My three years as a full-time student are over. One of these days, I might get around to writing the post that's been stewing for more than a month now... but that day is not today.
Instead, I give you the quotes of Summer 2017.
Kingdom Economics with Luke Ingala (LI)
LI: "Force yourself to sow."
LI: "Money is just a vehicle. You don't worship your car."
LI: "The stuff... I could look it up, but we'll just call it stuff for now."
LI: "Any old dead fish can go floating down the stream. It doesn't take a rocket scientist."
LI: "If I gave you a Ferrari..."
Hunter F.: "Oh, thank you Jesus!"
LI: "If you don't use it..."
Hunter F.: "What am I doing with my life?!"
LI: "We're either part of the world's economy or we're part of God's economy."
LI: "I didn't know how many clean people are in here. I like it."
LI: "People who have a lot, they're either going to be selfless or miserable."
LI: "You can't drive on three tires."
Erica: "Unless you have a tricycle."
LI: "Okay, you CAN drive on three tires."
LI: "The only reason things aren't happening is because you aren't doing them."
LI: "'The silver is mine and the gold is mine declares the Lord Almighty' so what does that mean?"
Caila: "It's ours too."
LI: "Booyaaaaaaaa!"
LI: "What's a cultural statement... Gucci!"
Caila: "That's a Sam statement."
Darren Thompson (DT): "I'm kinda an old fossil in that regard."
DT: "You were like a gold zillionaire."
DT: "In James, it says to be slow to......"
(pause) Class: "Speeeeeak?"
DT: "Good job. You even gave me a visual!"
DT: "Some people. they're like a little hobbit running out of the door to go an adventure."
DT: "I ain't gotta be slow about going to Taco Bell cuz I'm hungry and wanted a taco."
DT: "Does anyone think around here?"
DT: "If I have to explain jokes, they're not funny, so work with me here!"
DT: "Sam, do you know what a consumer loan is?
Sam: "Yeah"
DT: "What is it?"
Sam: "A loan to buy things."
DT: "What kind of things?"
Sam: "Material things."
DT: "What kind of material things?"
Sam: "I don't know."
DT: "Well, Sam, you just lied."
DT: "Guess what happened? I don't know cuz I forgot where I'm going!"
DT: "Imma start giving answers cuz y'all ain't guessin' right."
DT: "Lord, thank you for wisdom and scaring these kids."
LI: "It's going to always be harder to start, but if you don't start, you're never going to finish."
LI: "If it's something you want to do and you never do anything about it, it's called a wish."
LI: "Give me some of you all's dreams."
Sam: "I had a weird one last night."
LI: "P-h-i-l-a-m-p..." (trying to write philanthropist on the board)
Ryan: "This is tearing you up back there, isn't it."
Stephanie: "I'm dying."
Hunter F.: "Except squirrels. They don't listen very well."
How to Preach with J.D. King (JDK)
JDK: "...understanding of preaching through intense studying... well, maybe moderate studying. I know you guys too well."
JDK: "So, JD, you're saying you're a teacher who is antagonistic towards teaching? Yeah, pretty much."
JDK: "Emojis are like the return of stained glass windows."
JDK: "You can't fall in love with forms that aren't biblical and ones that aren't working."
JDK: "Nobody has any thoughts? That's cool."
JDK: "Your ministry is not your relationship with God."
JDK: "People say 'I wanna become a great preacher.' Well, become a great person."
JDK: "You're called to be a human being before a human doing."
JDK: "Am I making sense?
Class: (laughter)
JDK: "If you're a person of love and life and integrity, you're going to rise to the top."
JDK: "To move forward, you have to work on filling the holes."
Sam: "That ringtone!"
JDK: "You like my Indiana Jones ringtone? I'm on an adventure! I may be old, but I'm ready to change the world!"
JDK: "Starbucks' got this nice little thing called a front door."
JDK: "If you live like a rat, you shut off the favor."
JDK: "We're not actually striving for love; we're contending from love."
Sam: "We should put pants ON people. That would be impressive bullying."
Sam: "Every time I hear 'logos', I think of Doritos logos tacos from Taco Bell."
Erica: "It's locos!"
JDK on Doritos as a fire starter: "If it burns that good, you probably shouldn't eat it."
Sam: "Homily. Oh, not home-ly. I was trying to figure that out."
JDK: "Have you read your book at all, Sam?"
JDK: "True."
Sam: "Solid guess!"
JDK: "I've got to get you reading the book."
Sam: "I read through chapter two."
Erica: "It was in chapter one."
Sam: "I didn't say I retained it!"
JDK: "You will reproduce what's in front of your eyes."
(fire alarm goes off)
Sam: "I'd rather burn than get wet. Where's Steph? Come on, that was funny!"
Stephanie: "I'm going...."
