2014: The Rough Ride

It's that time of year where everyone gets all nostalgic about the previous 12 months, myself included. Maybe that's because I have to write a bunch of top (fill in the blank) stories for work, or maybe it's just natural to look at how you got to this point when something comes to a close. Writing this year in review type post is something I've done every year since middle school, but this year, part of me doesn't want to look back on the mess that it was.

Today marks a year since my last post on my "Ginger Journalist" blog. It was doing the exact same thing, looking back. A similarity between the 2013 and 2014 is how a song I listened to at the beginning of the year really played out in my life. Last year, it was "Weightless" by All Time Low. This year, my first Facebook post was lyrics to "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath. That was right before things got crazy, and I had no idea that it would start to happen.

To say 2014 started off on the wrong foot would be putting it lightly. My apartment flooded on January 1st. I ran over myself with my own car on January 2nd. Two people I knew were murdered in January. Things deteriorated quickly at my career job, which was my whole world at the time. I dated some really fabulous guys that I met on Tinder (those words are dripping with sarcasm... the app isn't worth it most of the time) and my family finished moving away. The first few months destroyed me, but it was only setting me up for the 180 that started in the middle of May. But that transformation forced me into the most difficult decision of my life: follow my career and move or follow God and stay. It seems pretty obvious, but it stressed me out for weeks. 

It's slightly amusing to compare what I wanted from 2014 to what actually happened. I wanted to be a part of a book club, which I did start, but it ended when I quit drinking. The epic birthday party I imagined at the beginning of the year didn't quite go how I thought, but that also involved being sober. I wanted to learn to like wine. Didn't happen.  Scrapbook, draw, or go to the gym? Nope, nope, nope. All that disappeared in the craziness of revival. My list did include finding a church and going once a month, so at least I got that covered. 

2014 did have some bright spots, like getting nominated for two more Emmy's. I didn't win either, but getting nominated is still pretty cool. I went to the theatre and KC Symphony with my dear friend, Aubree. The Doomsquad got back together (mostly) for a night to watch and celebrate a Wildcat victory over the Jayhawks. I went to a live recording of a worship album. I saw a bunch of bands live (Brandon Heath, Mandisa,Third Day, Skillet, Newsboys, Tenth Avenue North, Lecrae, Newsong, Thousand Foot Krutch, Colton Dixon, Veridia, Demon Hunter, Red). I put my friends on TV multiple times. I took my littlest sister to her first Red Wings game. I produced some fun shows complete with dancing weathermen, and handled some intense breaking news. I went to Worlds of Fun's media night with friends and coworkers. I became a member of WRC on my 25th birthday and then got involved with the media crew. Getting to learn to use a jib camera and be a technical director are pretty awesome things on their own, but to do it so others around the world can hear of God's goodness is beyond special. This year, I also moved to a bigger apartment and got a better car, which just proves that God provides for His children.

One of my favorite things from 2014 was going to Washington D.C. for the first time, then driving down to Bedford, Va., for the 70th anniversary of the D-Day invasion. My friend Monica and I got to meet some truly amazing veterans and record their stories. One day, we will get the documentary finished and share their stories with the world. I'm still in awe of those men. 

That trip was in between the first night at World Revival Church and the Encounter Conference, and that is when the Brandon Heath lyrics started kicking in. Getting to hear such powerful stories started opening my eyes to see people differently. "Give me your eyes so I can see/ Everything that I keep missing/ Give me Your love for humanity. Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted/ The ones that are far beyond my reach. Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten. Give me Your eyes so I can see." You never know what someone has been through just by looking. You have no idea what they are carrying with them. I deal with a lot of people between my main two jobs and I didn't care about who they were or where they've been. But over the past 7 months, God has been softening me up and developing more compassion in me. I've teared up more in the past couple months than I can remember in the past couple years. It's the strangest thing, but my WRC friends keep telling me it's good, and I trust them. I mean, it's hard to genuinely show God's goodness to the world when you are heartless and cold. In softening up, I'm taking a little more time with some of the people I encounter throughout the day. That's given me an opportunity to share how God changed my life, planting a seed that could become someone's harvest. You never know how your story can impact others.

