It's funny how God works sometimes, especially with stubborn people like me.
While at work at the bookstore, I was putting things away as normal when one book caught my eye. It's called "Beautiful Uncertainty: Singleness, Surrender, and Stepping Out on Faith" by Mandy Hale. I felt like I should read it and made a mental note to put it on my eternally long book list.
Throughout the next couple weeks, I'd walk by it and think, "Oh yeah, I should read that," but then I'd do that terrible judge-a-book-by-its-cover thing. I'd think, "I bet it's super cheesy" and keep on walking.
Then, one slow weeknight, I was assigned to covering breaks, the first one being on the floor where "Beautifully Uncertain" belongs. I decided to flip through it and see if it was worth the buy.
Right off the bat, her story of living with her agnostic boyfriend connected with me. Been there, done that. Terrible life decisions... Moving on.
And then, connection number two: she mentioned Matthew 6:33, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." That verse has been popping up in my life a lot lately. I'd been pondering writing here about that verse and some interesting comments that have come along with it over the past couple months, but just hadn't found the time.
Mandy then wrote about creating a vision board, and referenced Proverbs 29:18, "Where there is no vision, the people perish." Ya know... the verse we just talked about in school... ("I feel like perishing is something to avoid. It sounds kinda like death. I feel like I'm perishing every four hours when I'm hungry." - Jacob Berryman, Church Marketing instructor.) But we talked about that verse as we had to hand in our personal vision statements THE DAY BEFORE.... Ok, ok, ok, God. I get it. It's time to focus. Ten pages in and I'm convicted and inspired. Dang.
As I kept reading Mandy's story, so much of it felt like my own. The verses, the story, the dream... all of it. She shared about writing her second book and about her ex. This hit me because people have been telling me for years that I need to write a book (or several) about my dating adventures since I find myself in some of the most unique situations. "Beautifully Uncertain" brought that back to mind as something I need to freaking do already. It's not that the thought of doing it ever went away, but I second (and third) guessed myself. I keep thinking, "Why would anyone read it? I write other people's stories for a living so what makes me think my story is so special?" I have those same thoughts about this blog, but then I get texts and tweets and comments saying this does have an impact. The enemy just wants us to forget that we can and will do something great for God if we commit to His plan and take the steps of faith. Mandy wrote, "When He wants you to do something, He drives you crazy until you do it. And then when you rise up and meet His plans with your obedience, miracles happen."
It's not like I don't know this from personal experience already, but it's still a struggle to grab a hold of something that much bigger than yourself when you don't know how it's all going to work out. I like my nice, neat plans set up well in advance. Standing at the edge of the cliff is scary. The edge of the cliff is exactly where I am now. This book was just another poke pushing me closer to the edge.
My eyes welled up with tears, overcome with feeling how close to the edge I am right now, one of the guys I worked with gently placed a hand on my shoulder and asked if I was ok. I told him I was, but I was just really overcome with the Holy Spirit convicting, inspiring and connecting me to someone I'd never even heard of before who lived through some of the same things I'm trudging through now. His response cracked me up. "Ok. Just don't have an emotional meltdown on the sales floor. You might scare all the customers." There was literally no one around us.
I ended up reading the entire book during that six hour shift, while still doing my job. I was THAT connected to Mandy's story. It felt like a friend updating me on their life after a few months apart, but also there was a connection with God. There were so many other moments that hit me, but I don't want to spoil the whole thing for you.
Since the book is by a single girl, I'm a single girl getting over a "close but no cigar" situation, and I know several single girls are reading, I'll leave you with this quote from Mandy: "God loves you too much to allow you to settle. And, maybe, instead of getting upset and discouraged and frustrated about not finding what you're looking for, you can get really, really grateful instead. Because the only time you don't find what you're looking for is when God has something far better for you to discover. You just have to be patient in His timing and secure enough in your worth to know that God wants to give His children the very best gifts." Patty spoke that over me Friday night on the prayer floor. "He's a good daddy. He gives good things." As I let go of another hurt, I ended up with a hug from someone I wouldn't expect. God is getting ALL of His people together for something new, so unity and His will need to take priority over finding a date right now. (As hard as that may be sometimes!)
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