunch of cliques that aren't fighting. We all need each other. That's why Pastor Kathy is having us get into tiny groups and connect. We need people in our lives that don't fit nicely into our comfort zones. We need everyone's strengths and perspective in order to see the whole picture and be successful.

Bevere writes that she thought her dream meant she was the lioness, but later realized it is all the women of God. We have to step up together.  Like Arnold said, we need to come together simply for the good of mankind. What better good is there for mankind than the hope and life we receive through Jesus?! We carry a power inside us that we can't fully understand, but it is a force the world has never known. Women have been labeled as catty and fought each other for pretty much forever. It's time to shut down that stigma and show what the power of God can really do around the world.

Now is the time to get ready. Bevere writes, "Even the lioness knows she must stretch before she attempts to pounce." That got me thinking about how we will have to step out of our comfort zones as this next move happens. I prayed for God to start stretching me to get me ready, and not three hours later I had a microphone in my hand. (Which is totally not where I see myself, so that was quite strange.) Be praying for the open doors and that we are all ready to walk through them and face what's on the other side.

Last year, Pastor Steve said, "The lion has roared" and the weight of it really struck a lot of people. Well, now it's time for the lioness to get up and join him to hunt down the enemy.

One Year Since The Revival Journey Began

It's hard to believe a whole year has passed since I walked through the doors of World Revival Church for Dustin Smith's live recording. I could believe six months, but not a year. Maybe it's because I've routinely been awake for two days straight that it doesn't seem possible, but this is reality.

I don't know that I can put it into words how much my life has changed over 365 days. If you put that version of me next to who I am today, I don't think you would even realize they were the same person. It's hard to even write about that person because she is so far removed from my life, I don't know who she was. She was an angry, emotional mess.

But now, I'm a different kind of emotional mess. There is a new softness, which actually bugged me at first. It's not a good trait for my day job, with all the death and destruction I see and write about on a daily basis. Now, I cry over stories. Number one on Heather's list of questions is who did you see? Now I look at people in a slightly different light. Don't take that as claim perfection, because I still struggle with being patient and compassionate with those who are rude, but I don't get so angry about customers and callers who need extra attention.

My coworkers will tell you I'm a heck of a lot nicer and easier to work with now. One new manager was told all about who I used to be when she started. Later, she informed me of the warnings she received and said she didn't see it. Progress.

God blessed me so much during this year. I got a new car, new apartment, more responsibility at work, and a great group of people around me. I've learned so much in school and in church. 

This year has been a challenge, especially the past few months, but God has given me the strength to hold on and surrounded me with people who fight for me when I need it. There aren't words to explain how thankful I am for the amazing friend who have spoken life and strength over me or enjoyed a night of laughter and shenanigans. I haven't felt like writing lately, since all of my energy has one into just surviving each day. But then there is this hope I don't think I've ever really had before. The situations of the past couple months are only temporary. My God is a good Father who wants nothing but good for his children. The enemy is on the prowl, but he will not win because God is greater.

 Who knows what the next year will bring, but I'm about to find out.

Second Quarter Quotes

Now that I've slept for about a week straight to kinda sorta catch up on all the rest I missed the past 8, it's time to put a bow on winter quarter at the World Revival School of Ministry. For some reason, it feels like it lasted forever. That's probably because it was an incredibly bumpy few weeks outside the classroom. Or it might have been the enemy attacking since we were covering such important topics. Each class was its own unique blend of wisdom, powerful moments and laughter, but each class changed us deeply. I just went through my notes and typed out most of the quotes I wrote down. They aren't in any particular order, other than grouped by serious and hilarious. There are a lot, but a lot happened during those 120 hours we spent in the classroom. I hope at least one quote helps you through whatever is going on in your life.