My list of things to do in 2014 included make new friends, which absolutely happened at WRC. I did lose old friends in my transformation though. It sucks, but sacrifice is part of the deal. I had to give up things I used to love to make time and space for God. Those who didn't support my new path or got in the way got left behind. Sometimes I miss them and the things we used to do, but I know it's for the best. I mean really, who would have guessed I'd only watch two KSU football games this season? Not me, that's for sure. I didn't think I could give up drinking or going out with my drunkard friends, but God took that from me when I turned it over to Him.

I am truly thankful for the new people in my life. I never felt like I fit in with people before this year. Granted, there are still certain groups where I feel out of place, but it's not nearly as often as it used to be. It's so nice to be accepted because I'm quirky, not in spite of it. These friends from class and church have been there for me through all of the rough patches on the back half of the year (including the loss of three friends from college), they've jumped into shenanigans with me, joined in eating way too much junk food, laughed with me, and become people I will fight for. Several of these people have become far closer than friends, but family.

With my family gone, I now appreciate them a lot more. Who knew that would ever happen?! Getting to talk to a sibling on the phone is a serious highlight to my day. Whenever they visit, it's like an explosion of crazy. I wish they were around more, but I know we all made the right choices for ourselves. I'm supposed to be here chasing God and they need to take care of Grandpa. The 800 miles between us really make time together more valuable.

I picked "Fix My Eyes" by For King and Country as the song for my year in pictures because of its lyrics. The first half is about what you would want your younger self to know if you could go back and give advice. That's like the first half of my year where I was kinda off the rails. The second half is about knowing what you need to do and following the Lord's orders. Like Autumn said in class, your only answer is "Yes, Sir." That means fixing your eyes on Him and doing whatever it takes to reflect Jesus and become more like Him. I really love the line that says, "The things of earth are dimming/ in the light of Your glory and grace." It's a reminder that the things of this world don't even come close to what God has in store for us. My love for things of this world has been fading this year. The more I'm at church or school or reading the Bible, the more I want to do those things, instead of chase after the things I used to enjoy doing more than anything.

I haven't really thought about what I want out of 2015. I thought way too much about 2014, and look how that turned out. No matter what lies ahead, I know God is with me and He will continue to prove His faithfulness and goodness. The year of the Lord's favor is upon us.

(This post is in memory of the friends I lost in 2014: Hal Sasko, Daniel Flores, David Garrett, Darryl Blackmon, and Courtney Mooney)

Finding Freedom

I pretty much haven't stopped smiling in nearly 48 hours, and I'm not alone. The first year students at World Revival School of Ministry ended 2014's classes with a bang... literally.

We started with our Holy Spirit class turned relationship advice from Heather. Basically, it was a lot of laughter, a lot of truth and, since it was also our Christmas celebration, a lot of sugar.

We were in a pretty good mood when our Theology of Luke class started. One of my classmates mentioned God showed him his recliner, as sign to make a place for Him. He mentioned something he was struggling with something, so we started talking about how addictions and painful moments take away our freedom to choose life and hold us prisoner. We can fight and fight, but sometimes it just doesn't break off. That's when Autumn pointed out the significance of the chair. "What do chairs do? Nothing! They just sit there!" It's not giving up. It is taking a moment to agree with God's will, that He will show His faithfulness and goodness. In Luke 4:18, one of the things Jesus says He is anointed to do by the Spirit of the Lord is proclaim freedom for the prisoners. Coming into agreement with His will is a lot more effective than fighting for your own.

However, there are times we do need to fight to prove our desire for that freedom. Our discussion on fighting got very real and raw. What stuck with me at that point was talking about how, when faced with a predator, locking up can be deadly. Autumn dropped an amazing truth bomb. "Survival isn't dignified. You can be pretty or you can be free." She said it takes kicking and screaming. Then, when Autumn said, "and sometimes, you need to bite," I knew she was speaking directly to me, but had no idea. That was how I got away during an incident in college. I didn't talk about that night for a very long time, and still never told my family what happened. I thought I was over it, but in class, I realized how that one moment had negatively impacted every relationship since and many friendships, sparking my downward spiral. I felt sick when it hit me how not ok I really was, but God wasn't done working.

Toward the end of class, Autumn tried to get class back on the plan. We turned to Luke 1, the same chapter from our first class. Autumn looked down at her Bible while the class sat in silence for a while. It felt like minutes, but it was probably only 30-45 seconds at most. She looked up with a half smile and said that she wanted to move on with the lesson, but felt like she couldn't. Then she asked, "who wants freedom for Christmas?"

