2014: The Rough Ride

It's that time of year where everyone gets all nostalgic about the previous 12 months, myself included. Maybe that's because I have to write a bunch of top (fill in the blank) stories for work, or maybe it's just natural to look at how you got to this point when something comes to a close. Writing this year in review type post is something I've done every year since middle school, but this year, part of me doesn't want to look back on the mess that it was.

Today marks a year since my last post on my "Ginger Journalist" blog. It was doing the exact same thing, looking back. A similarity between the 2013 and 2014 is how a song I listened to at the beginning of the year really played out in my life. Last year, it was "Weightless" by All Time Low. This year, my first Facebook post was lyrics to "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath. That was right before things got crazy, and I had no idea that it would start to happen.

To say 2014 started off on the wrong foot would be putting it lightly. My apartment flooded on January 1st. I ran over myself with my own car on January 2nd. Two people I knew were murdered in January. Things deteriorated quickly at my career job, which was my whole world at the time. I dated some really fabulous guys that I met on Tinder (those words are dripping with sarcasm... the app isn't worth it most of the time) and my family finished moving away. The first few months destroyed me, but it was only setting me up for the 180 that started in the middle of May. But that transformation forced me into the most difficult decision of my life: follow my career and move or follow God and stay. It seems pretty obvious, but it stressed me out for weeks. 

It's slightly amusing to compare what I wanted from 2014 to what actually happened. I wanted to be a part of a book club, which I did start, but it ended when I quit drinking. The epic birthday party I imagined at the beginning of the year didn't quite go how I thought, but that also involved being sober. I wanted to learn to like wine. Didn't happen.  Scrapbook, draw, or go to the gym? Nope, nope, nope. All that disappeared in the craziness of revival. My list did include finding a church and going once a month, so at least I got that covered. 

2014 did have some bright spots, like getting nominated for two more Emmy's. I didn't win either, but getting nominated is still pretty cool. I went to the theatre and KC Symphony with my dear friend, Aubree. The Doomsquad got back together (mostly) for a night to watch and celebrate a Wildcat victory over the Jayhawks. I went to a live recording of a worship album. I saw a bunch of bands live (Brandon Heath, Mandisa,Third Day, Skillet, Newsboys, Tenth Avenue North, Lecrae, Newsong, Thousand Foot Krutch, Colton Dixon, Veridia, Demon Hunter, Red). I put my friends on TV multiple times. I took my littlest sister to her first Red Wings game. I produced some fun shows complete with dancing weathermen, and handled some intense breaking news. I went to Worlds of Fun's media night with friends and coworkers. I became a member of WRC on my 25th birthday and then got involved with the media crew. Getting to learn to use a jib camera and be a technical director are pretty awesome things on their own, but to do it so others around the world can hear of God's goodness is beyond special. This year, I also moved to a bigger apartment and got a better car, which just proves that God provides for His children.

One of my favorite things from 2014 was going to Washington D.C. for the first time, then driving down to Bedford, Va., for the 70th anniversary of the D-Day invasion. My friend Monica and I got to meet some truly amazing veterans and record their stories. One day, we will get the documentary finished and share their stories with the world. I'm still in awe of those men. 

That trip was in between the first night at World Revival Church and the Encounter Conference, and that is when the Brandon Heath lyrics started kicking in. Getting to hear such powerful stories started opening my eyes to see people differently. "Give me your eyes so I can see/ Everything that I keep missing/ Give me Your love for humanity. Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted/ The ones that are far beyond my reach. Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten. Give me Your eyes so I can see." You never know what someone has been through just by looking. You have no idea what they are carrying with them. I deal with a lot of people between my main two jobs and I didn't care about who they were or where they've been. But over the past 7 months, God has been softening me up and developing more compassion in me. I've teared up more in the past couple months than I can remember in the past couple years. It's the strangest thing, but my WRC friends keep telling me it's good, and I trust them. I mean, it's hard to genuinely show God's goodness to the world when you are heartless and cold. In softening up, I'm taking a little more time with some of the people I encounter throughout the day. That's given me an opportunity to share how God changed my life, planting a seed that could become someone's harvest. You never know how your story can impact others.

My list of things to do in 2014 included make new friends, which absolutely happened at WRC. I did lose old friends in my transformation though. It sucks, but sacrifice is part of the deal. I had to give up things I used to love to make time and space for God. Those who didn't support my new path or got in the way got left behind. Sometimes I miss them and the things we used to do, but I know it's for the best. I mean really, who would have guessed I'd only watch two KSU football games this season? Not me, that's for sure. I didn't think I could give up drinking or going out with my drunkard friends, but God took that from me when I turned it over to Him.

I am truly thankful for the new people in my life. I never felt like I fit in with people before this year. Granted, there are still certain groups where I feel out of place, but it's not nearly as often as it used to be. It's so nice to be accepted because I'm quirky, not in spite of it. These friends from class and church have been there for me through all of the rough patches on the back half of the year (including the loss of three friends from college), they've jumped into shenanigans with me, joined in eating way too much junk food, laughed with me, and become people I will fight for. Several of these people have become far closer than friends, but family.

With my family gone, I now appreciate them a lot more. Who knew that would ever happen?! Getting to talk to a sibling on the phone is a serious highlight to my day. Whenever they visit, it's like an explosion of crazy. I wish they were around more, but I know we all made the right choices for ourselves. I'm supposed to be here chasing God and they need to take care of Grandpa. The 800 miles between us really make time together more valuable.

I picked "Fix My Eyes" by For King and Country as the song for my year in pictures because of its lyrics. The first half is about what you would want your younger self to know if you could go back and give advice. That's like the first half of my year where I was kinda off the rails. The second half is about knowing what you need to do and following the Lord's orders. Like Autumn said in class, your only answer is "Yes, Sir." That means fixing your eyes on Him and doing whatever it takes to reflect Jesus and become more like Him. I really love the line that says, "The things of earth are dimming/ in the light of Your glory and grace." It's a reminder that the things of this world don't even come close to what God has in store for us. My love for things of this world has been fading this year. The more I'm at church or school or reading the Bible, the more I want to do those things, instead of chase after the things I used to enjoy doing more than anything.