• "We don't let the enemy drag us where we don't want to go." - Autumn Darden
• "Survival isn't dignified. Do you want to be pretty or free?" - Autumn
• "Grace of God is an empowerment. It's not mush-gushy. 'I still love you anyway' is not grace. That's mercy." - Autumn
• "God wants us to BE better, not DO better." - Autumn
• "Hungry people don't care about you. They want help." - Pastor Steve Gray
• "We don't want to be the people who say 'This is who I am.'" - Pastor Steve
• "Things are happening while you are sitting here thinking about what you are going to have for lunch!" - Pastor Steve
• "Don't start asking if you don't have any honor or respect for Him." - Autumn
• "Everything that can be shaken, will be shaken." - Autumn
• "If you've decided who you are and who your trust is in, you will not be shaken." - Autumn
• Anything you don't expect is there to shake you." - Autumn
• "If it's too hard, you haven't grabbed a hold of the strength of the Lord and are doing it wrong." - Autumn
• "We don't want an emotional response. We want a Word response because that's what changes your life forever." - Pastor Steve
• "If you don't respond, He'll quit speaking to you." - Pastor Steve
• "When it's all about you, it's hard to be happy." - Autumn
• "Prayer is easy when you recognize Him as supreme ruler." - Autumn
• "America is Martha. We don't know how to be Mary because we think Mary is lazy." - Autumn
• "Hypocrisy in religion causes you to be lower. It pushes down. It doesn't pull up." - Autumn
• "Wanna see more miracles? Respond to the word you've been given." - Autumn
• "God doesn't like a shortcut relationship. Good enough is not good enough. It's an attitude that there's no excellence put into it." - Pastor Eric Thomason
• "It's the 'nevers' that cause us to be greater because eventually, you'll end up doing it. Don't ever short change God in your life and say 'I'll never do that' or 'I'm not good enough.'" - Pastor Eric
• "Don't be mad at the world for being the world!" - Pastor Eric
• "Don't get impatient with God. With God it is about the journey, because when you find fulfillment, the seeking is over. The journey ends when you are dead." - Pastor Eric
• "If you notice God isn't speaking, you've either gone too fast and need to back and let him walk you through it, or you've stopped praying." - Pastor Eric
• "You need to recognize what is in you will bring life to a dying world. It will bring light to the darkness." - Pastor Tom Trout
• "The battle for recognition is easy. Throw yourself into Jesus." - Pastor Tom
• "Worship needs to reinforce, powerfully, the truth of God." - Pastor Tom
• "Whenever you say yes to God and no to the world, you are putting the enemy under your feet. There's an escalation there." Pastor Tom
• "You can't self-deliver you. Deliverance is something only God can do." - Pastor Tom
• "Do they walk away from their experience with you blessed? Or do they walk away from their experience with you drained?" - Pastor Tom
• "Your perspective dictates your response. You base your response on what you see." - Pastor Dustin Smith
• "We've been taught in church to sing, not to see. We've been taught that silence equals reverence." - Pastor Dustin
• "Commands are for me to experience the benefits of God. Traditions only allow me to experience people." - Pastor Dustin
• "You don't give thanks ahead of time because you don't have it, but giving thanks ahead of time shows we know we already have it." - Pastor Dustin
• Pastor Dustin's acronym for Worship = Worth & Warfare, One focus, Response, Shifts atmospheres, Honor, Invigorating, Purpose & People
• "The best way to be responsive in worship is to ask to be sensitive to what to respond to." - Pastor Dustin
• "When your worship is just rules made by man, it brings no life." - Pastor Dustin
• "You can have your eyes fixed on the monster, but I prefere to look at the growing fire that consumes the monster." - Pastor Tom
• "Each one of us, because we are human, are like a fingerprint of God, and a fingerprint is a form of identification." - Pastor Tom
• "Prayer and action go hand in hand. It's not something we do. Prayer is who we are." - Pastor Diana Trout
• "In order to do something with your life, your going to have to get off the path of least resistance." - Pastor James Koppang
• "Walking with God is more important than being blessed by God." - Pastor James
• "You are blessed to be a blessing." - Pastor James
• "We've got a lot of work to do on the men of our culture. Our culture really messes up girls' brains about what's worthy of being pursued." - Pastor James
• "Don't be an idiot." - Pastor James
• "People are moved more by the weather than by the Holy Spirit. That's why God lets the weather get out of control so they will ask the Holy Spirit for help." - Heather Eschenbaum
• "There is always going to be a mocker or two, so don't get bummed." - Pastor Kathy Gray
• "Perfectionism kills the anointing. Analyzation kills the anointing. Analyzation kills the blessing." - Heather
• "Perfectionism, you need to recognize it in yourself as a flaw." - Heather
• "Looking inward causes people to die around you. Introspection causes harm." - Heather
• "Evaluation is important in a moment, not a lifestyle." - Heather
• "God is like, 'Stop talking to my enemy and I'll kill it.'" - Heather
• "The mistakes will never stop. Mistakes will never stop until you are in heaven. Your mistakes should spread out. Prefectionism takes you back to the start." - Heather
• "It's golidlocks syndrome. You're either too young or too old. You'll never be just right." - Heather
• "If we already had it, it wouldn't be called hope." - Pastor Kathy
• "He's not looking to make your life hard. He's looking to be a part of it." - Heather
• "It's not about the bar. It's not about the club. It's what's been birthed in you to get you to that point." - Heather
• "If Mary had been concerned about having a boyfriend or getting married, she would have missed a move of God." - Heather
• "You don't really love him. You're in love with love." - Heather
• "Type A people, don't be driven. Type B people, come up." - Heather
• "Word of wisdom rises above common sense. It's divine." - Heather
• "Elijah was looking for heart. The guy with the mantle was looking for hearts." - Heather
• "You are on an accelerated path with your mantle. This is an Olympic training center. You are being trained for the Olympics of God." - Heather
• "Don't let the enemy cover you in the things that aren't of God." - Heather
• "People leave because they don't want to have to change anymore. The people who succeed are the ones who transform from glory to glory in Jesus." - Heather
• "If you want to live a spiritual life, stop talking about the things you don't have and talk about the things you do."
• "You never lose in the Kingdom of God by giving what you have." - Pastor Kathy
• "It is a rare breed who do not get offended by the Word. It's ok to feel a response. It's another thing to feel offense." - Heather
• "Elisha didn't find the mantle. The mantle found him. God looks for true leaders in the field of obscurity." - Heather
• "What has God called you to? He's called you to more." - Heather