We moved the tables, clumped a little more than half of the class in the front of the room. The other half were the interceders and stood behind Autumn. It was insanely intense. People in the classroom across the hall said it sounded like a roar coming from our room. It was an intense time of prayer seeking freedom for ourselves, and those we've linked shields with.

After I don't even know how long, Caila grabbed my hand and started praying with me. I had a flashback to a dream I had about a week and a half ago. (It's strange because I rarely dream or remember any details more than a few minutes after I wake up. This one, I remembered pretty clearly.) In the dream, I pushed the guy I dated most recently into an ocean, then jumped in myself. I was underwater, but wasn't wet or drowning. The ex was banging on glass between us, but I wouldn't help him. Eventually, he drowned and floated away from me. When I saw it the second time in class, I knew what it meant. Everything from past relationships was dead and floating away. All of the hurt, anger and broken trust caused by bad choice in boyfriend after bad choice in boyfriend was taken away. The glass, a barrier I couldn't see, but knew was there, was protecting me from getting swallowed back up in that ocean of struggles. A combination of the thought and the lifting pressure caused me to start laughing, at the same time as the rest of the girls on the floor started laughing. Sweet freedom.

This whole time, I was sweating, but it was only 65 degrees in the room. I was on fire and my face and chest were bright red. Rose and I went outside in the freezing cold without coats, but it didnt cool me down. Neither of us could stop giggling. We danced on the porch and threw snowballs around the parking lot like little kids. The joy of the Lord overtook all of us as we felt our new freedom. So of course, as millenials, we had to take a selfie to help us remember the moment.

When I saw the ex later that night, I no longer felt the burning desire to punch him in the face for how he treated me. I remember what I've been through so I won't fall into it again, but it no longer controls me. To say I'm thankful is an understatement.

I'm so beyond grateful for this class of amazing people and leaders who yield to the Spirit. This school seriously changes lives. But most of all, I'm so thankful for such an amazing Savior who pours out goodness and breaks the chains for His children!

Breaking Perfectionism

School is back in session and it is packing a punch. From day one, God made it obvious that He is getting ready to do something with this group of young adults and we need to make some changes in order for it to happen. A lot of the messages in the past two weeks have centered around perfectionism and distinguishing yourself. There is a lot to say on both, so I'm splitting it up.

This all started at a Friday night service when I was running my normal camera. Heather said something about it being my home. I said I was working on it, but my perfectionism makes it frustrating since I'm not at the level I want to be right now. Heather told me to break it off immediately, but service started, so it didn't go any further that day. A few days later, she brought perfectionism up in class. Heather said, "Don't lock yourself into something God can't change." She claimed she wasn't looking at anyone, but she definitely made eye contact with me.

During Heather's class this past Wednesday, perfectionism came up again. This time, it wasn't just a couple minutes. I filled a whole dang page with notes and Heather's quotes on how dangerous it can be to yourself and those around you. "Perfectionism kills the anointing. Analyzation kills the anointing. Analyzation kills the blessing." Heather told us, "You need to recognize it in yourself as a flaw." That is a completely different idea of perfectionism than what we are used to. We regard it as a positive adjective most of the time to describe how hard we work and how detail oriented we are. If we are perfect, people can't judge us or be better than us.

In our quest to be the best, perfectionism turns our attention to ourselves. Our generation is already self-obsessed as it is, thanks to social media. Heather said, "Looking inward causes people to die around you. Introspection causes harm." I had never really thought about it in this way before, but when we judge ourselves harshly, it rubs off on how we treat other people. We expect more and hold them to our "higher" standard. It reminded me of one day when I was complaining about answering dumb bookstore customer questions. Another lady in the church said it was kind of arrogant for me to get aggravated because they aren't on my level or doing things how I would do them.

Perfectionism makes it really hard to be happy. It distorts how you see yourself and what you do. Mistakes become larger than life, while the good things fade to the background. A news general manager once told me the best producers are type A people wrapped in a type B, so I thought the perfectionist part of me was a good thing. But Heather called that one out in the best way possible. After noting that both types of people have their positive qualities, she said, "You shouldn't be type A or type B. You should be type Jesus!" We all laughed, but it's really true. Our focus should be accomplishing the will of the Lord, not on getting every detail absolutely right all the time.

