A Weird Winter at World Revival School of Ministry: Part Two

As promised, here is part two of the Winter '16-'17 quote chronicle. This includes the Wednesday/Friday classes and both worship classes for the quarter. Some interesting stuff awaits.


Five-fold Ministry - Pastor Aaron Lage (PAL)

Pastor JD King (JDK): "In heaven, there will be no florescent lights. I know."

JDK: "You need to be ok with what God made you to be like with your giftings."

JDK: "When you know there's going to be a war or a battle, it's better to do it sooner on your terms rather than later."

JDK: "I'm doing my rabbit trail, but just a little longer and then we'll shoot it."

JDK: "It's very hard to apostle from the pulpit."

PAL: "The way that you keep unity is by constantly trying to glorify Jesus."

PAL: "How do you convince someone about apostles."
Caila: "Heal their body."
PAL: "Well, they really need their mind healed."

PAL: "If that's the only qualifier, I'm going to write homework to you guys like, 'I, Aaron, called to be an apostle of Jesus Christ.'"

Esther: "I know my horse facts!"
PAL: "But apparently, you don't know your Bible facts."

PAL: (on getting knocked off a donkey) "Can you imagine how that would be written in King James?"
class: "Knocked off his... ahhhhh...."
Dylan: "Still accurate."
Stephanie: "Knocked off one and onto the other."
PAL to Caila: "I'm still waiting for you to get it."
Caila (deadpan): "I think I already have."

PAL: "When it comes to apostleship, the future of the church is at stake."

PAL: "We say the prophetic is a gift, but whose is it? Is it God's or yours?"

PAL: "When you use the prophetic gift, other's should want it."

PAL: "Does anybody know who Isachar is?"
Erica: "I did last night but now I don't."
Dorice: "I'm glad you said that because I thought I was just being old."

PAL: "Maybe instead of worrying about the dangerous, we need more of it."

PAL: "Christians are like, 'life, liberty and the pursuit of JOY!'"

PAL: "We spent a whole hour talking about the prophetic, so you darn well better be open to the prophetic."

Caila: "Where's Mr. Hunter?"
Samuel: "He's your hubby. Shouldn't we ask you?"

PAL: "How do you sort that out?"
Esther shrugs
PAL: "That's your level of discernment? *Shrugs*"

PAL: "Openness without naivety. Discernment without judgement."

PAL: "If you frame every prophesy through your current situation, you're probably going to miss God."

Caila: "I feel like people are like, 'What's your gift? What's your gift? What's your gift?' but really, it's what are you hungry for?"

PAL: "That's absurd. When was the last time you were around a donkey anyways?"
Erica: "Mexico."
PAL: "That's a burro."

PAL: "You're open to a donkey saying it, but if a valley girl starts talking, good luck."

PAL: "Father, I have sinned. I only prophesy in Elizabethan."

PAL: "Don't hesitate. You may never know the reason why the Holy Spirit will bring things to your remembrance."

PAL: "Don't worry about a catcher. The ground's not that hard."

Caila: "Stephanie! You need to open your mouth more often! Golly gee!"

PAL: "A plus B equals C. C stands for Christian."

PAL: "I'm not sure I'd describe anyone in America as mature right now."

PAL: "We end up downplaying our gift so much, we're ineffective."

PAL: "You cannot life for Jesus as a cynic."

PAL: "I could take your phone and open your Bible app and see the last time you opened it and how long you spent in it. I can also look at the last time you opened Facebook and how long you spent on that. That's convicting!"

PAL: "You are prepared and ready. Make up your mind that you're prepared."

PAL: "Compassion has more than one face."

Caila: "I need to leave the United States. (pause) I need to be more cultured."
PAL: "The way you said that was not how you meant it. I was like, 'is she volunteering to be deported?'"

PAL: "That was such a weird analogy."
Caila: "But I got it! I really got it!"


How To Minister In Healing with JD King (JDK)

Hunter F.: "I thought it was donuts."
Rose: "Aside from where it says 'Office Depot' on the box."

Hunter F.: "I feel smarter already."
JDK: "The goal of a praxis class isn't necessary to be smarter."

JDK: "If you're taking notes only because I'm going to look at them, then really, I've failed."