But not every moment was serious. Sometimes, things just got silly. Some might be 'had to be there' moments, but they cracked us up like none other.

• "What are you going to give up for lent? Uh... lent!" - Pastor Steve
• "We've been freed in Christ, yeah, but not freed to be an idiot!" - Pastor Eric
• "We are a car one moment an a monster the next!' Pastor Diana (on transforming our passions back and forth)
• "Knowing the capitals of all the states is not going to help me in my life. Ever." - Pastor James
• "To squander our time is borderline sin. I won't go all the way and say it's sin because then you can't quote me! I said borderline!" - Pastor James
• "I'm sorry son. You can't see, but your mother really likes her hair." - Pastor James (on financial priorities)
• "At some point, you're going to have to ask her to marry you. If that's your first conversation, that's weird!" - Pastor James
• "Did you just say you are happier when Trevor shuts up?" - Kimi "Now THAT is funny!" - Pastor Diana
• "That would be borderline hell for me, having a Q & A with you guys." - Pastor James
• "I go talk to the people who are smiling. If they are frowning, pffft! Unless I feel like I need to go check on them, because I'm a PASTOR!" - Pastor James
• Don't 'woooaaah' me! 'Wooooaaahh' God... If you're feeling saucy today." - Pastor James
• "Healthy does not mean a size one... girls! You might wanna have a little extra on ya for the winter!" - Pastor James
• "I realize eating gallons of gummy worms is not good, but they're so good." - Pastor James
• "Your wife has every liberty to comment on how you're maybe becoming overweight. You have zero to say to her. Like Nazi! Communist! DO NOT!" - Pastor James
• "Somebody, Dustin, introduced me to 24. He didn't tell me it was like crack! I can't label it anything other than straight pagan!" - Pastor James
• "Pastor Steve and Kathy are not type A. They are type Jesus." - Heather
• "You cannot be this happy and be a perfectionist, like Rainbow Brite comin' outta ya!" - Heather
• "He's so comfy. He's like a big sack of potatoes." - Pastor Kathy (about her cat)
• "Being single is a gift. Write that down!" - Heather
• "Holy Spirit Mafia." - Pastor Kathy
• "No, you want her poor little mind to explode!" - Heather
• "I'm trying to break open your minds and reach my hand in and pull something out. Don't make me do it for real!" - Heather
• "Is that a man you want to raise children with? 'But he's hot.' Well, then your children will be pretty punks." - Heather