JDK: "If you don't get inspired, you probably weren't called to preach."
Sam: "Can you clearly define topical? I don't want to accidentally break the law. You'll put me in spiritual jail."
JDK: "If it's a mist at the pulpit, it's a fog in the crowd."
JDK: "If the preacher needs a list, the congregation won't remember. Don't preach grocery lists."
JDK: "Prophets don't shape what they say. Preachers do."
JDK: "Which one is more pleasing to the eye? The one with straight lines."
(class gives several reasons for liking the funky shaped building better."
JDK: "I'm talking to millennials. That's the problem."
JDK: "I'd rather there be a lot less ideas in church and more encounter."
Caila: "Me, we, they, we, you."
PAL: "Say that faster."
Caila: "Mewetheyweyou! Mewetheymeyou!"
Hunter F. on room being hot: "I'm going to have to strip buck naked now."
Erica: "We're not that kind of church!"
(Sam makes weird noise while class thinks)
Hunter F.: "Hey, Elmo! Why don't you shut up?"
Sam: "I'm going to go out on a limb."
JDK: "That means it's either great or awful. Go ahead."
Sam: "How about we do three each day and one on the last day, then have a party."
JDK: "We have to have a final, Sam."
Sam: "I know. I'm just always looking for the party."
JDK: "Sam is more wired as a teacher."
Sam: "Whaaaaaaat?!"
Dylan: "30 thousand questions!"
JDK: "30 thousand questions? It's a final. Did you even go to real college?"
JDK: "I want people to like my sermon, Jesus!"
Esther: "They're very holy dogs now."
Warfare and Deliverance with Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL)
PAL: "This isn't BYOB.... Bring your own bucket... because there's gonna be some slime."
PAL: "This is a tough assignment."
Erica: "Mmmhmmm."
PAL: "Took the words right out of my mouth."
PAL: "This is a life requirement. Where I go, I drive out darkness. Where I go, demons aren't safe."
PAL: "My jokes are now getting rated on the same system as demonic activity."
Hunter F. on alternatives to wedding rings: "Give 'em a thimble!"
PAL: "That would be considered sexist. 'You're my woman, now get to sewing!' That's on tape forever now..."
PAL: "It's part of your inheritance to drive out demons."
PAL: "You should be able to stand strong on a Tuesday with no prayer warrior in sight for a couple days."
PAL: "Worst case scenario: Jesus is a giant sugar pill and we've all swallowed it."
PAL: "Being with God doesn't necessarily mean you're doing anything."
PAL: "Actually, I wouldn't mind being compared to Pastor Kathy, even if it's just for the temperature."
PAL: "Just for that lip, we're going down to 62 degrees!"
PAL on baseball fan excitement: "When people are excited about something, they let their feelings show... albeit, a few beers help."
PAL: "It's not arrogant to walk in your destiny. It's expected."
PAL: "Why don't you step out on a limb and get criticized for doing the right thing."
PAL about mic: "Are you picking me up?"
Dylan: "I'm picking up what you're laying down."
PAL: "On a cosmic level?"
PAL: "Cosmic evil is atmospheric evil, but it doesn't have to be your atmosphere."
PAL: "Speaker speak-es."
PAL: "I'm gonna go three more minutes because I haven't talked about your personal evil yet. *whispers and points around room* You're all evil."
Hunter F.: "It's like with vampires; you have to let them in."
PAL: "What's that have to do with anything?"
Esther: "Like vampires, you have to invite the darkness in."
Dylan: "I miss Rose. She's supposed to regulate this."
PAL: "You guys are quiet this morning. I wanted some discussion."
Esther: "Pick a different day."
Lee: "I have possession of this book but I'm not on the inside of it."
PAL while drawing on the board: "God delegated authority to... stick people!"
(PAL explains theory of bless you/ demons leaving during sneeze)
Esther: "So I held the demon in?"
PAL: "You're not blessed."
PAL: "Satan pays for worship. God doesn't pay."
PAL: "It's easy to think you're running fast when you're in the stampede, but you could just be carried along."
Hunter F: "He just called us cows."
Esther: "Or buffalo."
PAL: "I prefer wildebeests."
PAL: "You don't get to take a vacation from the Kingdom of God or you're going to end up taken over."
PAL: "...access to food and wifi, because that's the basic human needs."
PAL: "Guys, you're going to be driving and there will be a billboard with some chick that you're going to take in full on."
*Hunter F. covers eyes*
PAL: "You're driving, so please don't close your eyes."
Hunter F.: "Jesus, take the wheel!"
PAL: "It's time to not be eloquent."
PAL: "Can you turn [the air conditioner] down just one."
Hunter F.: "Before we all burn in hell!"