JDK: "A client is seldom the reason a healing doesn't happen."

JDK: "Just so you guys know, even though we're supposed to be off the subject."

JDK: "Healing tends to flow out of your connection with God."

JDK: "Don't get me wrong. People need to stop being rats."

JDK: "You need to start being yourself. It's better than you think."

JDK: "Sometimes the hard work isn't for the outcome; it's for your character."

Samuel: "The glory!"
JDK: "I know you're mocking me, but I'll take it."
Samuel: "No! It's my favorite!"

JDK: "You should try to get seven hours of sleep at night."
(half of class looks at Stephanie)
Erica: "Nice try, Steph."

Erica: "I don't like Star Wars."
JDK: "You don't like Star Wars? Stop cussing!"
Erica: "I'm a Trekkie."
JDK: "Maybe that's the fifth symptom: emotional, biological, and being a Trekkie."

JDK on quizzes: "Are you going to lay in bed all Christmas break wondering how you did? You might not be Lydia Campbell  but there are people like that."

JDK: "I thought that was Aaron standing up there."
Samuel: "Aww! That's a compliment! That guy's a hunk!"

Samuel: "I've never prayed for the color of poop before."

Samuel: "A lot of people like their problems because it allows them to self-indulge."

JDK: "God uses the people who make you uncomfortable to bring you what you need."

JDK: "Healing is the gospel."

JDK: "Prayer directed toward the problem is more successful prayer."

Dylan: "You put 'anointing with oil' twice."
JDK: "Wow. You've got the gift in correction, grammar or otherwise, is not a way healing flows."

JDK: "Actions are more important when there is less overriding anointing."

JDK: "He's making fun of Bono from U2, who is one of my personal heroes."
Samuel: "I'm sorry."
JDK: "Why would you say that?
Samuel: "Out of all the people in the world?"
(JDK lists facts about Bono)
Samuel: "I guess I don't really know him that well."
JDK: "There we go!"

JDK: "Dylan, if you're going to laugh, I get to laugh with you. That's the rule."
Dylan: "He said 'not like this' and I said 'definitely not like this.'"
(JD's face goes blank, returns to teaching, and ignores the class' laughter.)

JDK: "I don't know much Spanish. Taco... Burrito... Those words I know."
Caila: "Are taco and burrito Spanish?"

JDK: "Pour yourself into something, someone, every once in a while."

JDK: "If God gets all the glory, you get none of the blame."

JDK: "Somebody pray for Hunter. Let's go."
Hunter F.: "What's wrong with me?!"


Arts Through Church History I withe Pastor Eric Thomason (PET)
Note: This was a history class, so there weren't many spiritual quotes. However, there are plenty of dumb ones, so enjoy.

PET: "We need to get [Emily] in here. She's going to come in here all bubbly and want to say something and I'll be in the middle of a message."

PET: "If someone sang like this, I would say, 'Jesus, forgive me. I'm about to sin.'"

Emily: "I feel like I'm going to suck now that you've explained it."
PET: "You will but it's ok. (class laughs) Let's just call it like it is, guys."

Emily: "You make it sound pretty. When I did it, I sounded like a dying cow."
PET: "What's funny is, you kept saying 'dum dum dum' and it's like, yeahhhh..."

Sarah: "Darn those Greeks!"

PET: "Do I need to spell Renaissance for you?"
Emily: "No. I know how to spell that."
PET: "I'm just saying, sometimes I have to spell six-letter words for you."

PET: "You don't have to be a purist like me."
Sarah: "I'm not!"

PET: "The people you're going to have to fight are the believers."

PET: "Praise and worship is not a prequel to the word."

PET: "If I draw it, it will look like a deformed elephant."

Sarah: "Do Presbyterians believe that?"
PET: "mmmhmmm."
Sarah: "Do they know they believe that?"

Emily: "I need to have a talk with this guy [John Calvin]"
PET: "Well, good luck because he's pretty well dust by now."

Sarah: 'It's people like that who say you can't swing on the swing set anymore."
PET: "And for the random thought, you can just keep drinking your coffee."
Sarah: "I'm just having fun here."
Emily: "I like this Sarah!"