Choose The Difficult

I'm one of those crazy people who loves a good challenge. As long as I can remember, I've lived that saying, "Tell me I can't and I'll show you I can" and that has a lot to do with my parents. My dad really modeled it for me by working multiple jobs to support us and make sure we had as many opportunities as possible. My poor parents drove me all over the region to get me to speech team, student council, service projects, whatever sport was in season, church groups, extracurricular classes, whatever competition was happening, or to hang out with my friends. They didn't complain about it (too much), but shelled out so much time and money to make sure I got to do whatever I could that might benefit me. They encouraged me to keep going after every challenge, even when people said I couldn't. When people in the school told me I couldn't play two sports in one season, my parents stood up for my desire to do so and pushed me to succeed in both. They didn't let me quit when it got hard because they knew stretching me young would benefit me down the road.

Staying busy and accepting challenges is a pattern I still follow today, but it seems like people have a harder time accepting it now. Just yesterday, one of my co-workers asked me when I was going to give up one of my jobs, claiming he feared I was stretching myself too thin. My reaction was to laugh. This person is newer here and doesn't know that this isn't a new pattern for me. I don't just survive being busy, I thrive in it. There was a time after college where I tried living like a "normal person" with one job, but I went stir crazy with so little to do.

Just a couple hours after explaining to my co-worker that I am fine and will continue to be as long as I'm listening to God's direction, I went to the afternoon session of the Power and Presence Conference. Pastor Steve was speaking about the ten attitudes we need to have to move into the secret place with God. The first thing he said was believing that we are available for "Unlimited Use." If Jesus didn't put limits on what could be done on earth, why should we limit what the Holy Spirit can do through us? We focus on being perfect and only doing something if we know we can do it well. One thing Pastor Steve said that really stuck with me is, "our job isn't to be successful, it's to be obedient." There is no limit to what He can do, and when we follow his direction, it gives Him a vessel to move through. It's not possible by our own power, but His... something the Bible says repeatedly. Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Mark 10:27 says, "And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible." It's also mentioned in Matthew 19:26, Luke 1:37, and Luke 18:27. Then, when we are obedient so God can do what He wants, He blesses us by allowing us to do some of the things we want. As Pastor Steve said, "I'll increase when I operate on God's terms."

All the time, people ask me things like how am I awake or how I'm still standing. The answer is simple: the power of God. He put me in a position where I can spread messages and meet a wide variety of people. He told me to go to World Revival School of Ministry, so I obeyed, (even though moving to be with my family sounded like a more comfortable idea.) Because I obeyed, He breathes the life and energy into me that I need to keep going.

Just because it is possible, doesn't mean it is going to be easy. Pastor Steve's "number C" point was "Choose the Difficult." God didn't take the easy path in sending His Son as a sacrifice for us, so we shouldn't expect everything He requires of us to be a breeze. Matthew 7:13-14 says, "You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it." When we choose the difficult path, not only is it making us stronger, we are giving the Lord an opportunity to show How powerful He is by working through us. I can't tell you how many times during the first quarter of school where I depended on Him to flow through my hands so I could get a paper done in time and for the energy to stay awake in class. I thank God for creating caffeine for me! An idea Pastor Steve mentioned that I had never thought of was, when we pick something hard, it gives us something to talk to God about and pray about. So not only are we building endurance, perseverance and strength through the situation, we are deepening our relationship with Him and becoming more dependent on our Heavenly Father. 1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."