I haven't really thought about what I want out of 2015. I thought way too much about 2014, and look how that turned out. No matter what lies ahead, I know God is with me and He will continue to prove His faithfulness and goodness. The year of the Lord's favor is upon us.

(This post is in memory of the friends I lost in 2014: Hal Sasko, Daniel Flores, David Garrett, Darryl Blackmon, and Courtney Mooney)

Finding Freedom

I pretty much haven't stopped smiling in nearly 48 hours, and I'm not alone. The first year students at World Revival School of Ministry ended 2014's classes with a bang... literally.

We started with our Holy Spirit class turned relationship advice from Heather. Basically, it was a lot of laughter, a lot of truth and, since it was also our Christmas celebration, a lot of sugar.

We were in a pretty good mood when our Theology of Luke class started. One of my classmates mentioned God showed him his recliner, as sign to make a place for Him. He mentioned something he was struggling with something, so we started talking about how addictions and painful moments take away our freedom to choose life and hold us prisoner. We can fight and fight, but sometimes it just doesn't break off. That's when Autumn pointed out the significance of the chair. "What do chairs do? Nothing! They just sit there!" It's not giving up. It is taking a moment to agree with God's will, that He will show His faithfulness and goodness. In Luke 4:18, one of the things Jesus says He is anointed to do by the Spirit of the Lord is proclaim freedom for the prisoners. Coming into agreement with His will is a lot more effective than fighting for your own.

However, there are times we do need to fight to prove our desire for that freedom. Our discussion on fighting got very real and raw. What stuck with me at that point was talking about how, when faced with a predator, locking up can be deadly. Autumn dropped an amazing truth bomb. "Survival isn't dignified. You can be pretty or you can be free." She said it takes kicking and screaming. Then, when Autumn said, "and sometimes, you need to bite," I knew she was speaking directly to me, but had no idea. That was how I got away during an incident in college. I didn't talk about that night for a very long time, and still never told my family what happened. I thought I was over it, but in class, I realized how that one moment had negatively impacted every relationship since and many friendships, sparking my downward spiral. I felt sick when it hit me how not ok I really was, but God wasn't done working.

Toward the end of class, Autumn tried to get class back on the plan. We turned to Luke 1, the same chapter from our first class. Autumn looked down at her Bible while the class sat in silence for a while. It felt like minutes, but it was probably only 30-45 seconds at most. She looked up with a half smile and said that she wanted to move on with the lesson, but felt like she couldn't. Then she asked, "who wants freedom for Christmas?"

We moved the tables, clumped a little more than half of the class in the front of the room. The other half were the interceders and stood behind Autumn. It was insanely intense. People in the classroom across the hall said it sounded like a roar coming from our room. It was an intense time of prayer seeking freedom for ourselves, and those we've linked shields with.

After I don't even know how long, Caila grabbed my hand and started praying with me. I had a flashback to a dream I had about a week and a half ago. (It's strange because I rarely dream or remember any details more than a few minutes after I wake up. This one, I remembered pretty clearly.) In the dream, I pushed the guy I dated most recently into an ocean, then jumped in myself. I was underwater, but wasn't wet or drowning. The ex was banging on glass between us, but I wouldn't help him. Eventually, he drowned and floated away from me. When I saw it the second time in class, I knew what it meant. Everything from past relationships was dead and floating away. All of the hurt, anger and broken trust caused by bad choice in boyfriend after bad choice in boyfriend was taken away. The glass, a barrier I couldn't see, but knew was there, was protecting me from getting swallowed back up in that ocean of struggles. A combination of the thought and the lifting pressure caused me to start laughing, at the same time as the rest of the girls on the floor started laughing. Sweet freedom.

This whole time, I was sweating, but it was only 65 degrees in the room. I was on fire and my face and chest were bright red. Rose and I went outside in the freezing cold without coats, but it didnt cool me down. Neither of us could stop giggling. We danced on the porch and threw snowballs around the parking lot like little kids. The joy of the Lord overtook all of us as we felt our new freedom. So of course, as millenials, we had to take a selfie to help us remember the moment.

When I saw the ex later that night, I no longer felt the burning desire to punch him in the face for how he treated me. I remember what I've been through so I won't fall into it again, but it no longer controls me. To say I'm thankful is an understatement.

I'm so beyond grateful for this class of amazing people and leaders who yield to the Spirit. This school seriously changes lives. But most of all, I'm so thankful for such an amazing Savior who pours out goodness and breaks the chains for His children!

Breaking Perfectionism

School is back in session and it is packing a punch. From day one, God made it obvious that He is getting ready to do something with this group of young adults and we need to make some changes in order for it to happen. A lot of the messages in the past two weeks have centered around perfectionism and distinguishing yourself. There is a lot to say on both, so I'm splitting it up.

This all started at a Friday night service when I was running my normal camera. Heather said something about it being my home. I said I was working on it, but my perfectionism makes it frustrating since I'm not at the level I want to be right now. Heather told me to break it off immediately, but service started, so it didn't go any further that day. A few days later, she brought perfectionism up in class. Heather said, "Don't lock yourself into something God can't change." She claimed she wasn't looking at anyone, but she definitely made eye contact with me.

During Heather's class this past Wednesday, perfectionism came up again. This time, it wasn't just a couple minutes. I filled a whole dang page with notes and Heather's quotes on how dangerous it can be to yourself and those around you. "Perfectionism kills the anointing. Analyzation kills the anointing. Analyzation kills the blessing." Heather told us, "You need to recognize it in yourself as a flaw." That is a completely different idea of perfectionism than what we are used to. We regard it as a positive adjective most of the time to describe how hard we work and how detail oriented we are. If we are perfect, people can't judge us or be better than us.

In our quest to be the best, perfectionism turns our attention to ourselves. Our generation is already self-obsessed as it is, thanks to social media. Heather said, "Looking inward causes people to die around you. Introspection causes harm." I had never really thought about it in this way before, but when we judge ourselves harshly, it rubs off on how we treat other people. We expect more and hold them to our "higher" standard. It reminded me of one day when I was complaining about answering dumb bookstore customer questions. Another lady in the church said it was kind of arrogant for me to get aggravated because they aren't on my level or doing things how I would do them.