The body of Christ is supposed to serve others. Heather explained our perfectionism is like spinning plates for each area of our life. Instead of using those plates to serve others like we are supposed to, we are using them to perform and try to feel better about ourselves. In reading Luke for Pastor Steve's class, there are multiple mentions of flip-flopping positions in the Kingdom of God. Luke 13:30 says, "And note this: Some who seem least important now will be the greatest then, and some who are the greatest now will be the least important then." So why are we stressing and pushing ourselves so hard to be the most perfect and top of the list, when we should be lifting others up first.

This isn't to say that doing the best work you can is wrong. The Bible tells us to do everything for the glory of God, so we should be trying our best. The problem is when we let the mistakes haunt and destroy us and our perception. I'm seriously guilty of it all the time at work or serving on camera crew. I remember the little mistakes instead of looking at the whole picture. There aren't many people watching who will remember the little ways I screwed up other than me and actually care about it. Like Heather said in class, "The mistakes will never stop! They should spread out, but the mistakes will never stop until you are in Heaven. Perfectionism takes you back to the start."

I know this is something God is really working on me about, especially since a prayer warrior spoke against the spirit of perfectionism on the prayer floor last night without me saying anything, and man, she went after it hard. It really is a struggle for many of us in the class, but we are working on fighting the spirit off together. If it's something you are battling, just know you aren't alone and we can do this. Perfectionism won't keep me from accomplishing God's purpose for me. It may be sloppy, but I refuse to let fear of screwing up stop me from trying any more.

Showing Worth

It's pretty hard to keep quiet about all the great things God is doing in my life and the lives of my friends. After hearing me talk about how some of it and how much I love my church, one of my newer coworkers decided to visit WRC for Friday night service, unbeknownst to me. The morning after, he told me he was there and we talked about his thoughts on the service. He said he grew up Pentecostal, so overall, it was pretty normal to him.
What stuck out to me was his view on worship. He said he always felt like a a relationship with God is just between those two, so the jumping and bowing in our revival service were a little much to him. He felt like it should be an inward expression, not outward.
 
Now let's be real, how do you react when someone does something great for you? How do you respond to someone who loves you? Keeping it to yourself does no one any good. I know plenty of girls, myself included, who jump up and down, clap, giggle, and/or squealing when something exciting happens. These things happen when we talk about those moments, or something we love and enjoy. It shouldn't be any different with God. His power and presence are exciting and creates a passionate love in us. The congregation as a whole is excited about what God has done in our lives and what He will do, an that excitement bubbles over during worship. 2 Chronicles 7:3 says, "When all the people of Israel saw the fire coming down and the glorious presence of the Lord filling the Temple, they fell face down on the ground and worshiped and praised the Lord, saying, "He is good! His faithful love endures forever."  
Psalm 89:15 says, "Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of your presence, Lord." And Psalm 9:1 says, "I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done."

I mentioned what Isaiah Saldivar said at the Encounter Conference in June about how people have a problem shouting praise to God at church, but don't have any issues screaming at a football game and praising their team. The Bible repeatedly says to worship with lifted hands, shouts of praise, dancing and bowing before Him.

    - 1 Timothy 2:8, "In every place of worship, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy."
    - Nehemiah 8:6, "Then Ezra praised the Lord, the great God, and all the people chanted, "Amen! Amen!" as they lifted their hands. They bowed down and worshiped the Lord with their faces to the ground."
   - Psalm 66:4, "Everything on earth will worship you; they will sing your praises, shouting your name in glorious songs.”
   - Psalm 100:2, "Worship the Lord with gladness. Come before him, singing with joy."
   - Psalm 149: 1-5, "Sing his praises in the assembly of the faithful. O people of Jerusalem, exult in your King. Praise his name with dancing, accompanied by tambourine and harp. For the Lord delights in his people; he crowns the humble with victory. Let the faithful rejoice that he honors them. Let them sing for joy as they lie on their beds."
    - Psalm 150:3-6, "Praise him with a blast of the ram’s horn; Praise him with the lyre and harp! Praise him with the tambourine and dancing; Praise him with strings and flutes! Praise him with a clash of cymbals; Praise him with loud clanging cymbals. Let everything that breathes sing praises to the Lord!"