In the night service for the conference, Pastor Steve talked about how important it is to participate. He said, "The healing power and presence of God happens through participation." When we are passive, we make ourselves easy targets for deception. But when we are active in our faith, it pleases God and makes us available for His use. That action won't be easy, but it will be worth it. 2 Peter 1:10-11 says, "So, dear brothers and sisters, work hard to prove that you really are among those God has called and chosen. Do these things and you will never fall away. Then God will give you a grand entrance into the eternal Kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 

My life is crazy right now, but God hasn't told me to drop anything. It's hard, but He gives me the strength and energy to do it every day. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be part of WRC and go to the school of ministry. It's preparing me for whatever God has next. I want to be as ready as possible for that task, so I choose the difficult now.  

One Down

My first quarter at the World Revival School of Ministry just came to an end with a final that felt like it lasted only five minutes. I cannot fathom how quickly it passed! This and other events of the day sparked a nostalgic and reflective spirit. I haven't had time to really write much this quarter, even though there were many things I wanted to share. Let's be real, I didn't sleep or cook much. Writing about all the changes slipped down the totem pole of priorities behind homework, work, and a nap in the backseat of my car. But I wouldn't change a thing. I am still alive purely by the power of God, and loving every minute of this journey.

One of my favorite moments of the quarter happened right before our first final. You could feel the stress and fear in the room leading up to that test. Where my public university professors would have handed out the tests immediately, Heather taught us how to fight it off. We entered into a time of deep prayer and, together, commanded that spirit to leave us. After a few minutes, the atmosphere was completely different. We pulled the presence of God into that room, and man, was it awesome. The Holy Spirit guided my hand while I answered those questions. Several of us talked about not really realizing what we were writing, because the Spirit was doing it for us. I am so thankful for a school that takes that moment to really make sure the students are grasping what is really important. The grade isn't the important part. It's being able to draw strength from God whenever we need it.

It is really hard to believe that ten weeks actually happened. I could believe maybe five or six, but not ten. Looking back, there is so much change in myself in my classmates, that maybe it really was more than ten weeks. Who knows... They say time flies when you are having fun, and I think spending time in the presence of God with amazing people qualifies as fun. Even now, I'm sitting in a gym listening to some of them practice playing worship songs. I could be sleeping, but this is infinitely more fulfilling.

I've gained a whole new group of friends in my classmates. I was really quiet for the first chunk of the quarter. It wasn't until the midterm for Developing a Lifestyle of Faith class that I opened up. I remember the moment well. When we finished the test, we went into the library to wait for our next class. I sat in the corner and worked on a knitting project. Someone knocked the rubber grip off of a seat, and I said, "This is why we can't have nice things!" Everyone burst into laughter and it loosened the room up. Next thing I know, a couple girls are sitting with me in the corner chatting away and discovering all these things we have in common. In the weeks that followed, our late night Taco Bell study parties and Facebook conversations have really forged an amazing bond. These people have really grown to be my adopted siblings in Christ and I am so thankful for each and every one of them.

Since my last post, I've also experienced an amazing healing. I was moving a set of book bays at work, when the shelves collapsed. One of them slammed into my wrist. It immediately turned purple and started swelling, to the point my managers had me file my first (and hopefully last!) injury report. Typing at my main job all night was painful. I moved slowly but got through it. Then, I ran a jib camera at church, which takes a lot of thumb movement. It was incredibly painful and I couldn't feel my hand at all by the end of service. One of my friends and a prayer warrior noticed I was holding it and asked to pray. She said she could feel the warmth travel through my skin as I quickly started feeling my fingers again. The pain immediately went away and never returned, not even when I bumped walking in my door 20 minutes later. My God is so good and faithful, and I am so thankful for His healing touch!

There were so many moments in class where someone would say something amazing and I would quickly scribble the quote down in my notebook with the intent of posting it on Facebook or writing a post based off it. By the end of the class, there were too many to choose from and I would let it pass. So, now, I'm just going to blow your mind with some of the wisdom poured into me over the past few weeks in one fell swoop, plus some of the inevitable silliness that comes from a group of sleep deprived millennials.