Perfectionism makes it really hard to be happy. It distorts how you see yourself and what you do. Mistakes become larger than life, while the good things fade to the background. A news general manager once told me the best producers are type A people wrapped in a type B, so I thought the perfectionist part of me was a good thing. But Heather called that one out in the best way possible. After noting that both types of people have their positive qualities, she said, "You shouldn't be type A or type B. You should be type Jesus!" We all laughed, but it's really true. Our focus should be accomplishing the will of the Lord, not on getting every detail absolutely right all the time.

The body of Christ is supposed to serve others. Heather explained our perfectionism is like spinning plates for each area of our life. Instead of using those plates to serve others like we are supposed to, we are using them to perform and try to feel better about ourselves. In reading Luke for Pastor Steve's class, there are multiple mentions of flip-flopping positions in the Kingdom of God. Luke 13:30 says, "And note this: Some who seem least important now will be the greatest then, and some who are the greatest now will be the least important then." So why are we stressing and pushing ourselves so hard to be the most perfect and top of the list, when we should be lifting others up first.

This isn't to say that doing the best work you can is wrong. The Bible tells us to do everything for the glory of God, so we should be trying our best. The problem is when we let the mistakes haunt and destroy us and our perception. I'm seriously guilty of it all the time at work or serving on camera crew. I remember the little mistakes instead of looking at the whole picture. There aren't many people watching who will remember the little ways I screwed up other than me and actually care about it. Like Heather said in class, "The mistakes will never stop! They should spread out, but the mistakes will never stop until you are in Heaven. Perfectionism takes you back to the start."

I know this is something God is really working on me about, especially since a prayer warrior spoke against the spirit of perfectionism on the prayer floor last night without me saying anything, and man, she went after it hard. It really is a struggle for many of us in the class, but we are working on fighting the spirit off together. If it's something you are battling, just know you aren't alone and we can do this. Perfectionism won't keep me from accomplishing God's purpose for me. It may be sloppy, but I refuse to let fear of screwing up stop me from trying any more.

Showing Worth

It's pretty hard to keep quiet about all the great things God is doing in my life and the lives of my friends. After hearing me talk about how some of it and how much I love my church, one of my newer coworkers decided to visit WRC for Friday night service, unbeknownst to me. The morning after, he told me he was there and we talked about his thoughts on the service. He said he grew up Pentecostal, so overall, it was pretty normal to him.
What stuck out to me was his view on worship. He said he always felt like a a relationship with God is just between those two, so the jumping and bowing in our revival service were a little much to him. He felt like it should be an inward expression, not outward.
 
Now let's be real, how do you react when someone does something great for you? How do you respond to someone who loves you? Keeping it to yourself does no one any good. I know plenty of girls, myself included, who jump up and down, clap, giggle, and/or squealing when something exciting happens. These things happen when we talk about those moments, or something we love and enjoy. It shouldn't be any different with God. His power and presence are exciting and creates a passionate love in us. The congregation as a whole is excited about what God has done in our lives and what He will do, an that excitement bubbles over during worship. 2 Chronicles 7:3 says, "When all the people of Israel saw the fire coming down and the glorious presence of the Lord filling the Temple, they fell face down on the ground and worshiped and praised the Lord, saying, "He is good! His faithful love endures forever."  
Psalm 89:15 says, "Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of your presence, Lord." And Psalm 9:1 says, "I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done."

I mentioned what Isaiah Saldivar said at the Encounter Conference in June about how people have a problem shouting praise to God at church, but don't have any issues screaming at a football game and praising their team. The Bible repeatedly says to worship with lifted hands, shouts of praise, dancing and bowing before Him.

    - 1 Timothy 2:8, "In every place of worship, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy."
    - Nehemiah 8:6, "Then Ezra praised the Lord, the great God, and all the people chanted, "Amen! Amen!" as they lifted their hands. They bowed down and worshiped the Lord with their faces to the ground."
   - Psalm 66:4, "Everything on earth will worship you; they will sing your praises, shouting your name in glorious songs.”
   - Psalm 100:2, "Worship the Lord with gladness. Come before him, singing with joy."
   - Psalm 149: 1-5, "Sing his praises in the assembly of the faithful. O people of Jerusalem, exult in your King. Praise his name with dancing, accompanied by tambourine and harp. For the Lord delights in his people; he crowns the humble with victory. Let the faithful rejoice that he honors them. Let them sing for joy as they lie on their beds."
    - Psalm 150:3-6, "Praise him with a blast of the ram’s horn; Praise him with the lyre and harp! Praise him with the tambourine and dancing; Praise him with strings and flutes! Praise him with a clash of cymbals; Praise him with loud clanging cymbals. Let everything that breathes sing praises to the Lord!"

The Holy Spirit breaks the chains holding us down and sets us free. We don't have to be bound up in fear of what people will think or what is the right thing to do. Focusing on all His goodness instead of ourselves frees us of ourselves, which is actually quite nice. Not normal for this society and generation, but really refreshing when you let it happen.

He dubbed what I said a "fair point" and walked away, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.

We touched on  worship a little bit in the first quarter classes at WRSM, and coming up this winter, we will dive deeper in the Foundations of Worship class. But one thing we have covered so far is what worship is. It means to give worth. I looked it up in a couple different dictionaries, and they say it means to show honor, respect and love. Respecting Him means following the plan and directions He laid out for us in the Bible. It is telling Him how great He really is, and that has nothing to do with us. It doesn't matter if we don't feel like it. His greatness doesn't change because we are in a mood. He is no less worthy of our worship and thankfulness because we had a bad day. He deserves all we have and more, so why hold back from Him? There is power in praising God despite rough situations. It shows the enemy that he has no power over us because we serve the Almighty God.

The next night at #EncounterKC, Zeke said a lot of the same things while getting worship started and the message focused on living by faith, not fear. It was a good reminder to me to let go even more of the thoughts about what I look like during worship or what people could be thinking. Coincidentally, Pastor Kathy posted a picture of me worshiping during service on her Facebook page, so I had to get over that whole thought really quickly. God works in crazy ways sometimes!

God can do so much more through a fearless person who is surrendered to Him and acknowledges who He really is. I want to be someone God can work through, and worshiping with everything I have is the starting point.

(Note: I wrote this a week and a half ago and thought I posted it, but didn't. Oops.)

