Everyone Hates 2016 Except For Me

I've been dragging my feet about writing my annual year in review post because I'm one of approximately 14 people in the world who don't absolutely abhor this year.  I mean, some people created a horror movie trailer with things that really did happen over the past 12 months. While some bizarre things happened around the world, 2016 was actually pretty great for me.

There. I said it.

I remember sitting in church last November when my friend Bridgett passed me a note with a heart on it that said. "Let His hope be your new beginning." About a week later, Pastor Steve said 2016 was the year of new beginnings. For Christmas, Jill gave me a bracelet with the word "hope" on it. Little did I know how accurate all of that was.

2016 had a pretty rocky start, but hitting that low forced me to dig in and decide that I was going to move forward, no matter how much it hurt. Believe me, it did quite a bit. There were some major hurdles, like losing Jill and so many others in the spring, and my cousin just passed away this week, on top of the every day struggles of life. While those lives are very dearly missed, I've seen time and time again over the past 12 months where God twists a scenario and makes it good. It's pushed me out of my comfort zone, and that is where the growth happens. There was so much good, I could yap about it all day, so this will just stick to the broad generalities.

This year put some of my life-long goals in the 'done' category. As long as I can remember, I've wanted to do certain things, but never really thought of them as possible. It was more of a "wouldn't that be nice" type of thing. Some might be deemed silly, but that's your choice to soak the joy out of a situation.

In 2016, I finally read through the entire Bible (after many attempts that didn't make it past Exodus), I read more than 50 books, I got my passport and left the country, I traveled alone, I visited Pearl Harbor and marked D-Day at the National World War II Museum. I sang karaoke (horrendously), jumped off a cliff into a river, kayaked, swam out to a waterfall used in a movie, stood on an extinct volcano (although, I question if this counts since I didn't see lava). My team earned an Emmy nomination, and I'm now back on track to graduate earlier than I should have, but it's on time with the rest of the class.

I'm getting my vision back, but this time, it's coming with follow through.

Then, there were the bonuses. I lost track of how many ballets, musicals, plays, operas and concerts I went to, but bucket-listers like Underoath, Switchfoot and Panic at the Disco are on he list. Chance the Rapper, Winter Jam, and TobyMac's tour were entertaining. I got to meet amazing people, like Marvel's Stan Lee, Gary Sinise from Forrest Gump, Nicholas Sparks, Rainbow Rowell, Barry Williams from 'The Brady Bunch', the guys from Underoath, and Pearl Harbor survivors including Donald Stratton. I got the opportunity to coach young girls in volleyball and be a part of a kids show that's going to reach people around the globe. I was blessed with the ability to get a new car and laptop this year. Heck, I even sprang for a gopro camera, finally. I caught up with old buddies, made new friends and learned who never really fit that title in the first place, and became a better friend to others. There were so many adventures and shenanigans throughout the year, it's crazy to think about how blessed I was.

All of that is fun, but it's the inner changes that are more important. I became stronger and more stable in who I am, while also developing a softness and vulnerability at the same time. It's the weirdest thing, but God is complex like that. I feel like I grew so much, yet have so much more work ahead. Pastor Eric always says, "with God, the journey is everything," and I am thoroughly loving the adventure He's writing for me in this time. It's creating the me I was supposed to be all along, but lost in the flesh's struggle to fit in. Let's face it: I was never meant to be classified as normal.

Despite all of these amazing moments, I know it's just the beginning. It's a thought which is both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. 2016 saw the first few pages of a book come to life and the shiftings to set up some big things in 2017. I keep thinking of the line from Switchfoot's song "If the House Burns Down" which says, "I may not know what I want from this life but I know I want more than the starting line." The next couple months are going to be filled with some deep thought and visioneering as some interesting possibilities are floating around. That's just what I see, so who knows what God still has in His pocket for me. Pastor Steve said 2017 is the year of opportunity and I cannot wait to see how everything will play out.

I hope you grab ahold of the hope for a better life that is found only in Jesus. If He can turn my life around so drastically in just one year, just think where you could be 12 months from now.  Think about what JD King preached last night: "Jesus wants to meet you where you are so He can take you to where He is." He makes all things new and will give you more than what your heart desires when you trust Him.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Before and After Alcohol: 2.5 Years of Sobriety

Before and afters... fun and awful all at the same time.

This time of year makes people a little nostalgic on its own, but the end of the year isn't on my mind tonight. Today marks 2.5 years since my last alcoholic drink. It's a thought which pops up every six months or so, as you already know since I have this little tendency to document some random thoughts in writing on the internet for all to see. 

This time, the thought came up because of people.

Not long ago, I went to a football game at my Alma Mater and spent some time chatting with a media friend, David. His boss quipped that it felt like an intervention standing between us, since David and I are both in the early years of sober life. It sparked a conversation about our before and afters. I was going to post a couple pictures to highlight the change, but I can't locate the old one on Facebook and the new one was blurry. The first one was of us and other media people dancing in the rain at a rooftop bar in Austin, Texas. Needless to say, there wasn't much life in that picture. Now, there is a difference in both of us. There is a spark of life in both our eyes and the smiles in that picture are far more sincere and full of joy.  

It's so cool to see how God has transformed David's life since he gave up alcohol. His almost daily thankful tweets about God's grace and favor are evidence of the change. David's story reminds me of how lucky I am that I was able to quit without problems and public attention, but he's handled it so well. I'm so proud of how he's handled everything and turned his life around for the better.

The before and after was highlighted further the other night when I went to my Alma Mater's basketball game in town with a friend from church. During the first half, I got a Snapchat from a college friend who was also there. Will came and sat in the empty seat on my other side and I could feel the difference in the weirdest way. We reminisced about days past and it was almost painful to think about the trash I was during that time (I mean, I met him at a bar during a pub crawl...), while on my other side, was my more innocent and suddenly very quiet friend. I felt the need to apologize to her, while shushing Will's profanity and more ridiculous stories. 

After the game, I walked by a bar where a friend from my drinking days now works. I hadn't seen him in almost three years, so my underage church friend waited outside while I ran inside to say hi. It was so strange to see him after all this time. We were friends at work but our friendship lacked depth from all the time we had spent together but couldn't remember. Now, he's also on the road to leaving booze in the past, but he faces a different set of challenges of sobriety as the cliché alcoholic working in a bar. While David's eyes had a spark of hope, John's eyes showed the struggle he's facing and a deep hunger to move forward, which I pray he's able to do successfully.

The girl they used to know is not the one who exists today, a fact which brought a wave of relief while I walked away from the game. Heck, I'm not even the same girl I was a year ago when I wrote about being 18 months sober. That post created a connection with someone in the industry who had to give up alcohol himself. Through knowing him, I learned to stand up for myself, what I need and what is right, even though it didn't all happen right away. A shared experience created a connection which fostered growth, which is really what life is all about. 

People are our treasure, despite all my claims to the contrary when dealing with horrible, rude customers. What matters is that we do our best to help each other along in the journey and foster growth in others. While I've come a long way, it's wonderful to see how far my friends have traveled on their own journeys as well.

"Resentment, depression and all anxieties
They have no power over me
Addictions, strongholds and every disease
They have no power over me

I, I’m coming back to life
I’m feeling hope arise
Because of You, only You, Jesus
I, I’m leaving the rest behind
My heart is satisfied
Because of You, only You, Jesus."

- "Back to Life" by James Galbraith

Never Forget: Even Little Dreams Do Come True

There are a handful of things I've wanted to do for many years of my life, but growing up pretty poor put those dreams into a corner of my mind where they became a 'one day maybe' instead of something that was attainable. One dream I've carried since I was a wee child was to visit Pearl Harbor. It even made it into a creative writing assignment somewhere around 5th grade where I was telling a friend what I had been up to recently, but 20 years in the future. 

It finally came true.

It's funny how a random Facebook post during my New Orleans & Canada adventure in June sparked this whole thing into being, but that's just how God is. 

It wasn't coincidence that I made a reference to the 75th anniversary of the attack to a friend.

It wasn't coincidence that my favorite teacher saw it.

It wasn't coincidence that the teacher lived five minutes away from the Harbor and offered a place to stay if we made the trip.

It wasn't coincidence that the plane tickets dropped $150 without a Google price alert the day I decided to take the step of faith and buy it.

It wasn't coincidence that I got work-study the next day, freeing up the money I had just spent on the plane ticket.

It was God.

But you know what, God doesn't just fulfill dreams the way our human minds fathom an ideal situation. He's a good Father and likes to show off sometimes. 

That is exactly what He did for me with this trip.

Going to Pearl Harbor and seeing the history of the attack and where my grandpa was toward the end of WWII would've been enough for me.

Getting to make the trek for the 75th anniversary made it a special piece of history.

Getting to make the trip with a friend and stay with someone in my professional field who I look up to is awesome.