Emily on Martin Luther: "He thought he was the stuff."
PET: "You would too if you got to wear a cool hat like that!"

Sarah (out of the blue): "Can a nun be a surrogate mother?"

PET: "You can prophesy on the drums. You can speak the heart of God by beating something."

PET: "God responds to a true heart of worship."

Hunter F.: "I thought it said making of bacon but it says making of deacons."
Josiah: "I wanna go to that church!"

PET: "Every revival has its own soundtrack."

PET during songwriting: "How about blow instead of fall because winds don't fall."
Emily: "Rains do."
PET: "And people."

PET: "Who wants to come up with a melody."
Emily: "Oh! Oh! Me! Oh!"
PET: "Is that your melody? 'Oh oh me oh?'"

Emily: "Ohhh! So it's obo, not hobo!"

PET: "You get a great cello player in worship, God will come and sit on the front row."

PET on sneezing: "Just do it, man. Blow your glasses off."

PET: "We can't let other people who are stick in the muds dictate who we are in Christ."

JoAnn: "I just have instrumental turrets."


David's Tabernacle with Pastor Kathy Gray (PKG) and Heather Eschenbaum (HE)

HE: "[Pinterest] is the most covetous website I've ever seen! I want that and I want that, but I'm not going to do anything about it."

PKG: "There can be spiritual death and you might not even know it."

PKG: "Don't ever name your kid Annanis! Or Sapphira! Go with something simple, like Kathy or Steve."

PKG: "Guard the ark. Guard His presence by guarding your heart."

Emily: "I didn't want to scream at you. I was like, she might smite me."
HE: "So, you threw your friend under the bus."

HE: "Prophesy means nothing because most people forfeit their anointing. Prophesy is just there to torment you later on what you didn't do."

PKG: "If you don't read the word, you can't be prophetic."

PKG: "You've gotta have the anointing of God to rule yourself."

HE: "You search for the caramel. Search, search, search. [A box of chocolates] is like dating! Search, search, search for the caramel. Get a coconut. Search, search, search."

HE: "I'll tell you about my experience of singing in church. Other stuff will probably come out. You know how I am."

PKG: "You lead by your life. You don't lead by holding a microphone."

PKG: "There's plenty of consequences to being an idiot in God."

PKG: "The way to win is to give thanks unto the Lord."

HE: "If you want your songs to be better, work on your relationship."

HE: "If you believe in the Kingdom and aren't singing, you're being stolen from."

HE: "You need to think of singing as a gun."

HE: "When you have to push for the things of God, you change."

HE: "Why don't we [sing] now or else you wont hear anything else I teach."

HE: "A spirit-filled person is a singing person. Musical ability has little to do with it."

HE: "Take every weapon that's given to you and do something with it."

PKG: "Mercy is God's love in action."

PKG: "When you're appointed, you're anointed."

PKG: "Fasten your spiritual seat belts!"

PKG: "I could never be an Uber driver. I couldn't handle the app. Why does it need an app?!"

PKG: "If you want words to say to God, you have to have His word in you."

HE: "Don't expect to reap things you won't participate in."

HE: "You need to faceplant yourself into the Word of God."

HE: "We think we are Mr. T in the Spirit, but no! We are Fat Albert!"

HE: "No, you worship with your hands and I'd like to take them away. You're waving them around like you're landing planes!"

PKG: "When you're in the presence of the Lord, that's when you're most creative."

Hunter F.: "It smells like chili in here."
Caila: "Ugh. Bodies. (sprays Febreeze)."

Hunter F.: "Sarah! Don't eat the Febreeze!"

PKG: "Rejoicing has nothing to do with what's going on around us."

PKG: "Frisking and frolicking in the Lord! Isn't that good!"

PKG: "It'dd be cool to show 'em what it's all about. We don't need hot dogs and beer to shout!"

JoAnn: "I'm not using real gold though. I'm using cardboard."

PKG: "We can only implement what we understand."

PKG: "We have the right to the light of life. We have the right to joy."

HE: "You need to live Biblical proportions."

HE: "Push yourself! Stop being pansies! I say that with love."

HE on 'shiggaion': "It sound like 'shenanigans' but it's not."

HE: "When the masses come, you will not have time to be ministered to. You'll be the Levites."