The Holy Spirit breaks the chains holding us down and sets us free. We don't have to be bound up in fear of what people will think or what is the right thing to do. Focusing on all His goodness instead of ourselves frees us of ourselves, which is actually quite nice. Not normal for this society and generation, but really refreshing when you let it happen.

He dubbed what I said a "fair point" and walked away, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.

We touched on  worship a little bit in the first quarter classes at WRSM, and coming up this winter, we will dive deeper in the Foundations of Worship class. But one thing we have covered so far is what worship is. It means to give worth. I looked it up in a couple different dictionaries, and they say it means to show honor, respect and love. Respecting Him means following the plan and directions He laid out for us in the Bible. It is telling Him how great He really is, and that has nothing to do with us. It doesn't matter if we don't feel like it. His greatness doesn't change because we are in a mood. He is no less worthy of our worship and thankfulness because we had a bad day. He deserves all we have and more, so why hold back from Him? There is power in praising God despite rough situations. It shows the enemy that he has no power over us because we serve the Almighty God.

The next night at #EncounterKC, Zeke said a lot of the same things while getting worship started and the message focused on living by faith, not fear. It was a good reminder to me to let go even more of the thoughts about what I look like during worship or what people could be thinking. Coincidentally, Pastor Kathy posted a picture of me worshiping during service on her Facebook page, so I had to get over that whole thought really quickly. God works in crazy ways sometimes!

God can do so much more through a fearless person who is surrendered to Him and acknowledges who He really is. I want to be someone God can work through, and worshiping with everything I have is the starting point.

(Note: I wrote this a week and a half ago and thought I posted it, but didn't. Oops.)

Choose The Difficult

I'm one of those crazy people who loves a good challenge. As long as I can remember, I've lived that saying, "Tell me I can't and I'll show you I can" and that has a lot to do with my parents. My dad really modeled it for me by working multiple jobs to support us and make sure we had as many opportunities as possible. My poor parents drove me all over the region to get me to speech team, student council, service projects, whatever sport was in season, church groups, extracurricular classes, whatever competition was happening, or to hang out with my friends. They didn't complain about it (too much), but shelled out so much time and money to make sure I got to do whatever I could that might benefit me. They encouraged me to keep going after every challenge, even when people said I couldn't. When people in the school told me I couldn't play two sports in one season, my parents stood up for my desire to do so and pushed me to succeed in both. They didn't let me quit when it got hard because they knew stretching me young would benefit me down the road.

Staying busy and accepting challenges is a pattern I still follow today, but it seems like people have a harder time accepting it now. Just yesterday, one of my co-workers asked me when I was going to give up one of my jobs, claiming he feared I was stretching myself too thin. My reaction was to laugh. This person is newer here and doesn't know that this isn't a new pattern for me. I don't just survive being busy, I thrive in it. There was a time after college where I tried living like a "normal person" with one job, but I went stir crazy with so little to do.

Just a couple hours after explaining to my co-worker that I am fine and will continue to be as long as I'm listening to God's direction, I went to the afternoon session of the Power and Presence Conference. Pastor Steve was speaking about the ten attitudes we need to have to move into the secret place with God. The first thing he said was believing that we are available for "Unlimited Use." If Jesus didn't put limits on what could be done on earth, why should we limit what the Holy Spirit can do through us? We focus on being perfect and only doing something if we know we can do it well. One thing Pastor Steve said that really stuck with me is, "our job isn't to be successful, it's to be obedient." There is no limit to what He can do, and when we follow his direction, it gives Him a vessel to move through. It's not possible by our own power, but His... something the Bible says repeatedly. Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Mark 10:27 says, "And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible." It's also mentioned in Matthew 19:26, Luke 1:37, and Luke 18:27. Then, when we are obedient so God can do what He wants, He blesses us by allowing us to do some of the things we want. As Pastor Steve said, "I'll increase when I operate on God's terms."

All the time, people ask me things like how am I awake or how I'm still standing. The answer is simple: the power of God. He put me in a position where I can spread messages and meet a wide variety of people. He told me to go to World Revival School of Ministry, so I obeyed, (even though moving to be with my family sounded like a more comfortable idea.) Because I obeyed, He breathes the life and energy into me that I need to keep going.