But God opened the door to combining things I love, making it more than little Stephanie ever imagined this trip could be. I was able to get media passes to take a camera, meet the survivors, tell their stories and share the messages they want people to know. 

This trip was incredible.

I spent time on the USS Arizona memorial with just members of the media at sunrise.

I shook hands with four of the five men still alive who escaped that ship, while 1,177 are entombed there.

I met a handful of other men who survived bullets and bombs falling from the sky.

I watched current members of the military stand and hold a salute for about an hour in the hot Hawaiian sun while the veterans left the ceremony. These young men and women didn't wipe the dripping sweat from their faces or let their arms rest when they were visibly trembling with exhaustion. I don't have words for the respect and honor there. 

I learned about a little known man, George Whiteman, who died in the attack on the other side of the island, and now has an Air Force base named after him in Missouri.

I visited the USS Utah memorial, where you can still see the cables crews used to try to right the ship and save the men on board, but were unsuccessful. Then, we walked through the 429 white marble pillars, representing the 429 lives lost on the USS Oklahoma.

The attack on Pearl Harbor is heavy stuff, and I can't even count the number of times I had to choke back tears. Just standing on the pier at the moment the attack was happening 75 years before was overwhelming enough for my mind, but to see these brave men return to a place where they almost lost their lives and talk about forgiving Japan... speechless. These guys are so inspirational in their survival stories alone, but the strength with which they do it can't be put into words. I don't know that I'll ever be able to forget when Jack Holder was talking about running to a sewer line under construction to avoid the bullets and he teared up while saying that the only thing he was thinking at that time was, "God, please don't let me die in this ditch." 

I also won't be able to forget how every time I heard Donald Stratton talk, he made sure to mention the 1,177 who weren't as lucky as he was, or how eyes lit up and how tightly he grabbed my hand when I said I was reading his book and asked him to sign it.

These guys don't want us to forget how blessed we truly are in this country, and it's so humbling to be able to pass that message on to you now.

While I expected to work my tail off, which we did, and dealt with some less-than-pleasant situations on the media side, it was still an incredible moment to be able to cover and experience. 

We did manage to work in some fun though! When I asked for an interviewed with actor Gary Sinise, I didn't really think it would happen, but it did. Not only that, we got to be near the stage during the Lt. Dan Band's performance on Waikiki Beach. I met NBC news crews, including Jay Gray. We ate at the North Shore's famous food trucks, played in the water at Shark's Cove, hiked through areas of Waimea Bay that you could recognize in movies, swam in 20-30 feet deep ice cold water to stand under a waterfall (have I mentioned I'm not a fan of swimming? Because I'm not and it was terrifying), saw baby pineapples growing at the Dole Plantation and ate some of that fantastic Dole whip, stood in front of the USS Missouri, climbed part of the way up the dormant Diamond Head volcano, stood in the waves at Waikiki, checked out a swap meet at Aloha Stadium, and ate some fantastic meals with amazing people. Our hosts were beyond incredible tour guides and people. And of course, I always have a blast with my travel buddy.

I say all of this as a reminder to hold on to your dreams, even when it doesn't seem like something that would ever become a reality for you. Nothing is impossible with God. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" and Psalm 37:4-5 says, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Following God can be a hard path, but it has so many rewards. He opens doors that you might not have even thought to knock on or even walk toward. If he can take my simple dream of visiting such a historic place and make it happen in so much more a grand fashion that I could have thought up myself, what could He do for you in your life? 

The blessings are limitless because He is limitless. He is a good Father who wants to give you what you desire, even the seemingly small things buried in hopes and dreams you let fade into nothingness. Don't give up on your dreams and don't give up on God. Following Him brings the best into your life in perfect timing. Never forget.

Final Fall Quarter Quotes from World Revival

On this eve of Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for all of the gems dolled out at World Revival School of Ministry, in spite of being so wrapped up in school that I've had no time to write here. I'm also thankful for the goofy people in those classes who make them more entertaining and provide me with an endless supply of crazy quotes.

Ministry to Children

Pastor Mark Pederson (PMP): "A child left to himself will have to fight for himself in the spiritual realm."

PMP: "If Owen goes nuts, there'll be some carving. Don't know on what..."

PMP (on spanking): "Oh no! Christians with crowbars!"

PMP: "Don't let the challenges of revival living blow you out of it."

Esther: "My mom would be like, 'your brother has a bad attitude and it's all your fault' so she'd spank me instead of him."
Lee: "Well, that's what God did with Jesus."

PMP: "You can't serve and minister with a slave mentality."

Hunter D (on speeding): "In my defense, my wife got me into a conversation which got me driving a little aggressively. I didn't let off on the downhill."
Caila: "'That woman you gave me...'"
PMP: "You need a code of conduct!"
Hunter D: "I need cruise control!"

PMP: "You ever feel like 10 pounds of sin on a popsicle stick? I have too!"

PMP: "Mowing the lawn is rest for me. In my mind, I'm mowing over demons and chopping their heads off when they pop up."

PMP: "If Bob has a problem with Bill and Bob has a problem with Betty, Bob has the problem... and it might be the devil."



Israel: Tabernacle and Feasts (streaming from Canada, so instructor couldn't hear our comments)

Dylan: "I like feasts. I was a Baptist."

Lee: "I don't speak Canadian."

Pastor Brent Rudowski (PBR): "God was the first barbecue guy."

PBR: "You can't follow God any way you like. The hard way is the best way because you grow from it."

PBR: "The lesson there, God will give you what you want, but there is a price for it."

PBR: "The joy of life is in the pursuit."

PBR: "God is a very slow mover. I think He's getting old."

PBR: "Have you finished what you're doing right now? No? We'll then you don't need to know anything else right now."

PBR: "That was another rambling rabbit trail! *points finger gun at floor* Pshooo!"

PBR: "What's your value? 30 pieces of silver? Are you worth more than Jesus?"

PBR on Jesus: "He's not a nice looking white guy,"

PBR: "Not everyone wants to go through the Jesus gate."

PBR: "Every sparrow that falls to the ground, God knows. Every spider you step on, God knows!"

PBR: "So, the audio's good?"
Erica: "Don't know. You haven't been talking."

PBR: "Can you remember that for the test? No? We'll I don't want you to."

PBR: "God smelled the offering and said, 'I like that.'"
Hunter F: "Mmmm barbecue."

PBR: "We understand set apart. We just pick and choose what we set apart."

PBR: "Was it Joplin... Joplin, Missouri? [class: yes!] Yeah, Missouri. Or was it Kansas? Joplin, Kansas. [class: noooo!] You people in Kansas City are laughing at me."

PBR: "Sin, to the believer, in God's eyes, is only supposed to be accidental."

PBR: "I've found that some people don't know.... things."

Esther: "I cant lip read Canadian. I'm not sure where all the 'ehs' go."

Rev, Aaron Biro (RAB): "We're all coming in a bit turkey-comaed."

RAB: "A good way to start the new year is to get Satan messed up and confused."

RAB: "It looks like I counted to eight, but I guess I just forgot to count my thumb."

(Canadian speaker passes around picture of her son's Bar Mitzvah)
Jacque: "Here's a picture of my dad's Bar Mitzvah so we don't feel left out."

RAB: "When was the last time you got up and had a little happy dance with your Bible?"

Caila: "You were saying other mean things, but I deleted them from my mind to keep my innocence!"


Life of David

Ben Woodward: "Just because we've come a long way doesn't qualify us to say we've arrived."

BW: "Stop looking for a singular anointed man of God to come fix your problems for you."

BW: "David's life of devotion was the key to his success."

BW: "Why is God empowering creatives? Because they are the ones with vision."

BW: "We are the crowning glory of His creation, not His clowning gory."

BW: "Greatness does not mean a life of ease."

BW: "Hiddenness is a painful reality for a creative."

BW: "What if your creative gift was given to you to set the captives free."

BW: "Who were they believing? [long silence] Jeeeeeeeesuuuuuusssssss."

BW: "That will give you courage: when you're standing in front of a giant and your destiny is not yet fulfilled."

BW: "Do everything you can do until God opens the door."

BW: "Transition always begins with something ending and we have to be ok with that."

BW: " They might not be demonized but they can still be a thorn in your flesh because you know what you're called to do."

Pastor Kathy Gray (PKG): "The best way to shut the mouth of the enemy is to have a revival. Get something good going in your life."

PKG: "Sometimes, the biggest battle is to just keep standing."

PKG: "You can become an apostle for $500 a year."
Kevin: "That's it?!"

Heather Eschenbaum (HE): "What brought David's success? Obedience and his great Facebook page. Or posting on his snapchat. Every day. I don't know what that is but it sounds dangerous."

HE: "It's time to have some positive soul ties."

HE: "Real love will give you armor to fight with."

HE: "Treat offense like a spider on the leg. Spiders on the leg are bad, but jealousy is much, much worse."