PAL: "If a lion comes into the room, feel free to run. Or, at least one of you throw yourself as bait so the rest of us can get free."
PAL: "As a Christian, you have boundaries set up that the enemy cannot cross."
PAL: "My marker's drying up. See, the boundary is faded and we have to protect it. (Grabs bright red marker to fix line) The blood of Jesus sets the boundary!"
PAL: "You have a boundary that extends pretty far, but you're convinced you only have to defend one square foot."
PAL: "Stop feeling like an entry level Christian with an entry level job. You're management. Better yet, you're ownership."
PAL: "Just because it's out of your control doesn't mean you are powerless."
Lee: "I'm wearing shorts in my heart."
Lee: "She's the only one who knows cursive."
Esther, Erica and Stephanie: "That's not true!"
Caila: "Wow. Defensive."
PAL: "You forget there are homeschoolers in here."
PAL: "When tall guys fall, our head goes a long way."
Esther on first impressions: "Everyone thought I was mean."
Caila: "You are a little assertive..."
PAL: "It's like a sandwich vitamin."
Lee: "He goes barefoot?"
Esther: "He doesn't wear his boots to bed!"
Kingdom of God with Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL)
Josiah: "Chewbacca is going to be in my video!"
PAL: "Lift your hands... pace if you want to. Just don't bring Chewbacca."
Josiah: "How can people think that? I mean, it's still clearly bread."
PAL: "The kingdom has to grow and advance to be the kingdom."
PAL: "We seem perfectly happy keeping Him as the door and standing in the doorway."
PAL: "The kingdom of God is within you."
PAL: "If the kingdom is here, you have a lot of experiences to have."
Josiah; "I have two revelations."
PAL: "There's only one book of Revelation."
PAL: "What does apocalyptic mean?
Emily: "I'm guessing it doesn't have to do with zombies."
PAL: "Why do you think separation of church came about?"
Emily: "Because we're idiots, first off..."
PAL: "Kingdom authority happens through speech."
PAL: "If you're online, when I was muted, I was not drawing a pair of sunglasses. I want to re-frame your thinking."
(class giggles)
Emily: "You said re-frame!"
PAL: "I'm really punny. I don't know what you want me to do about it."
PAL: "We give too much credit to the devil. The devil doesn't care. He just wants to keep the rebellion going."
PAL: "The devil is always and only going to be defeated through us."
PAL: "If you have no pride, you have no problem walking up and praying for people."
PAL: "God made himself vulnerable to you. You have the ability to hurt God."
Rachel: "It's so sad, it's funny again."
PAL: "You almost said when you grew up."
Emily: "I did."
PAL: "Two years ago..."
PAL: "God's doing things in your life but you don't see it because your focus is off."
PAL: "Being authentic is being who God says you are."
PAL: "If I die, don't pray to resurrect me. I'm happy I'm there."
PAL: "It reiterates what happened in generous..."
PAL: "You think of... I lost my train of thought. You think of... just think."
Emily on laws in Leviticus: "...not supposed to use electricity..."
PAL: "That last one isn't in there."
PAL: "The blueprint of the cosmos is love."
PAL: "Kingdom culture supersedes man's culture every time."
Josiah: "I have a question. If this is way off topic, you can skip it."
Class: "False."
PAL: "But what is it?"
Emily: "That's not on the quiz. Move on, Pastor Aaron!"
PAL: "You don't deserve it. You're all rotten! I just really wanted to say that!"
PAL: "God is not in love with the future version of you."
PAL: "False why?"
Rachel: "Do you even poetry, y'all?"
PAL: "It's nice to know the voices in your head when they come out."
PAL: "If you're a ruler, what does that mean? 12 inches long?"
PAL: "I don't know how we would draw God, so I'm just going to make it a circle."
(Emily asks about life on other planets)
PAL: "All that's fun to think about, but for now, let's get back to earth."
PAL: "Did God really say, 'don't eat the Snickers, Lage'?"
Rachel: "Does God talk to you using your last name?"
PAL: "You know how coaches usually use last names? Sometimes I feel like God is my inner coach."
Emily: "This feels like a breakup song."
PAL: "In a pool, I will displace more water than you [Emily]. We are not equal!"
PAL: "Faith is exerted through love."
Emily: "Or [Abigail] could just miss it and end up 5'1" or 5'2" like me."
PAL: "She's already almost that tall."
PAL: "You do not yet know what you are capable of doing."
PAL: "What if the first thing we went to was faith."
Josiah: "Assume your religious positions."
PAL: "Don't use your prayer language to curse people out."
Emily: "...through maybe sacrifices..."
PAL: "Through BABY sacrifices?!"
Emily: "No! Maybe sacrifices! You should know me better than that, Pastor Aaron!"
PAL: "Women don't have a lesser role of authority."