Choose The Difficult

I'm one of those crazy people who loves a good challenge. As long as I can remember, I've lived that saying, "Tell me I can't and I'll show you I can" and that has a lot to do with my parents. My dad really modeled it for me by working multiple jobs to support us and make sure we had as many opportunities as possible. My poor parents drove me all over the region to get me to speech team, student council, service projects, whatever sport was in season, church groups, extracurricular classes, whatever competition was happening, or to hang out with my friends. They didn't complain about it (too much), but shelled out so much time and money to make sure I got to do whatever I could that might benefit me. They encouraged me to keep going after every challenge, even when people said I couldn't. When people in the school told me I couldn't play two sports in one season, my parents stood up for my desire to do so and pushed me to succeed in both. They didn't let me quit when it got hard because they knew stretching me young would benefit me down the road.

Staying busy and accepting challenges is a pattern I still follow today, but it seems like people have a harder time accepting it now. Just yesterday, one of my co-workers asked me when I was going to give up one of my jobs, claiming he feared I was stretching myself too thin. My reaction was to laugh. This person is newer here and doesn't know that this isn't a new pattern for me. I don't just survive being busy, I thrive in it. There was a time after college where I tried living like a "normal person" with one job, but I went stir crazy with so little to do.

Just a couple hours after explaining to my co-worker that I am fine and will continue to be as long as I'm listening to God's direction, I went to the afternoon session of the Power and Presence Conference. Pastor Steve was speaking about the ten attitudes we need to have to move into the secret place with God. The first thing he said was believing that we are available for "Unlimited Use." If Jesus didn't put limits on what could be done on earth, why should we limit what the Holy Spirit can do through us? We focus on being perfect and only doing something if we know we can do it well. One thing Pastor Steve said that really stuck with me is, "our job isn't to be successful, it's to be obedient." There is no limit to what He can do, and when we follow his direction, it gives Him a vessel to move through. It's not possible by our own power, but His... something the Bible says repeatedly. Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Mark 10:27 says, "And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible." It's also mentioned in Matthew 19:26, Luke 1:37, and Luke 18:27. Then, when we are obedient so God can do what He wants, He blesses us by allowing us to do some of the things we want. As Pastor Steve said, "I'll increase when I operate on God's terms."

All the time, people ask me things like how am I awake or how I'm still standing. The answer is simple: the power of God. He put me in a position where I can spread messages and meet a wide variety of people. He told me to go to World Revival School of Ministry, so I obeyed, (even though moving to be with my family sounded like a more comfortable idea.) Because I obeyed, He breathes the life and energy into me that I need to keep going.

Just because it is possible, doesn't mean it is going to be easy. Pastor Steve's "number C" point was "Choose the Difficult." God didn't take the easy path in sending His Son as a sacrifice for us, so we shouldn't expect everything He requires of us to be a breeze. Matthew 7:13-14 says, "You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it." When we choose the difficult path, not only is it making us stronger, we are giving the Lord an opportunity to show How powerful He is by working through us. I can't tell you how many times during the first quarter of school where I depended on Him to flow through my hands so I could get a paper done in time and for the energy to stay awake in class. I thank God for creating caffeine for me! An idea Pastor Steve mentioned that I had never thought of was, when we pick something hard, it gives us something to talk to God about and pray about. So not only are we building endurance, perseverance and strength through the situation, we are deepening our relationship with Him and becoming more dependent on our Heavenly Father. 1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."


In the night service for the conference, Pastor Steve talked about how important it is to participate. He said, "The healing power and presence of God happens through participation." When we are passive, we make ourselves easy targets for deception. But when we are active in our faith, it pleases God and makes us available for His use. That action won't be easy, but it will be worth it. 2 Peter 1:10-11 says, "So, dear brothers and sisters, work hard to prove that you really are among those God has called and chosen. Do these things and you will never fall away. Then God will give you a grand entrance into the eternal Kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 

My life is crazy right now, but God hasn't told me to drop anything. It's hard, but He gives me the strength and energy to do it every day. I am so thankful for the opportunity to be part of WRC and go to the school of ministry. It's preparing me for whatever God has next. I want to be as ready as possible for that task, so I choose the difficult now.  

One Down

My first quarter at the World Revival School of Ministry just came to an end with a final that felt like it lasted only five minutes. I cannot fathom how quickly it passed! This and other events of the day sparked a nostalgic and reflective spirit. I haven't had time to really write much this quarter, even though there were many things I wanted to share. Let's be real, I didn't sleep or cook much. Writing about all the changes slipped down the totem pole of priorities behind homework, work, and a nap in the backseat of my car. But I wouldn't change a thing. I am still alive purely by the power of God, and loving every minute of this journey.

One of my favorite moments of the quarter happened right before our first final. You could feel the stress and fear in the room leading up to that test. Where my public university professors would have handed out the tests immediately, Heather taught us how to fight it off. We entered into a time of deep prayer and, together, commanded that spirit to leave us. After a few minutes, the atmosphere was completely different. We pulled the presence of God into that room, and man, was it awesome. The Holy Spirit guided my hand while I answered those questions. Several of us talked about not really realizing what we were writing, because the Spirit was doing it for us. I am so thankful for a school that takes that moment to really make sure the students are grasping what is really important. The grade isn't the important part. It's being able to draw strength from God whenever we need it.

It is really hard to believe that ten weeks actually happened. I could believe maybe five or six, but not ten. Looking back, there is so much change in myself in my classmates, that maybe it really was more than ten weeks. Who knows... They say time flies when you are having fun, and I think spending time in the presence of God with amazing people qualifies as fun. Even now, I'm sitting in a gym listening to some of them practice playing worship songs. I could be sleeping, but this is infinitely more fulfilling.

I've gained a whole new group of friends in my classmates. I was really quiet for the first chunk of the quarter. It wasn't until the midterm for Developing a Lifestyle of Faith class that I opened up. I remember the moment well. When we finished the test, we went into the library to wait for our next class. I sat in the corner and worked on a knitting project. Someone knocked the rubber grip off of a seat, and I said, "This is why we can't have nice things!" Everyone burst into laughter and it loosened the room up. Next thing I know, a couple girls are sitting with me in the corner chatting away and discovering all these things we have in common. In the weeks that followed, our late night Taco Bell study parties and Facebook conversations have really forged an amazing bond. These people have really grown to be my adopted siblings in Christ and I am so thankful for each and every one of them.