PKG: "Please learn this before I start throwing water at you. I was tempted for a second but I don't want to ruin your Bibles."

HE: "Marriage amplifies your problems. If you are a rat..."
Kevin: "You are a big, fat rat!"
HE: "You are the fattest rat that ever was!"

HE: "Do not stalk in a creepy way. Stalk in a godly way, like Elisha."

HE: "Maybe, if you're a jealous person, you don't need to have a spear with you."

HE: "You just kick yourself in the butt, and hear my voice if need be."

HE: "I'm hip! I know what people are about these days! YouTube!"

HE: "You may hav a prophesy over you, but your life could get harder because of it."

HE: "The cave could be protection for you. Don't hate the cave. Possibly decorate it. You might be there a while."

HE: "I can't have dairy. I can't have gluten. I can't have sugar. I can't have fun."

HE: "Are we waiting on someone? Oh, that's the donut chair."

HE: "The Bible is not in everyone who reads it."


Genesis: A Study of Beginnings

Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL): "Anyone know what cosmology is?"
Esther: "I know what cosmetology is."
PAL: "This is not about painting your nails."

PAL: "Has anyone heard of gap theory? [class raises hands] What's gap theory?"
Erica: "I don't know. You asked if we'd heard of it."

PAL: "The Bible assumes God; it does not try to prove God."

PAL: "There are biological viruses that could wipe out humanity, why not a digital virus that could wipe out humanity?
Samuel: "I think there's a verse about that."

PAL: "The point of science is to change. The point of God's word is to not change."

PAL: "He's like, 'look in the sky. It marks a new season of my goodness' and we're like 'oooh! Bloodmoons!'"

Hunter F (while flapping arms): "You know, Imma need some pretty big wings to fly away."
Dylan: "I just have to jump."

PAL: "Hey, little spider. I would flick it, but I think some of you would run."

PAL: "In our attempt to be like God, we undermined how we are already created to be His image bearers."

PAL: "You need to be you, because when you do so and walk in the authority you've been given, you are the image of God on the earth."

PAL: "We were given authority over the birds of the sea."

PAL: "That's one of the benefits of the curse then: I get to eat steak!"

PAL: "When we talk about containers and filling, we're not talking about a really good pie."

PAL: "You and I don't even come along until day 6. We're the pie filling! I'm the cherry on top."

PAL: "Religion always kills when it's not getting what it wants."

PAL: "When you give in faith because you listened to God, you don't know the dividends it's going to pay."

PAL: " Good to know we're flying through Genesis. My goal is to get through chapter 11 because then I'll beat Pastor Tom."

Esther: "What if [Enoch] didn't disappear? What if he just exploded because he saw too much glory."

PAL: "I'm not going to say sarcasm is sinful or anything."

PAL: "No wonder [Pharisees] wanted to kill Him. Jesus was talking in sarcasm font. The words in red are sarcasm."

Caila: "Who names their kid Ham? I mean... It's cool. It's fine. Every time I read over it, like, 'you're such a ham.'"
PAL: "You know he preceded pork, right?"

PAL: "What if you stood before God completely silent and whatever He said, you did it?"

PAL: "It's kind of amazing what you can get ou of the Bible, even in the most awkward story."

PAL: "You ever chase down a vulture? They are big birds... and not the fluffy yellow one from Sesame Street."
(10 seconds later)
Hunter F: "Big Bird."
PAL: "Yeah, it was a joke."
Hunter F: "Ohhh."

PAL: "The enemy doesn't push his word; he comes in and twists God's."

PAL: "It's like when you hit your funny bone. It hurts but you laugh because it's your funny bone."
Hunter F: "I don't. I cry."
PAL: "So, for you, it's your not-so-funny bone."

PAL: "What if the only reason you get blessings are because you had the audacity to ask God for it?"

PAL: "What if the things God wants to say to you are so outlandish, you wouldn't believe it?"

PAL: "You know how when Heather's talking and she's making you laugh and then, it's like, ah! *stab motion* the sword of the Lord!"

PAL: "How many chances has God given you but you aren't willing to give others those same chances."

PAL: "God is not a journalist. *laughter* And everyone looks at Steph."

PAL: "Laughing at yourself undermines pride. If you can't laugh at yourself, you need to check your pride."

PAL: "And Ishmael is apparently a dramatic 17-year-old boy because he is going to die."

PAL: "I'm almost 30. Imagine a 130-year-old man trying to tie me up against my will and sacrifice me to the Lord."
Hunter F: "Ain't happenin'."
Dylan: "I like your posture."
Hunter F: "You're more Viking descent. You'd have to shrink yourself down a little."
PAL: "Ok. Maybe Isaac wasn't as tall as me."

PAL: "Isaac has to be a willing participant."
Hunter D: "Or he'd fall off the altar."
PAL: "Fire safety! Stop, drop and roll!"

PAL on covering a mic to cough: "Are you coughing from your heart."

PAL: "This is supposed to be a really dramatic part of the story and we're all laughing."

PAL: "So, I'm at the gym and this black guy walks up to me..."
Dylan: "Why's he gotta be black?"
PAL: "Because of what I'm about to tell you. He was like, 'are you Irish or just really white?'"

PAL: "We started this class talking about laughter and it really set the tone."

PAL: "Lot's wife doesn't get named, but Abraham's brother's concubine gets named. How terrible of a person are you?"

Erica on Wednesday after presidential election: "Hump day."
PAL: "Trump day."

PAL: "Hearing God's voice should make you hungry to hear more from Him and call on His name."

PAL: "That thing you're battling, what if you overcome it so your child won't have to face it."


Healing: Doctrine and History

Pastor JD King (PJK): History invite us to be both excited and offended."

PJK: "You can hate if you want, but I hope you don't."

PJK: "I'll give you the Macy's word and then I'll give you the Dollar Store word for it."

PJK: "I'm going to give myself 2-3 classes for this."
Erica (whispers): "More like 4-5..."
PJK: "Erica, I say that because I'm prophesying to myself."

Kris: "Are the quizzes pop quizzes?"
JDK: "No pop quizzes. I'm not a fan of pop. Blues, maybe."

JDK: "It's hard to heal a body when you say bodies don't matter."

JDK: "Humanity is made of and for the earth."

JDK: "When we defy God, we are inviting and allowing Satan to come in and do what he wants."

JDK: "It's not my burden to carry the weight of the world. Jesus already did that."

JDK: "A lot of healing prayer doesn't work because it's aimed the wrong direction."

JDK: "Healing is not a miracle. Miracles are extraordinary. Healing is not."

JDK: "You got something to say, Sam?"
Samuel: "It's good. I mean, I agree fully."
JDK: "I'm glad you agree with the Bible."

JDK: "We never build our theology on our experiences. We build our theology on what God said."

JDK: "If you don't cheat on your wife... she won't beat you up."

JDK: "The anointing is to do something."

JDK: "Did you guys read the handout."
Steph: "No."
JDK: "Well, I appreciate Steph's honesty. Most people just stare at you when the didn't."

JDK: "Obedience enables healing to transpire."

JDK: "Ok, let's get back on Jesus here, if we can."

JDK: "I'm expecting you guys to be super honest. You know back in the Bible, if they lied, they got struck dead."

JDK: "You've gotta decide if you're going to be powerful or not."

JDK [teaching about story in Acts 20:7-12 where man falls from roof and Paul raises him from the dead.]: "It's awesome on so many levels."
Steph: "Literally."

JDK: "Do a drive-by and shoot tracts out the window."
Dylan: "Have you ever done that?"
JDK: "No, Dylan, I have not done a drive-by."

JDK passing out quiz: "I know you;re auditing but have fun and do it anyways."

JDK: "If you're going to operate in [healing], you have to be ready to go to war."


Elements of Leading Worship

Sarah: "What's the name of this class?
Pastor Eric Thomason (PET): "You better know how to lead worship or you're dead."

PET: "True worship comes from a place in your heart that you can't explain to anyone else."

PET: "I can't follow a guy or girl who has their eyes closed all the time. Sooner or later, they are going to run into a wall."

PET: "Worship is a weapon."

PET: "You need to watch 'Braveheart.' It will make you a real mean girl. FREEEEDOOOOOM!"

PET: "If you want to be involved in worship in any way, you do not have the luxury of saying whatever you want."

PET: "If God places you somewhere, do it with all your heart because you never know what it will lead to."

PET: "Have you heard of the Jesus Movement."
Emily: "Is that like What Would Jesus Do?"

PET: "Is there any church like what you just described?"
Emily: "Yesssss...."
PET: "Where everyone is likeminded?"
Emily: "I retract my answer."
PET: "I know I said there are no wrong answers, but that was a wrong answer."

PET: "People's lives are not changed by listening to someone sing a pretty song."