- We GET to do the things of God. 

- "Faith can afford to let someone else have first dibs." - Pastor Kathy

- There is power in building your faith through glorifying the Lord.

- You can't choose to be offended by people and have faith.

- Don't even think about marrying someone who doesn't convict you.

- If you can't be happy with just you and God, your "Abraham" will never be enough.

- "You have a God like a very fast and powerful car. Why do you act like you are going to drive a tricycle down the highway?" - Heather

- "Please think!" "My mother didn't teach me to cook. She taught me to think! I had to Google the recipe because my mother only taught me to think!" - Pastor Kathy (The recipe was for some great chili!)

- The Kingdom of God is not a fairy tale. We act like Disney princesses in distress. We want God to be our Prince Charming and save us without any effort. Revival takes work!

- The Word of God is not weak. Our understanding is weak.

- "May the Lord strike you...... with great conviction! Ha! You thought I was going to say something else!" - Heather

- The problem isn't that the kingdom is lacking, it is the lack of asking.

- "One conversation... What do people get from you?" - Heather

- "You are not stretched. Write a book!" - Heather

- "We put God on a fast food timeline. A lifestyle of faith takes your whole life. You will never arrive until you are at heaven's gates."

- "What you whine and complain about today, you'll wish for tomorrow." - Heather

- "It is not the gospel about me." - Pastor Steve

- "A soldiers' only option is 'Yes, sir!' Giving yourself options is giving yourself the option to fail." -Autumn

- #HangryJesus - see Mark 11:14. 

- God will not rally for us if we don't rally for Him.

- "No one is upset about gossip, pride and greed because we've adapted to it and are more comfortable in the darkness than in the light." - Pastor Steve

- Some issues aren't about right and wrong, but right and more right. Are you going to use your freedom in Christ for yourself and cause someone else to stumble or are you going to share it with all? Those who live should not live for themselves.

- Sometimes, the enemy tries to engage you in a battle to wear you down, like boxing the air.

- Accept that you'll have a Judas in your life, but don't stop loving people. People will feel your guardedness and not trust you, even if you have nothing to hide.

- The secret to contentment is the presence of God.

- "A butterfly on the back will eventually be a butterfly in the crack."

- Jesus and his disciples were not Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, whistling while they worked. Jesus didn't wave a magic wand and heal people with a bippity boppity boo. - Autumn

- "When you know who you are, you don't have to defend yourself." - Autumn

- God cares how you feel, but He won't change course for it because your feelings will change as you transform into the image of Christ.

-"Jesus is the answer to everything!" - Trevor

- "That was a burp from the depths of my soul!" - Erica

- "You should talk to Danielle. She's interested in that stuff and she's awkward too." - Kelsey. "Hi... uhh... I'm going to look at the books now." - Danielle

"Thank you for letting me spank you in the Spirit." - Heather

"I think I'm going to ban Mountain Dew next time. I can tell exactly who had it." - Autumn

There were so many other moments. I might add them later.

All of these lessons and moments in service have really altered who I am. It really hit me at work today how much God has changed me over the past few months. Working in news, I deal with and see a lot of terribly graphic things. Just between today and yesterday, four people died in crashes while I was working. The one overnight into this morning involved two pedestrians getting hit by several cars and it literally tore them apart. Police couldn't figure out why the people got out of their car and walked onto the interstate. While most people would be horrified at hearing something, a normal reaction among journalists is "That's a great story!" or "Can we get the dashcam video from the cop that hit them?" Both statements were made this morning, but I couldn't join in. Even though I knew nothing about these two people, I felt a deep ache for them. My eyes welled up and the more we talked about it, the more it bugged me. It's a stark contrast to earlier this year and a couple years ago when I had to cover similar stories. I even saw one of them, yet it didn't bug me. We made our "normal" off-color jokes and went on with our day like nothing happened. But today really got to me. It reminded me of something we talked about in our "Innocence Restored" group over the summer. We talked about how the way to fix a hard and cold heart is to soak in the oil of God's presence and let Him soften it until it matches His heart. We can't really reflect His love if our hearts are like rocks. We have to be vulnerable to injury in order to really love like Jesus does. Jesus was vulnerable and died to show love. We don't have the imminent threat of death for following Christ like many other countries, and that results in a lot of lackadaisical Christians. That isn't what I want to be. Being a part of this school is really showing me how to develop a stronger faith, which requires action. As Pastor James keeps saying, God is raising up a remnant. I am so honored to be a part of this group as we grow to be God's firebrands together.