Since my last post, I've also experienced an amazing healing. I was moving a set of book bays at work, when the shelves collapsed. One of them slammed into my wrist. It immediately turned purple and started swelling, to the point my managers had me file my first (and hopefully last!) injury report. Typing at my main job all night was painful. I moved slowly but got through it. Then, I ran a jib camera at church, which takes a lot of thumb movement. It was incredibly painful and I couldn't feel my hand at all by the end of service. One of my friends and a prayer warrior noticed I was holding it and asked to pray. She said she could feel the warmth travel through my skin as I quickly started feeling my fingers again. The pain immediately went away and never returned, not even when I bumped walking in my door 20 minutes later. My God is so good and faithful, and I am so thankful for His healing touch!

There were so many moments in class where someone would say something amazing and I would quickly scribble the quote down in my notebook with the intent of posting it on Facebook or writing a post based off it. By the end of the class, there were too many to choose from and I would let it pass. So, now, I'm just going to blow your mind with some of the wisdom poured into me over the past few weeks in one fell swoop, plus some of the inevitable silliness that comes from a group of sleep deprived millennials.

- We GET to do the things of God. 

- "Faith can afford to let someone else have first dibs." - Pastor Kathy

- There is power in building your faith through glorifying the Lord.

- You can't choose to be offended by people and have faith.

- Don't even think about marrying someone who doesn't convict you.

- If you can't be happy with just you and God, your "Abraham" will never be enough.

- "You have a God like a very fast and powerful car. Why do you act like you are going to drive a tricycle down the highway?" - Heather

- "Please think!" "My mother didn't teach me to cook. She taught me to think! I had to Google the recipe because my mother only taught me to think!" - Pastor Kathy (The recipe was for some great chili!)

- The Kingdom of God is not a fairy tale. We act like Disney princesses in distress. We want God to be our Prince Charming and save us without any effort. Revival takes work!

- The Word of God is not weak. Our understanding is weak.

- "May the Lord strike you...... with great conviction! Ha! You thought I was going to say something else!" - Heather

- The problem isn't that the kingdom is lacking, it is the lack of asking.

- "One conversation... What do people get from you?" - Heather

- "You are not stretched. Write a book!" - Heather

- "We put God on a fast food timeline. A lifestyle of faith takes your whole life. You will never arrive until you are at heaven's gates."

- "What you whine and complain about today, you'll wish for tomorrow." - Heather

- "It is not the gospel about me." - Pastor Steve

- "A soldiers' only option is 'Yes, sir!' Giving yourself options is giving yourself the option to fail." -Autumn

- #HangryJesus - see Mark 11:14. 

- God will not rally for us if we don't rally for Him.

- "No one is upset about gossip, pride and greed because we've adapted to it and are more comfortable in the darkness than in the light." - Pastor Steve

- Some issues aren't about right and wrong, but right and more right. Are you going to use your freedom in Christ for yourself and cause someone else to stumble or are you going to share it with all? Those who live should not live for themselves.

- Sometimes, the enemy tries to engage you in a battle to wear you down, like boxing the air.

- Accept that you'll have a Judas in your life, but don't stop loving people. People will feel your guardedness and not trust you, even if you have nothing to hide.

- The secret to contentment is the presence of God.

- "A butterfly on the back will eventually be a butterfly in the crack."

- Jesus and his disciples were not Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, whistling while they worked. Jesus didn't wave a magic wand and heal people with a bippity boppity boo. - Autumn

- "When you know who you are, you don't have to defend yourself." - Autumn

- God cares how you feel, but He won't change course for it because your feelings will change as you transform into the image of Christ.

-"Jesus is the answer to everything!" - Trevor

- "That was a burp from the depths of my soul!" - Erica

- "You should talk to Danielle. She's interested in that stuff and she's awkward too." - Kelsey. "Hi... uhh... I'm going to look at the books now." - Danielle

"Thank you for letting me spank you in the Spirit." - Heather

"I think I'm going to ban Mountain Dew next time. I can tell exactly who had it." - Autumn

There were so many other moments. I might add them later.

All of these lessons and moments in service have really altered who I am. It really hit me at work today how much God has changed me over the past few months. Working in news, I deal with and see a lot of terribly graphic things. Just between today and yesterday, four people died in crashes while I was working. The one overnight into this morning involved two pedestrians getting hit by several cars and it literally tore them apart. Police couldn't figure out why the people got out of their car and walked onto the interstate. While most people would be horrified at hearing something, a normal reaction among journalists is "That's a great story!" or "Can we get the dashcam video from the cop that hit them?" Both statements were made this morning, but I couldn't join in. Even though I knew nothing about these two people, I felt a deep ache for them. My eyes welled up and the more we talked about it, the more it bugged me. It's a stark contrast to earlier this year and a couple years ago when I had to cover similar stories. I even saw one of them, yet it didn't bug me. We made our "normal" off-color jokes and went on with our day like nothing happened. But today really got to me. It reminded me of something we talked about in our "Innocence Restored" group over the summer. We talked about how the way to fix a hard and cold heart is to soak in the oil of God's presence and let Him soften it until it matches His heart. We can't really reflect His love if our hearts are like rocks. We have to be vulnerable to injury in order to really love like Jesus does. Jesus was vulnerable and died to show love. We don't have the imminent threat of death for following Christ like many other countries, and that results in a lot of lackadaisical Christians. That isn't what I want to be. Being a part of this school is really showing me how to develop a stronger faith, which requires action. As Pastor James keeps saying, God is raising up a remnant. I am so honored to be a part of this group as we grow to be God's firebrands together.

I can't wait to start the next quarter with these amazing teachers and classmates.

Pushing Through The Hard Times

I started writing something completely different, but then life happened. Yesterday was a really rough day.

I should have known something was up when ALL the junk food stashes at work were empty, including my Oreo drawer. This sounds pretty ridiculous, but it is actually incredibly rare for there to be no junk food laying around. It's how we get through the day... That and insensitive jokes.

It just seemed like one thing on top of another at work. I won't go into it, but we were not a happy bunch. Not even a little.