Emily: "Just to clarify, you want this to be about Jesus?"
PET: "Yes, I want it to be about Jesus. In case you haven't heard, He's our Lord and Savior."
Emily: "Just covering my bases."

PET: "Do you know what a synonym is?"
Julianna: "Yes."
Josiah: "She just showed you up."
Sarah: "I know what a (mispronounced synonym) is."
PET: "I'm glad you know what cinnamon is."

Emily: "Can you roll back like five steps?"

PET: "You don't know what tap is inside you that is words that the church needs."

PET: "Pastor Mark is standing out there holding a giant inflatable football. I did not expect to see that coming out the door."

PET: "They had better be on it or they're gonna get a look from me."

PET: "God does not give His heart away for free."

PET: "You can never have too much coffee, for the record."
Josiah: "Until you're sitting on the toilet."

PET: "I had more to say."
Emily: "I have that problem all the time."

Josiah: "Like, when you're playing hide and seek and you can feel their warm breath."
Emily: "What kind of hide and seek were you playing as a child?"
Josiah: "Like in a closet!"
PET: "Maybe we don't want to know."

Emily: "Oooh! Oooh! You could put 'go to war.'"
PET points at 'kill' on the board: "Thanks, Braveheart."

Emily: "I'm going to sound stupid, but whatever."
PET: "You aren't going to sound stupid... unless it's stupid."

PET: "Well, what do you think it means."
Emily: "That's great. I love it when you do that."

PET: "For those o you on camera, I'm talking to Steph, who is staring at me from behind the camera. She is doing it sweetly, though."

PET: "....twirling, although men should never twirl."

PET: "Worship clears the clouded mind."

PET: "There is nothing worse than worship that sounds like a bad country song."

PET: "It is impossible to take people to a place of conflict if all you sing about is yourself."

PET: "Sermons alone cannot change the face of a church."

PET: "Are you giving her a hard time? Good. She needs it because she is Steph."

PET: "Why did I pick C?"
Emily: "Because it's easy."
PET: "Why is it easy?"
Emily: "Because it's all white keys."
PET: "Jesus, help me."

PAL: "I think you should write it like an acrostic."
Emily: "This is why you aren't teaching the class."

Sarah: "I'm not saying anything about who wrote the song or the content of the song or even if it's a good song. I'm just saying you can put words in songs."

PAL: "The girls didn't think that was funny."
Emily: "I wasn't paying attention. I was writing."
PAL: "Don't listen to the teacher. The notes are more important."

PAL: "Go be a whiner somewhere else."

Emily: "I'm not criticizing. It's just the highlight of my day."

Emily to PAL: "Ohhh, you're THAT old?"

Emily: "I'd cry."
PET: "Why would you?"
Emily: "Because I need help."

PET: "You will know what to do or I will pull your fingernails out."

PET: "You learned something! You're not stupid! That didn't sound very nice."
Emily: "Thaaaanks."

PET: "Without the presence of God, it's just singing songs."

PET on calling God 'daddy': "I don't climb in God's lap and cuddle! Heck no!"

PET: "Everything flows out of relationship."

PET: "If you are expecting everyone to bend over backwards to adapt to you, you are not a good leader."

Paying Attention To The Lyrics

The struggle of writing on the go: forgetting to post. 

You know what happens when you go to three musical in five days while taking a couple worship classes? You start paying more attention to lyrics.

Granted, the first musical performance of the week was the opera… Hansel and Gretel sang in German, to be exact. Listening to music in a foreign language that you haven’t studied in five years forces you to pay more attention. There was a little screen in front of each person with a gist of what the actors were singing, but judging from the random pockets of laughter that burst out from a handful of people, you were missing something by not knowing the language. I was able to enjoy some of those moments with my college German knowledge, but the 12-year-old who went with me was lost. I didn’t really think much of it at that time, but it was the first block for the week.

Three days later, it became #throwbacktuesday. Two bands I listened to from middle school through my early college years put out new albums and went on the “Looking For America Tour” together. I was pretty excited to see Relient K again and Switchfoot for the first time, despite the fact that my friends got seats in the balcony and I was heading to the cramped and sweaty general admission floor on my own. (I did run into a friend in the line who was also going to be alone on the floor, so it worked out.)

Not going to lie, I was more excited for Relient K than Switchfoot. I like Switchfoot’s new single, “Live It Well” but I was never super into their music before. On the other hand, I listened to Relient K all the time in high school. I saw them once on Warped Tour almost a decade ago and it’s still something I remember vividly.

But this time was different. Why? Because I’m different.

They only did a handful of songs from the olden days, but I wasn’t bouncing around like the tightly-wound spring aimed straight for the front edge of the pit that I generally turn into once I set foot on a concert floor. Instead, I was l hanging in the back thinking about the words. The goofy songs weren’t doing it this time. Instead it was lines like, “Now I’m sunny with a high of 75 since You took my heavy heart and made it light,” and, ”This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption/ because I know to live you must give your life away.” Just think on that for a second.

In between sets, I slipped into a crowd snaking their way to the front and ended up in a pretty good spot. I’m not sure what I was expecting, since I knew next to nothing of the new cd and they have 10 albums so it’s not like the chances were great that they were going to play the random assortment of songs I liked. But going into it pretty blind allowed me to pay more attention to what they were singing out of that roboticness that comes out of familiar music. Don’t even lie, you know the lyrics lose their meaning as you hear a song over and over until you can belt them out without so much as a thought about them.

John Foreman also spent some time talking about how their bus broke down and they almost didn’t make it to the show. He called being on that stage one of the most beautiful moments of his life because a miracle happened to get them there on time. They performed an acoustic song not on their set list because it described the moment. It’s called “Hey Hurricane” and says “Hello hurricane/ You're not enough/ Hello hurricane/ You can't silence my love/ I've got doors and windows/ Boarded up/ All your dead end fury is/ Not enough/ You can't silence my love, my love.” That song was such a great reminder of where my strength and hope is, and that nothing can cut me off from that.

John talked about a sing inspired by evacuating with his family and only what fit in the car and how that moment triggered the realization of what matters.

So many lines left a mark on me that night…. “Love alone is worth the fight.” “Your hope is the anthem of my soul.” “Maybe redemption has stories to tell/ maybe forgiveness is right where you fell/ Where can you run to escape from yourself?” and “We sing these broken prayers where the light shines through/ The wound is where the light shines through.”

I realized, I was hearing the heart behind the lyrics. My friend, Dean’na, says that all the time when she doesn’t want to misunderstood: “Hear my heart.” It became more than just words that pour out of your mouth when you hear the melody. It was someone’s life, experiences, and heart.

That made it a powerful moment that I gushed about in worship class the next day.

But the next day was also the final leg on my crazy week. This time, it was Chance the Rapper with a girl I’d only met once before. I only knew songs from his latest album, “Coloring Book,” which has some really great God lyrics mixed in with profanity. Again, not sure what I was expecting from a mainstream rap concert, but it sure wasn’t people smoking weed on the floor. You could see the lighters glowing in the middle of circles, followed by puffs of smoke drifting toward the ceiling. I’m insanely grateful that I got balcony seats instead of going down the general admission.

Because the majority of people were inebriated in some way, I don’t think they were able to absorb the weight of what Chance was doing.

Early on, he performed a song called “Blessings.” It’s one of my favorites from him as it is. The screens around the stage featured a graphic that made it look like there were rock walls. The second verse ends with Chance rapping, “I'm feeling shortness of breath, so Nico grab you a horn/ Hit Jericho with a buzzer beater to end a quarter/ Watch brick and mortar fall like dripping water, ugh!” At that moment, there was a rumble and the rock wall graphic crumbled and fell. It was incredible. My jaw dropped all the way through the balcony to the floor. I looked around and it was like no one had even noticed the spiritual undertone and meaning. During another song, a puppet choir was singing “How great is our God” while Chance faced away from the crowd and put his hands in the air. Once again, no one noticed the moment.

Throughout the show, a Jack in the Box kept telling Chance, “don’t forget your message, big fella.” Finally, at the end of the show, Chance said he couldn’t let people leave without letting them know what his message was. “Did you know, that your blessing, is not on an album? Did you know, that your blessing, is not at a show? Did you know, that your blessing, is not a piece of flesh? Are you ready for your blessing?”

It really made me sad to see how many people missed out on those moments, but at least, maybe, a seed was planted through those lyrics and the heart behind them. That’s a thought that weighs heavily on my heart as we write psalms and songs this quarter at World Revival School of Ministry. I guess we will see what happens.

Challenge Accepted! Tell Me I Can't And I'll Show You I Can

Supervisor: "You know you're crazy, right?"
Me: "Yup."
Supervisor: "Like, insane. You know that right?"
Me: "Sure."

