What should I be doing right now? Writing my final paper
for Pastor Aaron’s class.
But that’s not what I’m doing, is it?
Nope.
I can’t focus.
Why?
Because I’m about to explode with happiness.
I haven’t been writing lately, one, because I’m crazy
busy with school/work/Kids Ablaze, and two, because life is so freaking good. I
don’t want people taking it the wrong way or trying to drag me down off my
cloud.
But, today, I just don’t care anymore. Life is so sweet.
Maybe it’s the nostalgia because of my birthday kicking
in and making me think about where I was a year ago. I mean, even the
difference from six months ago is still pretty stark. On top of those thoughts,
this week-ish just had to go and kick all kinds of tail.
I got to see a couple of my favorite musicians from high
school with my high school best friend, who is also celebrating her birthday
this week. Panic! At the Disco and Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness did not
disappoint, plus there was Weezer.
A bookstore co-worker took me paintballing, to an arcade,
and to dinner (where she got them to sing to me while playing a tambourine.
Girl’s got skills.) We wrapped the night up with Cards Against Humanity and Bo
Burnham at another co-worker’s house. Twas a thoroughly splendid evening filled
with laughter.
There were a couple days filled with treats. And by
treats, I mean: cupcakes, Oreos, a frappucino, chocolate torte from a complete
stranger, cheesecake, several donuts, cookies, more cheesecake, wings, and some
fun gifts. (Thank you to everyone who spoiled me!)
I managed to get off work to enjoy a night out with my
bestie, Aubree, to celebrate her upcoming wedding and birthdays. I got to be
surrounded by friends in line to do a gravity ropes course as midnight struck
on my birthday. We played laser tag, and somehow got guns that named me Batman
and her Joker. It was a blast! Even sitting in a McDonald’s parking lot at 2
a.m. was fun!
After church, the #oddsquad loaded up with the WRC Young
Adults clan to camp and float. I seriously love how my girls were so well
prepared. Several guys asked us for supplies, which was hilarious. We also
upped the cooking game by making macaroni and cheese and raspberry cherry
cobbler on the campfire. We ended the night with about 40 people worshipping
around the fire and under the stars. It was amazing. Although it stormed
overnight and we woke up soaking wet, it was still an awesome time, even before
we hit the river. I got to make the 8 mile water adventure in a kayak with
Esther, which was a pretty great combination. There were so many shenanigans as
we made our way down the river.
This is the part that stands out to me: overcoming fear
and uncomfortable situations.
Something most people don’t realize is that I’m not a
great swimmer. (It’s especially funny considering I was a Division I Varsity
rower in college who may or may not have failed the swim test. Oopsies.) That
little fact made me a bit nervous about the kayak trip. I decided I wasn’t
going to let that fear stop me, so of course, it was put to the test.
During our lunch stop on the river, somehow, everyone
ended up climbing a muddy cliff and sliding down into the river. I started to
head over, but felt the current and that it was deeper than I could reach, and
quit. After watching for a while, I decided I was going to do it, so I grabbed
Esther and we swam into the strong current. Sammy grabbed us so we didn’t drift
too far downstream. Our crew had a good system going to get people up to the
top, despite the slippery mud. Sliding down was a mucky blast! Somehow, it
turned into a mud fight and mud wrestling.
Then came the next mental challenge: jumping off the
cliff into the river. It took a while to work up the courage for that one.
Break time was up, so I leapt off that ledge and made it back across the river.
There are several old friends of mine who would be completely shocked and
probably won’t believe that it happened since I refused to do anything of the
sort for years.
Heck, I chickened out of kayaking in beautiful blue
waters in Canada, but was able to drum up the courage to do it in a mucky
Missouri river instead. I know, I make sense.
The point is, I did it. I let go of the fear and had a
blast making wonderful memories. Even doing the gravity ropes at the
bachelorette party was out of my comfort zone, but I told that little doubting
voice in my head to shut up and leave. I took control.
I think that’s why I’m finding life to be so sweet
lately. I overcame my past and let go of caring about how people see me. I know
I’m not the only one who has struggled with this or will in the future, but God
can flip it all around. Now, I’m learning to let go of fear and doubt to
overcome limits I placed on myself and enjoy the moment. Kelsey gave me a necklace more than a year ago that said "fearless," so it's about time I actually live that word.
It’s a new level of freedom and I’m loving it.
I feel like this is a lesson that will be coming in handy
in the near future, and it’s exciting. I can’t wait to see what’s ahead in this
next year of life.
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