Midway through my shift, my dad forwarded me a tweet that one of my college friends was shot and killed overnight. I refused to believe it, scouring the web and wires for some kind of story. I called our sister station in Cleveland and had them look, but nothing. When all his former teammates started posting, I knew there had to be something to it. I reached out to a couple, which I hate doing, but my school truly means it when we say we are a family, especially among athletes.

Right before I left, my Cleveland people called to say it was confirmed. David was gone. I wasn't very close with him at all, but it still got to me. We officially met during the Black and Purple music video shoot and then chatted a bit in the weight room. He would hit on me and I'd laugh it off. We hadn't talked since he left college, but his death still got to me.

This marked the third homicide of someone I know this year. Maybe that fact got to me. Maybe it's that he was my age. He was a good dude, and hearing that someone killed him really bugged me, to the point of stupidity.

A college ex of mine just moved to town. Since he had met David, I, for some unknown dumb reason, thought it would be a good idea to hang out. Lunch was fine. Watching World War Two documentaries and knitting while we talked was fine. But, at some point, I fell asleep. I woke up, knowing Encounter service was not too far off, yet I was completely fine in not moving. I kept thinking cuddling sounded like a much more comfortable option and I could just skip church. He, of course, made a move and I realized I needed to leave and get to church immediately. While driving, I thought about skipping again, since I didnt have time to change or put on makeup or anything. But as I got closer tot he exit, I knew I needed to go. God loves me even though I look like crap. Things were already started at church, but being sad and annoyed at the world were not good enough reasons to skip church.

I made it just in time for the end of fellowship time. I walked over to one of my friends and I think she knew something was up. I told her about David that I almost didn't show. She spoke peace over me and David's family and declared that the Spirit would overwhelm me with during the service.

Boy, was she right.

Everything from the beginning of worship until dismissal was powerful and went by incredibly fast. I lost my voice singing and screaming out for God. Pastor James talked about how the list of, "if I can just have/do this, I'll be happy" will never end. The only thing that satisfies is the presence of God, and man, was it thick in that room. I could feel the weight of it. There may have been some tears, which for me is pretty unusual. But it was so good to just soak and let all the crap of the day go. And the fellowship after was great too. I have some awesome friends at WRC and I am so thankful they are in my life.

On my way home, I was thinking about how whenever I almost don't go to church, it is always really powerful. People always say things like, if God is real, why do bad things happen to good people? Well, crap happens because we have an enemy. The enemy knows the peace and power waiting for us when we spend time with God, so he tries to keep us away from it. The enemy wants us weak. But when we fight back and push harder for God, He rewards us with His presence. I feel like the more the enemy throws at me to make me want to stay home, the better that service ends up being once I shake it off and go. Last night's Encounter service was one of those nights. I am so thankful to be surrounded by people who are running after God in such a passionate fashion.

I am also thankful I got to know David. Rest in peace, Rat. You are missed.

Lifting Each Other Up

We all need a little correction sometime. When you are turning your life around and hanging with the right crowd again, there are suddenly a lot of people with a lot of opinions on what you are doing. Some people are just better at delivering correction than others.

A newer friend of mine took a not-so-great moment and tried to force a correction. We were mingling and eating at church before the #EncounterKC service. I don't remember exactly what led up to it, but she said, "You have got to stop. You can not be talking about Christ all day and then talk about the people making you mad."

Cue the ginger fury. I had so many things I wanted to say in response. "You do it too, so remove the plank from your own eye." "I'm doing better about it, but you wouldn't know since you met me after I returned to God." Rabble rabble rabble. But it proved that God is working in my life because He kept my mouth shut. Those who know me well know I have a bit of a temper and I don't often hesitate to tell people when they tick me off.

Yes, she has a point, but in a crowd was probably not the right time and place to address it. We went into service, and I can't tell you what happened. I was so distracted by the comment and angry thoughts.

Again, I'm not arguing the accuracy. It's been one of those things that I've been working on for a while. At the conference in June, Isaiah Saldivar said, "Gossip can send you to hell just as fast as meth." That was and still is convicting. I have a weird battle on the issue. When your job requires you to dig up details on people, which are often times less than flattering, then share them with the world, the line gets pretty fuzzy. Newsrooms are full of people with a certain curiosity and desire to know everything about everyone, and a love of talking, so it is easy to get sucked in to conversations. Plus, when something gets on our nerves, we are really good at finding a way to turn it into a story. People want to be compelled, and news junkies tend to be compelled to complain and chatter.

While on Facebook the next day, I came across one of those text photos that I really wanted to send to my friend. Again, I uncharacteristically held back.

Emphasis on the slowly straightening me out. I'm pretty stubborn, so making any change at all can be a process.

I stewed over the way it was done all day, to the point I literally got sick. Tuesday night, yes, 3 nights later, I was thinking about it while laying on the couch. I was praying about the issue while focusing on trying to breathe. The squeamish can skip down to the next paragraph... haha. So, while laying there asking God to help me eliminate the negativity in my life, doing nothing physically but breathing, my mouth suddenly filled with gunk. Not the normal sickly gunk, but a hard consistency that doesn't seem possible to have come out in such a way. Not only could I breathe again, but I felt better about the situation that was weighing me down.

A few days later, JD preached about inner problems manifesting themselves in the form of physical problems, so I'm just going to go with the chatter issue was the root of the sickness.

The friend did apologize about how she brought it up and we talked about it. We agreed that we both screwed up. I do believe her intentions were in the right place because, as she put it, we are sisters in Christ and need to keep each other in line.  Autumn reiterated the point in my Theology of Revival class when talked about school of ministry students being leaders and we need to be an example that makes people want to follow Christ. She quoted Pastor Dustin, who often says, "You can be the example or the excuse." People need to see something different in us, namely, joy. Venting frustrations with people to others is not displaying the joy of the Lord within us.

Another thing Autumn focused on in class is how everyone is compelled by something, but that doesn't mean they want to be involved in that thing. In order to break the compulsion, you have to kick out the driver and replace it with a new one. It's not like I want to be negative, but it's so easy to get sucked in. That compulsion to know what is going on and complain about the problems needs to be replaced with Christ's love.

The journey to be more like Christ is difficult and different for everyone. Really, this post is about two issues: correcting each other in the right way and spreading negativity. Both can be boiled down to, lift each other up. Correction is a good and necessary way, but it does no one any good when handled in the wrong way. Our culture has this attitude of, "don't tell me what to do," and people either ignore or blow up when they disagree. Addressing issues with kindness will improve the effectiveness of the correction. Lifting each other up with what we say creates a more positive environment and better reflects our Savior.