I'd like to say it was a one time conversation, but, alas, it's not an unusual thing to hear. It generally follows questions about when I sleep or what my schedule is like. The answers are rarely and jam packed. Working a full and part time job, going to ministry school full time, being invested in various side gigs, and staying connected in a revived church mean I don't have much time to myself. Somehow, that's viewed as unusual.

But, it really shouldn't surprise anyone. There is the stereotype that millennials are spoiled and have no work ethic, but the numbers don't fully support that theory. Yes, there are plenty of entitled brats out there, but this generation is also hustling more. There are several studies out there showing that millennials are expecting to work more hours, are willing to spend more time on the clock, and are actually putting that to practice both while they are in school and once they reach management positions. I've talked to so many people my age who aren't interested in pursuing relationships because they are focused on their career. Being successful seems to be one of the most important things to my generation.

Maybe I'm just not in the right circles, but I don't hear people questioning the lack of sleep and busy schedules of people working multiple jobs or college students working to keep food on the table while trying to stay ahead of tuition. It definitely didn't happen when I was earning my first two Bachelor's degrees or when I worked two jobs just to pay the bills.

The judgement started when I went back to school for ministry.

The resistance really is not about the schedule. It's a lack of value on the Kingdom's movement. Encouragement doesn't flow into something that isn't understood as worthwhile.

It's kind of amusing how different groups of people respond. My friends who live a revival life are generally supportive, telling me to stay focused and get rest whenever I can People who aren't a part of a church call me crazy and tell me to give something up. My neighbor went so far as to call the apartment office because she thought I was dead after not seeing me for a week. If I'm honest, I was avoiding her. She's a nice lady, but a bit nosy and bossy. She likes to lecture about doing too much and how I should leave WRC, and I just don't have time for that kind of negativity.

During one of the lectures, I started to walk away when she said something about Jesus would want me to rest. I turned around, looked her straight in the eye and said, "'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. [Philippians 4:13]' God wouldn't have opened these doors for me if He wasn't going to provide the ability to do it." Shocked, she said I might have a point and went back to her place.

I truly believe in that statement. Over the past year, I've been thinking about what lies ahead in my future and what I want to do with my life. I haven't been able to narrow it down to anything specific, other than making an impact. A few months back, God opened the door to starting small with coaching some 6th graders in volleyball. The door got a little bit bigger when I was asked to be a part of the Kids Ablaze team. Now, we are getting a glimpse of how widespread that could reach, and it is humbling and overwhelming to think about. God is beyond good and always faithful to fulfill His promises.

The Kingdom just takes a little work on our part.

Even when it seems like we are off the rails and beyond the reach of His plans, He can still work through us. Lisa Bevere posted on Facebook saying, "If  you think you've blown God's plan for your life, rest in this. You, my beautiful friend, are not that powerful." Did you hear that mic drop? Another quote from Bevere that's been on my mind a lot lately is "What if the reason you don't know what you're called to do is that you are called to do something no one has ever done before?"

My life is an example of both of those statements right now. Despite all the ways I've screwed up, I'm still where God wants me to be. He's going to use my story to show His character [2 Corinthians 12:9-10]. My journey through ministry school has been far from the usual, but the realization that graduating on time is still a possibility just blows me away. Seeing how a couple other things are lining up for a year from now gives me chills every time I get to think or talk about it. I can see the timeline, but God isn't showing me all the details just yet. A few people asked me what my next step is, and all I can say is this: I don't know what it will be, but I know it's amazing beyond anything I could dream up on my own. I'm not going to worry now because that is next year's problem. Really, it's not even a problem. I know God is writing my story in His perfect timing. I have nothing to worry about. I just have to work through the tasks He is giving me now and be ready to say yes when He asks. That door will swing open on its own at the right moment, and I couldn't be more excited.

This next year is going to be an intense challenge and I'm going to be quite tired from time to time. If you catch me in one of those moments, please, do not tell me to take a break or give up. Don't let differences in our roles and training turn into judgments or division because we are all part of the same, set apart body. Instead, remind me that what is waiting at the finish line will be worth it [Jeremiah 29:11]. Remind me of where my strength comes from [Isaiah 40:29-31]. Remind me of these lyrics: "Unstoppable God/ Let Your glory go on and on/ Impossible things/ In Your name they shall be done."

Some may see my plans for the next year as impossible. I see it as training and an equipping for the next step. Since high school, I've had the mentality of "tell me I can't and I'll show you I can." (I even wrote something along those lines on a ceiling tile in a K-State building.) This is not a philosophy I plan to give up any time soon, especially since my victories now reflect God's strength, goodness, faithfulness, and purpose on this earth. Through Him alone, I'm ready and excited to conquer whatever challenges are ahead.

A Mixed Bag Of Quotes: World Revival School Of Ministry's Summer 2016 Quarter

We are now one week away from a new school year at WRSM. It feels like we were just in class two weeks ago. Oh, right. We were, but I'm totally fine with that! It was a dang good quarter; challenging, but full of growth and so much joy, as you are about to read. 

Honestly, I'm glad life worked out the way it did so I could be in classes with both groups. The different levels and personalities made those ten weeks all the more enjoyable. I got to know people I had only seen in passing, and the first year group really became a family to me. I can't wait to see how things unfold when we get mixed up together in the upcoming classes. 

So, without further ado, a selection of quotes from the summer of 2016. (seriously.... there are so many  more! It was a good quarter.)

New Testament Survey

Pastor Jack Walter (PJW): “Don’t drink whiskey in class! At least pass it around!” (on a 5 hour energy shot)

PJW: “That’s how I think people’s minds work sometimes… like jello running all over the place.”

PJW: “What was his first name? Graham? That was here last week?”

Steph: “Cliff.”

PJW: “Thank you. That name doesn’t stick. Graham does. I like graham crackers.”

Jacque: “There’s a Polycarp too?”

Samuel: “Is that like a bunch of fish?”

PJW: “How’d we get off on that tangent? Oh! Listening!”

Inspired speech

Heather Eschenbaum (HE): “God created you with a mouth, but not to complain.”

HE: “If I don’t look like an influence, why would I be given the chance to influence.”

HE: “As your spirit goes down, so does your voice.”

HE: “Whatever you want in life, you have to pursue it strong.”

HE: “Your internal is eternal.”

HE: “Intellect doesn’t give you compassion.”

HE: “Don’t run from the hardship. Pray through the hardship.”

HE: “We shouldn’t have to be pulled along by our apathy.”

HE: “To have compassion, go to war.”

HE: “I didn’t want to write it. I should’ve called Stephanie!”

HE: “Here’s this spiritual giant and I’m a pipsqueak in Jesus.”

HE: “Don’t ever call it a car. It’s a Jeep. If you call it a car, a kitten dies.”

HE: “Create something that will last.”

HE: “Guess what! Everyone mentors you, even your enemies.”

HE: “If you’re going to have a testimony, let it be wild.”

HE: “If you want people to be changed by your talk, you have to relive it and feel it.”

Samuel: “He goes and builds the wall. Wow. That’s summarizing the heck out of it.”

HE: “Extra credit to whoever makes Darren cry!”

HE: “And then you start to sound like a turkey.”

Christian (guest): “Give me something good.”

HE: “Well, it’s the word of God, so…..”

Ryan: “I pray that you let your A-ness shine through.”

Santesa: “That’s not gonna work.”

HE: “I’ve never heard anyone ruin a prayer before.”

HE: “If Florence gets them all, you are not a royal priesthood!”

HE: “You don’t have to spell it right to be it.”

HE: “Trash talk IS Ryan’s love language.”                               

Samuel: “I write humble the best.”
HE: “You might have to fight Ryan for that.”

Samuel: “Planet shakers!”

HE: “Surely that’s in the Bible somewhere.”

HE: “You know who was the first farmer?”

Ryan: “Adam!”

HE: “THE LORD!”

HE: “But I have the amplified, so it amplifies.”

HE: “If you are going to judge others, you are taking away your opportunity to help them.”

HE: “Transition brings out the best and worst in you.”

HE: “The spiritual realm is stolen so much more because the enemy comes to steal it.”

HE: “If you’re on a slippery slope, you’re going to slip.”

HE: “Every day you have a conversation with the enemy, you are eating of the fruit.”

HE: “I don’t sound like Hunter, but I pray I sound like Whitney Houston. When Whitney Houston passed, I prayed for her anointing.”

Samuel: “Then we walk in, this rowdy bunch, being all,  you know, normal.”

HE: “They have the spirit of God, but they don’t trust it.” MOST CONVICTING THING EVER!

Samuel: “He’s replacing your fear with fierce love.”

Steph: “Your sweetness is a strength.”

HE: “Why am I eating barn in a blanket?!”

Samuel: “I’m lost. Is there a type L for lost?”

Samuel: (Chews gum into microphone) “How awesome does that sound?”

Steph: “Sounds like you’re going to get punched.”

Samuel: “Punched?! What type is that?”