I can't wait to start the next quarter with these amazing teachers and classmates.

Bye Bye, Booze

Several of my friends have asked about my decision to quit drinking because it caught them off guard. It's not like I was even close to being an alcoholic, but it was responsible for several crazy nights and bad decisions. Answering with, "because God told me to" wasn't cutting it for them, so I did some digging in the Bible.

The real epiphany moment was at the Encounter conference in June while Isaiah Saldivar was preaching. He shared about his life before Christ and how he was partying every day. When God met Isaiah at the altar, He said it would cost everything. Everything includes alcohol. I really felt convicted about drinking while sitting there that Saturday night. I made the decision to give it up for God and He took it. Today marks two months without a drink, and I don't miss it.

Facing my friends was a bit of a challenge. That was what we did together. Grab a margarita and complain about work. Down a few beers and watch football. Now, I changed the game and neither of us quite knew what to do. Some told me it won't last, but they don't understand that I am a changed person. It happened so fast, it just didn't make sense to them. A couple people talked about how the Bible doesn't say anything about not drinking. I quoted the one scripture I knew off the top of my head on the issue, which was Ephesians 5:17-18 "Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;" Well, having been filled with the Spirit, the hole I numbed with alcohol was also filled. The Holy Spirit satisfied that desire, and I started so see more of that passage happen in my life. Verses 19-20 say, "Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." I have been singing praise songs and thanking God for everything He has done and will continue to do. As Pastor Steve says all the time, "Stick with the plan." When you stick with what God calls you to do, the rest falls into place. It just takes faith to believe it will all come to be.

While working on this post, I was also streaming live service from World Revival Church. Something Pastor Steve just said fits pretty well. "The things that wear other people are not wearing you out because they aren't important to you." I see my friends who drink struggling at work and struggling to find happiness. I'm not saying my work struggles all went away since giving up alcohol, but by following God, I have the strength and joy within me to make it through the day in decent spirits.

Surprisingly, or not, some of my Christian friends are included in the group questioning the decision to quit drinking. This quote from Isaiah hits the nail on the head: "Here's the thing: I'm a Christian and I drink. I'm a Christian and I smoke. I'm a Christian and I party. I'm a Christian and I don't live any different than anybody. You must not be a Christian because you're so radical and you're so different. So what are you? So they label us as in a cult because they don't understand that we met someone that they're talking about. They don't understand that we came into an encounter with a living God that breathes out stars." Two of my friends have actually asked if I was in an occult now because the new "rules" I live by are "no fun" and "too strict." Maybe I'm not indulging in the worldly fun anymore, but I don't miss it. Alcohol pales in comparison to the joy I've found in following God and spending time with Godly people. That alone would be enough, but then there are verses like Proverbs 23:21a, "For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty."  How many of us want poverty? Exactly. If making one little change can help fend off being poor, well, I'll take that blessing! Right away, not spending money on alcohol leaves money in my pocket to spend on more important things.

There are several other verses in the Bible that talk about not drinking. One is Leviticus 10:9m which says, "Do not drink wine or strong drink, thou not thy sons with thee." That probably explains why my parents were so upset by my drinking. Oops. Sorry, guys!

This past Friday night, Pastor Tom posed the question, if the Holy Spirit is within us, what are we subjecting him to? We have to fight our carnal, fleshly desires in order to let the Spirit operate through us. Two passages label drinking a problem of the flesh. Romans 13:13-14 says, "Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof." Galatians 5:19a and 21 says, "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." That last part is heavy. Works of the flesh keep us from the kingdom of God and drinking is a work of the flesh. Boom. If anything else wasn't enough of a reason for me, that sure did it. Following God is worth the cost.