Just because it is possible, doesn't mean it is going to be easy. Pastor Steve's "number C" point was "Choose the Difficult." God didn't take the easy path in sending His Son as a sacrifice for us, so we shouldn't expect everything He requires of us to be a breeze. Matthew 7:13-14 says, "You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it." When we choose the difficult path, not only is it making us stronger, we are giving the Lord an opportunity to show How powerful He is by working through us. I can't tell you how many times during the first quarter of school where I depended on Him to flow through my hands so I could get a paper done in time and for the energy to stay awake in class. I thank God for creating caffeine for me! An idea Pastor Steve mentioned that I had never thought of was, when we pick something hard, it gives us something to talk to God about and pray about. So not only are we building endurance, perseverance and strength through the situation, we are deepening our relationship with Him and becoming more dependent on our Heavenly Father. 1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."


In the night service for the conference, Pastor Steve talked about how important it is to participate. He said, "The healing power and presence of God happens through participation." When we are passive, we make ourselves easy targets for deception. But when we are active in our faith, it pleases God and makes us available for His use. That action won't be easy, but it will be worth it. 2 Peter 1:10-11 says, "So, dear brothers and sisters, work hard to prove that you really are among those God has called and chosen. Do these things and you will never fall away. Then God will give you a grand entrance into the eternal Kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 

My life is crazy right now, but God hasn't told me to drop anything. It's hard, but He gives me the strength and energy to do it every day. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be part of WRC and go to the school of ministry. It's preparing me for whatever God has next. I want to be as ready as possible for that task, so I choose the difficult now.  

One Down

My first quarter at the World Revival School of Ministry just came to an end with a final that felt like it lasted only five minutes. I cannot fathom how quickly it passed! This and other events of the day sparked a nostalgic and reflective spirit. I haven't had time to really write much this quarter, even though there were many things I wanted to share. Let's be real, I didn't sleep or cook much. Writing about all the changes slipped down the totem pole of priorities behind homework, work, and a nap in the backseat of my car. But I wouldn't change a thing. I am still alive purely by the power of God, and loving every minute of this journey.

One of my favorite moments of the quarter happened right before our first final. You could feel the stress and fear in the room leading up to that test. Where my public university professors would have handed out the tests immediately, Heather taught us how to fight it off. We entered into a time of deep prayer and, together, commanded that spirit to leave us. After a few minutes, the atmosphere was completely different. We pulled the presence of God into that room, and man, was it awesome. The Holy Spirit guided my hand while I answered those questions. Several of us talked about not really realizing what we were writing, because the Spirit was doing it for us. I am so thankful for a school that takes that moment to really make sure the students are grasping what is really important. The grade isn't the important part. It's being able to draw strength from God whenever we need it.

It is really hard to believe that ten weeks actually happened. I could believe maybe five or six, but not ten. Looking back, there is so much change in myself in my classmates, that maybe it really was more than ten weeks. Who knows... They say time flies when you are having fun, and I think spending time in the presence of God with amazing people qualifies as fun. Even now, I'm sitting in a gym listening to some of them practice playing worship songs. I could be sleeping, but this is infinitely more fulfilling.

I've gained a whole new group of friends in my classmates. I was really quiet for the first chunk of the quarter. It wasn't until the midterm for Developing a Lifestyle of Faith class that I opened up. I remember the moment well. When we finished the test, we went into the library to wait for our next class. I sat in the corner and worked on a knitting project. Someone knocked the rubber grip off of a seat, and I said, "This is why we can't have nice things!" Everyone burst into laughter and it loosened the room up. Next thing I know, a couple girls are sitting with me in the corner chatting away and discovering all these things we have in common. In the weeks that followed, our late night Taco Bell study parties and Facebook conversations have really forged an amazing bond. These people have really grown to be my adopted siblings in Christ and I am so thankful for each and every one of them.

Since my last post, I've also experienced an amazing healing. I was moving a set of book bays at work, when the shelves collapsed. One of them slammed into my wrist. It immediately turned purple and started swelling, to the point my managers had me file my first (and hopefully last!) injury report. Typing at my main job all night was painful. I moved slowly but got through it. Then, I ran a jib camera at church, which takes a lot of thumb movement. It was incredibly painful and I couldn't feel my hand at all by the end of service. One of my friends and a prayer warrior noticed I was holding it and asked to pray. She said she could feel the warmth travel through my skin as I quickly started feeling my fingers again. The pain immediately went away and never returned, not even when I bumped walking in my door 20 minutes later. My God is so good and faithful, and I am so thankful for His healing touch!