HE: (laughing) “She’s so much smaller than you and she’s going to punch you!”

Prayer: Adoration and proclamation

Ben Woodward (BW): “War doesn’t wait for you to be ready.”

BW: “We are sons and daughters of the living God and the only time the enemy has authority over us is when we give it to him.”

BW: “If I said, ‘Can God provide finances in a time of need?”

Class: “Yes.”

BW: “But if I said, ‘Can God do it for you in your circumstance right now?”

Class: “Yes.”

BW: “Right. We’ll you’re all a bunch of charismatics.”

BW: “Unbelief is not a petty issue. It is a rampant disease. It’s out of control in the body of Christ and that has to change.”

BW: “The ability to work with God comes from us.”

BW: “The enemy knows if you believe the lie, you’ll perpetuate the sin on your own.”

Jill Koppang: “I’m going to write on the board because I’m a teacher and I know how to do that.”

Jill Koppang: “We should be praying things that are the passion of our heart.”

BW: “Adoration prayer allows us to see with different perspective.”

BW: “God is not after half-hearted lovers.”

BW: “Every slight misstep is an opportunity to discover God.”

BW: “God’s not going to rescue you out of the situation. He’ll empower you to endure it.”

BW: “I think, sometimes, we as a human race, that’s kinda how we operate with the Lord, is where we’re jamming our head into the armhole of our shirt.”

BW: “We strive to show our self-worth through our independence.”

BW: “Let’s be real. I’m a glorified karaoke singer.”

BW: “When you sow, you don’t reap one to one. You reap 100 to one. That’s the point.”

BW: “What you stare into is what you become like.”

BW: “A bi-product is, when we understand Him, we understand ourselves.”

BW: “God doesn’t answer prayer. He answers people.”

Who We Are In Christ

Pastor Eric Thomason (PET): “What God does in the spiritual realm dictates what happens in the natural realm.”

PET: “If you’re an over thinker, you’ll over shoot the simplicity of God.”

PET: “With God, the journey is everything.”

PET: “No matter how much you know about God, it’s not the same as knowing God.”

PET: “When you make God more comfortable, you automatically get more comfortable.”

PET: “You wanna know what true arrogance is? It’s you giving yourself the right to say who you are against what God has said.”

Santesa: “Standing behind [your weakness], you become weakened behind it.”

PET: “Whatever dominates our minds will eventually come out.”

PET: “It’s the church’s authority to say what will happen on this earth.”

BW: “The most painful lesson we can learn is God is not in a hurry.”

End Times Perspectives

Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL): “He’s the guy who talked about escalators and they always say, ‘sorry, temporarily out of order’ when they  should say, ‘sorry, temporarily stairs’ like they’re never really our of order.”

Esther: “Oh, I was thinking elevator not escalator.”

(PAL almost spews water.)

Caila: “Can you say that again then?”

(Pastor Aaron doubles over trying not to choke on water.)

PAL: “I really almost choked on my water.”

PAL: “The sad thing is, Steph’s going to watch this later. She’ll be able to rewind and really quote it.”

Esther: “You’ll just have to cut it and she won’t be able to.”

PAL: “This video gets found on whatever is left of the internet a millennium from now. They’ve got to figure out what a butt dial is. Is it a button you push with your butt? And why is it so funny for people?”

Erica: “If you’re not careful, someone will actually make a button you dial with your butt.”

Caila: “I ate ALL the animals!”

PAL: “Why is that funny?”

Dylan: “I pictured him riding a hippo.”

PAL: “I thought you were going to say something about hungry hungry hippos.”

PAL: “You should’ve heard of Packer.”

Erica: “Not unless it was the Green Bay Packers.”

PAL: “Christianity without churchianity decapitates Jesus from His body.”

PAL: “If you’re not letting the Bible shape your view, the world is shaping it.”

PAL: “Guess what. I’m not watching my horoscope for when Jesus will return!”

PAL: “I’m playing dev… not devil’s advocate. I’m playing angel’s advocate.”

PAL: “God works through process.”

PAL: “To a certain degree, God wants it to affect your faith. That’s why it’s a trial of your faith.”

PAL: “My goal in here isn’t to answer every question; it’s to create more.”

PAL: “Humor is so much fun.”
Isaac: “By definition.”

PAL: “Sometimes it doesn’t translate between cultures.”
Luke: “Or IQs.”

Caila: “Huh?”

PAL: “You may be completely right, but you need to value relationship over your right-ness.”

PAL: “Rapture jokes are fun. Sometimes I get caught up in them.”
Isaac: “Sometimes they go over my head.”

Kaitlynn: “Was that a joke?”

(talking about 1 Corinthians 13:8)

PAL: “But go down a little and knowledge wouldn’t be for today, which is why it’s so hard to argue with them! It’s the same sentence! Mic drop!”

PAL: “He’s not saying God owns the cattle on a literal thousand hills. The rest are the devil’s.”

PAL: “A stay-at-home mom has a greater ability to raise disciples than a man in the workplace, and guess what, she’s given all authority.”

PAL: “What if out first response is to walk in ALL AUTHORITY?”

PAL: “There are more churches in America than McDonald’s”

Kaitlynn: “Woah!”
PAL: “America might have more denominations than McDonald’s. There are technically more Subways than McDonald’s, but that’s a whole different story.”

Luke: “We could turn all the Walmart’s into churches. Intercom.”

PAL: “Because that’s great sound quality.”

PAL: “The only time the enemy has power is when we believe the lie.”

PAL: “You view is an interpretive process. My view is an interpretive process. The Mormons are just on crack.”

Esther: “So, you’re walking with a friend and all of the sudden, you walk through a wall and they don’t?”

Thora: “I wasn’t a Southern Baptist. I was a first, regular Baptist.”

PAL: “Welcome to the 90’s, which is just the leftovers of the 80’s.”

PAL: “Sin is not God’s kryptonite.”

Erica: “It’s a prepositional phrase. It starts with ‘to.’ Homeschooled.”

Caila: “Hashtag.”

PAL: “You have a defeated foe and everything he is whispering, he is whispering through a jail cell.”

Luke (praying over the test the whole class forgot about): “Let us reap what we did not sow.”

PAL: “What happens if there is a third world war?”
Luke: Well, back to the rapture idea.”

PAL: “Bert and Ernie don’t count.”
Luke: “But the Count counts.”

PAL: *laughs like the Count*

Caila: “Is Gentry the good guy or bad guy in the book?”

PAL: “The point of being rescued is to rescue someone else.”

PAL: “Did anyone name any more post millennialists?”

Luke: “Jesus, Paul and John.”

Esther: “What about Winston Churchill and General George Patton? They were literally the only two people I could think of.”

PAL: “Why do you think the term ‘millennium’ is confusing to people?”

Esther: “It sounds like a spaceship.”

PAL: “With running jokes, you need a ‘too far’ police.”

Hunter: “Rose will volunteer.”

Rose: “I volunteer! Just always stop.”

Isaac: “I don’t feel like he made any concrete arguments.”

PAL: “So, you prefer cement arguments?”

Erica: “That’s why they don’t fit as pre mil is because they don’t fit.”

PAL: “I’m going to go ahead and accuse you of circular reasoning.”

Kaitlynn: “The taste [of prunes] isn’t bad, they just make me think of old people.”

PAL: “This is the problem with calling another view dumb; someone was smart enough to write something about it that is above you.”

PAL: “Most people live in an addition/subtraction model, but God wants us to live in a multiplication model and that’s where it becomes exponential.”

PAL: “Do you always have to have a carrot dangled in front of you to do the right thing?”
Kaitlynn (quietly): “But I don’t like carrots.”

PAL: “Is that why you don’t like me?”

Kaitlynn: “That’s not true!”

PAL: “Ignorant people cannot accuse a joke of being bad.”

Caila: “Ironsides… That’s the transformer, right?”

PAL: “What’s the most significant difference between post mil and pre mil views?”

Dylan: “Common sense.”
Erica: “He really wrote that down!” [on the test

PAL: “When you don’t have a value for something, you don’t see it.”

PAL: “Scripture drop.”

PAL: “Lord, thank you for the joy in this class. Thank you that we can laugh and joke at other people’s expense, including my own sometimes.”

Sweetness And Strength

You ever have those moments where God kinda smacks you in the face with a truth that should probably be obvious to you by that point?

Yeah, that just happened.

I guess this all started when I bought my new car in June (forgot to mention that in the life is good post yesterday.) I ended up talking a friend to the same guy to buy a car a couple days later. During the test drive, the subject of Oreos came up, and we actually stopped to find one of the new flavors I had mentioned, but they were out. The salesman mentioned a few times throughout the rest of our time that he was disappointed we couldn't find them. I had a pack in my desk at work, and felt like I should give them to him. I did, despite it feeling like the most awkward thing ever. He text me moments after I left saying I was sweet.