Again, that passage continues to give us details of how following the Spirit instead of the flesh can impact our lives right now. Galatians 5:22-24 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law." I want to be a good fruit and see the fruit of the Spirit grow in my life.

These are just a bunch of reasons for how I came to the decision. Bottom line, I made the change because God told me to, and that is all the reason I need.

Encounter

About a month after I started going to WRC, the church hosted a youth and young adults conference. They announced it every week leading up to it, but honestly, I was not paying attention. The ladies kept asking me if I was going to go, and I kept saying no. One, I had to work. Two, it was the same weekend my friends were going to get married, so I was going to be partying all weekend with them. With about a week until the wedding, the bride posted on facebook that the ceremony was off. They were still going to get married, but they were going to elope to escape the family drama. I already had time off from both jobs, so, of course, I tried to plan to leave town.

The Wednesday before the conference, one of the ladies text me again, asking if I was going to go. Again, I said no. All night at work, Encounter kept coming to mind. Repeatedly, I woke up during my Thursday nap with Encounter on my mind. Finally, I grabbed my phone, bought a ticket and text Mary that I was in.

That was the best decision I could have made. Despite being exhausted Friday night after working both jobs, I left so energized by Pastor Steve's message on running the race. (This combines Friday night and Sunday morning's messages since it was a two-parter.) It was from Hebrews 12:1-2. "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." Pastor Steve talked about how the key to running the Christian race is not how fast you go, but what you carry. Only so much can fit inside you. Stop carrying the worries and sins. Just go. 

Pastor Steve said giving up on our race with God is the sin (singular) that so easily entangles us, and it is so true. How many times do we slack off or straight give up when things get hard? Making the same dumb mistake repeatedly is like running into a barbed wire fence at full speed. You know it's going to hurt. You know it's going to tangle you up.You know it's going to keep you from where you are going to go. Sticking with Jesus all the time is the hard part, especially when you are around people who don't believe the same as you or aren't used to your fire. I've seen this in my own life since finding my way back to God. I barely see some people I once called my closest friends. They don't know how to handle me anymore, some going as far as saying "It's like you are a different person. I don't know who you are anymore." (I chose to take that as a compliment, even though it wasn't intended as such.) Like Pastor Steve said Sunday, "Opposition is there to wear you down."When we look at the persecution Jesus had to go through, it really puts our lives in perspective. He was beaten. He bled and died for us. Is losing a couple friends or being called crazy really that bad in comparison? I think not. Americans are pretty dang lucky in that regard.

I missed Pastor Dustin's sermon Saturday morning because I was working, and was half asleep for Pastor James' message. I remember it was good, but didn't take notes. It had something to do with raising up a remnant. I need to go back and listen to it.

Saturday night was a big night for me. Isaiah's preaching was so spot on and full of fire. Take the 75 minutes and listen to it, because I seriously can't do it justice. He talked about how organized religion can send us to hell just as fast as meth; how the problem isn't getting the fire - it's keeping the fire; how we can expect to go through everything Jesus went through while we follow him; and how we need to show proof that we are saved, not just say it. 

Something Isaiah said that really stuck out to me was that grace isn't permission to sin, but rather, it's power to overcome sin. Hearing Isaiah's story about giving up his job, fiance and partying to go after God really stuck with me. The drinking part really convicted me, but I'll save that for a post all its own.

 At the end of Isaiah's message, I was at the front in the crowd of youth and young adults. At some point, he put a hand on my head and I heard him pray for fire to fall, and boy did it. Next thing I knew, I was on my knees speaking in tongues for the first time since I was a kid in Indiana. After a while, I started to stand up and heard "school of ministry." Of course, I'm stubborn and ignored it, but it didn't go away. I let it rest on repeat in the back of my mind for a couple days before I really did anything with that.

Bottom line, my life changed at the Encounter conference. It is a journey, but I'm loving seeing how God is moving through me and around me. More to come on all of that...