There were so many moments in class where someone would say something amazing and I would quickly scribble the quote down in my notebook with the intent of posting it on Facebook or writing a post based off it. By the end of the class, there were too many to choose from and I would let it pass. So, now, I'm just going to blow your mind with some of the wisdom poured into me over the past few weeks in one fell swoop, plus some of the inevitable silliness that comes from a group of sleep deprived millennials.

- We GET to do the things of God. 

- "Faith can afford to let someone else have first dibs." - Pastor Kathy

- There is power in building your faith through glorifying the Lord.

- You can't choose to be offended by people and have faith.

- Don't even think about marrying someone who doesn't convict you.

- If you can't be happy with just you and God, your "Abraham" will never be enough.

- "You have a God like a very fast and powerful car. Why do you act like you are going to drive a tricycle down the highway?" - Heather

- "Please think!" "My mother didn't teach me to cook. She taught me to think! I had to Google the recipe because my mother only taught me to think!" - Pastor Kathy (The recipe was for some great chili!)

- The Kingdom of God is not a fairy tale. We act like Disney princesses in distress. We want God to be our Prince Charming and save us without any effort. Revival takes work!

- The Word of God is not weak. Our understanding is weak.

- "May the Lord strike you...... with great conviction! Ha! You thought I was going to say something else!" - Heather

- The problem isn't that the kingdom is lacking, it is the lack of asking.

- "One conversation... What do people get from you?" - Heather

- "You are not stretched. Write a book!" - Heather

- "We put God on a fast food timeline. A lifestyle of faith takes your whole life. You will never arrive until you are at heaven's gates."

- "What you whine and complain about today, you'll wish for tomorrow." - Heather

- "It is not the gospel about me." - Pastor Steve

- "A soldiers' only option is 'Yes, sir!' Giving yourself options is giving yourself the option to fail." -Autumn

- #HangryJesus - see Mark 11:14. 

- God will not rally for us if we don't rally for Him.

- "No one is upset about gossip, pride and greed because we've adapted to it and are more comfortable in the darkness than in the light." - Pastor Steve

- Some issues aren't about right and wrong, but right and more right. Are you going to use your freedom in Christ for yourself and cause someone else to stumble or are you going to share it with all? Those who live should not live for themselves.

- Sometimes, the enemy tries to engage you in a battle to wear you down, like boxing the air.

- Accept that you'll have a Judas in your life, but don't stop loving people. People will feel your guardedness and not trust you, even if you have nothing to hide.

- The secret to contentment is the presence of God.

- "A butterfly on the back will eventually be a butterfly in the crack."

- Jesus and his disciples were not Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, whistling while they worked. Jesus didn't wave a magic wand and heal people with a bippity boppity boo. - Autumn

- "When you know who you are, you don't have to defend yourself." - Autumn

- God cares how you feel, but He won't change course for it because your feelings will change as you transform into the image of Christ.

-"Jesus is the answer to everything!" - Trevor

- "That was a burp from the depths of my soul!" - Erica

- "You should talk to Danielle. She's interested in that stuff and she's awkward too." - Kelsey. "Hi... uhh... I'm going to look at the books now." - Danielle

"Thank you for letting me spank you in the Spirit." - Heather

"I think I'm going to ban Mountain Dew next time. I can tell exactly who had it." - Autumn

There were so many other moments. I might add them later.