And, like a weirdo, it annoyed me.

He called me sweet a couple other times over text and I always tried to argue it.

Fast forward to last night: we were texting about something car related and he handled the issue. I felt like I needed to encourage him a bit, so I just did that I hoped everything was going well and he deserved good things. He responded, "You're such a sweetheart I can barely stand it." I was having none of that crap and said, "lol. Just don't cross me."

I know, smooth one, Red...

The conversation faded out and I moved on with life.

Then, in class today, we had visitors from Poland. It was Heather's class, so I should have known what was coming. She had us pray for them and speak into their lives.

In the group was a 15-year-old girl Heather accurately described as pure sugar. I immediately has some things come to mind, but stayed quiet for a while. As the guys were winding down, I silently prayed that if the words that came to mind were for her, then have Heather come grab me next. About 2 minutes later, here comes Heather, which almost made me laugh out loud.

I spoke the initial thoughts, but didn't say everything. Florence had a turn and Heather walked back over to the girl. I don't remember what Heather said, but I blurted out something I had held back.

"Your sweetness is a strength."

Heather had me repeat the phrase, and that's when I heard, "So is yours, if you'll let it." Woo! Despite it being 68° in the room, which would normally have me shivering, I was sweating.

Heather then had me pray for Florence and the main word was strength, so Heather told me to give her my strength, so I gripped Florence's hands and we pushed for a bit. Heather then said something along the lines of, giving your strength to someone else doesn't mean you get weaker; the Holy Spirit gives you more.

I started thinking about how I'm always fighting people thinking I'm nice because I was raised to be tougher than that. Seriously, I've gone out of my way to be a brat to people who think there is good in me, which makes zero sense, I know. I've never been one for feelings and junk, but there is a definite soft spot that's been growing in me the last few months. It's especially noticeable at work. Instead of being able to compartmentalize, writing about some things going on in the world have brought me to tears lately. It's rather annoying and I've fought it.

But in that moment, I realized that it's a good thing. It's evidence of what He's doing in and through me. It's an opportunity to reach people in ways I couldn't before. It's my eyes opening with compassion, and should be embraced.

I saw how other people treated this car salesman, and it was not ok. (Like, I had to grab a book or I was going to end up fighting one guy. It was ridiculous.) Instead of being happy that a kindness in me stood out to him, I wanted to blend in with the jerks of the crowd. It's really rather silly, now that I see it.

This battle between sweet and strong is pretty common for women, especially in the workplace as we trying to lead fiercely without being cold. These two traits aren't meant to be exclusive. Think on this: while bees can cause pain, they also create sweet honey. We value that honey. They've got it down.

Balance is out there.

Your sweetness is a strength. Embrace it.

Birthdays, Camping Trips, and Celebrations: Living the Good Life Without Fear

What should I be doing right now? Writing my final paper for Pastor Aaron’s class.

But that’s not what I’m doing, is it?

Nope.

I can’t focus.

Why?

Because I’m about to explode with happiness.

I haven’t been writing lately, one, because I’m crazy busy with school/work/Kids Ablaze, and two, because life is so freaking good. I don’t want people taking it the wrong way or trying to drag me down off my cloud.

But, today, I just don’t care anymore. Life is so sweet.

Maybe it’s the nostalgia because of my birthday kicking in and making me think about where I was a year ago. I mean, even the difference from six months ago is still pretty stark. On top of those thoughts, this week-ish just had to go and kick all kinds of tail.

I got to see a couple of my favorite musicians from high school with my high school best friend, who is also celebrating her birthday this week. Panic! At the Disco and Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness did not disappoint, plus there was Weezer.

A bookstore co-worker took me paintballing, to an arcade, and to dinner (where she got them to sing to me while playing a tambourine. Girl’s got skills.) We wrapped the night up with Cards Against Humanity and Bo Burnham at another co-worker’s house. Twas a thoroughly splendid evening filled with laughter.

There were a couple days filled with treats. And by treats, I mean: cupcakes, Oreos, a frappucino, chocolate torte from a complete stranger, cheesecake, several donuts, cookies, more cheesecake, wings, and some fun gifts. (Thank you to everyone who spoiled me!)

I managed to get off work to enjoy a night out with my bestie, Aubree, to celebrate her upcoming wedding and birthdays. I got to be surrounded by friends in line to do a gravity ropes course as midnight struck on my birthday. We played laser tag, and somehow got guns that named me Batman and her Joker. It was a blast! Even sitting in a McDonald’s parking lot at 2 a.m. was fun!

After church, the #oddsquad loaded up with the WRC Young Adults clan to camp and float. I seriously love how my girls were so well prepared. Several guys asked us for supplies, which was hilarious. We also upped the cooking game by making macaroni and cheese and raspberry cherry cobbler on the campfire. We ended the night with about 40 people worshipping around the fire and under the stars. It was amazing. Although it stormed overnight and we woke up soaking wet, it was still an awesome time, even before we hit the river. I got to make the 8 mile water adventure in a kayak with Esther, which was a pretty great combination. There were so many shenanigans as we made our way down the river.

This is the part that stands out to me: overcoming fear and uncomfortable situations.

Something most people don’t realize is that I’m not a great swimmer. (It’s especially funny considering I was a Division I Varsity rower in college who may or may not have failed the swim test. Oopsies.) That little fact made me a bit nervous about the kayak trip. I decided I wasn’t going to let that fear stop me, so of course, it was put to the test.

During our lunch stop on the river, somehow, everyone ended up climbing a muddy cliff and sliding down into the river. I started to head over, but felt the current and that it was deeper than I could reach, and quit. After watching for a while, I decided I was going to do it, so I grabbed Esther and we swam into the strong current. Sammy grabbed us so we didn’t drift too far downstream. Our crew had a good system going to get people up to the top, despite the slippery mud. Sliding down was a mucky blast! Somehow, it turned into a mud fight and mud wrestling.

Then came the next mental challenge: jumping off the cliff into the river. It took a while to work up the courage for that one. Break time was up, so I leapt off that ledge and made it back across the river. There are several old friends of mine who would be completely shocked and probably won’t believe that it happened since I refused to do anything of the sort for years.

Heck, I chickened out of kayaking in beautiful blue waters in Canada, but was able to drum up the courage to do it in a mucky Missouri river instead. I know, I make sense.

The point is, I did it. I let go of the fear and had a blast making wonderful memories. Even doing the gravity ropes at the bachelorette party was out of my comfort zone, but I told that little doubting voice in my head to shut up and leave. I took control.

I think that’s why I’m finding life to be so sweet lately. I overcame my past and let go of caring about how people see me. I know I’m not the only one who has struggled with this or will in the future, but God can flip it all around. Now, I’m learning to let go of fear and doubt to overcome limits I placed on myself and enjoy the moment. Kelsey gave me a necklace more than a year ago that said "fearless," so it's about time I actually live that word.

It’s a new level of freedom and I’m loving it.

I feel like this is a lesson that will be coming in handy in the near future, and it’s exciting. I can’t wait to see what’s ahead in this next year of life.

Oh, Canada! Adventures in Exploring Independence

Home again, home again.... I'm back in the U.S. of A. with a smile plastered of my face. 

The whole point of leaving on this solo adventure was to lock myself up and write a book. I was cool with that, but others couldn't handle the thought of not wandering and doing things, especially the customs agent in Vancouver, who couldn't wipe the baffled look off his face no matter how I explained. But then I got to my destination, Needless to say, with a view like I had in Canada, I didn't get nearly as much done on that front as I planned, but many more great things happened during that time.

The first leg of my journey went the opposite direction. New Orleans. I'm a nerd and decided to start things off with a visit to the National World War II Museum on the 72nd Anniversary of D-Day. The lady sitting next to me on the plane asked what I was doing in New Orleans, and got very excited about it. She recently heard about the museum on the radio and wanted to check it out. She was joining her husband on a business trip and didn't want to go to something of that weight alone, so I suddenly had a buddy.

Keeping things short, the museum is incredible. Some of the rooms are just overwhelming when you walk in. The first day, I also got to see this adorable little boy, maybe 7 years old, dressed as a U.S. WWII soldier, telling adults what things were and why they were important. I've never wanted to kidnap a child so much in my life. I seriously pray my future kids are that cool! I wandered the museum for two days, and probably could've spent more time there, honestly. I did get to help them with a little grammar error in closed captioning of one of the films, which was pretty cool. Yes, I'm a nerd.

After the museum closed the first night, I went for a walk through the French Quarter, because why not. I enjoyed the side streets, but Bourbon was a whole different animal. It wasn't even dark yet, but there were quite a few intoxicated tourists roaming. I ended up grabbing some jambalaya, watching hockey, and reading a bit. The guy working there informed me that a couple stars of "The Walking Dead" were at that table two weeks ago, which is cool, I guess. While trying to find, Cafe Du Monde, it started pouring, so I hustled the mile or so back to the hotel instead of getting a beignet. I wouldn't have cared if it weren't for the book in my hand! I did get a beignet in the morning, after a mile plus walk each direction. Worth it. I just didn't realize it was going to be the theme of the trip.