Distract and Attack

I started writing this post about distractions three weeks ago. Guess what happened. I got distracted every single time I started working on it. Granted, life has been pretty intense, but the irony is not lost. After questioning sharing my last post because of self-doubt, then seeing the impact it had on so many makes me think I was distracted because someone else out there needs this message as much as I did.

Those who know me in person know I have a pretty strong case of ADOS, which is attention deficit, oooh shiny! One little thing can set me off on a long string of stories or missions. While moving over the past couple weeks, I'd start packing one thing, but completely get distracted by something else and end up with nothing done. That really sucked when my friends showed up to move things and I wasn't packed... #fail.

The whole thought on distractions started when I went to a Christian rock concert featuring Red and Demon Hunter. Their opening band, Veridia, blew me away with what lyrics I could make out in the craziness of a live show. I left the show in the middle of Red's performance to go to work, where I played Veridia's EP "Inseparable" and could hear the words more clearly. This section of "Mechanical Planet" got my attention.

"So I'll distract you.

I will attack you,

And keep you focused on me.

I'll make you fall in love with deception.

You won't know what to believe."

Later on, the song brings up distractions again with a powerful point.

"The truth is

I'll work day and night

To keep the gears grinding in your mind,

To keep you from knowing you are worth more than gold,

Not some assembly-line, rusted shell of a person that I try to remote-control.

I never want you to believe

That when you're down on your knees

That someone is actually listening.

If you are undistracted for even a moment,

I'll lose my hold,

And you would notice that you have never been alone.

Never have you ever fought alone.

Never have you ever fought alone."

I hadn't really thought of distractions as an attack, but it makes sense. How many times a day do we miss getting something done because we walked into a room and saw something else that needed to be done. If you are anything like me, it is quite a few.

The next night at church, Pastor Kathy preached on hindrances and the schemes of the devil. I was running camera and not fully paying attention to the sermon, but I caught enough to know she was talking about distractions. I got the CD and it took several tries to get all the way through it. Again, with the irony! In the message, PK defined distractions as anything that takes your focus off the Kingdom of God.

This comes into play because we are in a spiritual battle all the time. Ephesians 6:12 says, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." When you wrestle someone, you don't go into it trying to lose. You find your opponent's weakness and try to exploit it. That's exactly what the devil does to us. As PK said, "We wrestle something smarter and meaner."

The difference is, the devil isn't distracted. He is focused on his purpose to destroy us. PK said, "The devil doesn't hope to hinder us. The devil plans on it." So many times, we focus on the material problems in our lives instead of the spiritual battles. Like the song says, when we are distracted and focusing on the little issues in our lives, we forget that the Holy Spirit is there to help us fight. We are not in this alone.


But this poses an interesting question: What could we do if we were focused on the Kingdom of God and not our earthly issues? If there is something in the way, it needs to go. There are so many things that can distract us in this world. Social media, TV, movies, work, friends, school, family, etc. I'm guilty of it all. There have been so many times lately where I sit there and think, "I should read my Bible," yet I lay in bed or sit on my break scrolling through a Facebook, Instagram or Twitter feed waiting on someone to post something new. Seriously, wasting time on absolutely nothing. It's time to work on weeding out those distractions so we can move forward together. Fighting against the devil's plan to hinder our mission for God won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

Bye Bye, Booze

Several of my friends have asked about my decision to quit drinking because it caught them off guard. It's not like I was even close to being an alcoholic, but it was responsible for several crazy nights and bad decisions. Answering with, "because God told me to" wasn't cutting it for them, so I did some digging in the Bible.

The real epiphany moment was at the Encounter conference in June while Isaiah Saldivar was preaching. He shared about his life before Christ and how he was partying every day. When God met Isaiah at the altar, He said it would cost everything. Everything includes alcohol. I really felt convicted about drinking while sitting there that Saturday night. I made the decision to give it up for God and He took it. Today marks two months without a drink, and I don't miss it.

Facing my friends was a bit of a challenge. That was what we did together. Grab a margarita and complain about work. Down a few beers and watch football. Now, I changed the game and neither of us quite knew what to do. Some told me it won't last, but they don't understand that I am a changed person. It happened so fast, it just didn't make sense to them. A couple people talked about how the Bible doesn't say anything about not drinking. I quoted the one scripture I knew off the top of my head on the issue, which was Ephesians 5:17-18 "Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;" Well, having been filled with the Spirit, the hole I numbed with alcohol was also filled. The Holy Spirit satisfied that desire, and I started so see more of that passage happen in my life. Verses 19-20 say, "Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." I have been singing praise songs and thanking God for everything He has done and will continue to do. As Pastor Steve says all the time, "Stick with the plan." When you stick with what God calls you to do, the rest falls into place. It just takes faith to believe it will all come to be.

While working on this post, I was also streaming live service from World Revival Church. Something Pastor Steve just said fits pretty well. "The things that wear other people are not wearing you out because they aren't important to you." I see my friends who drink struggling at work and struggling to find happiness. I'm not saying my work struggles all went away since giving up alcohol, but by following God, I have the strength and joy within me to make it through the day in decent spirits.

Surprisingly, or not, some of my Christian friends are included in the group questioning the decision to quit drinking. This quote from Isaiah hits the nail on the head: "Here's the thing: I'm a Christian and I drink. I'm a Christian and I smoke. I'm a Christian and I party. I'm a Christian and I don't live any different than anybody. You must not be a Christian because you're so radical and you're so different. So what are you? So they label us as in a cult because they don't understand that we met someone that they're talking about. They don't understand that we came into an encounter with a living God that breathes out stars." Two of my friends have actually asked if I was in an occult now because the new "rules" I live by are "no fun" and "too strict." Maybe I'm not indulging in the worldly fun anymore, but I don't miss it. Alcohol pales in comparison to the joy I've found in following God and spending time with Godly people. That alone would be enough, but then there are verses like Proverbs 23:21a, "For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty."  How many of us want poverty? Exactly. If making one little change can help fend off being poor, well, I'll take that blessing! Right away, not spending money on alcohol leaves money in my pocket to spend on more important things.