All of these lessons and moments in service have really altered who I am. It really hit me at work today how much God has changed me over the past few months. Working in news, I deal with and see a lot of terribly graphic things. Just between today and yesterday, four people died in crashes while I was working. The one overnight into this morning involved two pedestrians getting hit by several cars and it literally tore them apart. Police couldn't figure out why the people got out of their car and walked onto the interstate. While most people would be horrified at hearing something, a normal reaction among journalists is "That's a great story!" or "Can we get the dashcam video from the cop that hit them?" Both statements were made this morning, but I couldn't join in. Even though I knew nothing about these two people, I felt a deep ache for them. My eyes welled up and the more we talked about it, the more it bugged me. It's a stark contrast to earlier this year and a couple years ago when I had to cover similar stories. I even saw one of them, yet it didn't bug me. We made our "normal" off-color jokes and went on with our day like nothing happened. But today really got to me. It reminded me of something we talked about in our "Innocence Restored" group over the summer. We talked about how the way to fix a hard and cold heart is to soak in the oil of God's presence and let Him soften it until it matches His heart. We can't really reflect His love if our hearts are like rocks. We have to be vulnerable to injury in order to really love like Jesus does. Jesus was vulnerable and died to show love. We don't have the imminent threat of death for following Christ like many other countries, and that results in a lot of lackadaisical Christians. That isn't what I want to be. Being a part of this school is really showing me how to develop a stronger faith, which requires action. As Pastor James keeps saying, God is raising up a remnant. I am so honored to be a part of this group as we grow to be God's firebrands together.

I can't wait to start the next quarter with these amazing teachers and classmates.

Pushing Through The Hard Times

I started writing something completely different, but then life happened. Yesterday was a really rough day.

I should have known something was up when ALL the junk food stashes at work were empty, including my Oreo drawer. This sounds pretty ridiculous, but it is actually incredibly rare for there to be no junk food laying around. It's how we get through the day... That and insensitive jokes.

It just seemed like one thing on top of another at work. I won't go into it, but we were not a happy bunch. Not even a little.

Midway through my shift, my dad forwarded me a tweet that one of my college friends was shot and killed overnight. I refused to believe it, scouring the web and wires for some kind of story. I called our sister station in Cleveland and had them look, but nothing. When all his former teammates started posting, I knew there had to be something to it. I reached out to a couple, which I hate doing, but my school truly means it when we say we are a family, especially among athletes.

Right before I left, my Cleveland people called to say it was confirmed. David was gone. I wasn't very close with him at all, but it still got to me. We officially met during the Black and Purple music video shoot and then chatted a bit in the weight room. He would hit on me and I'd laugh it off. We hadn't talked since he left college, but his death still got to me.

This marked the third homicide of someone I know this year. Maybe that fact got to me. Maybe it's that he was my age. He was a good dude, and hearing that someone killed him really bugged me, to the point of stupidity.

A college ex of mine just moved to town. Since he had met David, I, for some unknown dumb reason, thought it would be a good idea to hang out. Lunch was fine. Watching World War Two documentaries and knitting while we talked was fine. But, at some point, I fell asleep. I woke up, knowing Encounter service was not too far off, yet I was completely fine in not moving. I kept thinking cuddling sounded like a much more comfortable option and I could just skip church. He, of course, made a move and I realized I needed to leave and get to church immediately. While driving, I thought about skipping again, since I didnt have time to change or put on makeup or anything. But as I got closer tot he exit, I knew I needed to go. God loves me even though I look like crap. Things were already started at church, but being sad and annoyed at the world were not good enough reasons to skip church.

I made it just in time for the end of fellowship time. I walked over to one of my friends and I think she knew something was up. I told her about David that I almost didn't show. She spoke peace over me and David's family and declared that the Spirit would overwhelm me with during the service.

Boy, was she right.

Everything from the beginning of worship until dismissal was powerful and went by incredibly fast. I lost my voice singing and screaming out for God. Pastor James talked about how the list of, "if I can just have/do this, I'll be happy" will never end. The only thing that satisfies is the presence of God, and man, was it thick in that room. I could feel the weight of it. There may have been some tears, which for me is pretty unusual. But it was so good to just soak and let all the crap of the day go. And the fellowship after was great too. I have some awesome friends at WRC and I am so thankful they are in my life.

On my way home, I was thinking about how whenever I almost don't go to church, it is always really powerful. People always say things like, if God is real, why do bad things happen to good people? Well, crap happens because we have an enemy. The enemy knows the peace and power waiting for us when we spend time with God, so he tries to keep us away from it. The enemy wants us weak. But when we fight back and push harder for God, He rewards us with His presence. I feel like the more the enemy throws at me to make me want to stay home, the better that service ends up being once I shake it off and go. Last night's Encounter service was one of those nights. I am so thankful to be surrounded by people who are running after God in such a passionate fashion.

I am also thankful I got to know David. Rest in peace, Rat. You are missed.