I got to Vancouver after midnight, so no adventuring to speak of right away. The first day brought a whole different story.

Since the studio I wanted to check out wouldn't let me in without a film backed by a studio ready to discuss, I started out by trying to get to the Vancouver Aquarium, which meant taking public transportation that was not a shuttle for the first time in my life. And I was doing it alone, with all of my luggage. I shuttled (and got a "go Cats" from another rider!) to the Skytrain and then eventually figured out the right bus line, and walked to the aquarium. Minor problem: they don't have any place for bags if you aren't part of a school group. I was dragging my rollerbag around when one worker felt bad for me and got special permission to let me leave my luggage in a school bin. Yay favor! They had a ton of jellyfish, which have always been one of my favorite sea creatures. However, I grew very tired of hearing "Nemo!" everywhere I went. I was pretty confused by the parrots and marmosets at an aquarium, but whatever. Also, the Kansas City Zoo's penguin exhibit is much, much cooler.

The adventure from Vancouver to Victoria was when things got interesting in an "I'm so screwed but haven't figured it out yet" kind of way. Turns out, there are two stops on the Skytrain line that sound very similar. I missed the one I needed, but didn't realize it until I got to the one I thought was correct. I rode back and got off at the right spot, only to find the bus I needed was gone. While there was a bus waiting there heading to the ferry dock, the driver was not on board, so I got to wait for about 20 minutes. Whatever. I had a book. 

When I got to the ferries, the one I wanted had already left. Since there was no 6:00 that day, so I waited for the 7:00. No big. I sat on the deck, reading, watching crews work, soaking up the sun and the amazing view, and listened to the waves and seagulls. It was so relaxing and wonderful, I couldn't help but smile! The great views continued once I got on my first ferry ride and we sailed between the small islands to Swartz Bay on Vancouver Island.

Turns out, the bed and breakfast I booked was more than 90 minutes away from the ferry dock. I pulled out my transportation card to get on the double decker bus, and the driver just grumbled to sit down. I thought I was getting a free ride. Still didn't know about trouble ahead. I was too busy practically drooling while looking at the sun setting behind the mountains. 

Then, around 9:30 p.m., I got a text from the b&b owner saying they were expecting me that day and wondered if there was a problem. I said I was on the bus getting close to downtown and would be there in a little while. He said that they didn't realize I was bussing in, but would stay up. Ok, now I'm starting to sense problems. The first part of that was when the bus driver didn't leave enough time for people to get from the upper deck through the doorway. I missed my stop. With the help of Google Maps, I adjusted. That's when the bus driver told me that my transportation card doesn't work on the island. I had loaded the dumb thing up on the word of someone in Vancouver, so there's money I won't get back. Relying on coins, it is.

I got to the next stop, and somehow ended up on the wrong bus. Once I realized it, Google told me to walk 1.8 kilometers back to the stop... on a dark street... carrying all my luggage. Wonderful. Then, my phone died. Not gonna lie, I panicked a little bit. I hoofed it to the bus stop, whipped out my laptop and plugged in my phone. It was the only option at 11 p.m.! The b&b owner asked for an update, and when the bus I was waiting on was late, then passed by without stopping, he said he'd come get me in his bright orange sports car. He's an interesting Buddhist fellow.

I developed a pattern while at the b&b: breakfast, watch WRSM classes, walk an hour for food, write, adventure and take pictures, walk back and either chat with people or write some more.

The b&b owner told me that the castle a few doors down was where they filmed scenes for "X-men" and "Deadpool," so it became my first major stop. I also came to learn that Hatley Castle was used in "Arrow" "Smallville," and several other movies/tv shows, plus was where King George VI and his family planned to hide out during WWII, so I was pretty pumped. Since it's now used for Royal Roads University, and school was in session, I couldn't get in.

No matter! It is a beautiful building, surrounded by three delightful gardens. I took pictures as I wandered through the Italian and Japanese, before settling into a little hut to write for a while. Other people walking through kept telling me how brilliant of a study nook it was. 

Eventually, I got up and wandered through the rose garden as well. When you walk through the gate, the floral smell is insanely overwhelming! Many of the blooms were starting to wilt and shed petals, but I still found plenty which had enough life for pictures. I forgot how much I enjoy close up floral photography until I uploaded a zillion pictures that night. 

There was a funny moment in the gardens. For years, my sisters and I have used peacock calls to find each other in stores or crowded places if we get separated. While walking around, I heard the scream and my first thought was, "Where's Bekah?" Then I remembered I was in Canada without them, and we couldn't possibly be that original. It must be someone else trying to find their group, right? When I walked out of the gardens, I heard it again. Just a few feet away was a real semi-wild peacock. I tried to take pictures, but the dang thing was pretty quick and I didn't trust it not to attack, so I settled for a distant selfie.

After my first taste of poutine that evening, which was wonderful, I ended up with a little bonus. I only had enough change for the bus back, so I sat at the stop and waited. An older man approached me and asked if I had a ticket. I said no, and he handed me his day pass for the bus. He told me he gives it away everyday when he's done so someone else can ride free all night. Blessing! That opened up the opportunity to checck out Parliament, downtown Victoria, and the harbor. I had heard that they light up Parliament at night, but, while watching the sunset over the harbor, realized two things. 1. It was cold. 2. I was going to have to walk through the woods in the dark if I didn't head back immediately. I was wrong, and had to hoof it in the pitch black. I may have wielded a liter pop bottle by the neck and repeated "Jesus" over and over again, praying I wouldn't meet an animal other than the two on the edge of the path and that I wouldn't miss the path. I had missed it in the daylight, but somehow found it in the dark!. Yay!

Another one of my favorite adventures involved a terrible idea: biking. Google Maps said it would cut my journey for food in half. It did not mention that the terrain was practically straight up. Yes, I walked the bike most of the way. 

That route ended up passing a historical site with a lighthouse. I thought, why not? When I got down the mountain, I found there was a cover charge. I considered not doing it because I was too lazy to dig money out of my bag. However, I was not excited about getting back up to the road so quickly and approached the gate. The cashier smiled and said he wasn't going to charge me. Yay favor!

Turns out, it was more than a lighthouse. It was Fort Rodd Hill. I got to check out battery and bunkers built during WWII! The way everything connected on this trip was amazing! They let you go into special gas-proof rooms where military teams used to plan and prepare. You can climb up on top of the sea wall and see the artillery that once defended the harbor. It was incredible and I may have freaked out a time or two because of how cool this trip was.

Sidenote: the bike ride down the mountain and across the lagoon wall was much more fun than the trip out.

This trip was so much more than I thought it would be. I got to eat breakfast with the former head of Disney Animation Canada and his wife, who ran Chromacoulor (which supplied companies that made classic Saturday morning cartoons, including Buggs Bunny!) Not having data to be on Facebook while I walked or a battery that would last if I listened to music forced me to do a lot of thinking. I got to thoroughly enjoy the scenery, which was spectacular. I couldn't help but grin like an idiot every time I walked through the woods, just soaking in the beauty around me and thanking the One who created it and gave me the opportunity to enjoy it. 

I learned a lot about myself on this trip, some silly, some serious. I learned I am terrible at public transportation and have never been more thankful for cars. As much as I want to think I'm a city girl, I still have quite the country root. There is just something about the middle of nowhere that I find comfortable. I also didn't realize the literal lengths I would go to for a doughnut. I could've ordered pizza and stayed in the hammock or hot tub all day, but I got out there. I also learned I'm the one setting limits for myself, and I'm much more capable that I realize sometimes.

Honestly, I didn't think I could do this. I was freaking out before the trip. Worries of getting lost or running out of money or doing something stupid constantly tried to take over my mind. I mean, there were so many firsts involved for me, it was ridiculous and a bit frightening. When my car died right before vacation started, I actually considered calling the whole thing off. I had to keep reminding myself that God put all the pieces together for this trip to happen in the first place, I was doing it to work on a project I felt He wanted me to do, and He is a good Father who will provide. That's exactly what He did through all the little, unexpected blessings and unplanned adventures.

On the last night, I was walking home from another hour plus long hike for dinner and Tim Horton's. I had just turned into the subdivision where the b&b was located, when I glanced out over the lagoon. For the first time in the whole week I was there, the clouds had finally cleared on the mainland, making it possible to see the mountains. It was stunningly beautiful (and my cell phone pictures don't do it the slightest bit of justice.) In that moment, that still, small voice said, "Good job. You did it." I about broke down in tears. This wasn't just a vacation. It was a test in relying on God. I let Him guide my steps and ended up with more than I dreamed. It's what He likes to do.