There are several other verses in the Bible that talk about not drinking. One is Leviticus 10:9m which says, "Do not drink wine or strong drink, thou not thy sons with thee." That probably explains why my parents were so upset by my drinking. Oops. Sorry, guys!

This past Friday night, Pastor Tom posed the question, if the Holy Spirit is within us, what are we subjecting him to? We have to fight our carnal, fleshly desires in order to let the Spirit operate through us. Two passages label drinking a problem of the flesh. Romans 13:13-14 says, "Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof." Galatians 5:19a and 21 says, "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." That last part is heavy. Works of the flesh keep us from the kingdom of God and drinking is a work of the flesh. Boom. If anything else wasn't enough of a reason for me, that sure did it. Following God is worth the cost.

Again, that passage continues to give us details of how following the Spirit instead of the flesh can impact our lives right now. Galatians 5:22-24 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law." I want to be a good fruit and see the fruit of the Spirit grow in my life.

These are just a bunch of reasons for how I came to the decision. Bottom line, I made the change because God told me to, and that is all the reason I need.

Encounter

About a month after I started going to WRC, the church hosted a youth and young adults conference. They announced it every week leading up to it, but honestly, I was not paying attention. The ladies kept asking me if I was going to go, and I kept saying no. One, I had to work. Two, it was the same weekend my friends were going to get married, so I was going to be partying all weekend with them. With about a week until the wedding, the bride posted on facebook that the ceremony was off. They were still going to get married, but they were going to elope to escape the family drama. I already had time off from both jobs, so, of course, I tried to plan to leave town.

The Wednesday before the conference, one of the ladies text me again, asking if I was going to go. Again, I said no. All night at work, Encounter kept coming to mind. Repeatedly, I woke up during my Thursday nap with Encounter on my mind. Finally, I grabbed my phone, bought a ticket and text Mary that I was in.

That was the best decision I could have made. Despite being exhausted Friday night after working both jobs, I left so energized by Pastor Steve's message on running the race. (This combines Friday night and Sunday morning's messages since it was a two-parter.) It was from Hebrews 12:1-2. "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." Pastor Steve talked about how the key to running the Christian race is not how fast you go, but what you carry. Only so much can fit inside you. Stop carrying the worries and sins. Just go. 

Pastor Steve said giving up on our race with God is the sin (singular) that so easily entangles us, and it is so true. How many times do we slack off or straight give up when things get hard? Making the same dumb mistake repeatedly is like running into a barbed wire fence at full speed. You know it's going to hurt. You know it's going to tangle you up.You know it's going to keep you from where you are going to go. Sticking with Jesus all the time is the hard part, especially when you are around people who don't believe the same as you or aren't used to your fire. I've seen this in my own life since finding my way back to God. I barely see some people I once called my closest friends. They don't know how to handle me anymore, some going as far as saying "It's like you are a different person. I don't know who you are anymore." (I chose to take that as a compliment, even though it wasn't intended as such.) Like Pastor Steve said Sunday, "Opposition is there to wear you down."When we look at the persecution Jesus had to go through, it really puts our lives in perspective. He was beaten. He bled and died for us. Is losing a couple friends or being called crazy really that bad in comparison? I think not. Americans are pretty dang lucky in that regard.

I missed Pastor Dustin's sermon Saturday morning because I was working, and was half asleep for Pastor James' message. I remember it was good, but didn't take notes. It had something to do with raising up a remnant. I need to go back and listen to it.

Saturday night was a big night for me. Isaiah's preaching was so spot on and full of fire. Take the 75 minutes and listen to it, because I seriously can't do it justice. He talked about how organized religion can send us to hell just as fast as meth; how the problem isn't getting the fire - it's keeping the fire; how we can expect to go through everything Jesus went through while we follow him; and how we need to show proof that we are saved, not just say it. 

Something Isaiah said that really stuck out to me was that grace isn't permission to sin, but rather, it's power to overcome sin. Hearing Isaiah's story about giving up his job, fiance and partying to go after God really stuck with me. The drinking part really convicted me, but I'll save that for a post all its own.

 At the end of Isaiah's message, I was at the front in the crowd of youth and young adults. At some point, he put a hand on my head and I heard him pray for fire to fall, and boy did it. Next thing I knew, I was on my knees speaking in tongues for the first time since I was a kid in Indiana. After a while, I started to stand up and heard "school of ministry." Of course, I'm stubborn and ignored it, but it didn't go away. I let it rest on repeat in the back of my mind for a couple days before I really did anything with that.

Bottom line, my life changed at the Encounter conference. It is a journey, but I'm loving seeing how God is moving through me and around me. More to come on all of that... 

Getting Started

Call it a quarter life crisis or just growing up, but things are changing in my life. Several of my battle buddies through everything have encouraged me to write down how God is moving in my life, so here we go with the short introductory version of how I got to this point.

I have gone to church as long as I can remember and accepted Christ at a young age. As time went on, I faded away, especially during college and the first couple years on my own. When I moved to Kansas City, MO, I completely stopped going to church for a full year. My believe in God never changed, but I was not living anywhere near how I should.

Through a few small connections, I ended up at a live worship recording at World Revival Church. It was a fun night, but something bigger was stirring. The band recorded a song with the line, "Home, this is home/ where heaven screams through our bones" and it really stuck with me.

Six days later, after a big struggle at work and a couple out of state job applications, I remembered Pastor Steve mentioning Friday night services. I ended up back at WRC for my first church service in about a year. Pastor Kathy preached on listening to what God is calling each of us to be and pursuing it. I knew I needed to be in that church, but my two-job schedule didn't really allow for it. A woman who was sitting in front on me during service prayed that God would open my schedule so I could be there. Sure enough, he came through. My main job changed things around temporarily, which forced me to adjust my availability at the bookstore. It took me a couple weeks to realize that I wasn't working Friday or Saturday nights anymore, but I was freed up to go to services and community nights.

The woman who was sitting in front of me at that first service started introducing me to several other ladies. Spending time with them was amazing. They spoke so much life into me from the beginning, which I didn't realize I was missing. I feel like they were the people I needed in my life and they all fell into place at just the right moment.

This was just the beginning. God has already done so much, and I know there is a lot of big things still to come.