PAL: "The two become one. You guys know how that works... the whole stork thing... and you multiply!"
JDK: "It's a very important doctrinal idea I's like to think I rooted in you a year ago, but apparently...."
JDK: "JUDAH WAS SCOUNDREL! AND TAMAR IS A BIBLICAL FEMINIST HERO!"
Johnny: "Scandalous."
JDK: "Did you know that stuff was in here [the Bible]?"
Emily: "Whenever I was reading, I would always skip over it because I didn't want to think about it."
JDK: "You homeschooler!"
JDK: "All of you need to break out of your literal homeschool mindset."
Sarah: "I wasn't homeschooled."
JDK: "Good. You were pagan like me!"
JDK: "Boaz is the man!"
JDK at the beginning of class: "You guys are behind on the material."
(Later in class, Emily asks a question.)
JDK: "No wonder you guys are so behind!"
JDK: "You know Song of Solomon is a sex poem, right?"
Johnny: "We can't talk about that."
JDK: *Looks at camera* "You are right."
JDK: "That's a hunk right there. Not a hunk as in an attractive person. A hunk as in a chunk of text."
JoAnn: "Thank you for clarifying."
JDK: "I know you guys struggled with that one."
PAL: "We basically still worship baby Jesus in a manger. You can kiss on Him. He's cute. But don't get in our face with what? With kingdom authority."
PAL: "You don't know unless you do."
Jeffrey: "JD was talking about the pyramid thing."
PAL: "JD taught you a pyramid scheme?"
Emily: "Don't erase my writing!"
(JoAnn draws triangle)
Jeffrey: "Beautiful."
Emily: "Thank you!"
Jeffrey: "I wasn't talking about your writing."
PAL: "Jesus said to be child LIKE not childISH."
PAL: "He rescued you. He knows there's going to be darkness residue on you."
PAL: "This was a human role He came to fulfill. Why? To show us what it looks like to not be drowning."
PAL: "You need to become a sign and wonder."
PAL: "You had your hand raised a while back. Is it still relevant?"
PAL: "If it's not being demonstrated, it's not the gospel."
Emily: "I just really love this class. Also, I had coffee. That might be it."
PAL: "I wonder what I'd be like if I taught on coffee since I never drink it."
Josiah: "Oooh. I thought you meant teach ABOUT coffee."
Josiah: "Forget the final. Let's just talk about coffee."
PAL: "On what grounds?"
Class: "Ooooohhh...."
PAL: "I'm sorry."
JoAnn: "You don't have a filter."
PAL: "I'm pretty sure once I see one person raised from the dead, I'm going to be addicted."
PAL: "I don't know if angels are allowed to be on facebook."
PAL: "He's using the very people who were destroyed to destroy the destroyer. It's the ultimate defeat."
PAL: "Let him have ears to hear, and here's a hint, He's not talking about corn."
JoAnn: "Corn! Hahaha!"
Emily: "You would, JoAnn."
Johnny: "Wait, can you explain the joke?"
Emily: "And I thought I was the only blonde in the room."
PAL: "When you grow up in the light, you have to learn how to not take it for granted."
PAL: "The kingdom is costly, but the cost is worth it."
PAL: "Everyone is like this. Millennials might be more obvious about it... or post about it more."
PAL: "If you haven't given up anything for God, are you even His?"
PAL: "We're preaching get to heaven for free, but Jesus is saying lay down your life."
PAL mentions Facebook marketplace in story:
Emily: "I have one question. Sorry, I'm going to sidetrack you."
PAL: "On Facebook marketplace?!"
Emily: "It's so cold in here! What did you do when we left?"
PAL: "All the hot air left."
Emily: "That would be me..."
Caila: "JC in KC? What does that mean?"
Emily: "Jesus Christ! Do you not know the initials of your Messiah?!"
Emily: "Do you even kingdom?"
PAL: "What happens if your stranger asks questions?"
Johnny: "Throw a Bible at 'em!"
PAL: "Why is it when you started talking to that person, their eyes rolled backwards in their heads like a rolodex?"
Rachel: "How old are you?!"
-- I took the other two classes completely online. With my hectic schedule, I ended up listening to classes while doing other things and didn't take notes. Sorry. If any classmates wrote some down, send them to me and I'll add them in.--
Pastor Eric Thomason (PET): "We will cover 12 turning points. Well, you will. I won't."
(PET): "If you're in a Bible class, you should know what theology means!"
(PET): "Jesus didn't condemn, but He convicted the crud out of them."
Johnny: "What's your gifting?"
Pastor Jack Walter: "My gifting is pastor-teacher."
Johnny: "That makes sense now."
And on behalf of the 2017 World Revival School of Ministry graduates, I give you the class quote which was spoken AT LEAST once a day by someone...
"Oh man!"
